Day 249 - The Funny Guy

Previous blog is in Slovene.

These are the self-forgiveness statements I wrote when looking at removing my desire to be the funny guy:

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define being funny as positive and not being funny as a negative personal trait. When and as I see myself defining/perceiving being funny as positive and not being funny as negative personal trait – I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that I am participating in a polarity definition of funny that I use to judge myself and others. Thus I commit myself to stop perceiving being funny as a positive personality train and not funny as negative.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to desire to be funny, so that people would like me. When and as I see myself desiring to be funny so that others would like me – I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that only I can like myself. Thus I commit myself to stop desiring to be liked by others and focus on simply me expressing in the physical moment when I am with others.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will make a fool out of myself and not be liked by others, because I will not be funny but just stupid. When and as I see myself that I fear I will make a fool out of myself and not be like by others – I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that not being liked by others is nothing to fear, as well as making a fool out of myself, because others will always have their own judgments about what is smart and what stupid, what they like and what they don’t. Thus I commit myself to not fear not being liked or making a fool out of myself, because I don’t have to judge myself as a fool and others will always think whatever they want to, no matter what I do or say. Thus fearing that this will happen is useless and will not help me or change anything.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to decide that I have to become funny and use the funny character to make others laugh so that they would like me. When and as I see myself deciding to use the funny character so that others would like me – I stop and breathe. I realize that only I can like myself and so I commit myself to not look for attention and likeness in others, but give it to myself and then share that with others.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to feel good when I make others laugh and feel more and superior and to feel bad and inferior when I don’t make others laugh and when others don’t think that I can make them laugh or that what I say/do is funny. When and as I see myself feeling superior when others see me as funny and inferior when they don’t – I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that I am judging myself based on how funny others perceive I am, instead of me expressing myself without judgment. Thus I commit myself to no more decide/wish/want to make others laugh and feel superior when I do and inferior when I don’t.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be jealous of another when he became funnier than me and took the attention away from me. When and as I see myself becoming jealous of another when he/she is funnier than me and taking attention away from me – I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that I am jealous because I am looking for attention to feel better and superior. Thus I commit myself to give myself the attention to remove the need for attention from others and stop being jealous.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to make a competition out of trying to be funnier than others to get more attention and be more likable. When and as I see myself competing with others in trying to be funnier – I stop and breathe. I realize that I am looking for attention, instead of giving it to myself so that I can stop the need for getting attention and being liked. I commit myself to no more compete with others in who is funnier and to instead express myself in the moment without judging and comparing myself.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to justify my desire of wanting to be funny by thinking that if I am funny, I will get attention and people will like me as they do others. Instead of realizing that I don’t give myself the attention that I think others should and that I can give myself the attention as well as others. When and as I see myself justifying my desire to be funny by thinking that only this way I will be liked – I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that only I can like myself and so I commit myself to accept myself without judgment and be the same to others.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to take it as a confirmation that I am/will only be liked when I am funny when I try to be funny and others don’t find me interesting.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself by constantly fearing that I will make a fool out of myself and consequently trying to be funny and likeable to others. When and as I see myself fearing that I will not be liked by other and that I will make a fool out of myself – I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that not being liked by others is nothing to fear, as well as making a fool out of myself, because others will always have their own judgments about what is smart and what stupid, what they like and what they don’t. Thus I commit myself to not fear not being liked or making a fool out of myself by the opinion of others, because I don’t have to judge myself as a fool and others will always think whatever they want to, no matter what I do or say. Thus fearing that this will happen is useless and will not help me or change anything. Instead I can listen to other’s suggestion of how I can improve myself and/or consider other’s perspectives.

Day 207 - Gaming and work - redefining fun

Previous blog is in Slovene.

I see how I still fall for the emotional polarity experience towards gaming and work. When I game or think about it, I experience these positively charged emotions: excitement, exhilaration, expectation, anticipation, elation, achievement and winning.
In relation to work and doing what needs to be done, I experience more of an emotionally negative resistance. I cannot seem to find a more specific word for it. It is a mixture of me justifying that work is not fun because mostly I do not feel any positive feelings while working and the point that I judge myself and make myself nervous and frustrated when I have a hard time thinking about what the solutions are for the problem that I have to solve.
I also see a difference between work and gaming, where in a game, I can learn and master all the controls quickly and then it is just a matter of trying until I achieve the goal or do something that I consider awesome because I cannot do that in real life. While at work, it is much harder the master all the "controls" and tools that I can use, because the real world is much more complicated and so one needs a lot more practice and patience. I see now why we (our minds) like games so much. It is because games work more like our minds, where everything can be done quickly, where you can "achieve" something quickly and get the fix of excitement or a sense of winning and achieving something. While in real life, this goes much slower and requires one to put a lot more work into something in order to achieve a goal. Therefore this addiction to gaming is basically an addiction towards the mentioned positive feelings and a sense of quick "achievement", because one gets too lazy to actually work for the goals and achievements in real life.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to play games in order to create for myself the feeling of quick "achievement", excitement, exhilaration, expectation, anticipation, elation and winning / superiority, where I would then feel more of me as being something more and better than what I was before playing the game. When and as I see myself playing games in order to create for myself the quick positive feelings - I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that I am within this creating the positive polarity in relation to gaming - work, where I will then feel the opposite emotions towards real life work. I commit myself to make sure that I do not participate in gaming from the starting point of creating the quick positive feelings of "achievement", excitement, exhilaration, expectation, anticipation, elation and winning / superiority. Instead I commit myself to immediately apply self-forgiveness on such desires within the realization that I will be much more effective on all levels when I stop defining and separating activities into either work or gaming, where one has to be fun and the other not.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define fun as a positive experience of feelings, such as excitement, exhilaration, expectation, anticipation, elation, achievement, winning, relaxation. I see and realize that this definition of the word fun does not support me as I am creating an energetic polarity of good and bad with it and so making myself unstable and ineffective. Thus I commit myself to no more define the word fun according to the positive polarity feelings, such as excitement, exhilaration, expectation, anticipation, elation, achievement, winning, relaxation.

Word redefinition: fun

Dictionary definition:
: someone or something that is amusing or enjoyable : an enjoyable experience or person
: an enjoyable or amusing time
: the feeling of being amused or entertained

Creative writing:
Fun sounds like fond, which means having a liking towards something or someone. This also means that I am close to what I am fond of, like being it or liking to be as what I am fond of. And since being fond of something is just me experiencing me in relation to what I perceive I am fond of, I am basically in that just being fond of myself, close to myself, liking myself as who I am in relation towards myself in that moment, thus having, creating and being fun / fond.

New definition:
Fun: intimately being and accepting myself in breath, without blame, judgment and (energetic) polarity, in relation to myself and what I am doing in the moment.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that I do not have to exist within and as the negative polarity of resistance and not having fun when I am working. When and as I see myself believing that I am not or cannot have fun while working and doing something that has to be done - I stop and breathe. I remind myself of the realization of what fun really is and how I have redefined the word and within this commit myself to always make sure that I create fun for myself no matter what I work on, where I am and what I have to do.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to come up with justification for why I cannot have fun. When and as I see myself creating justifications in my mind for why I cannot have/create fun for myself - I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that only I decide to create and be fun and that this is never conditioned by something outside of myself. Thus I commit myself to always make sure that I do not accept and create justifications for why I cannot create fun for myself. Instead I make sure that I am the directive principle of creating and being fun no matter where I am or what I do.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can only get fun by someone / something else and that fun is conditioned by my exterior conditions. When and as I see myself thinking / believing that I can only get fun by someone / something outside of myself and that fun is conditioned by my exterior environment - I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that I am the one always creating fun for myself by applying the redefined fun that is not energetically polarized. Thus I commit myself to make sure that I do not participate in the polarized fun, but to instead make sure that I practically live and create the redefine fun for myself no matter where I am, what I am doing, what I have to do and who I am with.

Day 12 - Comedian character

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into a comedian character in order to bring myself and others into a happy mood. I realize that 'happy mood' is the polarity feeling of the 'unhappy mood' which are both feeling/emotions that I don't need at all in order to enjoy myself here in the physical. When and as I see myself wanting/wishing/desiring to be and bring others to 'happy mood' - I stop and I breathe. Instead I forgive myself for existing/going into the mind polarity of positive/negative feelings/emotions and simply stay here in the breath and enjoy moving/directing myself within/as the physical within common sense and what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that I use the comedian character to suppress the negative emotions I am in by changing them into positive feelings and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the comedian character as a suppression method so that I wouldn't have to face/deal/take responsibility for my negative emotions. When and as I see myself going into/being in a comedian character in order to suppress the negative emotions and create positive feelings - I stop and I breathe. Instead I investigate the cause of my negative emotions and I remove it with self-forgiveness and self-correction and I stay here in the breath and enjoy moving/directing myself within/as the physical within common sense and what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that I use the comedian character every time I feel embarrassed/'less than' as a defense mechanism to make fun out of myself where others can laugh at me and I see/perceive myself as the 'winner' as I can say that this was my intention, while I actually did that so that others wouldn't laugh about my embarrassment/inferiority because then I would feel even more embarrassed/inferior. When and as I see myself using the comedian character as a defense mechanism when I feel embarrassed/'less than' - I stop and I breathe. Instead I look at the point of embarrassment/feeling 'less than' and I remove the point with self-forgiveness and self-correction and I stay here in the breathe enjoying moving/directing myself within/as the physical within common sense and what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the comedian character to 'break the silence' when I am with people and nobody talks because I feel awkward as I am afraid that others will judge me when in fact I judge myself and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel awkward when I am silent when being with other people. When and as I see myself wanting to use the comedian character to 'break the silence' when I am with other people - I stop and I breathe. Instead I look at where do I judge myself for being silent and I remove the points with self-forgiveness and self-correction and stay here in the breathe enjoying moving/directing myself within/as the physical within common sense and what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into backchat of self-judgment when I am silent while with other people and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge/define/see/perceive myself as a boring, weird, stupid, lame, inferior, limited, mentally challenged, less than, unsocial, outsider, unaccepted, loner, loser, 'special in a bad way' person when I am silent with other people. When and as I see myself going into backchat judging myself when being silent with other people - I stop and I breathe. Instead I apply self-forgiveness and self correction for every point that comes up and I stay here in the breath and enjoy myself moving/directing myself here in the physical within common sense and what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the comedian character as a way to be accepted/liked by other people and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that I have to make myself be liked/accepted by other people instead of just me accepting/liking myself. When and as I see myself using the comedian character as a way to be accepted/liked by other people - I stop and I breathe. Instead I accept and like myself as Life here in thy physical as one and equal.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide behind laughter whenever I feel embarrassed or find something embarrassing. When and as I see myself hiding behind laughter when I feel embarrassed or find something embarrassing - I stop and I breathe. Instead I look at what is the cause of my embarrassment and I remove the point with self-forgiveness and self-correction.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to laugh at and make fun out of things I find unpractical/noncommonsensical and think/believe/perceive that I can do nothing about them. I realize that this is how I abdicate my self-responsibility towards standing as a solution. When and as I see myself laughing at and make fun out of things I find unpractical/noncommonsensical - I stop and I breathe. instead I investigate the point in common sense and find/pointing out/stand for practical solutions according to what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see/define/perceive myself as a comedian/funny person and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that being a comedian/funny person is a part of my personality as who I really am. I realize that a comedian/funny person character is just a character that I created for myself and does not define me as who I really am as Life here. When and as I see myself seeing/defining/perceiving myself through the comedian/funny person character/personality and thinking/believing that this is who I actually am - I stop and I breathe. Instead I stop defining/seeing myself as a comedian/funny character and stay here in the breath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that my personality(-ies)/characters are me as who I really am, instead of realizing that I learned/created/adopted my characters/personalities that have nothing to do with who I actually really am as Life here, meaning I only make up/carry/hide behind characters/personalities in order to not have to face me and be self-responsible for who I actually really am as Life here in the physical in oneness and equality. When and as I see myself thinking/believing/perceiving that the character/personality I am in is actually who I really am - I stop and I breathe. Instead I observe and investigate how/why I have created the character I am in and I stop defining myself according to the character and remove it with self-forgiveness and self-correction and stay here in the breathe, enjoying directing myself withing/as the physical in common sense and according to what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that others speak about me and who I really am when they judge/compare/define me/speak about me as a personality, while in fact they only speak about my characters/personalities and project their own characters/personalities onto me, meaning they don't actually speak/talk about who I really actually am here as Life in the physical, they only show me my characters/personalities and their character/personalities that are not real and can be removed. Therefore judging myself/others and their character/personalities is pointless and unnecessary as this characters/personalities do not represent beings as Life as who we really are, but only who we accepted and allowed ourselves to become through the illusion of the energy of the mind/feelings/emotions and so this characters/personalities can/will be removed by ourselves or by death and there is no point in waiting for death as then it is too late as we no longer actually exist here in the physical and Life can only actually exist here in the physical as the physical is superior to the mind and everything else in every way and so everything else is just an illusion that can end in any moment.

Therefore, instead of judging/comparing my character/personalities and those of others - I stop and I breathe. I commit myself to not judge/blame characters/personalities but stay here in the breath and stop and let go of my characters/personalities through writing, self-forgiveness, self-correction so that I can stand as the physical character in every breath and support others in removing their character so that we can all be/become Life here in the physical and live in common sense and according to what is best for all.

I commit myself to stop and let go of all my characters/personalities and to only accept and allow myself to be that what I really am as Life here in the physical in oneness and equality.

2011 - I'm into something great - check it out - solve you problems NOW!

I've been doing it for quite some time and it works, I promise, it's the best thing you'll ever do in you whole life!

So what am I talking about? A few years ago I found out how to deal with personal stuff, you know, the things that bother you on yourself or others, like fears and judgments and everything that you experience as 'bad' and have an unpleasant feeling about. It's all very simple. First you have to slow down - like, slow down you mind, thoughts and everything - and just be here, breathing, feeling your breath and your body. (Don't meditate that's retarded...) Now stay in this mode like forever. LoL I know it's like WTF but you can do it, believe me, you just need to practice it.

So while in this mode of being physically here all the time (not in your mind but here = physically), you can actually see your thoughts and how they pop up in your head. Now here's the trick; realize: you are not your thoughts! Yes, you are the one allowing them to pop up in your head, but - you are not your thoughts! You can stop them and it's simple: self-forgiveness. I'm sure you heard lots of times people saying you have to forgive someone or ask someone for forgiveness but that's just stupid. You have to forgive yourself! Your thoughts, fears, feeling, emotions, memories, everything! Because guess what? You'll still be here after doing so. You won't die, you won't go anywhere, you won't stop to remember, you won't become a retard or a zombie (please, give me a break) you'll still be right here, fully functional and enjoying yourself! Don't believe me, just try it out, I'm telling you! It works. The best way to do it is to write your thoughts and shit that pops up in your head and makes you feel bad or limits your expression - like self-judgments, self-definitions, traumatic memories, whatever... - you write it all down on a paper or blog or whatever and you do self-forgiveness. Check out my blog (you're reading it), you will find some examples. I'm telling you, try it out, you'll be amazed!
But this is just the beginning. You can (and should) do this for every accepted and allowed self-definition you have ever made! Why? Because it's all crap, I mean seriously. Why would you believe that you are of a certain nationality for instance? You are life, you live, like a tree or a cat or a fly! Don't define yourself in your head with something that's not real. Be one and equal with everything that is here, physically. Life is so simple if you do this because you will not have a worry on you mind, ever again! Yeah, I know it sounds crazy but I've tried it and it works! I'm not saying I'm a guru or something, I'm just saying it works and it's great. Just give yourself a chance, please, because we'll all have a better time here on Earth.

I'll explain some more: You don't have to worry what's going to happen tomorrow at work when you're at home because it's just not relevant. you just stay in the breath, here, wherever you are and don't go into thoughts. Forgive them, let them go and fade away. Stay here in the physical, be one and equal with what is here. What do I mean one and equal? It's simple, we are all one stuff, connected, out of atoms, sharing everything, you can see for yourself, be self honest. We are all one, never separated. And we are all equal in essence, we are life! Even rocks, I mean OK, they don't move and eat and shit but they are still here just like you. Sure they can't break a leg but that doesn't mean we should abuse them and destroy everything that apparently doesn't feel pain just because we can. That's stupid. Understand this and you'll be equal to the world and do what is best for all, always, because you will see yourself in everything! It's very simple; if you don't understand, read it again. If you have any reactions, thoughts coming up, forgive them! You are not your thoughts! You are life, don't waste it away by accepting and allowing your thoughts, feelings and emotions to possess you and guide you into doing things that are selfish, destructive and stupid. Abuse will always come back to you. It's all common sense, just be self honest.
Try it out, I dare you! Do you think I (or any decent human being) enjoy(s) watching people throwing garbage around and abusing animals and nature and each other and everything? Nobody does, but people are still doing it! Why? I just explained it to you. Because they are mind-fucked! They follow their thoughts, emotions, feelings, wants, desires, they get greedy, angry, sexually unsatisfied... just because they allow their thoughts to possess them and their feelings and emotions to possess them. Don't do it, get smart, forgive yourself.

In fact go and do it right now! Try it out, don't postpone, don't let yourself forget about it because you'll get lost again. In your head, in your thoughts, it's all illusion, not real. There are lots of people already doing it, check out the links on this site. I'm not saying I figured it all out and I'm now the master of this, I'm just sharing my experience here because it freaking works!
Imagine, we can change the world through changing self by simply applying self-forgiveness! Forgive yourself everything, start anew, be one and equal with all that is here and do what is best for all! With this you can change your-self and your attitude instantly! (OK maybe it will take you some time to forgive all your accepted and allowed self-limitations and self-definitions like "I'm a loser I can't do it" or "NO! I want to kill people!" or whatever but you can do it, everyone can! Just stay here breathing, no thoughts, no judgments, no feelings/emotions defining you. Just you here, one and equal!) If we show all people how to do this we can make heaven on Earth in no time! Focus on self first, the best way to show people is with your own example. Others will see the change in you, they'll notice the ease with which you live and solve problems, just by using common sense, what is here, what is best for all. OK, that's it for now.

Let me know when you try it! I'll help you out! Leave a comment or whatever, I'll write you back.

Also as I said, there are already a lot of people doing this and we also came up with some cool solutions that will help everyone on the world! Like The Equal Money System. Check it out: http://equalmoney.org/
It's so simple that people think it's impossible because they just react. They don't look at it with common sense and from the perspective of what is Best for All, they just react to their thoughts, feelings and emotions, fears and so on, and they don't realize that these things are all illusions in their heads! I'm sure you'll not do the same, now that I've explained the basic things to you. You'll see, what is Best for All is simple and practical, common sense, nothing to do with greed or feelings or fears ... Check it out, don't believe me.

2010 - Equal Money System

The Equal Money System is a support system that derives from a single principle, that is also a fact, that we are all as one as equal as Life. That implies that if we do not treat each other equally in all ways, we live in a delusion. How hard is that to realize? Now take a good and thorough look at what exactly it is in your mind that prevents you, personally, to admit such a fact? Is it your ego? Would you like to be more than others? Or do you feel less than others and accept that as your reality? Do you self-honestly accept inequality as your limitation, as what you stand for and believe in? Why would you oppose a system where each individual is treated equally in oneness as Life? I mean if you do, than that states that you are obviously not equal to Life, because all Life is the same. All Life is equal to Life. Value of Life is Life. Is it that you would rather be something special = more than Life, or would you rather be something limited = less than Life? In both cases you can easily forgive yourself for such thoughts of delusion and spiritual diarrhea and take self-responsibility as Life. Or is it FEAR that controls you? What do you fear? Do you fear your-self? Everything is about self. Do you fear of losing your self? Or do you fear losing your advantaged position of power, luxury, fame and sex? If you fear of losing yourself you live in a delusion. Explore Desteni and you will be assisted in realizing why one can never lose self. But if you fear losing your privileged position - you have a problem. Again, self-forgiveness, self-responsibility. You can only fear losing something that was never really yours, but you made it yours and yours only. You lied, manipulated, cheated and not shared, to make it yours. And exactly because of your spitefulness towards others, not willing to consider everyone as one as equal as you as Life, you will lose everything. It is inevitable. Delusions never last. That's why they are delusions. Only what is real stands the test of time. Are you real?

No one can define you in any way what so ever. You and you alone are responsible for every thought, fear, emotion, feeling and action that you do and experience. What is your principle? Who are you? Are you Life? Or do you hate Life? Do you define yourself as 'less that'? Explore Desteni and you will be assisted into self-responsibility and equality as Life. Do you want to be 'more than' and abuse? Explore Desteni and you will be assisted into self-responsibility and equality as Life. Don't want to? Then state that clearly so that we don't waste our time with you. But even if you don't care, you decide in each and every moment who you are. Every day is your judgment day. More we wait, more fucked up we get. I have decided. At death it is too late. Ignorance, waiting and not acting also states who you are = unwilling to take self-responsibility to stand as one and equal as Life and do what is best for all Life. I will die well, how will you die?