Day 103 - Getting to know a woman

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wish/want/desire to meet and get to know women from the starting point of wanting sex, a partner, love and to feel superior.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel superior whenever I meet/get to know a woman and to feel inferior if I don't meet/get to know any women.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to decide who I want to meet/get to know according to their appearance and first impression. I realize and understand that judging people according to their appearance is abuse because I do not actually see and get to know the real living being that is behind the fake picture. When and as I see myself deciding to meet/not meet/get to know a person according to their image and/or first impression - I stop and breathe in awareness of the above realization. I commit myself that I will no longer do this, instead I will direct myself in breath to get to know all people equally, to not judge them and to see them for what they really are as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get excited to meet a woman that represents a systematic 'pretty picture' and to within this feel superior and on the other hand to feel inferior and create a resistance towards meeting a woman that does not represent a systematic 'pretty picture' or that is not systematically defined as 'desirable'. When I see this, I correct myself to not judge a woman according to her image or systematic definitions, instead I direct myself to get to know every woman for what she really is a life beyond her picture and system definitions, judgments, beliefs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wish/want/desire to make a good impression when I meet a woman.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wish/want/desire that woman and other people would have a good opinion about me. I realize and understand that opinions and first impressions do not matter. What matters is what one does in every breath to bring about what is best for all life. Therefore I do not accept and allow myself to worry about how others think of me, how the perceive me and what first impression do I make to others. Instead I direct myself in breath and treat another as I would like to be treated.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give to women more attention than to men.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a wish/want/desire within me towards meeting women and on the other hand to create resistance in me towards meeting men. I realize and understand that I create abuse by favoring women over men and 'pretty' women over 'not pretty women', therefore I commit myself to immediately stop when and as I see myself doing this and I direct myself in breath to see everyone equally for what they are as life.

Day 91 - The secret wish for arousing pictures

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to the desire of secretly looking at women in order to experience the energy of arousal, attraction and desire.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wish/want/desire to secretly look at women in order to create arousing energy within myself that I could use for an orgasm during masturbation or sex.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to let go of the wish/want/desire to look at women just to create a sexual energy inside myself.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize and understand that I am with this abusing women for my energetic self-interest where I judge and compare them and only see them as sexual objects instead of living beings. When and as I see myself wishing/wanting/desiring to secretly look at woman for energy - I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that I with this allow abuse where I only see women as sexual object and pictures instead of real living beings. Therefore I commit myself to no more accept and allow myself to look or wish/want/desire to look at woman secretly in order to create energies of arousal.

Day 32 - Sexual Attraction to Pictures

Flat stomachs

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within and as arousal and sexual excitement whenever I see a flat woman's stomach. When and as I see myself going into arousal and sexual excitement when I see a flat woman's stomach – I stop and breathe. I realize that I myself have defined the picture of a flat woman's stomach as sexual and arousing and so I myself am the one who is still accepting and allowing in that moment to get/be aroused and sexually excited, by having the picture of a flat woman's stomach as a trigger point. I commit myself to stop the addiction to sexual energetic excitement through picture stimulation such as the flat woman's stomach.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the picture of a flat woman's stomach as an excuse and justification as why I am excited. When and as I see myself using/existing within and as the excuse of 'it is the picture of a flat woman's stomach that got me excited' – I stop and breathe. I realize that I am the one who is still accepting and allowing myself to become/be excited through the excuse/justification that it is a picture of a flat woman's stomach who got me excited. I commit myself to not user external points as an excuse of why I am excited/sexually aroused and why I am the way I am and to direct myself here in the breath to stop energetic addictions through perceived pictures such as a flat woman's stomach.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within and as the desire to touch a flat woman's stomach and get the experience of hitting a jackpot in the way where I would get what I always imagined/wanted/desired through thoughts in my mind. When and as I see myself existing within and as the desire to touch a flat woman's stomach – I stop and breathe. I realize that I exist within this desire as I have given this act of being able to touch a flat woman's stomach a higher value within my mind as a pattern through which I would/could experience the highest possible energetic sexual arousal and orgasm. I commit myself to stop searching/chasing the sexual energetic high/orgasm and stop the pattern of sexual addiction to energy and energetic arousal through pictures/imagination/thoughts and instead create a new pattern where I remain here in the breath and focus on the physical touch without any pictures/thoughts/wishes/desires.

Women figures

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to look and search for 'perfect' women figures whenever I am around women. When and as I see myself looking/searching for 'perfect' women figures – I stop and breathe. I realize that I am through this still accepting and allowing myself to exist within and as the pattern of addiction to sexual energy arousal through pictures. I commit myself to stop looking/searching for ‘perfect’ pictures of women figures by being self-directive in the moment and not intentionally turning my head/eyes towards such pictures but remaining here in the breath, not accepting and allowing myself to be directed by such energies/desires.

2012 - Alone = All-One

I am experiencing myself lately as "being alone" and "being away from friends" where I have defined friends as special and something "more then". Thus I have now experienced the other polarity, where before I believed that being with those who I define as "more than" makes me happy and now that I am not with them, I am not happy anymore. But in self-honesty, this is my own self-deception that I created in my thoughts. As I am looking at this self-deception I realize that in reality I am always alone and thus there is no need for me to create ideas and emotions/feelings about this because I can simply be here, one and equal with the physical = all-one with self and all that is here. By being always all-one with self here, I don't go into the mind but I move myself as the physical and I enjoy myself equally no matter if I walk "close" with others or "far" from others, we are all always here, even if it appears that we are not together because we cannot see each other. So, the "who I am" must always be the same and the fact that I am currently not walking "close" with anyone should not have any influence on me from the mental and feeling perspective as then I would accept and allow myself to be controlled by my own thoughts and feelings and so I would not be able to make decisions based on common sense and what is Best for All.

These are the points that come up:

- The feeling of missing out: The thoughts come up where I think and believe that other people have a "good time", meaning that they are enjoying themselves more and feel more exited, have more fun. So I become afraid that I will miss the opportunity to do something exciting, which actually means that I believe that other people/situations will give me emotions/feelings that I will perceive as worthwhile and that I will want to remember when I get older and can't do them anymore. So I also fear of getting old and dieing before I do the things that I perceive would give me "good feelings" and "good memories" which is all a big mind-fuck. I always create my own feelings, so if I believe that someone/something else gives me a feeling than I don't live for real anyway because I live in illusion and self-deception where I am controlled by my own desires of getting an energy feeling and then trying to remember them as picture that are also not real because they are of the mind and the mind is of energy which can and will simply disappear and so I will forget all of it anyway.
So, instead of focusing on trying to have "goof feelings" I will rather focus on being happy and satisfied with self here in every moment of breath so that I will actually live here as self as who I really am within self-direction and I will not try to create good memories for myself because I will lose them anyway and because if I do this I miss what is here by being in the mind that is not real. Also I will not fear of getting old and dying because I will get old and die anyway and if I don't live in self-honesty and in self-direction in every here moment, then my Life is a lie and an illusion anyway because I don't live myself but my fears, beliefs and preprogrammed mind patterns that are not real.

- The desire for a woman/relationship: where I fear that I will not have sex and that I will have to do everything by my own and that no one will help me if I am in trouble. Fear of not having sex is actually fear of not having an energy excitement and orgasm and fear of feeling "less than" other man, which is an ego point of comparison and competition. Fear of not having an energy excitement shows how I have addicted and limited myself to my own energy feelings that I create through my thoughts and pictures in my mind, thus I stop and simply be here in the breath. Fear of having to do everything by my own is fear of taking responsibility for myself where I believe that I am not capable of doing what needs to be done and taking care of myself which is self-sabotage. I stop the thoughts and realize that by simply being here I can learn what I don't know yet and/or ask for help when I need assistance and that there is no reason whatsoever for me to think that I cannot take care of myself. I simply move myself here in the breath with common sense and I can solve any problem.Comparison and competition is a complete illusionary mind pattern that I accepted and allowed through my life where I was thought and "forced" to compete within the system, thus I simply realize that by judging self and comparing self I only limit myself by defining myself as "less than" or "more than", so I stop. I realize that I am always equal to all as Life here and so "winning" is an illusion of the ego.

- Boredom: where I define myself as "boring" and "useless" and "not doing anything" instead of simply being here in the breath and doing what is common sense and expressing myself in the physical. I stop the thoughts and self-judgments / self-definitions and look with common sense where can I correct myself or simply express myself here.

2011 - Why does sex sell?

Because we are addicted to the energy experience of sex which means: we accept and allow ourselves to become possessed with sexual energy of lust and then we desire to release it through the explosion of ecstasy. Then we memorize it as something incredibly enjoying so when we see a commercial (or what ever) that reminds us of the previous experiences and we go crazy in our mind and blind ourselves with all kinds of imaginary mind activities that will hopefully build up our sexual energy again (and even more than before) because we want to release it again and feel high for a second! Yeah!
Now, this is really a good distraction for ones ego. If one constantly has this desire of a sexual experience in ones head, then one gets consumed by it and distracted with it all the time. And one becomes an idiotic robot that is easily controlled by impulses that stimulate sexual thoughts. That's what corporations like. They show a product, give a sexy lady next to it and the robot consumer gets activated, gives money and expects more sex.

"I see sexy lady - mind sex system activated - ah yes, uh, give you money, me system robot, need sex to recharge, yeaahh I pump it up and - explode! Feel good, feel god, very nice! This I call life but I'm not, me system robot need sex to recharge!" - LoL


This kind of behavior is extremely supported and encouraged through the current capitalistic money system of abuse. We're all brainwashed with sexuality as something separate from ourselves. Something that is sacred, special, intimate and also dirty, forbidden, shameful and what not. This will all change within an Equal Money System. Where first of all, sex will not be abused through money. No one will have to sell things through promoting sex because profit will not be in charge of anything - profit won't exist. Things will be made with consideration of What is Best for All, not what is best for profit. And people will be Equals, and women won't have to bribe rich guys with sex to live in luxury because All will have a Dignified Life - in fact, all will be able to live a life of a millionaire! And SEX will just be a point of self expression instead of self-abuse through mind possessions. But we have a lot of self-honesty to go through until then. This is a process we will all go through - if we like it or not. We can either make an interesting experience for ourselves while walking this process or design our own hell of self-deception. If you like the first option, visit the following site and join us on the journey of creating a new world that is Best for All (while earning some serious money!): www.desteniiprocess.com

2011 - Exposing my sexual system

The base of my sexual mind-fuck is/was the point that 'I want' to have sex with another woman (other than my partner, which is the only one I had sex with), because some ego reasons I already wrote about. I was able to forgive myself most of those thoughts, but some still remained and I allowed them to compound to the point where I was at the point that looked something like this: "ok, I will no longer accept and allow myself to search for/go into sexual energetic experiences with other woman or look for it in porn etc., but I still want to have a pleasant masturbating experience whenever I find it necessary and I understand that it is my responsibility to deal with my sexual stuff and not bother my partner with it if she doesn't want to participate." So I bought myself a "Sex in a can" which is simply a male masturbator. Like a dildo but it's a vagina. I mean what the fuck am I doing... I new from the start that I am dealing with a mind-fuck but I allowed myself to get consumed with excitement and ego-driven justifications and so I still bought it. I used it three times and it was always from an energetic starting point = wanting to have a great orgasmic experience. I felt a bit ashamed after that because I knew I was all mind-fucked but I worked that out quickly with breathing.  So now I am also writing it out and I will continue to do so whenever I get something in my head regarding this point.