My Declaration of Principle: 14. Relationships as Agreements

The 14th principle I am committing myself to live by is the principle of Relationships as Agreements, meaning: individuals coming together using agreements as a platform to one-on-one expand, grow and develop as individuals in life and living to support/assist each other unconditionally to reach their utmost potential where the agreement is a coming together of individuals understanding what it means to stand as equals and to stand as one.

What this means in practice is that I will not base my relationships with others on my emotions and feelings or other selfish - only what I want - impulses that I pop up within me from my mind-consciousness system. Instead, I will observe myself in self-honesty through the help of writing and make sure that how I create my relationships with others and what I base them on, is not only best for me, but equally best for the other person, where we can both help each other to expand as who we are as living beings. Not limit each other, like people do when they for example fall in love with someone and then make themselves believe that they cannot live without the other person - this is complete self-limitation and self-diminishment. To achieve this goal, I also have to remove all my emotional patterns that I have been experiencing and creating in the past, such as attraction, love, desire, envy, hate and any others with which I limited myself within my relationships with others.

Within this I also realize how everything that I see within other people is just a reflection of myself. If I hate or judge another, it is because I have created this pattern of thought towards that person within myself and so I am responsible to stop the pattern of hate and judgement, because I am diminishing and limiting both myself and the other person when I participate in it.
Also if I desire to be with another person it is because I see something within that person that I believe I do not have and am separate from, but the solution is not for me to seek for this in another person, instead I learn to give and gift it to myself by myself, because I am the one separating myself from it in the first place by starting to believe that I do not have what I see within another person.

As I take self-responsibility for myself as I described above, I will become my own best support as I always should be and so I will also be able to support others in the best possible way by being an example of how to change self and become a better human being that constantly expands the potential of not only self, but also helps others to do so, by learning and teaching how to be a self-directive human being that is not inferior to one's own emotions and feeling / mind-consciousness system.

Follow this link to see the full list of principles I am committing myself to live by.

Day 164 - Self-victimizing myself in relationships with others

Previous blog is in Slovene.

I have a repeating pattern where, whenever I see another being in a reaction towards me, I go into a reaction myself, where I become angry for how I experience myself in such moments. Basically I start victimizing myself as I perceive that another is forcing his/her energetic reactions onto me, but in self-honesty, I get angry because of the emotions that come up within me, that I then blame another for. That's how we usually operate, so that we would have to take self-responsibility for our emotions and actions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to emotionally react to my partner/another by feeling disrespected, ignored, abused and to so take it personally, when I see/perceive that he/she is in an emotional reaction that he/she is blaming me for. I realize that my emotions I create in such moments are completely my creation that I have accepted and allowed to create within myself and so I cannot blame my partner/another for feeling disrespected, ignored and abused. When and as I see myself feeling disrespected, ignored and abused when my partner/another emotionally reacts and blames me for it or wants me to change - I stop and breathe. I realize that I do not have to feel insulted, abused, ignored and that I do not have to take such moments personally, because it will be much better for me to apply self-aware breathing where I do not go into any emotional reactions. Therefore I commit myself to apply self-aware breathing and self-forgiveness on any emotional reactions of feeling disrespected, ignored and abused, scared and angry, whenever my partner/another is in an emotional reaction and blames me for it or wants me to change. I commit myself to not speak back in anger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to go into the reaction of fear whenever I see my partner/another emotionally reacting towards me and blaming me for it and wanting me to change. When and as I see myself going into fear of my partner emotionally reacting towards me and blaming me for it and wanting me to change - I stop and breathe. I realize that the worst I can do it to react back from anger or any other emotion. I realize that I must focus on my own reactions and so I commit myself to state to another that I am focusing on my own reactions and patterns, so that I can remove them through self-forgiveness and self-correction.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see and realize how I have allowed myself to define/see/perceive myself as a victim of the situation, when my partner/another is emotionally reacting towards me and blaming me for it and wanting me to change. When and as I see myself victimizing myself and seeing/perceiving that I am being abused, ignored and disrespected because I feel fear, anger, disrespect - I stop and breathe. I realize that I am the one creating these emotions and that my partner/another is just using words that I then take personally and react to. Therefore I commit myself to always be aware of how I take/perceive the words of my partner/another and clearly state to myself that I react to them emotionally when I do, so that I can take responsibility for my reactions and apply self-forgiveness and self-aware breathing and so from that point on direct myself with common sense.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that I am within this self-victimization basically just reacting to words of my partner/another. When and as I see myself reacting emotionally to the words of my partner/another - I stop and breathe. I realize the absurdity of the situation, where I allow myself to get angry and blame another for how I feel, instead of immediately focusing on how I feel and react and so take self-responsibility. I commit myself to always look and watch out for any reactions that I might have towards the words that my partner/another is speaking and to immediately when I see a reaction, apply self-forgiveness and self-aware breathing and to not speak out of a reaction.

Day 150 - Taking self-responsibility for my reactions towards my partner - II

Today I walked to the store with my partner and I looked towards the place where some of my friends used to work. In that moment my partner made a remark about it, that I saw or perceived as a deliberate spiteful remark from her part, because I know that she still reacts to those people in a negative way. In that moment I thought "she is being spiteful again, should I tell her or or not, will this make the reaction even bigger?" and while thinking this, I felt a bit offended by that fact that she was still being deliberate in the spiteful remarks and that the pattern is still there and in this I also started to blame my partner for being spiteful, for making the remark and for not taking self-responsibility for removing the pattern. After this we had an energetic quarrel for a minute, but I will be focusing with my Self Forgiveness on removing the above points where my reaction started.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to my partner's remark, that I have seen / perceive as being spiteful, with taking it personally, feeling offended and being angry and to within that anger try to point out the pattern that my partner was participating in, instead of immediately bringing that point back to myself and seeing where am I also reacting to it and so firstly applying self-forgiveness on the point that I see within myself. When and as I see myself reacting to my partner's remarks with feeling offended, taking it personally and feeling angry and when I see a pattern within my partner and others - I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that I have to always, when I see a point within my partner/another, take that point back to self and see where / how am I reacting to it. Therefore I commit myself to always bring the point that I see within another back to myself and see how I am reacting to it and to then apply self-forgiveness until I have no more reactions and to only then also see if I can support my partner in seeing the pattern.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and control / manipulate my partner to stop the reaction that we are in by saying that I will end our agreement and that I don't need her to walk with me, while not seeing and realizing that I am within this blaming her for the reaction and not stopping myself within my own reaction. Thus being spiteful towards my partner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my partner for the reactions between us, instead of removing all of my reactions and blame towards my partner. When and as I see myself blaming my partner for a reaction or trying to manipulate her and/or when I see myself wanting to use the argument of ending our agreement because of me reacting to her or her to me - I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that I am within this reacting myself and being spiteful towards my partner, instead of removing all of my reactions, blame and spitefulness towards my partner. Therefore I commit myself to no more blame my partner for her reaction or for my reactions, instead I breathe, I check and make sure that I am without reactions by applying self-forgiveness and then only after the reactions between us are over I talk to my partner about the reaction so that we can direct the point and prevent the reaction from happening again.

Day 134 - Self-responsibility towards my reactions and those of others

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not consider my partners' reactions and to instead fear them and with this not direct the point in a way that is acceptable for all where I take full responsibility for my intentions and actions and show others that we all have to do this in order to direct and co-create this reality the way that is best for all of us. When and as I see myself fearing my partner's/another's reactions - I stop and breathe. I realize that I must take self-responsibility to stop the fear and direct the whole situation where I do everything I can to stand as an example of how to be open, transparent and direct myself and others in a way that is acceptable and supportive for all. I commit myself to no longer fear the reactions of others and to immediately apply self-forgiveness and direct myself in breathe with common sense.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to avoid the topic of my reactions or my partner's reactions whenever I realize / see a point that needs direction. When and as I see myself avoiding the point of a reaction that came up in me or between me and my partner - I stop and breathe. I realize that if I do not direct the reaction in that moment, to firstly apply self-forgiveness for my reactions and then talk with my partner and direct the situation to a mutual understanding and agreement that supports all, then the reaction will come back the next time and be worse. Therefore I commit myself to direct every reaction within myself and between me and my partner immediately.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to blame my partner for reactions that come up within me and between ourselves. When and as I see myself blaming my partner - I stop and breathe. I realize that I must take full responsibility for all my reactions that come up within myself the same as my partner has to and I realize that I must always stand as an example in taking self-responsibility for my reactions because this is the only way that I will be able to stop the abusive cycle of spitefulness, justifications and blame. Therefore I commit myself to not have any expectations towards my partner taking self-responsibility and helping me with this because this is only an excuse for me to not take full self-responsibility immediately and stop all reactions and abuse and direct myself in breath and common sense.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior when my partner is making fun of me and about what I am doing in trying to bring me down and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and be superior towards my partner and try to blame her and find faults in her so that I would feel better and superior myself. When and as I see myself feeling inferior or trying to feel superior towards my partner - I stop and breathe. I realize that I must be humble to see in self-honesty what I am doing and to be able to talk/support myself and my partner in a way that is best for all. I commit myself to be aware of the need for humbleness and to practice humbleness whenever I talk with my partner to be a point of support for myself and my partner.

Day 48 - Relationships

My 'Day 47' blog post is in Slovene.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wish/want/desire to meet/talk to my friends and people I know out of fear that I will lose the help/attention/validation/consolation from them if I do not and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that they will start to resent me. I realize that I fear not being in contact with my friends and people I know because I am afraid of being with myself alone and taking complete self responsibility for myself and so I use my friends and people I know to run away from myself and try to get comfort, safety, help and support from them, instead of giving this to myself. When and as I see myself wanting to meet with friends and people I know out of a wish/want/desire to get attention/validation/comfort/safety/help and support, instead of writing out my fears/desires and applying self-forgiveness and self-correction - I stop and breathe. I commit myself to remove all wishes/wants/desires to run away from myself by meeting/talking to my friends and people I know in order to get comfort from them, by applying self-forgiveness and directing myself in breath and not allowing fears/emotions to move me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel guilty and to blame myself for how I behaved in my relationship with my ex-girlfriend and because of this believe that I owe to support her and also I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wish/want/desire to redeem myself by helping/meeting with/talking with her whenever she asks me to and also I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wish/want/desire to do her favors in order to ensure myself help/attention/validation from her in the future in case if I need it. I realize that I am with this trying to get the feeling of safety through using others instead of taking complete responsibility for myself, also I realize that when I interact and build my relationships with others out of fear/emotions/desires, I only consider myself and my self interest and so I create/allow abuse, therefore I commit myself to write out and self-forgive all points where I interact with my ex-girlfriend or others out of fear/emotions/self-interest and direct myself in breath to create relationships based on common sense and what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react with anger and to feel controlled/limited whenever my partner reacts to the point of me talking/meeting with my ex-girlfriend and/or prohibits me to talk/meet with her or any other of my friends or people I know. I realize and understand that I react with anger and feeling of control because I believe that I have the right to talk to/meet with whomever I want while not considering the point that my partner reacts this way because she doesn't trust me that I will stand and not fall for my emotions/feelings, which is a consequence of me doing this in the past. I realize that me reacting to this and the fact that my partner does not trust me will not change anything and that I cannot make or convince anyone to trust me. Therefore I commit myself to walk my process of self-correction and stand through time in common sense and what is best for all by not allowing myself to be directed by my emotions/feelings and so stabilize myself to always be here in the breath and so my surroundings will also become more stable.

Day 26 - Relationship points

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be attached to my partner and give her a special place in my mind where I attach/connect with her all the good/positive memories that I experienced with her. I realize that this special memories are not real and were never mine as they can be lost and deleted at any time and so I fear losing what I never really had. When and as I see myself fearing to loose the special memories and definitions of my partner - I stop and I breathe. Instead I bring myself here in the breath and apply self-forgiveness and self-corrective application on whatever comes up that I am still hanging onto and fear losing.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear what will happen if I remove the special definitions of my partner and become self-directive and self-sufficient, instead of realizing that I actually fear being here with myself in self-direction and making myself self-sufficient and self-responsible. When and as I see myself fearing what will happen if I remove the special definitions of/attachments to my partner - I stop and I breathe. Instead I realize: I will become self-directive, self-sufficient, self-responsible and have self-trust to stand as one and equal and not fear losing anything.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to the memories of me and my partner and define them as positive and special instead of being here in the breath and deleting all and any memories that come up in the mind. I realize that if I do not stop and delete this memories and my special attachments/definitions of them I will only get emotional and fear losing them or wish having them and fuck myself into eternity by cycling through them. When and as I see myself holding onto the memories of me and my partner - I stop and I breathe. Instead I apply self-forgiveness and self-correction and be here in the breath and don't compromise myself with them.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to the wish/desire to be with my partner again and have a special relationship with her, instead of realizing that I am just fearing to delete and remove all my special attachments to her. When and as I see myself holding onto the wish/desire to be with my partner again and have a special relationship with her - I stop and I breathe. Instead I do the self-forgiveness statements and self correction to stop the desire/wish and be here in the breath as self-sufficient.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that my partner fulfills me. I realize that with this I allow myself to be flawed and dependent. When and as I see myself thinking/believing/perceiving that my partner fulfills me - I stop and I breathe. Instead I fulfill myself alone and stand as self-sufficient, self-fulfilling being and I commit myself to expand myself wherever I see I am still flawed and dependent on others to fulfill me.

Day 23 - Relationship points: lostness, safety, security, comfortableness

Lostness & Decisions

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to look for/wait for an outside source to give me direction, instead of making a decision in self-honesty and practical common sense and live it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that I can be lost instead of realizing that I am always here and cannot lose myself here in the breath.

Safety and Security

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect my partner with safety, instead of creating and standing as my own safety.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define safety as always having someone to help me, instead of me helping myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to rely on my partner/others to take care of things that I forgot about or think/believe I don’t like/want to do, instead of me taking complete self-responsibility for myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect safety with money and how much I have and to go into fear when I lose money and happiness when I get money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to search for safety in my partner by trying to hide and protect myself through my partner, instead of taking complete self-responsibility for myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to run away from myself and try to hide from facing myself through relationship with my partner and or by distracting myself otherwise, instead of taking complete self-responsibility and facing myself in self-honesty no matter where or who I am with or what I am doing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into fear of the future whenever I am not with her/my partner and/or when I am alone and have no partner and am not in a relationship/agreement, instead of remaining here in the breath and trusting myself to take care of myself no matter what.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel more secure when I am with her/my partner/in a relationship and to feel threatened/unstable/vulnerable when am alone, instead of standing and trusting myself  to always take care of myself and be safe and secure.

Comfortableness

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel more comfortable with her/my partner than I do with others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define/see/perceive touching her/my partner as something different/more special than touching anyone else, instead of realizing that any touch is just a touch in the physical and that no touch is ‘more than’ or ‘less than’ because all touch is equal.

Day 21 - Relationship points: helplessness

How do I experience helplessness?
I don’t know how to do something and I perceive I have no one to ask for help and I fear that I will not be able to overcome what I am doing. I judge myself as incapable and feel ashamed, less than, unworthy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into helplessness whenever I perceive myself as alone and/or don’t know what to do and in this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to trust myself that I am able to help myself or find help.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I will not know how to do something and have no one to ask for help. I realize that this fear is completely irrational and unnecessary. When and as I see myself fearing not knowing how to do something and having no one to ask for help – I stop and I breathe. Instead I direct myself here in the breath and see what I can do and how I can expand myself and learn something new.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge/see/perceive myself as less than when I don’t know (how to do) something. I realize that what one knows/can do does not define one’s value as who one is as Life. When and as I see myself judging/seeing/perceiving myself as less than when I don’t know (how to do) something – I stop and I breathe. Instead I direct myself in the breath as an equal and take such an opportunity to learn something new and expand myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I will not be able to overcome what I am doing/what I have to do and fail and in this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word failure as something bad and define myself according to it whenever I don’t succeed, instead of realizing that failure always happen when doing things and/or learning something new where I can expand and perfect myself and learn to be more self-directive. When and as I see myself fearing not knowing what to do/failing/not being able to do something successfully – I stop ad I breathe. Instead I direct myself here in the breath and I commit myself to take such opportunities to learn and expand myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define/see/perceive being alone and not knowing what to do as a shameful failure, instead of embracing it as an opportunity to expand myself and learn something new.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge/define myself as incapable of finding friends and feel ashamed, less than, sad and unworthy when I am alone, instead of taking the opportunity to be with myself and enjoy myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define people who immediately know what to do as capable and others as incapable and in this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare myself and my skills/capabilities to others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to immediately go into inferiority when I see someone knowing something I don’t/knowing what to do when I don’t. I realize that I can never stand equal to others as long as I separate myself through comparing myself to others. When and as I see myself comparing myself and what I do/know to others – I stop and I breathe. Instead I stand here in the breath as an equal and direct myself in common sense without comparison.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define/see/perceive people who are alone as unhappy. I realize that this is because I defined and connected aloneness with unhappiness within myself. When and as I see myself defining/connecting aloneness with unhappiness – I stop and I breathe. Instead I stay here in the breath.

I commit myself to not give into helplessness whenever I find myself alone or without help but instead take the opportunity to expand myself and learn something new.

Day 20 - Relationship points: fear and anxiety

How do I experience fear and anxiety?
I fear the future, fear of not having enough money, fear of not knowing what to do, fear of not having anyone to help me. Fear of being rejected by everyone.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into fear and anxiety when thinking about ending my relationship with her and not being/living with her.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect aloneness to fear and anxiety where I picture myself living alone in a small apartment and having no friends and no one to talk to/hang out with.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect aloneness to sadness, sorrow, depression, failure.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to imagine how the future could be like if I live with her and if I don’t and to compare it in my mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the future by thinking about how the future could be like if I am alone and not with her.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to trust myself that I am able to take care of myself no matter what.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I will not have enough money someday in the future.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I will not know what to do.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to trust myself that I will always find a practical solution for my problems.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I will have no one to help me and in this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to trust myself that I will always be able to either help myself or find help.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that all will reject me and I will be alone until I die.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide behind my partner by not taking complete self-responsibility to stand as self-sufficient and self-fulfilling human being as Life here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abuse my partner by letting her do things for me that I can do myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be too lazy and uninterested to direct and move myself here in self-responsibility, but instead rather letting my partner do things for me and taking care of me.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to do things for myself and take care of myself alone.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect having a partner to secure and safe future.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wish/want/desire to secure my future through my partner instead of taking self-responsibility for myself and trusting myself that I am able to live effectively myself alone, without the help of my partner.

I commit myself to take complete self-responsibility for myself and not rely on others but take care of me myself alone.

Day 19 - Relationship points: aloneness

How do I experience aloneness?
I define aloneness as not having a girl (partner) to live with. When alone I desire to have/be with my partner that would understand me, accept me and enjoy being with me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire/wish/want to be in a relationship/agreement with a partner who would understand me/accept me and enjoy being with me, instead of realizing that I have to understand me through self-honesty, that I have to accept me as life an enjoy myself here in the physical.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wish/want/desire to be in an agreement/relationship with her out of fear of loss.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define/connect aloneness with sadness, failure, depression, fear and anxiety.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define aloneness as not having a girl/partner to live with. I realize that I am alone all the time because the presence of someone else that is with me does not change or define me as who I actually really am here in the physical, because I only imagine aloneness/togetherness in my mind where I define this aloneness/togetherness through polarity and separation which is all an illusion because in actuality we always stand alone and yet we are together.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define aloneness as the opposite polarity of togetherness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel depressed, sad, anxious and go into fear whenever I think of being alone, not being in a relationship/agreement with her or anyone.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wish/want/desire to be in a relationship/agreement with her/anyone out of fear of survival and not having enough money.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to trust myself that I am able to get/have enough money to survive.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that I need her/my partner/others in order to survive and enjoy myself.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to trust myself that I am able to take care of myself no matter what.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wish/want/desire to be in an agreement/relationship with her out of fear of losing and not having any friends.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I do not need her/anyone to help me to get to know new people and have friends.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I don’t need friends/other people in order to stop feeling alone and accept me, understand me and enjoy myself here in the physical. I realize that I have created the emotions of aloneness, non-acceptance and non-understanding myself and so I stop these emotions and give me back to myself as life to be self-sufficient and self-fulfilling and enjoy myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear stopping/not being in a relationship with her and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect all the emotions/feelings to the memories of being with her and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect and define myself according to this memories/feelings/emotions that I have about her.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear stop defining myself through the memories/feelings about her, thinking that I will lose myself and who I am, instead of realizing that I will not lose myself but only free myself from the self-enslavement/limitation I created for myself by defining myself through these memories/feelings.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define her as something ‘more than’ just because I have more memories and good feelings attached to her.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to look at people according to my memories about them instead of simply being here and accepting everyone equally.

I commit myself to stop defining aloneness/togetherness as a polarity within me where being alone is bad/sad and being together is good/happy/fun.

I commit myself to stand alone and yet together with all that is here as one as equal and be self-sufficient and self-fulfilling.

I commit myself to investigate and remove all ideas/beliefs that I am not self-sufficient and self-fulfilling and I commit myself to always enjoy myself here in the breath no matter what and direct myself within common sense and towards what is best for all.

Day 18 - Relationship points: loneliness

I fear not having an agreement with X because we support each other practically and because with her I feel peaceful, safe, secure and comfortable.

Why do I feel peaceful?
We don't fight. I don't experience emotions of loneliness, aloneness, fear, anxiety, helplessness, lostness.

How do I experience loneliness?
I define loneliness as having no one to be/talk/do things with. When lonely I get the want to talk to or do something with someone. I think I am missing out life/living, I think others enjoy themselves more than me and I am jealous.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into the lonely character when I have no one to talk to/be with/do things with. I realize that with this I compromise myself by going into my mind where I think about others and what they are doing and what experiences they are having that I would also like to experience with them while I actually miss what is here by being in my mind. When and as I see myself going into the lonely character when I have no one to talk to/be with/do things with – I stop and I breathe. Instead I focus on moving and directing myself here in the breath in the physical within common sense and what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think about others/friends and what they are doing when I have no one to talk to/be with/do things with and compare their experience to my experience. I realize that within this I fuck myself in the mind instead of simply being here in the breath. When and as I see myself thinking about others/friends and what they are doing when I have no one to talk to/be with/do things with and comparing their experience and my experience – I stop and I breathe. Instead I focus on moving and directing myself here in the breath in the physical within common sense and what is best for all.

I forgive myself to define being around friends/familiar people as more fun/better than being alone or with strangers and within this create the opposite polarity of loneliness. When and as I see myself defining being around friends/familiar people as more fun/better than being alone or with strangers – I stop and I breathe. Instead I stop existing within the polarity of being alone/being with friends and enjoy myself here in the breath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create the want/need/desire to talk/do something with someone within and as me. I realize that within this I create the belief and emptiness within myself where I look for something outside of myself to fulfill me. When and as I see myself wanting/needing/desiring to talk/do something with someone – I stop and I breathe. Instead I stay here in the breath give back to myself that which I have separated myself from.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that I am missing out life/living when I have no one to talk to/be with/do things with. I realize that I don’t need anyone to enjoy myself. When and as I see myself thinking/believing/perceiving that I am missing out life/living when I have no one to talk to/be with/do things with – I stop and I breathe. Instead I enjoy myself here in the breath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare my life to the life of my friends and others and to think/believe/perceive that others enjoy themselves more than me and so create jealousy within myself. When and as I see myself comparing my life to the life of my friends and others and think/believe/perceive that others enjoy themselves more and become jealous – I stop and I breathe. Instead I stay here in the breath and do not compare my life to others and commit myself to work towards a solution that will allow all to have an enjoyable life in oneness and equality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into anxiety within the thought ‘I am alone, there’s no one I can talk to/do things with’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect/define the word aloneness as something negative and connect it with anxiety and depression.

I commit myself to no accept and allow myself to exist within the character of aloneness and I commit myself to investigate what I am actually separating myself from when desiring to not be alone and give it back to myself to stand self-sufficient and self-fulfilling.

Day 16 - Worrying about my partner and fear of loss

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to worry and think about how my partner feels when I am not with her, where I imagine my partner being sad and so creating the sadness within myself where I feel sorry for my partner, instead of simply stopping myself and being here in the breath. I realize that with this I compromise myself. When and as I see myself accepting and allowing myself to worry and think about how my partner feels when I am not with her, where I imagine my partner being sad and so creating the sadness within myself - I stop and I breathe. Instead I stay here in the breath and do not go into imagination and emotions but stabilize myself here in the physical through breath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into a desire to call my partner to see how she is because I wish/want/desire to make her happy and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to condition my happiness with the happiness of my partner, instead of realizing that I am myself responsible for how I feel and that happiness is an energetic feeling that is the opposite polarity of sadness where if I do not stop participating in this energy, I will constantly exist/abuse myself within the happiness/sadness polarity, instead of being simply here within the breath in the physical. When and as I see myself conditioning my feelings with the feelings of my partner and going into a desire to call my partner to see how she is because I wish/want/desire to make her happy - I stop and I breathe. Instead I bring myself back here into the physical and do not accept and allow myself to be moved by energetic feelings/emotion/desires but instead apply common sense and what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge/define myself as the cause of another's/my partner's feelings/emotions and to feel guilty. I realize that each one is self-responsible to stop one's own emotions and feelings. When and as I see myself accepting and allowing myself to judge/define myself as the cause of another's/my partner's feelings/emotions and to feel guilty - I stop and I breathe. Instead I bring myself here and breathe and use self-forgiveness and self-corrective application to stop all self-judgment and direct myself within common sense and what is practically best for all.

I commit myself to no more accept and allow myself to subdue myself to fear and act out of fear of loosing the relationship with my partner/another that was an illusion in my mind anyway and I commit myself to stick to what is common sense and practically best for all.

I commit myself to investigate and remove all my attachments and fears towards my partner/others and take complete self-responsibility for myself so that I can stand within practical common sense and what is best for all and actually create practical agreements that are based on what is practically best for all and not on fear and self-limitation.

I commit myself to not hold myself inside the stupidity loops of fear and self-limitation but expand myself through self-forgiveness and self-correction whenever I see myself limiting myself with fears/emotions/feelings/beliefs.

I commit myself to stand as an example that relationships based on fear and self-limitation are just an illusion of the mind that we can remove with self-forgiveness and self-correction and replace them with actual supportive agreements that are based on common sense and what is practically best for all.

Day 7 - Stopping the relationship energy addictions

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into and exist within and as the feeling of excitement/happiness whenever X invites me somewhere or wants to hang out with me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into anticipation/desire/wish/want of having a good/fun time whenever X invites me somewhere or wants to hang out with me, where I go into memories of how good I felt when we were together in the past, instead of staying here in the breath and stopping the back chat.

I realize that these are the energetic patterns with which I limit myself to not look at things within common sense and what is best for all. When and as I see myself going into the feeling of excitement/happiness and memories when X invites me somewhere or wants to hang out with me - I stop and I breathe. Instead I remain here in the breath and I establish self-direction within common sense and what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to manipulate myself by going into sadness/anxiety/depression when I stop myself from wishing/wanting/desiring to follow the energetic pattern of good feelings. I realize that by doing this I am standing up for myself as Life to not be subdued to energetic desires and dependent/enslaved to them. When and as I see myself going/manipulating myself by going into sadness/anxiety/depression when I stop myself from wishing/wanting/desiring to follow the energetic pattern of good feelings - I stop and I breathe. Instead I remain here in the breath and I stop all the backchat and I stand within self-responsibility and self-sufficiency.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into anxiety/fear of loosing my 'good energies' and energetic relationship with X whenever I see/perceive that I could be with her but decide not to when it is not common sense because I would only support my addiction to good feelings. I realize that I am experiencing the addiction I have created within my energetic relationship with X that I am now stopping and not accepting and allowing to direct me and possess me. When and as I see myself going into anxiety/fear of loosing my 'good energies' and energetic relationship with X whenever I see/perceive that I could be with her but decide not to as it is not common sense - I stop and I breathe. Instead I focus on my breath here and direct myself within common sense and what is best for all and stop all backchat.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into self-pity/sadness and create the feeling/perception of loneliness when I am not with X and when I stop and do not participate in the wishes/wants/desires to get the 'good feelings' that I remember experiencing when being in an energetic relationship with X. I realize that I am creating these emotions/feelings myself and that I have to stop the polarity game and stop feeling sorry for myself and stand up for myself and all Life equally and be here in the breath in self-sufficiency and direct myself in common sense and what is best for all to free myself from energetic enslavement with which I compromise and limit myself. When and as I see myself going into self-pity/sadness and creating the feeling/perception of loneliness and feeling sorry for myself when I am not with X and when I stop and do not participate in the wishes/wants/desires to get the 'good feelings' that I remember experiencing when being in an energetic relationship with X - I stop and I breathe. Instead I give it all back to myself until I am whole and self-sufficient and I direct myself here in common sense and what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compromise myself by going into memories of my relationship with X and believing that this is who I am and replaying them again and again in my mind and feel sad and sorry for myself, believing that by removing/deleting these definitions/energy addictions I will delete and remove myself and be in great pain/sorrow, instead of realizing that I am freeing myself from the energetic addictions and mind limitations I have created for myself and that this is really insignificant in comparison to all the pain others have to go through that don't even have a chance to make a difference in this world because the have no food/shelter/water and basic needs. When and as I see myself compromising myself by going into memories of my relationship with X and believing that this is who I am and replaying them again and again in my mind and feeling sad and sorry for myself - I stop and I breathe. Instead I realize and understand that this is insignificant in comparison to all the pain others have to go through that have no basic needs and dignity and I stop emotions/feelings and I stop feeling sorry for myself and write and apply myself in common sense and what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to still want to hang on to the desires and hope of having an energetic relationship with X. I realize that with this I am compromising myself and her by still not wanting to stop and remove the energetic addiction and self-limitation and so making my/our suffering longer, instead of simply actually applying self-forgiveness and self-application and freeing myself from this self-abuse through emotions/feelings and doing what is best for all life.

Day 5 - Fears of loosing my relationship

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into memories of my relationship with X and feel sad because I cannot play out these memories and define myself according to them anymore, instead of realizing that within this I am only subduing to and blinding/sabotaging myself with feelings/emotions where I desire to have/recreate the good feelings for myself instead of standing for what is best for all. When and as I see myself going into thoughts/memories and sadness about my relationship with X - I stop and I breathe. Instead I stop all thoughts and emotions/feelings and know that I am not my thoughts and my emotions/feelings/desires and I stand for Life and not give into energies and I commit myself to support myself and others to stand with me in what is best for all Life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing to go into sadness and memories when I hear certain music that I defined as sad or connected with my relationship with X, instead of realizing that I am sabotaging/manipulating myself by defining myself with the emotions of sadness/regret with which I try and justify my desire for recreating the good energies again with which I blind/sabotage myself by allowing myself to compromise myself and what is best for all just to have that good feelings again for myself in self interest. When and as I see myself going into sadness and memories about my relationship with X when I hear certain music that I defined as sad or connected with my relationship with X - I stop and I breathe. Instead I focus on my commitment to not compromise myself with my desire/wishes/wants and I stand for common sense and what is best for all.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize and admit to myself that I am afraid to lose my relationship with X because I am afraid to lose safety and comfort within the system, calmness/peace, support/help, understanding, acceptance, good feelings/happiness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear loosing safety and comfort within the system if I break up and don't live with X. I realize that I feared this because I separated myself from comfort and safety and so searched for it in my partner. When and as I see myself fearing loosing safety and comfort within the system - I stop and I breathe. Instead I give safety and comfort back to myself by finding it within myself and I commit myself to working towards making this world safe and comfortable for all equally until it is done.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear loosing calmness/peace if I break up and don't live with X. I realize that I fear this because I separated myself from calmness/peace and so searched for it in my partner. When and as I see myself fearing loosing calmness/peace - I stop and I breathe. Instead I give calmness/peace back to myself by finding it within myself and I commit myself to working towards a world where everyone can live in calmness and peace equally until this is done.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear loosing support/help if I break up and don't live with X. I realize that I fear this because I separated myself from support/help and so searched for it in my partner. When and as I see myself fearing loosing support/help - I stop and I breathe. Instead I give self-support and self-help back to myself and I commit myself to working towards making this world supportive for all Life equally.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear loosing understanding and acceptance if I break up and don't live with X. I realize that I fear this because I separated myself from understanding and self-acceptance and so searched for it in my partner. When and as I see myself fearing loosing understanding and acceptance - I stop and I breathe. Instead I explore myself in self-honesty to understand myself and my patterns and remove them/realign them with what is best for all in oneness and equality and I only accept that which is Life in me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear loosing good feelings/happiness if I break up and don't live with X. I realize that I fear this because I separated myself from good feelings/happiness and so searched for this in my partner.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wish/want/desire to feel good and happy and blind myself with these feelings, instead of realizing that these are the energetic feelings with which I blind myself from reality and enslave myself to.When and as I see myself wishing/wanting/desiring to feel good and happy - I stop and I breathe. Instead I remain here in the breath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that I can only find happiness/safety/comfort/fun/peace/understanding/acceptance/support/help in my partner, instead of realizing that I can give this back to myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into fear and anxiety whenever I think of breaking up with X and not living with her. I realize that I fear this because I separated myself from everything that I find/look for in her, instead of giving everything that I look for in my partner/another back to myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that I am unable to give back to myself everything I look/search for in my partner/relationship.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that it is too hard and that I will be unable to give everything back to myself that I find/search for in my partner.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to search for excuses for why I am unable to give back to myself what I find/search for in my partner.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the justification of "living with my partner X is more fun and more supportive than being alone or with someone else" to exist within and as me so that I would be able to continue to not give to myself what I find/look for in her.When and as I see myself accepting and allowing the justification of "living with my partner X is more fun and more supportive than being alone or with someone else" to exist within and as me - I stop and I breathe. Instead I focus on what is here and not allow backchat.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel inferior to X because I don't have what she has.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wish/want/desire to have the same position/safety within the system as X has.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify my fears and my desires to be with/live with X by saying that 'I will be able to be more effective in the system this way and help more with implementing the EMS and what is best for all because I will be more stable'.

2012 - Anger, spite, blame reactions

Taking self-responsibility for my reactions when dealing with conflict situations:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry and to react in spite when someone threatens me and blackmails me (with money). When and as I see myself getting angry and spiteful when someone threatens me and blackmails me (with money) – I stop and I breathe. I do not accept and allow myself to get angry and spiteful when someone threatens me and blackmails me (with money), instead I make sure that I am clear of all reactions and I direct the situation in a way that is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I must defend myself at all costs when someone blames, reacts or is angry with me, instead of breathing and stopping all reactions until I am clear within myself before I speak. When and as I see myself believing that I must defend myself from someone's reaction of blame and anger – I stop and I breathe. I do not accept and allow myself to go into defense and to believe that I must defend my position against the attack, instead I make sure that I am clear of any reactions within myself before I speak and I direct myself in common sense and as an example of taking responsibility for self and others in a way that is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to speak in anger and spite instead of stopping myself and making sure that I am clear from any reactions before I speak. When and as I see myself being angry, spiteful, emotional before I speak – I stop and I breathe. I do not accept and allow myself to react and speak out of anger, spite or energetic emotion. Instead I breathe and I say out loud that I am in an energetic emotion and that I will not speak until I make sure that I am clear of all reactions within myself and I direct myself with breathing to stop all reactions and emotions before I speak.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid to say out loud that I am in an energetic reaction and that I will not participate in energetic games and will not communicate until I make sure that I am clear from all energetic reactions and emotions. When and as I see myself fearing to say out loud that I am in an energetic reaction / emotion – I stop and I breathe. I do not accept and allow myself to compromise myself by fearing to speak out loud about my reactions / emotions. Instead I breathe and I stop and break the fear pattern by whistling and/or by snapping my fingers and I speak out loud that I am in and energetic reaction / emotion and will not speak until I make sure that I am clear of any energetic reactions/emotions/anger/spite within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react in anger and spite when someone is spiteful towards me and makes spiteful, blaming comments towards me. When and as I see myself going into a reaction, anger and spite towards someone that makes spiteful, blaming comments – I stop and I breathe. I do not accept and allow myself to react in spite and anger when someone makes spiteful comments towards me. Instead I breathe and I direct myself to make sure that I have no energetic reactions or emotions within me before I speak to direct the situation in a way that is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame others when they blame me. I realize that this will only make the conflict bigger and will not support anyone. When and as I see myself blaming others when they blame me - I stop, I breathe. Instead I do not blame others and I take points back to myself and I reflect them in self-honesty and commit myself to write out the points that come up.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame myself and take onto myself the blame of others when others blame me. I realize that other's blame is not my own and that I have to focus on my own points of blame and look self-honestly at myself where do I still blame myself. When and as I see myself blaming myself and taking onto myself the blame of others - I stop, I breathe. Instead I look at myself in self-honesty where do I still blame and judge myself and I commit myself to write out the self-blame and self-judgment until it is gone.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry and react with anger when others blame me. I realize that this will only make the conflict worse and will not assist anyone. When and as I see myself getting/being angry and reacting when someone blames me - I stop, I breathe. Instead I re-do my self-forgiveness statements on blame/anger/reactions and stop myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to act in self-interest and not always also consider others and put myself into others shoes. I realize that by doing so I accept and allow abuse to happen as I only see my self-interest and don't consider others. When and as I see myself accepting and allowing myself to act in self-interest where I do not also equally consider others - I stop, I breathe. Instead I look self-honestly at what is the origin of my self interest and I commit myself to write out and correct the point.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of angry, reactive and violent people, to fear that they will hurt me and that I am responsible for their anger, reactions and violence. I realize that I must first reflect myself in self-honesty and make sure that I do not react and fear when interacting/speaking with others because by doing so I accept and allow these reactions to exist. When and as I see myself being afraid of angry, reactive and violent people and to fear that they will hurt me and that I am responsible for their anger, reactions and violence - I stop, I breathe. Instead I realize that I must firstly stop my own fears, anger and reactions and make sure that I do not react when speaking with others and that I do not fear conflict situations.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame myself for wanting to end the energetic agreement/relationship with X and not live with her anymore. I realize that all energetic relationships must stop and that I made my decision in order to stop the energetic relationship X and I created between ourselves. When and as I see myself blaming myself for wanting to end the agreement/relationship with X  and don't live with her anymore - I stop, I breathe. Instead I focus on my points and I commit myself to write out in self-honesty the points that come up in my interaction with others.

2012 - Sexual expression

We all have ideas about sex, like how should it be/look like and who to have it with etc. with which we limit ourselves through feelings/emotions and self-judgments. We define ourselves through it and place special value to it as if it is something supernatural and mystical while in fact it is just another way to express self in the physical, like playing a sport or massaging someone etc., the only big problem is that we allow ourselves to become completely possessed by sexual energies and desires where we become complete robots trying to get the energetic release instead of simply being here without all the self-created energies and expressing self in self-direction with another. If we express ourselves within sex without any judgments, anticipations, desires etc., we simply enjoy ourselves in the physical with another and that's all there is to it. Because self-honestly, seeing sex only as putting ones dick into someones vagina and getting an orgasm is self-abuse and self-limitation through ones own created desires/addictions to sexual energies. Sex in self-expression can be so much more, a real expression of self as life here, with no judgments/desires/anticipations. I've started to remove the layers of my preprogrammed mind patterns through which I limited myself within sex and sexual expression.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want/need/desire to associate/define/value myself with/through my partner/the person I had sex with, instead of realizing that having sex does not define me as who I am as life here in oneness and equality.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as 'easy'/'less than' for having sex with someone I don't have special feelings/attraction towards.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that having sex with someone I don't have special feelings/attraction towards is wrong/inappropriate/shameful/stupid and to judge myself for it, instead of realizing that I am establishing a point of self direction where I do not accept and allow myself to be controlled by my energetic desires and beliefs of love/attraction.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of other people judging me/rejecting me because I had sex with someone I have no attraction/special feelings towards, instead of realizing that other people's reactions do not define me because they just represent their reactions which they haven't dealt with yet.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that a person who I have/had sex with is/should be special and 'more than' others'.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be ashamed to tell other people who I have/had sex with and to fear that others will reject me because of their judgment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of premature ejaculation.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare myself to others and blame myself as 'less than' if I don't last as long as someone else would.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that women wish for sex to last long.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive slow penetration as better/more passionate than fast penetration.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive sex as a passionate act, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach a definition of passion onto physical touching another human being/male and within that make it more than other physical acts.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of creating mindfucks and confusion within other people, if I dare to be honest with them.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of my parents judgments and disapproval of the people that I have sex with.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel the need to present a presentable female to my parents and get their approval..
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry about what other people think about me. Whenever I see myself worrying about how other people perceive/see me, I stop, I breathe, I do not allow myself to influence myself through the eyes of others

2012 - Self-Forgiveness on defining self through others

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself through others.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to belief that I need others.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I alone am incomplete.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compromise and sabotage myself with the idea of loneliness.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as anything other than Life  here in oneness and equality.
I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to see and realize the deception of my own and other people's special relationships.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire/want to be a special winner with special attention.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I need any kind of attention.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be at-tension, instead of attending myself and all that is here equally.
I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to be all-one.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear to be all-one.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compromise and sabotage myself with the fear/feelings/emotions of 'aloneness'.

2012 - Song lyrics

When I hear a song that talks about relationship/love/feelings/emotions I start to listen to the lyrics and allow myself to imagine the relationship/emotional situations when then I go into desire of such relationships/emotions of love etc.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to focus on the lyrics of emotional/relationship/love songs and to start to imagine myself in such situations and to desire them and believe that I need them in order to be happy. When and as I see myself focusing my attention on such lyrics - I stop, I breathe. I realize that by this I am allowing myself to use such lyrics to become emotional and to desire situations that exist only in my mind and so I get depressed and sad through believing that this is what I need to be happy, instead of realizing that such emotions/happiness is all the illusion of the mind and is never real and always works in polarities where if I am happy in one moment I will have to be sad and depressed in another. This stops here. I do not accept and allow myself to focus on the lyrics and to use them to generate ideas/desires and emotions/feelings, instead I stay here in the breath.

2012 - Walking with

Since I am living with my new roommate I find my process of removing my mind-fucks and emotional/energy patterns much more intense/obvious which is cool, as I am able to see them more clearly and what is most important, take self-responsibility for them to remove them and so learn to direct myself in common sense.

One of the points I assist myself with is the fact that my roommates expression in a way resembles the expression of my father who I feared a lot and couldn't really communicate with him effectively. Thus I have the same patterns coming up when I talk to my roommate as I have when talking to my father. Basically I get the feeling of being attacked, threatened or somehow regarded as 'less than'. From this idea I would then usually respond through my ego from the starting point of defending myself and trying to re-establish myself as an equal in the mind of the other person, which is of course impossible. I can only be equal with myself and so to everyone/all here. I have realized that I would only respond like that when I take it personally, meaning that I haven't yet take the self-responsibility for these points through which I create my reaction. After I do that I simply don't react anymore to other's words, I just see/hear the words spoken and I reflect myself within them to see if they make any sense to me and if I can find any support within them.

Within this starting point a realized that I can recognize the moodiness/manipulation attempts from others much more effectively and so I don't accept and allow myself to be effected by them. Also as I am not reacting and also not having a specific desire for a specific effect when I speak to someone, I realize that I can so focus more on understanding the person I talk to and aligning myself to their understanding of self and so expressing myself in a way that is not 'aggressive' towards another because this only creates conflict and competition. Of course the person who feels this way is self-responsible for it because she/he caused this feelings him/her-self, but usually and especially when talking to someone who is not yet walking the Desteni'I'Process, having such an aggressive approach is not alway the best way as it distracts and takes focus away from the actual point one is trying to share with another to the point where the other person feels threatened, 'less than' and then tries to defend oneself through her/his ego as this is how ego works in trying to survive and remain the same as a self-righteous system of self-limitation.

2012 - Alone = All-One

I am experiencing myself lately as "being alone" and "being away from friends" where I have defined friends as special and something "more then". Thus I have now experienced the other polarity, where before I believed that being with those who I define as "more than" makes me happy and now that I am not with them, I am not happy anymore. But in self-honesty, this is my own self-deception that I created in my thoughts. As I am looking at this self-deception I realize that in reality I am always alone and thus there is no need for me to create ideas and emotions/feelings about this because I can simply be here, one and equal with the physical = all-one with self and all that is here. By being always all-one with self here, I don't go into the mind but I move myself as the physical and I enjoy myself equally no matter if I walk "close" with others or "far" from others, we are all always here, even if it appears that we are not together because we cannot see each other. So, the "who I am" must always be the same and the fact that I am currently not walking "close" with anyone should not have any influence on me from the mental and feeling perspective as then I would accept and allow myself to be controlled by my own thoughts and feelings and so I would not be able to make decisions based on common sense and what is Best for All.

These are the points that come up:

- The feeling of missing out: The thoughts come up where I think and believe that other people have a "good time", meaning that they are enjoying themselves more and feel more exited, have more fun. So I become afraid that I will miss the opportunity to do something exciting, which actually means that I believe that other people/situations will give me emotions/feelings that I will perceive as worthwhile and that I will want to remember when I get older and can't do them anymore. So I also fear of getting old and dieing before I do the things that I perceive would give me "good feelings" and "good memories" which is all a big mind-fuck. I always create my own feelings, so if I believe that someone/something else gives me a feeling than I don't live for real anyway because I live in illusion and self-deception where I am controlled by my own desires of getting an energy feeling and then trying to remember them as picture that are also not real because they are of the mind and the mind is of energy which can and will simply disappear and so I will forget all of it anyway.
So, instead of focusing on trying to have "goof feelings" I will rather focus on being happy and satisfied with self here in every moment of breath so that I will actually live here as self as who I really am within self-direction and I will not try to create good memories for myself because I will lose them anyway and because if I do this I miss what is here by being in the mind that is not real. Also I will not fear of getting old and dying because I will get old and die anyway and if I don't live in self-honesty and in self-direction in every here moment, then my Life is a lie and an illusion anyway because I don't live myself but my fears, beliefs and preprogrammed mind patterns that are not real.

- The desire for a woman/relationship: where I fear that I will not have sex and that I will have to do everything by my own and that no one will help me if I am in trouble. Fear of not having sex is actually fear of not having an energy excitement and orgasm and fear of feeling "less than" other man, which is an ego point of comparison and competition. Fear of not having an energy excitement shows how I have addicted and limited myself to my own energy feelings that I create through my thoughts and pictures in my mind, thus I stop and simply be here in the breath. Fear of having to do everything by my own is fear of taking responsibility for myself where I believe that I am not capable of doing what needs to be done and taking care of myself which is self-sabotage. I stop the thoughts and realize that by simply being here I can learn what I don't know yet and/or ask for help when I need assistance and that there is no reason whatsoever for me to think that I cannot take care of myself. I simply move myself here in the breath with common sense and I can solve any problem.Comparison and competition is a complete illusionary mind pattern that I accepted and allowed through my life where I was thought and "forced" to compete within the system, thus I simply realize that by judging self and comparing self I only limit myself by defining myself as "less than" or "more than", so I stop. I realize that I am always equal to all as Life here and so "winning" is an illusion of the ego.

- Boredom: where I define myself as "boring" and "useless" and "not doing anything" instead of simply being here in the breath and doing what is common sense and expressing myself in the physical. I stop the thoughts and self-judgments / self-definitions and look with common sense where can I correct myself or simply express myself here.