Day 261 - Resistance towards programming / coding

I am looking for programmer jobs and I feel resistance. I see I have judgement towards programming:

• programming is hard, I get nervous, anxious and frustrated when programming

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that programming is hard, because there is so much I don't know and understand and find hard to understand. When and as I see myself thinking/believing/perceiving that programming is hard, because there is so much I don't know and understand and find hard to understand - I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that I am experiencing myself this way because of my thoughts with which I judge programming and myself, instead of simply breathing, slowing myself down and directing myself when programming. I commit myself to stop all judgments towards programming and myself when programming and simply breathe and not go into thinking/imagining about all the things I don't know yet and so on, because I am only making myself feel inferior and anxious by doing so.

• I get angry when I can't find an error or when I don't understand something even after looking at it for a while

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to get angry with myself and the code when I don't understand something even after looking at it for a while. When and as I see myself getting angry with myself and the code when I can't find an error or when I don't understand something even after looking at it for a while - I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that getting angry with myself and the code is useless and that I don't have to judge myself as inferior, stupid and fear for my "job" when I don't get something right away, because this will not help. It is a completely useless pattern. Thus I commit myself to stop and breathe when I don't understand the error/code and look at the next logical step for me to do/look at to find a solution. And if I find it complicated, I write down the points I can take to find a solutions and then simply walk them one by one, breathing and enjoying myself. Because fuck it, if I do the best that I can and if that is not enough for someone else, so be it, I can be satisfied to know I did my best.

• I feel anxious when I don't know what to do

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear loosing my job or equal consideration/support/acceptance when I don't know what to do to come to a solution. When and as I see myself fearing loosing my job or equal consideration/support/acceptance when I don't know what to do to come to a solution - I stop and breathe. I realize that I do know what is the next step I can take when I slow down, but then I start fearing that I am not fast/good enough for what other's expect of me. Thus...

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will not be fast/good enough when I have to do extra steps to come to a solutions while at the same time comparing myself to others and thinking that others would find solutions faster and so making myself feel inferior and fear that I will lose my job or equal consideration/support/acceptance When and as I see myself fearing that I will not be fast/good enough when I have to do extra steps to come to a solutions while at the same time comparing myself to others and thinking that others would find solutions faster - I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that this fear and comparison that I create is completely useless. It is not supportive in any way, it will not change the outcome to a positive one, I will only make myself feel anxious and inferior and sabotage myself and that is all. Thus I commit myself to not go into fear that I will not be fast/good enough and to not compare myself with others when I have to do extra steps to come to a solutions, instead I just breathe, put the steps down and do them one by one while enjoying/accepting myself without judgment.

• there is so much to learn, there is always something new, different and learning is hard

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that learning is hard and make myself feel inferior and create resistance towards learning to program. When and as I see myself thinking/believing/perceiving that learning is hard and make myself feel inferior and create resistance towards learning to program - I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that I am projecting my frustration with myself when I make myself feel inferior/incompetent when I don't understand something when I think I should or that others do. Thus I commit myself to stop making myself feel angry, frustrated and inferior when I take a while to understand something, as well as I commit myself to especially in that moment when I don't understand something even after a while, to no compare myself with other and think: "others would get this by now...", as I know telling this to myself is useless, not important and will not change anything, I will only make myself feel inferior and angry and that is not necessary. So instead I rather take a moment and breathe and see what other steps I can take to get to an understanding/solution and ask others for advice as well if I can.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear asking others for advice because I compare and judge myself that I should know something already or be so smart to come to understand it myself, without help. When and as I see myself fearing to ask others for advice, because I compare and judge myself - I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that when I look at the steps I can take to understand something/solve a problem I can always asks others for advice if I think there might be thing I haven't considered yet. Besides, people usually like to help and feel smart(er) and if not that's fine. Thus I commit myself to ask for advice when I look at how I can better understand something/come to a solution, from those who I see have (more) experience than me in what I do. It's stupid not to, they've do all the work to learn something so why not be of help and give some advice. And if they don't want to I can ask why and explain how easier it is for everyone when we start to share and cooperate instead of compete.

• I don't want to sit in front of a computer most of my day

Why not? I already do it anyway. But I'd like to do something outside in nature. Some work. I can simply make notes of things I see I can do outside and go do them and get some exercise/balance, instead of sitting inside all day. So I commit myself to see what I can do outside, who I can meet and start doing something I find interesting for myself outside.

• I don't want to be the geek who drinks coffee and coke and talks only about programming

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to judge geeks who drink coffee and coke and only talk about programming as inferior, fake, narrow minded, special and trying to be superior in their specialness, while I am actually feeling inferior to them as I don't feel like I belong to anything special and so I judge others. When and as I see myself judging geeks who drink coffee and coke and only talk about programming as inferior, fake, narrow minded, special and trying to be superior in their specialness - I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that these judgments I am making are completely useless and not supportive, because I don't have to personify with geeks or cooperate in that idea that I am special because I am a geek and that that is now my label I must identify with and so on. Thus I commit myself to stop feeling inferior because I don't see myself belonging to any particular "special" group and so I can stop judging geeks and other groups as superior/inferior or stupid because they feel/think they are in some ways special while I know no one is. No need for me to judge and/or identify me or others with labels that separates me from others in some special way, even if I do the same things that fit into some label category, like "a programmer", because labels are not required and not who we are. We are Life and anyone can do anything, but we are always all just Life, living beings and so no one is fucking special.

• I don't like programming

Well, it's not that I don't like programming, it's that I don't like how I get to feel myself when I come to a problem. That's what I wrote out above. So, as I stop creating the patterns of anxiety, self-judgment and anger while programming, this point will stop by itself.

• I don't like how people group and label each other into labels like "I am a programmer", I am this and that and then build their personas and character around.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to label myself and others and use this labels to make myself feel special or superior/inferior and then start judging this as stupid and projecting it onto other as if they are stupid for having certain characteristics that fit a label, while I am still the one giving/seeing/judging the labels and personifying myself with them or think I don't, where I then either feel special and superior or not special and inferior when I don't find myself as being a part of a label I'd like. When and as I see myself labeling others and/or see perceive some group of people as superior/inferior because I see that as a label, like "programmers", instead of living beings - I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that I am creating superiority/inferiority and judgment towards others because I still put labels on them, thus I commit myself to no more identify myself or others with labels and try to compare and see who is more/less special/superior/inferior. Instead I see all people as living beings, no matter what they do or which groups they associate with or see themselves as part of.

Day 207 - Gaming and work - redefining fun

Previous blog is in Slovene.

I see how I still fall for the emotional polarity experience towards gaming and work. When I game or think about it, I experience these positively charged emotions: excitement, exhilaration, expectation, anticipation, elation, achievement and winning.
In relation to work and doing what needs to be done, I experience more of an emotionally negative resistance. I cannot seem to find a more specific word for it. It is a mixture of me justifying that work is not fun because mostly I do not feel any positive feelings while working and the point that I judge myself and make myself nervous and frustrated when I have a hard time thinking about what the solutions are for the problem that I have to solve.
I also see a difference between work and gaming, where in a game, I can learn and master all the controls quickly and then it is just a matter of trying until I achieve the goal or do something that I consider awesome because I cannot do that in real life. While at work, it is much harder the master all the "controls" and tools that I can use, because the real world is much more complicated and so one needs a lot more practice and patience. I see now why we (our minds) like games so much. It is because games work more like our minds, where everything can be done quickly, where you can "achieve" something quickly and get the fix of excitement or a sense of winning and achieving something. While in real life, this goes much slower and requires one to put a lot more work into something in order to achieve a goal. Therefore this addiction to gaming is basically an addiction towards the mentioned positive feelings and a sense of quick "achievement", because one gets too lazy to actually work for the goals and achievements in real life.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to play games in order to create for myself the feeling of quick "achievement", excitement, exhilaration, expectation, anticipation, elation and winning / superiority, where I would then feel more of me as being something more and better than what I was before playing the game. When and as I see myself playing games in order to create for myself the quick positive feelings - I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that I am within this creating the positive polarity in relation to gaming - work, where I will then feel the opposite emotions towards real life work. I commit myself to make sure that I do not participate in gaming from the starting point of creating the quick positive feelings of "achievement", excitement, exhilaration, expectation, anticipation, elation and winning / superiority. Instead I commit myself to immediately apply self-forgiveness on such desires within the realization that I will be much more effective on all levels when I stop defining and separating activities into either work or gaming, where one has to be fun and the other not.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define fun as a positive experience of feelings, such as excitement, exhilaration, expectation, anticipation, elation, achievement, winning, relaxation. I see and realize that this definition of the word fun does not support me as I am creating an energetic polarity of good and bad with it and so making myself unstable and ineffective. Thus I commit myself to no more define the word fun according to the positive polarity feelings, such as excitement, exhilaration, expectation, anticipation, elation, achievement, winning, relaxation.

Word redefinition: fun

Dictionary definition:
: someone or something that is amusing or enjoyable : an enjoyable experience or person
: an enjoyable or amusing time
: the feeling of being amused or entertained

Creative writing:
Fun sounds like fond, which means having a liking towards something or someone. This also means that I am close to what I am fond of, like being it or liking to be as what I am fond of. And since being fond of something is just me experiencing me in relation to what I perceive I am fond of, I am basically in that just being fond of myself, close to myself, liking myself as who I am in relation towards myself in that moment, thus having, creating and being fun / fond.

New definition:
Fun: intimately being and accepting myself in breath, without blame, judgment and (energetic) polarity, in relation to myself and what I am doing in the moment.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that I do not have to exist within and as the negative polarity of resistance and not having fun when I am working. When and as I see myself believing that I am not or cannot have fun while working and doing something that has to be done - I stop and breathe. I remind myself of the realization of what fun really is and how I have redefined the word and within this commit myself to always make sure that I create fun for myself no matter what I work on, where I am and what I have to do.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to come up with justification for why I cannot have fun. When and as I see myself creating justifications in my mind for why I cannot have/create fun for myself - I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that only I decide to create and be fun and that this is never conditioned by something outside of myself. Thus I commit myself to always make sure that I do not accept and create justifications for why I cannot create fun for myself. Instead I make sure that I am the directive principle of creating and being fun no matter where I am or what I do.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can only get fun by someone / something else and that fun is conditioned by my exterior conditions. When and as I see myself thinking / believing that I can only get fun by someone / something outside of myself and that fun is conditioned by my exterior environment - I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that I am the one always creating fun for myself by applying the redefined fun that is not energetically polarized. Thus I commit myself to make sure that I do not participate in the polarized fun, but to instead make sure that I practically live and create the redefine fun for myself no matter where I am, what I am doing, what I have to do and who I am with.

Day 88 - Allowing myself to be patient with myself

Day 87 is in Slovene.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to slow down and breathe whenever I create, experience a resistance, depression, repulsion, negativity within and as me towards a specific activity, thought. When and as I see myself experiencing resistance, depression, repulsion, negativity towards a specific activity, thought - I stop and breathe. I stabilize myself with breathing and I apply self-forgiveness on the thoughts I see coming up within me. I commit myself to gently move myself within the physical, while being aware of my breath, to work on/go through the planned activity and to apply self-forgiveness and slow down whenever I start creating resistances or experience too-muchness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define, perceive the activities that have to be done and are mandatory as negative, boring and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create resistance, repulsion, negativity within myself towards such activities. I realize and understand that this is the negative side/polarity of my mind construct where I on the other hand define activities that are not mandatory, repetitive and that don't require thinking, memorizing, logic, data/information filtering or heavy and long physical work as fun and interesting. Thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define such activities as positive, interesting, fun and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a positive experience, feeling within and as myself towards them. I commit myself to stop the polarity of good, positive, fun experiences, definitions and also the bad, negative, resistance, repulsion experiences within myself and to instead breath and direct myself here as the physical.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into thinking whenever I do not understand, remember, know how exactly I should do an exercise where I go into my mind and start looking for a solution and then create resistance, nervousness. I realize and understand that whenever I get stuck, don't know what to do, how to do something, I have to slow myself down and breathe and not go into paranoid thinking and searching for all the possibilities within my mind as quickly as possible as I will with this only create more nervousness, resistance and confusion for myself. I commit myself to within such situations slow down and breathe and follow the first practical, common sense direction, solution that comes up and then stick to that within breath and not think about all the other possibilities while I direct myself as I will with this only distract and confuse myself.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to give myself enough time to do my activities.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to put the time restriction and the pressure of doing it quickly and 'in time' when I do an activity. When and as I see myself thinking, creating a perceived time limit and with this time pressure within myself - I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that by creating time restriction for myself I only create nervousness and stress for myself where I want to do an activity as quickly as possible, instead of focusing on the activity itself and on what is here. Therefore I commit myself to not wish/want/desire to finish with an activity as quickly as possible but to instead focus on breath and what is here and on the activity itself and I commit myself to give myself time and move/direct myself slowly in the breath.

I forgive myself that I hadn't accepted and allowed myself to be patient, tolerant and gentle with myself.

I forgive myself that I hadn't accepted and allowed myself to move slowly and within the breath.

I forgive myself that I hadn't accepted and allowed myself to slow down my thoughts, my mind.

I forgive myself that I hadn't accepted and allowed myself to look at my thoughts with patience.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to wish/want/desire to look through all my thoughts and patterns as quickly as possible and remove them as quickly as possible, instead of slowing myself down and looking at them one by one while breathing.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to make myself believe that looking at each and every thought and pattern is too slow and that it will take too long for me to remove them and go through all of them in this way. I realize and understand that slowing myself down with breathing and allowing myself to look at my every thought slowly, is the only way that I can see, realize and understand my mind and how it works and how I create(d) the patterns, so that I can remove, delete them and correct them/myself within common sense and what is best for all. I commit myself to always slow myself down with breath and be patient with myself and to allow myself to look at all my thoughts and patterns slowly while breathing and being here so that I can see the patterns, thoughts, reactions that come up and remove them with self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that writing out my patterns and mind constructs every day is not effective enough and to within this create resistance and repulsion towards writing so that I could avoid it and blame my resistance, negative experience for it. I realize and understand that the only effective way for me to get to know my mind and my patterns is to be patient with myself and write them out every day so that I can see them and remove them and correct myself and make myself a better and more effective being within common sense and what is best for all. I commit myself to accept and allow myself to be patient and gentle with myself within writing out my mind patterns every day.

I realize and understand that the things I do for myself as Life to be better, more effective and free from the mind patterns and energetic addictions will stay with me and I realize and understand that only I can make myself better, more effective, less addicted and limited and that this 'who I am as Life' as I create myself is the only real thing about me that matters as everything else is not me and will not last as it is just energetic mind patterns. I commit myself to remind myself with every breath that the real me as Life is me here in the physical in breath, without any thoughts and energetic reactions, feelings, emotions and that I can only be here as me as Life when I direct myself in breath within common sense and what is best for all, without accepting and allowing myself to be influenced and directed by my mind as thoughts, feelings emotions, fears, resistances, desires...

Day 78 - Stopping resistance towards my activities by stopping backchat

My previous blog is in Slovene.

When I prepare myself to write I get a sense of resistance and my throat muscles tighten. I think of what I should write about and almost nothing comes up at first. I think about writing about sexual attraction, but I don't know what else to write that I haven't written out yet, thus I think I should just live out the physical corrections.

What I see would be best for me at the moment is to train myself to not accept and follow the energetic impulses of positivity and also to not try and avoid the negative emotions, reactions, but to in both cases direct myself to stand through the energetic impulse until it passes and also write out any new point I see coming up within that.

The points where I can best apply this correction atm is in the case of negative reactions/resistance, when I have work to do for school and when directing myself to write a blog every day and when I do my SRA lessons. The positive points come up when I think of playing a game or watching a movie or going out instead of directing myself to do something that I should do as it is common sense and best for all and that I will have to do anyway.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself the backchat of postponement within and as myself. When and as I see myself allowing the backchat of postponement - I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that whenever I allow the postponement backchat, I make it more and more difficult for myself to direct myself to do what I have to do and I build more and more resistance, instead of simply doing it within breath. I realize and understand that when I do not allow myself the backchat of postponement and self-sabotage, directing myself within doing any task is as simple as breathing, but when I allow myself to have more and more thoughts of self-sabotage, I make it more and more difficult for myself as I create more and more energy, emotion, resistance with which I sabotage myself. Therefore I commit myself to no more accept and allow myself to create thoughts and backchat of postponement, instead I commit myself to direct myself in breath to do what I have to do while simply being here, breathing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define times, situations when I have done everything I had to do and when I do not have to plan/think about what to do next as more relaxing, enjoyable, happier, more fun and on the other side I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define times, situations when I have to plan, think and figure out how and what to do next, as stressful, not enjoyable. When and as I see myself not enjoying myself and being stressed out or enjoying myself, being happy and relaxed - I stop and breathe. I look at the point that I have defined that results in me experiencing myself in this way and I remove the point with self forgiveness as I realize and understand that it is a point of polarity that I can remove and so always be here in the breath, stable, without swinging between one or the other mood/feeling polarity with which I only compromise myself, distract myself and make myself uneffective. I commit myself to not accept and allow myself to swing between moods of resistance, stress and unhappiness and on the other side desire, relaxedness and happiness, instead I commit myself to remove these polarities within myself with self-forgiveness and direct myself stable, here in the breath, so that I can always direct myself in stability and without resistance, just like I can breathe stably and without resistance.

Day 40 - Searching for attention, postponement, fear

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to look/search for attention when I am with people in order to feel better, loved, safe and in order to hide myself from the emotions of fear, sadness, anxiety that I create for myself and experience when I am alone.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to be satisfied/happy with myself when I am alone.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to let go of the belief that I can only be satisfied with myself, happy and safe when I am with people and not when I am alone.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to search for recognition, attention, love and comfort in others and especially women, instead of realizing that I have to give that to myself. When and as I see myself wanting/desiring/searching to get recognition, attention, love and comfort from others - I stop and breathe. I commit myself to stop the separation of myself from recognition, attention, love and comfort through desiring this from other people and give this back to myself.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to stop searching for sexual energy arousal by looking at women figures and in this I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to search for sexual energy arousal by looking at women's hips, butts, breasts, thighs or any other body part. I realize that by doing this I participate in the energy program of my mind where I perpetuate the addiction/enslavement to it. Therefore when and as I see myself searching/looking for sexual energetic arousal by watching women - I stop and breathe. I commit myself to not participate in this sexual arousal mind program and direct myself in the breath.

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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create resistances towards learning/doing school assignments within and as myself. I realize that this will not help me in any way or change the fact that I have to do it and within this I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to stop creating the resistances. I commit myself to stop creating the resistances towards learning and doing school assignments and enjoy myself here in the breath as I learn and/or do my school assignments.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to avoid and postpone making the assignments for school or any other task and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into future projections where I think about doing/having to do something and through this create resistance towards it by defining it as hard, boring, stupid. When and as I see myself thinking/imagining myself doing something - I stop and breathe. Instead I direct myself here in the breath and simply do the task/assignment and do not accept and allow myself to go into future projections where I only think about how would I do it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create/go into fear of failure whenever I have an assignment/task to do where I imagine/think about what will happen if I don't do it as I realize and understand that I am only sabotaging myself with this by distracting myself, instead of simply being here in the breath and focusing on the task/assignment. When and as I see myself creating/going into fear of failure when I have an assignment/task to do - I stop and breathe. I commit myself to stop and no more accept and allowing myself to go into fear of failure but simply focus on the task/assignment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into fear/anxiety/nervousness of running out of time and not having enough time to finish my task/assignment as I realize that with this I only sabotage myself as I think of what might happen as a result of my failure, instead of simply directing myself here in the breath to finish the assignment/task. I realize that there is no point in me imagining/thinking of not finishing an assignment task in time as this only makes me more noneffective which means it will take even longer for me to do the task/assignment, therefore I commit myself to stop creating/participating in fear/anxiety/nervousness of running out of time and not finishing in time. Instead I direct myself here in the breath and simply do the task/assignment.

Day 39 - Allowing myself not to be anxious, sad and in fear

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use X as a place of safety and relief, instead of realizing that I am my own relief and safety and that I only blind myself from the fact that no one and nothing outside of myself can be/give me safety/relief/happiness as I can only give this to myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I will have no partner/sex available in the future and that I will be alone. I realize that I do not need others in order to be safe and enjoy myself. When and as I see myself going into fear of having no partner/sex in the future - I stop and breathe. Instead I realize that I always have myself here in the breath and that this is all I need to enjoy myself because my fears that I create are not real and thus I allow myself to stop creating fears and negative emotions in relation to having no partner/sex and being alone in the future.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to stop the fear of having no partner/sex and being alone.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to stop defining the situation of having no partner/sex and being alone as sad, bad, meaningless, pointless, depressing.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to enjoy myself being alone/having no partner/sex. I realize that this is a great opportunity for me to get to know myself, be with myself and learn to be self-sufficient, self-directive and enjoy myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let the fear of not meeting X again and ever having sex with X again have control over me. I realize that I must not let this fear to have control over me as I will with this enslave myself into this fear and diminish myself. I realize that this fear is not real and so I breathe, stop myself and do not accept and allow this fear of not meeting/having sex with X again to have control over me and/or direct me in any way.

I realize that I can stop all my fears because the fear I create is not me as who I really am.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to realize that I can simply stop creating fear with breathing and not participating in the mind.

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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I will not be able to do my homework if I stay at X's place and don't go home.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that I cannot concentrate and be effective and do my homework if I stay at X's place and don't go home.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that the resistance to do the homework at X's place will be/is too strong for me to do my homework and that this resistance will go away when I am at my place.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to stop the fear of failure when I am having trouble with homework or something that I have to do. I realize that I am creating this fear because I do not take self-responsibility to do what it takes to be successful and finish what I have to do. When and as I see myself going into fear of failure - I stop and breathe. Instead I allow myself to stop the fear and direct myself here in the breath and find the solution to solve the problem and do what needs to be done.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to stop creating resistances towards doing homework or studying.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to stop searching for distractions in environment with which I could justify my emotions/resistances and so not take self-responsibility to stop this emotions/resistances and focus on the tasks that I have to do. When and as I see myself searching/looking for distractions and justifications for my emotions/resistances when I have to do my tasks - I stop and breath. Instead I remain here in the breath and direct myself to do the tasks while being aware that I can simply stop all fears/resistances/emotions through breathing and knowing that I am with every breath allowing myself to simply be here and not create any fears/resistances/emotions.

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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sad, depressed and anxious if I am home alone and there is no-one I could talk to. I realize that I hide myself from these feelings of sadness, depression and anxiety when I want to talk to others so that I would not have to face them and take self-responsibility for them. When and as I see myself getting sad, depressed and anxious I simply allow myself to stop manifesting these emotions through breathing and enjoy myself here in the breath in the physical.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to stop the feelings of sadness, depression and anxiety when I am home alone and/or have no-one to talk to.

I forgive myself NOT accepting and allowing myself to realize that I do not need other people in order to make the feelings of sadness, depression and anxiety go away as with this I only hide myself from the fact that I create them. Thus I realize that I do not need them and I allow myself to stop them with breathing and I allow myself to not recreate them as I know that creating and identifying myself with these feelings is pointless.

Day 31 - Laziness, too muchness, giving up

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into the lazy character whenever I start doing my lesson and search for excuses why not to do it. When and as I see myself being in a lazy character - I stop and I breathe. I realize that I am giving into the pattern/emotion of laziness and all I have to do is to direct myself to do what needs to be done. I commit myself to stop the laziness character and direct myself and move myself to do what needs to be done.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself the backchat of 'I will do it later' as an excuse to not start working on my lesson and/or not finishing it. When and as I see myself making excuses for postponing - I stop and I breathe. I realize that with this I only perpetuate the pattern of postponing what I will have to do anyway. I commit myself to stop all excuses for postponement and direct myself here in the breath to do what needs to be done.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself the thought of 'it is too much work, too hard' to exist within and as me as an excuse why not to start working and/or finish my lesson. When and as I see myself existing within the thought of 'it is too much, too hard' I stop and I breathe. I realize that I am only postponing and building up a resistance towards something that I will have to do anyway. I commit myself to stop the thoughts of 'it is too much, too hard' and direct myself to do and finish what needs to be done breath by breath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself the thought of ' I don't know how' to exist within an as me as an excuse why not to start working and/or finish my lesson. When and as I see myself existing withing the thought 'I don't know how - I stop and I breathe. I realize that this is only a created self-limitation with which I avoid expanding myself and taking self responsibility. I commit myself to stop the excuse of 'I don't know how' and direct myself to take self-responsibility for and learn/investigate the point and do/find a solution to what needs to be done.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into a give up and postponement character whenever I start working on a lesson and get resistance to do it. When and as I see myself getting into a resistance to do something - I stop and I breathe. I commit myself to stop the resistance through self-forgiveness, effective breathing and directing myself to do and finish what I am doing.

Day 11 - Working character

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge/define/see/perceive myself as 'more than'/'less than' according to the work I do and how 'good/bad' I do it. I realize that with this I try to define my value and compare myself with others through the work I do. When and as I see myself defining my value through the work I do - I stop and I breathe. Instead I stay here in the breath and I commit myself to stop all self-definitions through the work I do and all comparison/competition.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into/exist within and as annoyance and anger when someone doesn't help me/act in a way I would like/see/perceive as best/practical. I realize that expecting/anticipating anything is a waste of time as I only imagine it in my mind and then create negative emotions if I don't get it/achieve it. When and as I see myself accepting and allowing myself to go into/exist within and as annoyance and anger when someone doesn't help me in a way I would like/see/perceive as best/practical - I stop and I breathe. Instead I remain here in the breath and I commit myself to stop all anticipations/expectations and I move myself here according to common sense and what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into annoyance/hurry when I work on something, where I go into my mind and think about the goal I want to achieve and think about how to quickly get there and so compromise myself with thoughts/emotions, instead of simply being here in the breath, doing and enjoying the work I do. Within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into boredom/resistance when I work as I think about other things I could do where I would create 'better' energetic experiences for myself, instead of realizing that I am compromising myself by going into backchat and looking for a positive energetic experience, instead of breathing and being here, doing the work I do and enjoying myself being one and equal with the physical. I commit myself to investigate and stop all the backchat/emotions/feelings I create for myself while I work in thy physical to allow myself to simply be here in the breath and not in the mind/emotions/feelings.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to worry about how long it will take to finish a job and if I will make it in time. I realize that within this worrying I compromise myself by distracting myself with thoughts/emotions and so not allowing myself to be effective. When and as I see myself worrying about how long it will take to finish a job and if I will make it in time - I stop and I breathe. Instead I stay here in the breath and I commit myself to work towards being effective in every breath and not worry about time as that is pointless.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into anger/resistance when someone asks me to help him/her do something. I realize that I get annoyed as I don't want to take responsibility for the work that needs to be done. When and as I see myself going into anger/resistance when someone asks me to help him/her - I stop and I breathe. Instead I stay here in the breath and I commit myself to stop all reactions and move myself here in self-responsibility and common sense towards what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define/see/perceive work as something hard/not fun/something I have to do, instead of realizing that with this definitions I limit and compromise myself by being in my mind instead of here breathing. When and as I see myself accepting and allowing myself to define/see/perceive work as something hard/not fun/something I have to do - I stop and I breathe. Instead I stay here in the breath and direct myself in the moment in common sense and what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear how others will judge my work, instead of realizing that I judge/compare myself through other people's eyes. When and as I see myself fearing that others will judge my work - I stop and I breathe. Instead I do not judge and compare myself through other people's eyes and I accept myself as an equal and I commit myself to investigate and stop all judgments and comparison.