Day 90 - A moment with myself

My previous blog is in Slovene.

I haven't written a blog for a long time. But now I finally have a moment to be with myself. My partner went to a vacation so I am with myself and I enjoy it. I realized that I take my partner as a constant bourdain, because I have so many resistances and reactions coming up while she is around me. I feel like I am being forced and controlled. This has to come from the beginning when we moved together into this apartment, when I just moved away from my previous girlfriend and so I still had desires towards her and my current partner always lived in paranoia of me wanting to go back.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like I am being controlled and forced by my partner when she is around me.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I have created this feelings around my partner when I was afraid that she will leave me if I don't act/behave according to her expectations.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to let go of this feelings of resistance and inferiority that I created within myself when being around her.

When and as I see myself going into resistance, fear, inferiority when I am around my partner - I stop and breathe. I commit myself to not accept and allow myself to go into the feeling of resistance, fear, inferiority when I am around my partner, instead I state that I do not accept and allow myself to be controlled by these reactions/emotions and I direct myself in breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that my partner is the cause of my fear, inferiority and resistance.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that I am the cause of the fear, inferiority and resistance when I am around my partner as I have created these energies.

When and as I see myself seeing myself reacting to my partner - I stop and breathe. I realize that I am creating these reactions and so I commit myself to clearly state that I do not accept and allow myself to be directed by these reactions, instead I breathe and direct myself in breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that my partner has an influence on me that is bad for me.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I can be grateful for the points that come up around my partner as I can so easily see where I still have not faced a point and directed it in breath as myself as what is best for all.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the justification of 'my partner is a bad influence on me' to avoid facing my reactions and blaming my partner for them.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my partner for my reactions.

When and as I see myself thinking/believing that my partner is a bad influence on me - I stop and breathe. I realize that I can only be influenced as much as I accept and allow and no more. Therefore I commit myself to no more think/believe that my partner is a bad influence on me and I stop avoiding facing self-responsibility on how I accept and allow myself to be influenced by others. I commit myself to take complete self-responsibility for my reactions around my partner and others and I commit myself to focus on myself and my reactions around my partner and others and remove them until I can stand clear in the breathe around my partner and not react to her or others and direct myself in the breathe according to what is best for all.

Day 48 - Relationships

My 'Day 47' blog post is in Slovene.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wish/want/desire to meet/talk to my friends and people I know out of fear that I will lose the help/attention/validation/consolation from them if I do not and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that they will start to resent me. I realize that I fear not being in contact with my friends and people I know because I am afraid of being with myself alone and taking complete self responsibility for myself and so I use my friends and people I know to run away from myself and try to get comfort, safety, help and support from them, instead of giving this to myself. When and as I see myself wanting to meet with friends and people I know out of a wish/want/desire to get attention/validation/comfort/safety/help and support, instead of writing out my fears/desires and applying self-forgiveness and self-correction - I stop and breathe. I commit myself to remove all wishes/wants/desires to run away from myself by meeting/talking to my friends and people I know in order to get comfort from them, by applying self-forgiveness and directing myself in breath and not allowing fears/emotions to move me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel guilty and to blame myself for how I behaved in my relationship with my ex-girlfriend and because of this believe that I owe to support her and also I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wish/want/desire to redeem myself by helping/meeting with/talking with her whenever she asks me to and also I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wish/want/desire to do her favors in order to ensure myself help/attention/validation from her in the future in case if I need it. I realize that I am with this trying to get the feeling of safety through using others instead of taking complete responsibility for myself, also I realize that when I interact and build my relationships with others out of fear/emotions/desires, I only consider myself and my self interest and so I create/allow abuse, therefore I commit myself to write out and self-forgive all points where I interact with my ex-girlfriend or others out of fear/emotions/self-interest and direct myself in breath to create relationships based on common sense and what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react with anger and to feel controlled/limited whenever my partner reacts to the point of me talking/meeting with my ex-girlfriend and/or prohibits me to talk/meet with her or any other of my friends or people I know. I realize and understand that I react with anger and feeling of control because I believe that I have the right to talk to/meet with whomever I want while not considering the point that my partner reacts this way because she doesn't trust me that I will stand and not fall for my emotions/feelings, which is a consequence of me doing this in the past. I realize that me reacting to this and the fact that my partner does not trust me will not change anything and that I cannot make or convince anyone to trust me. Therefore I commit myself to walk my process of self-correction and stand through time in common sense and what is best for all by not allowing myself to be directed by my emotions/feelings and so stabilize myself to always be here in the breath and so my surroundings will also become more stable.

2012 - War = crime against Life

Any and all wars are unacceptable and anyone who promotes it should be immediately assisted to realize this and stop the ego-centric self-deception and abuse. Anyone that promotes, justifies and supports war and abuse must be removed from all and any kind of position of power as he/she is incapable of common sense and doing what is Best for All Life.

(Click on any link in the text to get more perspectives.)

Any kind of war represents a complete fail of all human beings to recognize all Life as Self in Oneness and Equality. When there is a war, who benefits? Who makes more money, who gets more control? Those who kill each other or those who want others to kill each other? People allow themselves to be deceived into believing that they are fighting for a 'good cause', for 'freedom', for a better future, for what is best for them and their country... This is always a complete, utter self-deceptive bullshit. No war/violence/killing can ever be best for all because it is always based on separation and self-deception.

All we hear lately is the 'CONflict' between Iran and USA/NATO and how it all looks like there is going to be another war, possibly world war 3. The brainwash apparatus (media), controlled by those with basically unlimited money supply, generated and handed over to them through the exploitation of the economic slaves of capitalism, feeds us - the undereducated/dumbed down people - with fears and tons of justifications for war and why war is supposedly OK and even necessary as if there is apparently no other way. They portray the 'bad guys' as selfish and unwilling to participate instead of looking into the mirror. Through our brainwash media we lie directly and continuously right into our faces about the situation of Iran for example, or anything else for that matter. We simply accept and allow ourselves to be deceived and manipulated towards self-destruction because obviously, most of the people still do not realize and do not want to face the fact that we are all self-responsible for what we have accepted and allowed to exist within ourselves and this world, because whatever we see in the world is just an outflow of what we accept and allow withing ourselves.

If we don't want to suffer the consequences of self-created hell, then we have to always live according to what is Best for All. And if we want to stop all wars, we have to stop the war within ourselves first. We have to stop all the self-accepted and allowed judgments, fears, reactions, anger ... which we all create in separation with/among ourselves and what is here, through the illusions of our minds.

Thus we are self-responsible to not accept and allow any separation to exist within/between ourselves.We have to realize that we are all one and equal and this can only be done by physically/practically walking the principle of what is Best for All. To make it clearer, in the example of war/violence/killing I will always direct myself in the way that will stop it and I will never accept and allow anything that promotes it. I will speak out and expose the self-deception and abuse of Life that exists within war/violence/killing. I will put myself in the shoes of others and I will care for All Life Equally because we are all One.

We tend to look away when we see abuse and suffering just because it is not happening to us and this shows how completely separated we are from self = from what is here. All that exists here, even if it is on the other side of the world, is here because every one of us accepts and allows it to exist within ourselves. As long as there is war, violence, killing or any other abuse of Life then we know that it is here because we all accept and allow it. Especially when we don't (want to) care/notice.

Every one of us must stop. Stop everything that we have accepted and allowed as ourselves because all is self-deception and self-abuse. And as we stop in self-honesty and self-forgiveness, we have to correct ourselves and learn to always direct ourselves by the principle of what is Best for All Life in Oneness and Equality. Then we can live in piece and dignity within/among ourselves and all that is here. Doing anything else will always result in the consequence of suffering and self-abuse. Doing anything else can only create pain and eternal, self-created damnation. No one will save us, no one will save you. We all have to do it ourselves for self and for all that is here in oneness and equality or we shall be damned for eternity because even death won't end the suffering. No one can run away and hide, we all have to face what we have accepted and allowed within ourselves. The longer we postpone, the longer and stronger will be the suffering. Until we start doing what is Best for All in Oneness and Equality.

It is the self-responsibility of every one of us to speak out and not accept and allow any kind of war or any other abuse of Life in any way. We have to stand as practical examples of how to always live in a way that is Best for All and work together to bring about such practical solutions (like an Equal Money System).