Day 101 - In-fear-iorities part 6

My previous blog is in Slovene.

When do I feel inferior?

- When I am naked.

I forgive myself the I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior whenever I am seen (half) naked.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/see/perceive being naked as shameful, inappropriate, embarrassing and being inferior.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge and compare naked people with me and others and to judge their appearance according to pretty/sexy and ugly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge and compare other man's penises with mine and others and to so feel inferior or superior and to allow myself to be defined by such comparisons and definitions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sexualize naked humans and use them as pictures for either sexual stimulation/attraction or repulsion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see naked people only as naked bodies as objects or pictures.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect naked women with sex and only see them as bodies and pictures for sexual pleasure as energy addiction. I commit myself to no more accept and allow myself to connect naked women with sex and to no more see them only as bodies and pictures for sexual pleasure as energy addiction. I commit myself to stop sex as energy addiction.

I commit myself to no more accept and allow myself to see/perceive naked people only as naked bodies, pictures but as living beings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect naked humans with sex and with memories I have related to sex.

When and as I see myself connecting naked humans with sexual memories - I stop and breathe. I realize that with allowing this I only exist as a self-interested mind addicted to energies. Therefore I commit myself to no more accept and allow myself to connect naked humans with sex and sexual memories.

I realize and understand that judgment and comparison is not needed and is completely useless as it does not serve anyone any good, it is only a mind energetic polarity point where one wants to feel superior and with this also feel inferior. Therefore I commit myself to no more accept and allow myself to judge and compare naked people with me and others and I commit myself to not judge and compare the appearances of others and me when naked.

- When I stand out from the environment, when I am not according to the norm.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior/superior when I in some way, that I judge as good or bad, stand out from the environment or when I am not according to the norm.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of being seen as abnormal when I am not according to the norm.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge being abnormal as something bad and shameful and to judge people who I see/perceive as abnormal in some way as inferior.

I commit myself to no more accept and allow myself to feel inferior/superior and to judge myself whenever I am not according to the norm in some way and I commit myself to no judge people and me according to good and bad, but to see people/things for what they really are while being aware that all Life is equal.

- When I am not according to what others anticipate.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior when I am not according to what others anticipated.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that I should always fulfill others expectations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wish/want/desire to fulfill others expectation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wish/want/desire to be liked by others by fulfilling their expectations of me.

I realize and understand that when I treat others how I would like to be treated and do what is best for all, there is no need for me to worry about others expectations and opinions of me as I am doing what is best for all and what others are expecting or thinking is just the projection of their mind and their wishes/wants/desires that are according to self interest.
Therefore I commit myself to treat others as I would like to be treated according to what is best for all and to not wish/want/desire to be liked by others and to not worry and judge myself according to what others expect from me or what they thing about me.

- When I fart.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior when I fart around people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge and define farting as wrong, bad, shameful, embarrassing, disgusting and to judge people who fart as disgusting.

I commit myself to no more accept and allow myself to define farting as wrong, bad, shameful, embarrassing, disgusting and to judge those who fart as disgusting and I commit myself to no more feel inferior, embarrassed when others hear me fart.

- When I am louder than others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior, embarrassed when I am louder than others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge loud people as inappropriate, rude, egoistic.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear other people's judgement when I expose myself more.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge exposed people.

I commit myself to no more accept and allow myself to judge exposed people and to no more fear of others judgments when I am exposed.

- When I smell myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior when I smell myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge smelly people as inferior, disgusting, dirty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the smell of human body and sweat as disgusting and embarrassing.

I commit myself to no more accept and allow myself to judge and define smells of human bodies as disgusting, embarrassing and to no more judge people who smell as inferior, disgusting, dirty.

Day 99 - In-fear-iorities part 5

When do I feel inferior?

- When others work and I don't.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior when I see others work and I don't.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge other people as lazy, rude and selfish when I work and others just watch. I commit myself to not feel inferior when others work and I watch and to judge others when I work and others watch, instead I breathe and direct myself to help if I can or just breathe.

- When others want to talk to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into fear and feel inferior when someone says one wants to talk with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect this with being punished, yelled at or bullied.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will be punished, yelled at or bullied when someone wants to talk with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into self judgment and to believe that I have done something wrong and be ashamed of myself when one says one wants to talk with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like I am being attacked and to wish/want/desire to go away when one says on wants to talk with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take it personally when one says one wants to talk with me.

I commit myself to no more accept and allow myself to go into fear, inferiority, shame when one says one wants to talk with me. Instead I breathe and I bring myself back here and direct myself in awareness that nothing bad can actually happen to me when one wants to speak with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take it personally and to judge myself as inferior when one says I have done a bad job, done something wrong or when one does not agree with me. I realize and understand that there is no point in taking things personally and to judge myself according to what others say about me/my work, instead I can self honestly assess other's observation and use them to improve myself and if what they express is just their opinion then not take it personally. I commit myself to no more accept and allow myself to judge myself and feel inferior to another when one judges me/my work or says that I have done a bad job or done something wrong or when one doe not agree with me, instead I breathe and use other's observations to improve myself and I don't take anything personally.

- When I fall.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel embarrassed and inferior when I fall or trip (in public) and to judge myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others that fall or trip as clumsy and inferior to me because I didn't/don't and to laugh at them in order to feel superior.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as inferior and clumsy if I hear other people laughing at me if I trip, fall.

I commit myself to no more accept and allow myself to judge myself and feel inferior if I trip or fall (in public). Instead I breathe and focus on the physical and my body to see if I am ok.

I commit myself to no more accept and allow myself to judge other as clumsy and inferior if I see them trip, fall and to not laugh at them in order to feel superior. Instead I breathe and help if they need it.

- When something doesn't work out as I planned, imagined, anticipated.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as inferior and be angry with myself when something doesn't work out as I planned, imagined, anticipated and I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to feel superior and happy when something does work out as I planned, anticipated, imagined. I realize and understand that I am with this participating in a polarity design, therefore I commit myself to no more accept and allow myself to create anticipation and wish/want/desire for something to work out as I planned, imagined and to not create anticipation and to feel feel bad, inferior when it doesn't happen the way I wanted. Instead I direct myself in breath to work as best as I can to do what I planned and I commit myself to no more blame and judge myself as inferior and feel angry when things work out differently.

I will continue in the next blog...

Day 96 - In-fear-iorities part 3

When do I feel inferior:

- When someone is judging me.
- When I judge myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself feel inferior when someone is judging and comparing me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take it personally when someone is judging and comparing me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to start judging and comparing myself when I see/perceive others judging and comparing me or others.

When and as I see myself feeling inferior, taking it personally and judging, comparing myself when others are comparing me or others - I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that being different in any way does not make me inferior/superior and does not change my or another's equal value as Life. Therefore I do no accept and allow myself to feel inferior/superior when and as I see/perceive others judging, comparing me or others and I do not accept and allow myself to judge, define and change my value in comparison through mind polarity, instead I live the realization that me and everyone is equal in value as Life.

- When someone has more money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior to people that have more money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel superior to people that have less money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge, compare and define value of people and living being according to how much money they are worth/they have. I realize and understand that Life itself is the most valuable and that all Life is equal in value and that defining any other value to life implies separation from life and so abuse of life. Therefore I commit myself to no more accept and allow myself to look at the value of Life through money, instead I live the realization that Life itself is the greatest value and that all Life is equal in value.

- When someone has something 'better'/'newer' than me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior when I see/perceive that someone has something better/newer than me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel superior when I see/perceive that I have something newer/better than someone else.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to envy another when I see/perceive that one has something newer/better than me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wish/want/desire to have what I see another has when I think/perceive that what one has is better than what I have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compete and compare with others through the material things and possessions.

When and as I see myself comparing myself with others through material possessions - I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that I am creating a polarity construct where I feel positive when I believe that what I have is better than what another has and where I feel negative when I believe that what another has is better than what I have. Therefore I do not accept and allow myself to exist within this polarity of positive/negative and I bring myself back here and breathe.

- When someone has something I don't.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior when I see that someone has something that I don't and/or can't have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel superior when I can have something that others can't have and/or don't have access to.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to create a wish/want/desire for things within myself that I can't have and/or don't have access to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame myself as not being good enough or smart/experienced enough when I see I don't/can't have things that others have and to within this make myself inferior and feel bad about myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others for having things I don't/can't have as being selfish.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create anger and spitefulness within myself towards people who have more than me and who have things that I can't/don't have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to envy people who have things that I don't/can't have.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to let go of the wish/want/need for material things, therefore I commit myself to let go of this addiction to the material things I don't really need and to stop the polarity of superiority/inferiority where I compare myself with others in relation to what I have/don't have and what others have/don't have.

I commit myself to no more accept and allow myself to feel inferior when I see someone that has something I don't/can't have and I commit myself to no more feel superior when I have something that others don't have.

I will continue in the next blog...

Day 97 - In-fear-iorities part 4

When do I feel inferior?

- When I am scared.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior when I am scared and to believe that I am unable to stand equal to the fear and remove it through self-honesty and self-forgiveness. I realize and understand that I have created every fear through the mind and that I can remove the source of the fear through self-honesty and self-forgiveness. I commit myself to no more accept and allow myself to feel inferior to any fear that I experience, instead I stop and breathe and apply self-honesty and remove all points of fear with self-forgiveness and bring myself back here where I direct myself in breath.

- When others talk and I don't.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior when others talk and communicate and I don't and also I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel superior when I talk.
When and as I see myself feeling inferior to others when I have nothing to say while others talk - I stop and breathe. I commit myself to no more feel inferior when others talk and I have nothing to say.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior when I have nothing to say and when I don't know anything about the things others are talking about.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel superior when I talk about things that others don't know so much about.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to stop existing withing the inferiority/superiority feeling towards other people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wish/want/desire to have attention and be liked by others, instead of me liking myself and giving myself attention.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wish/want/desire to have stories about myself that I could talk about so that I would be seen as 'cool', fun and experienced.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as asocial and to within this create a negative emotion where I feel bad and inferior and not good enough. I commit myself to stop defining/seeing myself as asocial and to stop existing within the negative/bad experience of this self-definition.

- When someone pays something for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior when someone pays something for me and to feel superior when I pay something for someone. I commit myself to no more exist within the superiority/inferiority polarity in the point of payment.

- When someone's score is better/higher then mine.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior when I see/perceive that someone's score is higher/better than mine.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself with others and compete with others by comparing scores. I realize and understand that We are all equal in value as Life always no matter what score/skill one has in anything.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to stop comparing myself, my skills/scores to those of others.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to stop taking it personally when my score/skill is not as good/high as someone else's.

I commit myself to no more accept and allow myself to compare myself and compete with others by comparing my skill/score and to no more take it personally and make it define myself as superior/inferior as I realize that I am within this creating the polarity of feeling good/bad about myself which is useless and unnecessary.

- When people look at me.
- When people wait for what I'll say.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into fear and inferiority when I get people's attention and when people start looking at me or expecting me to talk.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in such situation wish/want/desire that people would like me, what I do, what I say.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel superior when people like me, what I do/say and to feel inferior when people don't like what I say/do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take personally what people think/say about me. I realize and understand that what people think/say about me is their own judgments which I don't have to make my own. Therefore I commit myself to no more accept and allow myself to take other people's judgments of me personally and I commit myself to no make other people judgments of me my own.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to take responsibility for the feelings of inferiority when others look at me. I commit myself to take responsibility for all inferiority feelings and to no more accept and allow them within me.

- When people wait for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior when others wait for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as too slow and rude when others have to wait for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others as too slow, rude when I have to wait for them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create anxiety and nervousness within myself when others have to wait for me.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that have created this anxiety/fear when others wait for me when I was a child and my parents called me and I was afraid that they will not wait for me and leave me if I don't come quick enough.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that my parents/people will leave me behind if I don't come quick enough when they call me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being left behind/being lost if I don't come quick enough when someone calls me.

When and as I see myself creating fear/anxiety/inferiority when someone calls me - I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that I am always here with me in the breath and that I cannot really be left behind and lost because I never really left myself behind and I never lost myself. Therefore I commit myself to no more accept and allow myself to create fear/anxiety/inferiority within myself when someone calls me and/or when others wait for me, instead I breathe and direct myself within the realization that I cannot ever really leave myself behind or lose myself here in the breath.

I will continue in the next blog...

Day 95 - In-fear-iorities part 2

Continuing with the inferiority points:

- When I believe I should know something and I don't.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior when I believe that I should know something that I don't.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that it is shameful when someone does not know something that one should/that I or others expected that one would know but didn't.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge people who don't know what I expected they would as inferior, stupid, irresponsible and to believe that they should be ashamed of themselves.

When and as I see myself judging another for not knowing something that I/others expected one will - I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that I would also not want to be judged or laughed at but assisted with the point I didn't know/understand yet. I commit myself to not judge people who don't know/understand what I/others expected them they will, instead I direct myself in breath to assist them.

- When I forget something.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that I should never forget anything.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge others when they forget something as stupid, less than/inferior to me or those who don't forget and to within this judge myself when I forget something.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that knowing specific data/information out of memory is important and that this defines ones intelligence. I realize and understand that any data can be looked up and so judging people by what they know from the memory is an abuse where we make/define knowledge as information more important than actual life itself. Therefore I commit myself to not accept and allow myself to judge anyone based on the information they know or not know and their memory, instead I look and see others for what they really are here in the physical, which is life equal.

- When someone has done something I'd like to but didn't yet.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior to another who has done somehting I'd like but didn't.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel superior to another when I have done something that another hasn't done. I realize and understand that I am with this constantly comparing myself with others and so competing with others where I exist in a polarity of inferiority/superiority. I commit myself to stop existing within this inferiority/superiority polarity game of comparison and judgment, instead I commit myself to accept myself as equal to all here in every breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that one's experience(s) define one's worth/value and to in this define people with more experience and superior to those with less experience. I realize and understand that it is impossible for all to have the same experience and that in fact the experience that one had does not impact/define or change one's value as life as it is always equal to the value of all life and so I commit myself to not judge/define my value or value of others by how much experience they have, instead I see the equal value in all as Life always.

- When someone shows me something about myself that I didn't know/realize yet.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel embarrassed, inferior and to judge myself this way when one shows me something about myself that I haven't yet realized/noticed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge and define the fact that someone sees/realizes/knows something about me that I don't as embarrassing and to within this judge myself as inferior and be embarrassed. I realize and understand that this is nothing to be embarrassed about because we all exist in a way where it is harder to see self and self's patterns when one lives them and so we can help each other to point out each others patterns. Instead of being ashamed and feel inferior I can be grateful for such support and I commit myself to not accept and allow myself anymore to go into self-judgement and inferiority, but to instead breathe and use such support as to improve myself.

- When someone is older.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior to someone that is older than me. I realize and understand that I have connected this with the idea of experience and the belief that older people have more authority and should be feared and respected.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that older people have more authority/power just because they are older.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that I should fear older people because I believe they have power over me.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I have created the fear of older people when I was a child because older people were stronger than me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that older people are stronger than me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel superior towards younger people.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that younger people should show me respect.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see people off all ages for what they really are here in the physical, which is equal as Life in every way no matter what one thinks/believes of oneself or another or how one presents oneself or how much money one has or what one's status and place in today's system of abuse.

I commit myself to no more accept and allow myself to define myself as superior/inferior towards other people and to see and treat all equally as Life as as how I would like to be treated.

- When someone is angry at me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior to another when one is angry with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take it personally when I see/perceive that one is angry with me. I realize and understand that I am responsible for my thoughts/reactions and that another's thoughts/reactions are not to be taken personally as then I am unable to stand as Life here and assist/act in a way that is best for all. I commit myself to no more accept and allow myself to react with inferiority and take it personally when one is angry with me anger or when one reacts towards me with emotions. Instead I breathe and I direct myself to assist another the way I would like to be assisted.

- When someone is yelling at me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear for my life and create a fear of pain and react with inferiority when on yells at me. I realize and understand that I have created this reaction pattern when I was a child and got scared when parents started yelling at me because I did not understand.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect someone yelling at me with punishment and pain and to within this react wit inferiority.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take it personally when one is yelling at me. I realize and understand that yelling is not to be taken personally as it is not about me but about how ones expresses oneself in a particular situation. Therefore I commit myself to no more accept and allow myself to react with inferiority when one is yelling at me but to instead breathe and listen and direct myself in a way that is best for all.

I will continue in the next blog...

Day 94 - In-fear-iorities

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being wrong, being shown that I am wrong and realizing that what I thought, believed is wrong.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel ashamed, inferior, not good enough, less than when I am being shown that I am wrong and/or that I made a mistake.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that admitting that I am wrong and that I made a mistake means that I am inferior, less than, not good enough and that this is shameful.
I realize and understand that anyone can make a mistake and that a mistake is not to be judged but recognized and accepted as a point where I can improve and make myself better. Therefore I commit myself to not judge myself and feel inferior, less than, not good enough and be ashamed of myself when I am wrong and/or when I made a mistake, instead I am thankful for the fact that I was shown the mistake and I use the point to improve myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will go the wrong way with my process and that I will have to do it all over again.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself make the justification of 'I don't want to go the wrong way and do it all over again' to create fear within myself and to then not do my process. I realize and understand that creating such fears and justifications will not help me in any way. I commit myself to no more accept and allow myself to create a justification of 'I don't want to go the wrong way and do it all over again' and to no more accept and allow myself to be directed by the fear of 'going the wrong way' or 'doing something wrong' and then having to do it again, instead I direct myself in breath and simply correct and realign myself whenever I see that I am wrong or not effective in a point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear if exposing myself and then being laughed at and be rejected, degraded. I realize and understand that I judge and degrade myself and so when I remove the self-judgment and self-degradation I will not be moved or affected by others laughing, judging, degrading me as I will always be in breath and understand that other's judgments show their own minds. I commit myself to no more fear of exposing myself and to no more judge myself and degrade myself as I understand that this will not help me in any way and I commit myself to let go of any reactions that I might have to others with written self-forgiveness and to not take things personally.

Fear that someone will expose something that I didn't know/realize about myself and then be ashamed - judging myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that someone will expose something that I didn't yet know/realize about myself and that I will then feel ashamed and inferior. I realize and understand that there is no need for me to judge myself as inferior and feel ashamed as this will not help me in any way. I realize and understand that I can be grateful for every such point as I can use it to improve myself. I commit myself to no more accept and allow myself to be directed by the fear of someone showing me a point that I did not yet know/realize about myself and I commit myself to be grateful for it and to use it to improve and realign myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and use the excuse of judging myself as not being good enough and doing something good enough in order to avoid it and not do it at all. I realize and understand that I can only improve myself by doing what I can in every moment and then correcting and realigning myself as I get the feedback and as I get more experienced. I commit myself to not accept and allow myself to judge myself and what I do as not good enough and to not use this as an excuse to not do blogs, videos, something at all, instead I direct myself in breath to do what I can the best I can without judgmentsand I use the feedback to improve and realign myself in common sense and according to what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compete with others when I write blogs, do videos, talk, work with others or do something. I realize and understand that within this I judge and compare myself where I create superiority/inferiority constructs that I then use as a motivator/demotivator instead of directing myself in breathe here equal. I commit myself to not judge, compare and compete with others when I write blogs, make videos, talk or work with others or alone but to direct myself in breath here as equal and I commit myself to not take any feedback personally but to be grateful for it and use it to improve myself and realign myself to what is best for all.

Where can I see inferiority points coming up within myself?

- When someone laughs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior when I see/perceive that someone is laughing (at me) and to immediately think/believe that I am the one being laughed at when I hear someone laughing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that it is embarrassing and degrading if one laughs at you and to within this feel inferior and ashamed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to laugh at others because of judging them and to within this feel superior to another and be spiteful to another. I realize and understand that I am with this creating the polarity construct where I feel superior when I laugh at others and inferior when others laugh at me Therefore I commit myself to no more accept and allow myself to laugh at another because of judgment and spitefulness, instead I stand equal to another and consider another as myself and act as I would like others to act if I was in their place.

I will continue with the inferiority points in the next blog.

2012 - Walking with

Since I am living with my new roommate I find my process of removing my mind-fucks and emotional/energy patterns much more intense/obvious which is cool, as I am able to see them more clearly and what is most important, take self-responsibility for them to remove them and so learn to direct myself in common sense.

One of the points I assist myself with is the fact that my roommates expression in a way resembles the expression of my father who I feared a lot and couldn't really communicate with him effectively. Thus I have the same patterns coming up when I talk to my roommate as I have when talking to my father. Basically I get the feeling of being attacked, threatened or somehow regarded as 'less than'. From this idea I would then usually respond through my ego from the starting point of defending myself and trying to re-establish myself as an equal in the mind of the other person, which is of course impossible. I can only be equal with myself and so to everyone/all here. I have realized that I would only respond like that when I take it personally, meaning that I haven't yet take the self-responsibility for these points through which I create my reaction. After I do that I simply don't react anymore to other's words, I just see/hear the words spoken and I reflect myself within them to see if they make any sense to me and if I can find any support within them.

Within this starting point a realized that I can recognize the moodiness/manipulation attempts from others much more effectively and so I don't accept and allow myself to be effected by them. Also as I am not reacting and also not having a specific desire for a specific effect when I speak to someone, I realize that I can so focus more on understanding the person I talk to and aligning myself to their understanding of self and so expressing myself in a way that is not 'aggressive' towards another because this only creates conflict and competition. Of course the person who feels this way is self-responsible for it because she/he caused this feelings him/her-self, but usually and especially when talking to someone who is not yet walking the Desteni'I'Process, having such an aggressive approach is not alway the best way as it distracts and takes focus away from the actual point one is trying to share with another to the point where the other person feels threatened, 'less than' and then tries to defend oneself through her/his ego as this is how ego works in trying to survive and remain the same as a self-righteous system of self-limitation.

2012 - Why was I able to hear the Desteni message

Before I heard about Desteni I was a doubtful person, I didn't just believe something because someone said so. I always tried to look at the bigger picture, to look behind the scene, trying to figure out what is really going on. I didn't like myself the way I was, I had no self-certainty and was afraid of lots of things, mostly people. I tried to look at myself to see who I really am, because I had no idea. I saw that I am afraid of things, that I don't understand myself and that somehow I can't control myself, my feelings, emotions, fears. This was really strange to me. I saw the ridiculousness of how people complicate each others lives and I was angry at myself because I didn't know what to do to make things better neither for myself or others. But I had a strong desire to do something, to find out once and for all what the fuck is wrong with us people, who is in control, why is everything so fucked up? Why can't we people just consider this reality and work together to live in harmony? Why does everyone seem just so goddamn corrupt and evil? How can people live and not openly ask these question? There has to be someone that sees what I see, that doesn't just accept this reality as something normal. Someone has to do something for fuck sake! Even if no one else wants to, I will do something. I don't know what exactly or how, but I have to do something. I will not just accept this world the way it is because it is just too fucking messed up!

Then I came across Desteni videos on YouTube and I started watching them, listening. I didn't care about the Portal or who it is that is talking. It was all just a bit weird at first and as I realized that there is no fucking way for me to know and be sure if someone is making a prank or not, I realized that all I can do is listen carefully to what is being said and see if it makes any sense. And the more I listened the more sense it made. There was a lot of things I already observed and realized about the world or in myself before. Other things that were new (like stopping the mind with self-aware breathing or self-forgiveness) I tried out and became aware of as it was pointed out to me in the videos and the Desteni message. I was amazed how insightful the information was and the pure size of it was unbelievable. I spent at least three months just watching, reading, listening and there was still more. I have never seen so much useful common sense in one place anywhere else, ever. And I was able to test it out for myself and prove it to myself. There were also a lot of shared stories that weren't really relevant at that time, but they helped me a lot as I wanted to understand the background of Desteni, how it all came together and how it all manifested into this one point, the Desteni group. There is no need whatsoever for one to believe that the stories about Desteni or the History of Mankind or History of the Universe are true, because none of them are really relevant. The relevant tools and principles are those that we can test ourselves and live ourselves right now in this moment. With the tools of self-honesty, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application we are able to manifest heaven on Earth for everyone Equally and this is truly amazing. Nonetheless, the stories assisted me a lot as I always wanted to understand why and how the hell does everything exist exactly the way it does. It is great to finally know. But does it matter? Not at all. Matter is the only thing that matters. And currently, it is still fucked up, just the way we made it. Now it is time to take self-responsibility and make this world the way that is Best for All.

Before all of this, my discovery and involvement in Desteni, I often had a feeling that something great and powerful will happen in my lifetime. Something that will change things dramatically. So, I was always open for new things, I was always looking for that special event that will make a great impact on what it means to be alive. The more I came to understand what Desteni is all about, the more sure I was that this is what I've been waiting for. It was all much more exciting and groundbreaking that I could ever imagine. And I explored lots of things: UFOs, conspiracies, ends of the world, revolutionary technologies, revelations... I was certain that something great will happen on one of these topics, but I was wrong. It happened all at once! Desteni for me at that time represented a great revelation: the end of deception, the end of bullshit and suffering, the end of corruption, the end of control and suppression, the end of hate. And now I am grateful to be able to participate in this birthing of Life from the physical for the first time in existence, to have a chance to learn, to change myself and to forgive myself for all that was, so that I can birth myself as Life and stand for Life with others that care, in oneness and equality. To do what is Best for All Life in practicality, to learn to direct myself and say out loud: I stand for a Dignified Life for All! This is who I am and this is who I want to be! Desteni helps me to be and make out of myself the best possible being I can be. There is absolutely no other thing or person in the whole world that would ever be able to help me as much as Desteni did by showing me how I can uplift myself (by myself!) as a living being into a self-honest, self-responsible and self-directive human being that cares for All Life Equally and truly does what is practically Best for All.

And Desteni is just a word. But what I have realized and learned and how I changed myself by participating in the group, this changed me forever and it truly made me a better human being and I am continuously improving myself to always stand for Life in Equality and do what is practically Best for All.

In the beginning I said that before I found Desteni I was a doubtful person. Maybe it would seem to someone that I am not anymore, but this would only show that one doesn't understand at all what I have learned as a Destonian. Through participating in Desteni I actually learned what it really means to questions and reconsider myself, my principles and the way we accept and allow this world to exist. And I am still learning what it means to be a responsible human being and how to actually always stand in self-honesty and do what is Best for All. This is a process that takes time and I am grateful that I can be a part of it.

Why was I able to hear the Desteni message? You still don't know what it is? It is simply to understand that we are all equally responsible for everything that exists here and thus we have to be self-honest and correct self through self-forgiveness and learn to work together as one to stop all the abuse of Life and create what is Best for All: Heaven on Earth for All Equally. We have all the practical tools needed to do so, we just have to start doing by having the right starting point: what is practically Best for All Life in Oneness and Equality. Why can I hear and understand this and so many others cannot or do not want to? Are you willing to change yourself into a self-honest, self-responsible living being that does what is Best for All and helps with what needs to be done to make heaven on Earth for everyone equally? If you are not, then look at yourself in self-honesty and understand what is the reason that prevents you from standing up for All Life Equally and change yourself accordingly. All the reasons you will find I have overcome, because I realized that egosim is just an illusion. I understand that what is Best for All is also best for myself and so, egoism can always be best just for one ego which then leads into the abuse of Life. I never wanted to accept any abuse of Life and never will. This is how I was able to hear the Desteni message.

2012 Moving in with Self Direction

I am now moving into the new apartment. I already moved a lot of the stuff and were there to clean and unpack a bit today. My roommate said she'll be moving in in the next month. Had some mixed feelings and emotions coming up while there and while driving. At times I was excited and happy because I never had 'my own' apartment before, at least not that big. I had a happy thought + feeling about it when I drove last day with Barbi from the apartment and I got a short sharp pain in my chest on the left bellow the heart which reminded me when Barbi and I were leaving the Desteni Farm and Bernard pointed out to Barbi that she has allowed some happy feelings and explained that this is where they manifest in the body. Today I was also excited at first to unpack and make it comfortable, but then I allowed myself to go into sadness of being alone and away from friends as this is the pattern I created form myself as a teenager. Basically I get scared of having no friends and no one to hang out with. Particularly I would not enjoy having no girls I like around me, lol. Another idea / desire of mine from the high school. I have always been around boys but not girls. Too shy, too scared and just too mind-fucked. I had no self-direction whatsoever. But I always dreamed about having a girl and how nice it will be and where I will take her and all the stuff. But when I actually had a chance to even talk to a girl I just couldn't do it. Too scared. Fuck, that was horrible and it's funny how I see now that I myself accepted and allowed myself to be like that. Blaming anyone else would just be dishonest towards myself. Desteni tools helped me allot! Sometimes when I look at myself now and how I was in high school for example, I am surprised that I actually managed to look normal to other people, because I was completely fucked in my head with fears and desires but also had no self-direction whatsoever. I laugh now but back then it was horrible. No one should be left like that, to torture self through one's own mind and the tools I learned in the Desteni'I'Process are top shit for getting self back to self here as Life in the physical. If I am able to correct myself than anyone else can too.

Talking about my feelings, emotions and apartment, it will be a cool experience for be and will speed up my process as I will be facing my mind-fucks as I explained above. Plus, my roommate is moving in with me and I find her dis-likable lately. So this will also be cool support from the perspective of learning to live together in common sense, not in love & light nonsense where people get together because of some 'special' feelings and sexual desires. We're slowly moving past that phase now and entering the self-direction area. One way traffic, not that you can't go back but nobody wants to, haha! Self-directive people that work together and do what is practically Best for All Life will make heaven on Earth. Are you in for it yet? Let's do this!

2011 - Making vlogs for self support

I made some vlogs for self support while driving. I found it practical since I have nothing else to do. Any support appreciated.

Money as limitation
Exploitation of life through money acceptable?
Ego
Capitalism makes&breaks

2011 - Win/Lose games

Today I got frustrated again while playing a game of tennis on the TV console. First I won some then I lost one and I got frustrated because I allowed myself again to go into an experience of "positive" energy when I won which is a polarity and so inevitably I experienced a "negative" energy/feeling when I lost. I have to make myself more aware of this shit.

When and as I see myself participating in thoughts and feelings/emotions of polarity I stop completely and I breathe. I see that it is a mind-fuck energy polarity illusion. I do not accept and allow myself to go into thoughts and feelings/emotions of polarity ever again.

Then I thought about it: what is the point of playing such a game? If the only point of the game is to win by following some rules and if I remove that aspect, what is the point of ever playing such a game? There is no point. It's a waste of time. Win/Lose games are a total waste of time and are potentially dangerous because one can develop a serious mind-fuck of win/lose polarity illusion. That should be the warning on the box, lol.


Yesterday I also watched a movie Scarface. I realized that I liked the enthusiasm of the main character and the way he didn't have any fear when doing things and how he immediately put himself as an equal to whomever he faced. After the film I repeated his phrases lots of times and while I did it I felt an energy release, it was a feeling of like when something is funny and cool at the same time and it felt like a small ego boost. Then I started thinking about what would it be like if one would use that kind of "spirit"/enthusiasm/self-confidence/self-determination etc. and use it to motivate oneself to do what is best for all. I experience myself sometimes as not motivated to move myself and do what needs to be done which means I am still being moved by energy a lot. I also noticed that sometimes when I get some kind of energy I try to transform it into motivation to move myself and I can't say that it's particularly effective. Usually I get very motivated when I listen to an inspiring song or a movie that was designed for such purpose. But that's not real because it's energy based and it can't be maintained. It wears off in time. Being moved by energy al the time is not fun at all and not something I desire so I have to stop this shit and get myself here in the breath permanently where I can be stable no matter what. Now that's the ya-yo I want! Not the energy mind-fuck cock'a'roaches! lol

2011 - I had a dream...

The point of it was that my partner cheated on me and I saw it. (Yeah Barbi you were sitting on a lap of Sebastjan "D3" kissing him, lol). And that activated all kinds of feelings inside of me, like: sadness, envy, disappointment, anger. Then I tried to explain to her that this is not how it should be then I woke up. I'm still not clear of this relationship mind-fucks. The day before this I was talking with her on the phone and she mentioned that she unexpectedly met her first boyfriend so that was the trigger point where I had some of this feelings come up but they were very subtle and I could breathe them through easily. But I didn't deal enough with them because I time looped so I have to write some more about it.

When I think of her getting a new boyfriend or relationship or be intimate with another man I basically get the feeling of envy which is connected to the thoughts of/that majority of others had more romantic/sexual experiences than me and that I am from that perspective not equal to them so I want to make up for what I've missed. Now this is also connected to her in a way that if she doesn't seek for such experiences then I'm fine. But as soon as she would indicate this kind of intention or if I make myself think/believe that she will then this kind of reaction comes up. So that's usually the trigger point. Then the thought of "I had less romantic/sexual experiences..." would be the point of no return where the whole mind construct plays out and I have to breathe it through. So I have to stop myself before this point.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as less then in regards to romantic/sexual experiences. When and as I see myself participating in thoughts of comparison and defining myself as less than I stop and breathe, I do not accept and allow myself to define myself as less than in any way and I realize that I am equal to all that is here and I direct myself to be effective in staying here in the breath as self-movement.

2011 - Health and my problems

I'll write about all the problems with health I had since I can remember and are not considered as common.

The first thing I remember that I had problems with is that I had an inflammation underneath my armpits when I was very young. I had to use a cream I think and I had to visit a doctor where they changed my bandages. It was very painful, like a burning. But then it went away.

The next problem started when I went to elementary school, around that time. Out of random I was getting this sharp pains bellow my stomach in the intestine area. It appeared suddenly and it was very strong and in waves like someone is pushing a sharp pen inside me or something like that. It was so strong I couldn't stand nor sit so I just curled into a ball and breathed and sometimes prayed for it to go away soon. It usually lasted a few minutes but for me it was like forever. Then it suddenly went away just as quick as it came. I didn't make much effort to tell about it to anyone because I was a bit afraid and I didn't want to talk about it. Also I was a bit afraid of doctors. And I didn't have any other problems with it so I thought it wasn't worth going to see a doctor. Then the pain got less frequent and these day I don't have it anymore or it's extremely rare and more mild.

Then when I was around 11 years old (in 5th grade I think) I got a hemangioma inside my left cheek and it grew to a size of a cherry. I got quite a few mind-fucks about it because it was physically visible and it was also obtrusive in my mouth. It looked like I have something in my mouth so people noticed it and asked questions. If I squeezed it together the blood would flow out and it would go away so I did that all the time to hide it but it always reappeared in a few minutes. Then I went to a local hospital where I was anesthetized and they cut it out through my mouth. But they couldn't get it all out so it reappeared. Then I was sent to a bigger hospital in Ljubljana to a specialist. I was treated quite special there because I had the thing in an unusual place and because it was a delicate operation so a lot of doctors and students came to see me and they pictured me and what not... Then I was operated again when I was 15 years old from the outside which left me a big scar on the neck. It never bothered me, I actually liked it because I saw it as cool, lol. Then it looked like they got it all out and it was ok until yesterday I noticed that I got it again. It's quite small and it doesn't show or bother me but that will change if it will grow again so I have to visit the doctor again. It caused some mind-fucks to reappear again like sadness and fear of looking ugly and being operated again etc. But I'm breathing and stopping the thoughts. I'd like to figure it out why does it appear and what kind of a system is causing it or what am I accepting and allowing inside myself to cause it but I have no idea how. Maybe I'll try muscle communication.

Anyway, if I continue after the operation mentioned above, after that it looked I would have a normal healthy life but soon after that another thing happened. One day when I was sitting at my computer I started to feel pain inside my chest and it got stronger and stronger and then it burned like someone stabbed me in the middle of the chest. I told my parents and they said I should go to a doctor if it doesn't stop the next day. I went to sleep and the next day it was still there and I got scared and started to think about lots of thing like maybe I got another tumor or cancer or something and that I will have to visit a doctor again and that maybe I will die and all of that. I waited another day and the pain started to go away and then it stopped. But then lots of other more mild pains started to appear all around my body where the organs are. Mostly it appeared in my stomach area. I knew that something must be very wrong but I was too afraid to talk about it or to go to a doctor because I didn't want to find out that I got cancer or some other horrible illness. I started to ask all of those question like why me and if I am going to die etc. And I even started to pray although I wasn't part of any known religion. I made up my own prayer and prayed for health just in case if there is some higher being that listens to such mind-fucks, lol. The pain was annoying and repetitive. I had it almost every day. It appeared on random usually around my stomach or other organs, sometimes it was stronger sometimes almost non-existent. And it was like that for a year or two or three, and then I finally decided to go to a doctor where they sent me for a gastroscopy where they put a thin cable into my stomach through my mouth to take a look with a camera and take a sample of the tissue. I was sure they're going to find something and I was afraid of what is it going to be. But then I got the letter from the hospital that they didn't find anything unusual so I felt a relief and then I just forgot about it like it's nothing. Although the pain never went away completely, there were periods when it was almost non existent but then it came back again and so on. Last few years it's almost gone but still not completely.

Now when I studied the Desteni material I'm sure it has something to do with the mind systems and most probably with my relations to my parents. I was afraid most of the time of my father and I didn't talk much and had a lot of mind-fucks about self-image and so on. I dealt with that and I'm still working it out and I think I'm doing quite well because my self-confidence and self-trust are much stronger than before and I don't have all those fears I had towards other people anymore. The practical tools that anyone can learn at Desteni are really great and effective with dealing with all this things. But right now I'm really not sure what else to do about this problems I just wrote about other than write it out. If anyone else has any perspectives that would be quite helpful.

2011 - Exposing my sexual system

The base of my sexual mind-fuck is/was the point that 'I want' to have sex with another woman (other than my partner, which is the only one I had sex with), because some ego reasons I already wrote about. I was able to forgive myself most of those thoughts, but some still remained and I allowed them to compound to the point where I was at the point that looked something like this: "ok, I will no longer accept and allow myself to search for/go into sexual energetic experiences with other woman or look for it in porn etc., but I still want to have a pleasant masturbating experience whenever I find it necessary and I understand that it is my responsibility to deal with my sexual stuff and not bother my partner with it if she doesn't want to participate." So I bought myself a "Sex in a can" which is simply a male masturbator. Like a dildo but it's a vagina. I mean what the fuck am I doing... I new from the start that I am dealing with a mind-fuck but I allowed myself to get consumed with excitement and ego-driven justifications and so I still bought it. I used it three times and it was always from an energetic starting point = wanting to have a great orgasmic experience. I felt a bit ashamed after that because I knew I was all mind-fucked but I worked that out quickly with breathing.  So now I am also writing it out and I will continue to do so whenever I get something in my head regarding this point.

2010 - Chri$tma$ I$ Bull$hit $ong!!

This is what I want to hear on the radio!

2010 - My mindfucks towards my father/males

I figured out yesterday that I have a difficulty of establishing communication/friendship with males because I have this point towards my father. We mostly talked when he was drunk and so it was always very unpleasant for me, so I made this defensive layer inside my mind-consciousness system which basically came down to trying to avoid talking to male figures who are in some way or another similar to my father (like those being considered in society as higher authority). Also I experience a resistance to open myself and share myself to males because I am afraid to get the same reaction from them than I got form my father, which is that of non-acceptance and ridicule that would put me in a 'less than' position in relation to them or others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be emotionally influenced by what other people say or think about me. I do not accept and allow myself to be moved in any way what so ever by other people thoughts, words, reactions, judgments or deeds. I am here in the breath and I do what is best for all in all ways and I accept all as one as equal as me as Life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of opening myself up to others and to be afraid that others might hurt my feelings. I am responsible for my thoughts and feelings and I do not accept and allow myself to be emotional or have judgmental thoughts or thoughts of comparison or any other thoughts about me or anyone else. I am here in the breath as life as one as equal with all as life. I do not accept and allow any abuse from others towards Life and I take responsibility and direct myself to stop the abuse and not participate in the abuse because I am one and equal and all is me as Life.

2010 - Sharing my dreams

#1:
"I left 'my' car parked an when I came back it was gone. I found it in a different place where two Italian guys were trying to start their van by using my cars battery and cables. I couldn't understand why didn't they just ask for help instead of stealing my car and moving it to somewhere else to try and help themselves, lol."

When I looked at my dream I immediately recognized the point. I have defined Italians as robbers and hypocrites because of some experiences I had with them. Very assisting dream :)

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge and define Italians as robbers and hypocrites. I do not accept and allow myself to judge and define people according to their nationality or any other way. I stand as life, equal and one with all that is here.

#2:

"I was at my partners house in the living room sitting with her on the bench at the table, her family members were also in the room. Then I realized she is undressed telling me let's have sex. I was like: "Are you for real?" And she asked if something is wrong and I said I don't want to have sex in front of her family members, lol.

The point here is obviously my mindfuck of being naked/having sex in front of other people which is something to forgive but I'm still not going to do it any time soon lol.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be embarrassed when naked if others can see me. I do not accept and allow myself to be embarrassed in front of other people when naked or exposed in any way. I accept me as life as who I am as I accept all as one and equal in every here moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be embarrassed of being intimate with someone in front of other people. I do not accept and allow myself to be embarrassed when being intimate with someone if others can see me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define sex and intimacy as an activity that must be done in secrecy. I do not accept and allow myself to define or do anything in secrecy because I accept myself as all that is here in all ways as one and equal.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define sex and intimacy as something special. I do not accept and allow myself to define sex and intimacy or anything else as special. I am one with all that is here and all is equal.

2010 - Avoiding physical touch

Lately Barbi and I decided to stop all little things that are based on and connected to the relationship we were/are in. Like kissing and other energy based actions. She is somewhat more willing/motivated to do this things because I still have a desire to hug/kiss/have sex for orgasm. I often still lose my self-direction in standing here with no mind or energy movement when I am with her. Usually I experience the point of "unfairness" and "inequality" when it comes to sex and other more intimate experiences because most of the people around me have/had more of it than I do. I see myself as "less then".
Also, when being with other women (meaning not with Barbi), I always try to avoid any physical contact because I still get this desire to be intimate with other girls and thus the contact from that point on would not be in equality but from self interest. So because of that I suppress all physical contact to avoid mindfucks and energy movements in me and in that way actually also keep them going because then the desire to be more physical with others comes up.
I was thinking that maybe the best way to deal with this point would be to do self-forgiveness aloud when in such a situation with someone that's willing to assist me in this way.