Day 78 - Stopping resistance towards my activities by stopping backchat

My previous blog is in Slovene.

When I prepare myself to write I get a sense of resistance and my throat muscles tighten. I think of what I should write about and almost nothing comes up at first. I think about writing about sexual attraction, but I don't know what else to write that I haven't written out yet, thus I think I should just live out the physical corrections.

What I see would be best for me at the moment is to train myself to not accept and follow the energetic impulses of positivity and also to not try and avoid the negative emotions, reactions, but to in both cases direct myself to stand through the energetic impulse until it passes and also write out any new point I see coming up within that.

The points where I can best apply this correction atm is in the case of negative reactions/resistance, when I have work to do for school and when directing myself to write a blog every day and when I do my SRA lessons. The positive points come up when I think of playing a game or watching a movie or going out instead of directing myself to do something that I should do as it is common sense and best for all and that I will have to do anyway.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself the backchat of postponement within and as myself. When and as I see myself allowing the backchat of postponement - I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that whenever I allow the postponement backchat, I make it more and more difficult for myself to direct myself to do what I have to do and I build more and more resistance, instead of simply doing it within breath. I realize and understand that when I do not allow myself the backchat of postponement and self-sabotage, directing myself within doing any task is as simple as breathing, but when I allow myself to have more and more thoughts of self-sabotage, I make it more and more difficult for myself as I create more and more energy, emotion, resistance with which I sabotage myself. Therefore I commit myself to no more accept and allow myself to create thoughts and backchat of postponement, instead I commit myself to direct myself in breath to do what I have to do while simply being here, breathing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define times, situations when I have done everything I had to do and when I do not have to plan/think about what to do next as more relaxing, enjoyable, happier, more fun and on the other side I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define times, situations when I have to plan, think and figure out how and what to do next, as stressful, not enjoyable. When and as I see myself not enjoying myself and being stressed out or enjoying myself, being happy and relaxed - I stop and breathe. I look at the point that I have defined that results in me experiencing myself in this way and I remove the point with self forgiveness as I realize and understand that it is a point of polarity that I can remove and so always be here in the breath, stable, without swinging between one or the other mood/feeling polarity with which I only compromise myself, distract myself and make myself uneffective. I commit myself to not accept and allow myself to swing between moods of resistance, stress and unhappiness and on the other side desire, relaxedness and happiness, instead I commit myself to remove these polarities within myself with self-forgiveness and direct myself stable, here in the breath, so that I can always direct myself in stability and without resistance, just like I can breathe stably and without resistance.