Day 187 - Living the word Care

Previous blog is in Slovene.

In this writing I look into the point of caring and how I can expand myself by living this word, not only in my immediate environment, but also towards others and the world as a whole.

Preparing the food:

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not care about preparing my own food and helping to prepare the food with my partner and others for us to eat. When and as I see myself not caring about the reparation of food - I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that I am being selfish and so I must make sure that I take responsibility for preparing my food and helping to prepare the food that we eat or at least make an arrangement where I take care of something else for another while he/she prepares the food also for me. I commit myself to make sure take I take the self-responsibility for preparing my/our food and that I make arrangements where I do something for another when he/she prepares the food for me.

Responsibility towards others / those not in my immediate environment:

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to care about others who are not in my immediate environment, who I do not communicate directly with. When and as I see myself not considering/caring about others who are not in my immediate environment and who I do not communicate directly with - I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that I am a part of the whole existence and that I create consequences with my (in)actions that also have an impact on the existence as a whole, thus I must make sure that I care about the existence as a whole and not only about my immediate environment. Thus I commit myself to make sure that I do not disregard or not care about those not in my immediate environment and that I develop care and self-responsibility towards the whole existence equally, by standing up and speaking for those that do not have a voice in my environment, by participating in the education of myself and others about the state of the world and the solutions that can be implemented to create a dignified life for all.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to care less about things/people that I consider as far away where I can't see them. When and as I see myself caring less for those I consider are far away where I can't see them - I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that I am being selfish and self-limited when I consider what I care about based on how far away someone/something is from me or whether I can see one/it or not. Thus I commit myself to make sure that I do not care less about things/people that I perceive are far away where I can't see them and to instead expand my awareness and deal with/consider all problems equally, based on practical common sense priority that is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to expand my caring more into the Desteni group in forums, hangouts and other participation, by coming up with excuses for it. When and as I see myself holding myself back from caring/participating more within the Desteni group, forums, hangouts etc. and coming up with excuses for it - I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that I am being selfish by not participating and caring for the activities within the group when I see that I can and by coming up with excuses. Thus I commit myself to make sure that I expand my participation and caring for the activities and others within the group by participating in the Desteni group, forums, hangouts and other activities, whenever I see that I am able to.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to remove all the points of "I don’t' care" towards the world as a whole. When and as I see myself existing within and as the "I don't care" character - I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that I am within this being selfish and spiteful just because I perceive that I certain point/problem is not directly connected with me. Thus I commit myself to make sure that I remove all the points of "I don't care" towards others and the world as a whole and to make sure that I consider, find, suggest and stand as a solution that is best for all for all and any problems that I encounter within the world as a whole.

2012 - Alone = All-One

I am experiencing myself lately as "being alone" and "being away from friends" where I have defined friends as special and something "more then". Thus I have now experienced the other polarity, where before I believed that being with those who I define as "more than" makes me happy and now that I am not with them, I am not happy anymore. But in self-honesty, this is my own self-deception that I created in my thoughts. As I am looking at this self-deception I realize that in reality I am always alone and thus there is no need for me to create ideas and emotions/feelings about this because I can simply be here, one and equal with the physical = all-one with self and all that is here. By being always all-one with self here, I don't go into the mind but I move myself as the physical and I enjoy myself equally no matter if I walk "close" with others or "far" from others, we are all always here, even if it appears that we are not together because we cannot see each other. So, the "who I am" must always be the same and the fact that I am currently not walking "close" with anyone should not have any influence on me from the mental and feeling perspective as then I would accept and allow myself to be controlled by my own thoughts and feelings and so I would not be able to make decisions based on common sense and what is Best for All.

These are the points that come up:

- The feeling of missing out: The thoughts come up where I think and believe that other people have a "good time", meaning that they are enjoying themselves more and feel more exited, have more fun. So I become afraid that I will miss the opportunity to do something exciting, which actually means that I believe that other people/situations will give me emotions/feelings that I will perceive as worthwhile and that I will want to remember when I get older and can't do them anymore. So I also fear of getting old and dieing before I do the things that I perceive would give me "good feelings" and "good memories" which is all a big mind-fuck. I always create my own feelings, so if I believe that someone/something else gives me a feeling than I don't live for real anyway because I live in illusion and self-deception where I am controlled by my own desires of getting an energy feeling and then trying to remember them as picture that are also not real because they are of the mind and the mind is of energy which can and will simply disappear and so I will forget all of it anyway.
So, instead of focusing on trying to have "goof feelings" I will rather focus on being happy and satisfied with self here in every moment of breath so that I will actually live here as self as who I really am within self-direction and I will not try to create good memories for myself because I will lose them anyway and because if I do this I miss what is here by being in the mind that is not real. Also I will not fear of getting old and dying because I will get old and die anyway and if I don't live in self-honesty and in self-direction in every here moment, then my Life is a lie and an illusion anyway because I don't live myself but my fears, beliefs and preprogrammed mind patterns that are not real.

- The desire for a woman/relationship: where I fear that I will not have sex and that I will have to do everything by my own and that no one will help me if I am in trouble. Fear of not having sex is actually fear of not having an energy excitement and orgasm and fear of feeling "less than" other man, which is an ego point of comparison and competition. Fear of not having an energy excitement shows how I have addicted and limited myself to my own energy feelings that I create through my thoughts and pictures in my mind, thus I stop and simply be here in the breath. Fear of having to do everything by my own is fear of taking responsibility for myself where I believe that I am not capable of doing what needs to be done and taking care of myself which is self-sabotage. I stop the thoughts and realize that by simply being here I can learn what I don't know yet and/or ask for help when I need assistance and that there is no reason whatsoever for me to think that I cannot take care of myself. I simply move myself here in the breath with common sense and I can solve any problem.Comparison and competition is a complete illusionary mind pattern that I accepted and allowed through my life where I was thought and "forced" to compete within the system, thus I simply realize that by judging self and comparing self I only limit myself by defining myself as "less than" or "more than", so I stop. I realize that I am always equal to all as Life here and so "winning" is an illusion of the ego.

- Boredom: where I define myself as "boring" and "useless" and "not doing anything" instead of simply being here in the breath and doing what is common sense and expressing myself in the physical. I stop the thoughts and self-judgments / self-definitions and look with common sense where can I correct myself or simply express myself here.