Day 264 - Backchat on perceiving I am being exploited

My previous blog is in Slovene.

For the last few days I helped at my friend's place to paint a room and get it ready for another friend who will live there. While I was painting, both friends had other things to do as well so I was mostly left to work on the room alone. During this time I allowed a backchat to come up within me where I perceived it is not fair that only I work on the room and that I am being exploited, so I got angry. I'll be writing self-forgiveness on this pattern.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that when I agree to help someone and he/she then goes to do other things, that I am being exploited and then feel inferior and angry and create backchat around it, such as: "this is not fair, why should I work for free while they don't care to help...". When and as I see myself going into anger, feeling inferior and perceiving that it is not fair that I work on something I agreed I will help with while other's do other things - I stop and breathe. I realize that I am within this looking at the situation only through my selfish perspective where I am not willing to help someone if he does not work with me, instead of seeing/realizing that others might have to do some things that have to be done also, while I don't, so I can in the mean time still work on the thing I am helping with, without creating the point of judgement, comparison, inferiority and then perception of unfairness within me. I see that with this I only allow myself to exist in and as the backchat in my mind for the sole reason of creating emotional reactions and more needles distracting energy for the mind. Thus I commit myself to no think/believe/perceive that when I agree to help someone and he/she then goes to do some other things, that I am now being exploited and that this is not fair as I understand that other might have other things they have to do as well while I can continue with what I am helping with alone for a while, focusing on self-expression instead of backchat.

I forgive myself for asking others to help me with something and then leaving them to work on it by themselves while I go do something else, without explaining that I have to do something important and asking them to continue on their own for a moment, until I come back. I commit myself to ask people who help me with something if they can continue to work on their own for a moment when I have to do some other thing that needs to be done, instead of just leaving them on their own.

I forgive myself for judging and blaming people who leave me alone, without explanation, to work on something they asked me to help with, as rude, arrogant, unfair, exploitative, selfish - I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that what they did is not personal and that my judgement of them is my own pattern I have to stop as it is not supportive. Thus I commit myself to not judge and blame people who leave me alone, without explanation, to work on something they asked me to help with, as rude, arrogant, unfair, exploitative, selfish. Instead I ask them if there is something important they have to do that cannot wait and if they would like me to continue while they are not there nad for how long and also to ask them to give me a notice about such things next time.

Day 259 - Money (&) Creation

Previous blog is in Slovene.

I am looking at how I have separated myself from value creation by giving it away to banks, bankers and those who control money. This is why we feel limited all the time by the lack of money, as if money is the only thing that represents real value, while all this time it was Life and thus us, the living, who are the real value. Everything else is an illusion of value. Life gives value to things. Those living do not have to work to have value. Those alive have value because they ARE Life and because Life is the most valuable possession of the living. Life has value because it exists and is here, not because the living have some potential to do work. What the living create has value as well. But nothing has more value than Life itself that all the living embody. Life in everyone is the same and equal, as we cannot say that one has more Life than another, thus we are all equal as Life.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not see the value of Life in me and so the value of Life in others.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not see that the most valuable thing of all is Life, more than anything that the living create.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from value and to think, believe, perceive that things and/or others have more value than me, instead of realizing that nothing has more value than me as Life and so All of us as Life.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from value creation through money and banks.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to give away my value and my power to create value - to money and banks,

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to create debt in order to take value away from others as Life and in this try to make myself superior.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to accept debt and within this the master and the slave relationship.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become the slave of debt and within this diminish my value as Life and so the value of others as Life and become a dead man, a man in debt.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to give away my power to create value to money and the bankers and so allow myself to become the slave of the masters who determines my value.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to blame money, banks and my "masters" for the fact that I have diminished my Life through allowing debt and by giving away my power to create value and to value my Life and so All Life as infinitely valuable.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not see that I did not really in fact give away my power to have the most value as Life and to create value, as I realize that I only believed this, because I believed that money and bankers are something separate from me.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not see that I am the bank, I am the money.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that I need the banker and the money to move, to work, to do things, instead of realizing that I am the bank and that what I do and create is my pay.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not see that every living being is the bank and that what we do together and share together is our pay and that money is just paper or not even that.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to work for money, instead of working to get things done.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from Life through working for money and to distract myself from getting things done by making business, where I believed that the goal of working is to make money through making business, instead of realizing that the only common sense reason for working is to support and enhance All Life.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to expect to be payed with money when I get things done, instead of realizing that what I have done and created is my pay.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not realize and understand that in today's money system, Life is not valued, only money is valued, thus I must get money to survive and make sure that all get and have the money to live in dignity, while showing to all that money has no real value at all.

The fact that we use money means that we have accepted and allowed a system of scarcity and total control, where we disregard and abuse Life in the name of profit and exclusivity, which is not acceptable. Thus I commit myself to make sure that I become the bank and that I value the Life in me and the Life within others as infinitely valuable and all other things as finitely valuable.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not give as I would like to receive and to instead only take and demand what I think I deserve.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not realize and understand that in order to have I have to create and help to create.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not realize and understand that I cannot do everything alone and so I have to coordinate with others.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to think, believe, perceive that my work is more or less valuable than the work of others, instead of realizing and understanding that all work that supports and enhances Life is equal in value, because all such work makes Life worth living and because the real pay for the work we do is the effect it has on Life, where every hour of work is the same for everyone. And so my hour of work is the same as your hour of work, where we all do our best to support All Life and give as we would like to receive.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that although every hour of work is an hour of Life and thus equal in value, there is some work that has to be done before all other work: which is Life support work, that ensures the basic human rights for all, such as making sure that all have food, water, clothes, health, a home and free access to work and economy, where all can give as they would like to receive and take what they need to develop their full potential as Life. Thus I commit myself to make sure that before I work on anything else, I make sure that we all firstly work to ensure that all have the basic human rights, that are actually Life rights - the meaning of Life, because Life that is not worth living - Life that I would not want to live - has no meaning and is thus abused, which is not acceptable.

Day 257 - Demotivated by Money

Previous blog is in Slovene.

I found myself demotivated as I am currently without a regular income and have to find a way to get one. Mainly a job, but that is only one form of income as was pointed out to me. Instead of looking for a job, it is much more productive to look for opportunities of creating new forms of income. Unfortunately, this is what we have reduced living to in capitalism: looking for ways how to get money to survive and become "independent" as far as the hierarchy-enslavement system currently allows. I have never been motivated by desire for money and so I perceive doing something just for or mainly for the purpose of getting money as tedious and dull. I would rather work on projections and solutions to create a dignified, safe and fun life for all. But as I realized, when I see that I have to get money first and only then work for the good of Life, I feel demotivated, down, bored, tired, uninterested. A point I can forgive and correct.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel demotivated, down, bored, tired, uninterested when I see that I have to get money first and only then work on things I'd like. When and as I see myself feeling demotivated, down, bored, tired, uninterested when I see I have to get money first and only then work on things I'd like - I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that I am creating these emotions thought allowing the backchat where I think and define working for money as boring, enslaving, unnecessary, instead of giving myself to opportunity to stop all these thoughts and definitions and simply enjoying the physical activities that I do when I work for money. I see I can use this time to learn how to be more effective at the skills that I can then also use in other projects. Thus I commit myself to use the time I work for money to learn how to be in the present moment, to be effective at work and learn new skills that I can use in other projects.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to feel resistance towards work, finding and getting a job, searching for ways to get income. When and as I see myself creating a resistance towards working for money, finding and getting a job, searching for ways to get income - I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that I only sabotage my effectiveness at work when creating such emotions and looking for justifications for them. Thus I commit myself to stop creating resistance towards work, finding and getting a job, searching for ways to get income, instead I breathe and direct myself to be effective at work.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to think that writing a scientific paper to get some money is stupid, boring, dull. When and as I see myself thinking that writing a scientific paper to get some money is stupid, boring, dull - I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that I only created resistance by allowing such thoughts in my backchat, instead of simply working on it a few hours each day, getting some new writing skills, more reputation for future job applications and money. Thus I commit myself to stop defining writing a scientific article for money as stupid, boring, dull, instead I use it as an opportunity to get skills that will help me in other projects.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to distract myself with looking for entertainment and other things I have to do when I sit down to write the scientific article or do other job and money earning related work. When and as I see myself distracting myself with looking for entertainment and other things I have to do when I sit down down to write the scientific article or do other job and money earning related work - I stop and breathe. I realize that I am giving into energies and allowing them to take over where I then only feel more miserable. Thus I commit myself to stop giving into distracting energies of looking for entertainment and other things I have to do when I sit down to write the scientific article or do other job and money earning related work. Instead I take a breath forgive the distractions and allow myself to simply be here and direct myself to enjoy the moment as I work and learn, allowing myself to see the opportunity within what I do to improve and get better at the job, being aware that I will always be able to use the skills in other projects.

Day 207 - Gaming and work - redefining fun

Previous blog is in Slovene.

I see how I still fall for the emotional polarity experience towards gaming and work. When I game or think about it, I experience these positively charged emotions: excitement, exhilaration, expectation, anticipation, elation, achievement and winning.
In relation to work and doing what needs to be done, I experience more of an emotionally negative resistance. I cannot seem to find a more specific word for it. It is a mixture of me justifying that work is not fun because mostly I do not feel any positive feelings while working and the point that I judge myself and make myself nervous and frustrated when I have a hard time thinking about what the solutions are for the problem that I have to solve.
I also see a difference between work and gaming, where in a game, I can learn and master all the controls quickly and then it is just a matter of trying until I achieve the goal or do something that I consider awesome because I cannot do that in real life. While at work, it is much harder the master all the "controls" and tools that I can use, because the real world is much more complicated and so one needs a lot more practice and patience. I see now why we (our minds) like games so much. It is because games work more like our minds, where everything can be done quickly, where you can "achieve" something quickly and get the fix of excitement or a sense of winning and achieving something. While in real life, this goes much slower and requires one to put a lot more work into something in order to achieve a goal. Therefore this addiction to gaming is basically an addiction towards the mentioned positive feelings and a sense of quick "achievement", because one gets too lazy to actually work for the goals and achievements in real life.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to play games in order to create for myself the feeling of quick "achievement", excitement, exhilaration, expectation, anticipation, elation and winning / superiority, where I would then feel more of me as being something more and better than what I was before playing the game. When and as I see myself playing games in order to create for myself the quick positive feelings - I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that I am within this creating the positive polarity in relation to gaming - work, where I will then feel the opposite emotions towards real life work. I commit myself to make sure that I do not participate in gaming from the starting point of creating the quick positive feelings of "achievement", excitement, exhilaration, expectation, anticipation, elation and winning / superiority. Instead I commit myself to immediately apply self-forgiveness on such desires within the realization that I will be much more effective on all levels when I stop defining and separating activities into either work or gaming, where one has to be fun and the other not.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define fun as a positive experience of feelings, such as excitement, exhilaration, expectation, anticipation, elation, achievement, winning, relaxation. I see and realize that this definition of the word fun does not support me as I am creating an energetic polarity of good and bad with it and so making myself unstable and ineffective. Thus I commit myself to no more define the word fun according to the positive polarity feelings, such as excitement, exhilaration, expectation, anticipation, elation, achievement, winning, relaxation.

Word redefinition: fun

Dictionary definition:
: someone or something that is amusing or enjoyable : an enjoyable experience or person
: an enjoyable or amusing time
: the feeling of being amused or entertained

Creative writing:
Fun sounds like fond, which means having a liking towards something or someone. This also means that I am close to what I am fond of, like being it or liking to be as what I am fond of. And since being fond of something is just me experiencing me in relation to what I perceive I am fond of, I am basically in that just being fond of myself, close to myself, liking myself as who I am in relation towards myself in that moment, thus having, creating and being fun / fond.

New definition:
Fun: intimately being and accepting myself in breath, without blame, judgment and (energetic) polarity, in relation to myself and what I am doing in the moment.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that I do not have to exist within and as the negative polarity of resistance and not having fun when I am working. When and as I see myself believing that I am not or cannot have fun while working and doing something that has to be done - I stop and breathe. I remind myself of the realization of what fun really is and how I have redefined the word and within this commit myself to always make sure that I create fun for myself no matter what I work on, where I am and what I have to do.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to come up with justification for why I cannot have fun. When and as I see myself creating justifications in my mind for why I cannot have/create fun for myself - I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that only I decide to create and be fun and that this is never conditioned by something outside of myself. Thus I commit myself to always make sure that I do not accept and create justifications for why I cannot create fun for myself. Instead I make sure that I am the directive principle of creating and being fun no matter where I am or what I do.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can only get fun by someone / something else and that fun is conditioned by my exterior conditions. When and as I see myself thinking / believing that I can only get fun by someone / something outside of myself and that fun is conditioned by my exterior environment - I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that I am the one always creating fun for myself by applying the redefined fun that is not energetically polarized. Thus I commit myself to make sure that I do not participate in the polarized fun, but to instead make sure that I practically live and create the redefine fun for myself no matter where I am, what I am doing, what I have to do and who I am with.

Day 11 - Working character

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge/define/see/perceive myself as 'more than'/'less than' according to the work I do and how 'good/bad' I do it. I realize that with this I try to define my value and compare myself with others through the work I do. When and as I see myself defining my value through the work I do - I stop and I breathe. Instead I stay here in the breath and I commit myself to stop all self-definitions through the work I do and all comparison/competition.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into/exist within and as annoyance and anger when someone doesn't help me/act in a way I would like/see/perceive as best/practical. I realize that expecting/anticipating anything is a waste of time as I only imagine it in my mind and then create negative emotions if I don't get it/achieve it. When and as I see myself accepting and allowing myself to go into/exist within and as annoyance and anger when someone doesn't help me in a way I would like/see/perceive as best/practical - I stop and I breathe. Instead I remain here in the breath and I commit myself to stop all anticipations/expectations and I move myself here according to common sense and what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into annoyance/hurry when I work on something, where I go into my mind and think about the goal I want to achieve and think about how to quickly get there and so compromise myself with thoughts/emotions, instead of simply being here in the breath, doing and enjoying the work I do. Within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into boredom/resistance when I work as I think about other things I could do where I would create 'better' energetic experiences for myself, instead of realizing that I am compromising myself by going into backchat and looking for a positive energetic experience, instead of breathing and being here, doing the work I do and enjoying myself being one and equal with the physical. I commit myself to investigate and stop all the backchat/emotions/feelings I create for myself while I work in thy physical to allow myself to simply be here in the breath and not in the mind/emotions/feelings.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to worry about how long it will take to finish a job and if I will make it in time. I realize that within this worrying I compromise myself by distracting myself with thoughts/emotions and so not allowing myself to be effective. When and as I see myself worrying about how long it will take to finish a job and if I will make it in time - I stop and I breathe. Instead I stay here in the breath and I commit myself to work towards being effective in every breath and not worry about time as that is pointless.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into anger/resistance when someone asks me to help him/her do something. I realize that I get annoyed as I don't want to take responsibility for the work that needs to be done. When and as I see myself going into anger/resistance when someone asks me to help him/her - I stop and I breathe. Instead I stay here in the breath and I commit myself to stop all reactions and move myself here in self-responsibility and common sense towards what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define/see/perceive work as something hard/not fun/something I have to do, instead of realizing that with this definitions I limit and compromise myself by being in my mind instead of here breathing. When and as I see myself accepting and allowing myself to define/see/perceive work as something hard/not fun/something I have to do - I stop and I breathe. Instead I stay here in the breath and direct myself in the moment in common sense and what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear how others will judge my work, instead of realizing that I judge/compare myself through other people's eyes. When and as I see myself fearing that others will judge my work - I stop and I breathe. Instead I do not judge and compare myself through other people's eyes and I accept myself as an equal and I commit myself to investigate and stop all judgments and comparison.

2011 - My first day at work

I got a job as a computer engineer and here is a non surprising point I observed (again) about capitalism:

My co-worker was talking on the phone with someone about ordering some replacement LCD monitors and he expressed his amazement about the fact that the ones that were used broke down so fast. He couldn't understand why this happened, because there were a lot of LCD monitors in the company before and all lasted much longer.

Why did they broke down so fast? Because of the planned obsolescence.

Yes, the human civilization has "evolved" and "advanced" so much that the corporations now specifically design products to break down in a couple of years so that we have to buy new stuff, because no one can survive without profit. So, most people don't even see this point, let alone the consequence of it, which is millions of tons of created waste and garbage every year, the abuse of resources, the abuse of Earth, the abuse of human labor and Life in general and the enormous energy consumption. This is unacceptable, because we know how to make most things last more than 100 years and so we can all have accessible and top quality products that are 100% recyclable, all we have to do is to stop with the madness of profit and loss, the madness of egoism and capitalism, the madness of self-dishonesty.

Be self-honest and support the Equal Money System that will actually support Life and what is Practically Best for All. Stop the self-deception and stop whining about everything. Start correcting yourself first and make sure that you always support what is Best for All Life: Equal Money System.

Learn more about the Equality System that will ensure a Dignified Life for All by reading the FAQ books and listening to interviews, join the Desteni forums and be an example to others. Stand as Life, stand as what is Best for All, be the proof that you understand the Equality of Life. Everything else is a waste of everything.

Whatever profession you are in, whatever job you do, how can you continue, in self-honesty, to be the same, to live your life the way you always did and at the same time see that everything is designed to brake, that everything is designed to abuse Life, that all the world systems are promoting greed, poverty, deception and slavery? Are you actually so brainwashed that you cannot stand up for what is Best for All Life? Have you already become the complete capitalistic system robot? If you cannot change who you are, if you cannot change yourself to always stand for Life and what is Practically Best for All, then you are not worthy of Life and so you will die and be forgotten. And those of us who find the strength and the courage to BE the CHANGE, to STAND for what is BEST for ALL LIFE, we will work together and EXPOSE ALL the LIES and ALL the ABUSE of LIFE and we will bring about a world where All live in Dignity and where All Life is treated Equally. This is what we will do until it is done! Rejoice Life, all abuse is coming to an end and we stand as the practical examples that every one of us CAN and WILL STAND for LIFE and What is Best for All, at all times, no matter what!

Join us and become a practivist if you dare to give as you would like to receive. Join us at Desteni.org and Destonians.com. As One as Equal we are here to stay and nothing can stop Life and what is Best for All.

YOU can ONLY really CHOOSE ONCE. So, what will it be? Are you standing up for Life and What is Best for All or are you a system robot that stands as the abuser and as the problem of this world? Stop whining, start self-correcting and actually birth yourself as Life Here, give as you would like to receive and stop wasting everyone's time! And stop whining and stop with all the back-chat! It's what system robots do!

2011 - No time? Make your time with breath!

Sometimes I find myself in a situation where there is so much to do that I don't even know where to start or what to do next. Then I think about it and worry how am I going to do it all and then I feel sorry for myself and do all sorts of unnecessary mind-thinking activities.

But the solution to this is simple. First, I realize that things that need to be done need to be done anyways, if I worry about them or not, so why worry at all? I stop all the thoughts, worries and I focus on the physical here-now moment and my breath. Breathing and being physically here in the moment, without thoughts, is all I need to do to get all the time in the world that I need. I realized that obviously I cannot do everything at once because I only exist one breath at a time, which means I can only do what I can in one breath. But that is enough. So if things seem complicated I just write all the tasks I need to do and I arrange them in order of importance. In that way I cannot forget about something so no worries needed. Then I just start doing the tasks one at the time, staying here in the breath in the physical, with no worries or future projections, fears etc. This way I'm as effective as I can be and I know that I'm doing all I can because I don't waste my time with thinking and worrying. So in any case, even if I don't finish all the tasks I wanted to, I don't worry about it at all! Because I know that I did all I physically, practically could, breath by breath. There are only so many breaths in a day so why worry about something that couldn't be done in one day (for example) anyways?

I realized that 'having no time' is no more than an illusion perceived through the mind when we try to do more than we can in one breath. Thus, if I always stay here, breathing, in the moment in the physical, I will never experience the 'lack of time' because time does not exist in the here-moment of breath. It is just me with all the time I could ever want.

2011 - Time: from too much to too litle

Since Barbi and I have decided to visit the Desteni Farm this July/August I found myself a temporary student job to earn the extra money needed. So before this decision I didn't work because I get a scholarship until I finish my diploma and that is my main system goal thing. So I had lots of time to do all kind of stuff whether it was Desteni related or otherwise. Now the situation changed quite a bit because I find it hard to do even the things that I have to. Also I'm quite tired when I get home from work because I work in a sawmill, which means I am moving heavy wood stuff around all the time. Because of that I also experienced an ego boost mindfuck in front of the mirror since I became more muscular lol. So during the week when I come home, shower and eat, I experience myself as drained and have much less motivation to do other stuff. So usually I just watch newly posted videos and look at what's new, maybe do something for my diploma and then it's Desteni chat time. Last time I almost fell asleep during it lol.
I realized how having a tough job with a low wage can be a perfect combination for creating apathetic people that like to just watch TV, drink beer and look for sex. I can't even imagine how hard it must be for most of the people that live like this most of their lives. I work at this place for only 3 weeks and already when I close my eyes all I see is wood, saw(dust) and the smell that goes with it.
I can see how an Equal Money System will  finally offer a break to such people that otherwise have no chance really to change jobs or stop working since they don't earn much anyway. The boss said to me once: "All we do in life is work, eat and have sex, isn't it?", well how retarded is that?! We have such a retarded system in place that most of the people never even realize that you can do lots of other things too... IF you have money of course. That's why Equal Money is needed. Also most of the hard work can be done mechanically (when money is not a problem) and will be done so in the Equal Money System and even if not, people will be able to work more slowly and thus more effectively and make super-quality products instead of just rushing it to get the job done in time, to get money. And also more people will be able to work at a job when needed, not like now, where it would be a lot easier to have another human or two helping with a task but that can't happen since it's cheaper to push one human to it's max until he just can't do it anymore and then get another one. Abuse of everything in the name of money. No fear, Equal Money is here!