Day 153 - My Declaration of Principle: 7. Living the Principle of Self Awareness

Previous blog is in Slovene.

The seventh principle I am committing myself to live by is the Principle of Self Awareness – to be aware, to see, to recognize my own thoughts and Mind, to be self honest to the extent where I can take responsibility for when I see my thoughts / Mind is not what is best for me / others and commit to immediately take responsibility and change for myself and so for others.

In practice this means that I practice to focus my awareness on breathing - I am aware of me breathing - and then I look inside of myself to see in self-honesty, what thoughts are coming up in my mind and what feelings/emotions I am experiencing. This way I can take self-responsibility for the thoughts, feelings and emotions and stop them, therefore stop my automated train of thought, mind patterns and reactions through applying self-forgiveness and self-aware breathing. I am practicing this continuously, so that I can effectively direct myself by principle, instead of letting automated thoughts, feelings, emotions and habits to direct me. The important part of the self-corrective process is also writing. Therefore I write out the patterns and reactions, that I observe within myself throughout the day, to get to know them, how I have created them and to then write out a practical correction for me to follow instead of the old pattern, according to the principle of what is Best for All.

It may be strange to read that Self Awareness is something that we lack, because one might think that being awake in itself means that one is Self Aware. But that is far from reality. We are mostly not aware of a lot of things that we are creating and experiencing within ourselves all the time - thoughts, feelings, emotions. This is because we learned not to question our thoughts, feelings and emotions and so we take them for granted, we believe that thoughts, feelings and emotions is what we actually, really are. But this is not so. We are creating all our thoughts, feelings and emotions. And since we do it so quickly and so automatically, we are not even aware anymore of the exact process of how we are creating them. And so we become and automated being because we react to our own thoughts, feeling and emotions as if it is not us who are creating them. Really strange and fascinating to realize how we have separated from ourselves and our own self-responsibility, our own power to direct ourselves and be who we decide to be. We cannot make effective decision of who we want to be and what principle we want to live by if we believe that we are not creating our own thoughts, feelings and emotions and if we are not really even aware of them. This is why it is of the most importance for all of us to start practicing Self Awareness through Self Honesty and self aware breathing. This is the only way that we can effectively look at our thoughts, feelings and emotions that we are creating and experiencing, so that we can then write them out, really get to know them and see how we have created the mind patterns and only then can we effectively change who we have believed and conditioned ourselves to be in the lack of Self Awareness.

I suggest to all who want to start with this process in a structured and simple way, to try out the free online course, where you will also have a buddy available, who will help you to understand how to apply the tools for self support effectively: The Desteni'I'Process Lite.

Follow this link to see the full list of principles I am committing myself to live by.

Day 72 - Going for a walk

I had enough of myself today, living the same patterns, fears and being lazy, never really doing anything for myself. I always wait for something to happen, I wait for others to do something with me or do what others do and I get lost and scared when I am alone. I had enough of myself being like this and I went outside for a walk. It was 1 in the morning and there was chilly outside, everything was white from a thin layer of fresh frosty snow. I started walking across the city towards the big cinema. I knew it will be closed but I didn't care. That was my goal and I enjoyed myself, walking alone. I almost never do something just for myself, alone, I usually do things out of fear or I let my emotions and feelings to direct me, instead of me directing myself. I have to establish my own self-direction and stop fearing being with myself alone, doing things for myself alone. I have to stop waiting for things to happen to me, stopping wishing for this and that and stop fearing doing things for myself alone... I came to the cinema and in deed it was closed, so I continued walking towards the gas station. My partner wished for a chocolate, so I went to look if it is still open. I saw how my experience of myself immediately changed when I decided to go out by myself and for myself, when I decided to no more wait for something to happen or someone to be with me or give me direction. And I realized that this is what I need, what I have to do, start doing things for myself alone, I have to decide for myself what to do and be my own starting point. It doesn't really matter what I will do, what matters is that I decide to do it and do it for myself alone. Not to follow some desires and wishes, but to learn to direct myself alone, to develop self-direction, to learn to be with myself alone and stop fearing being with myself alone and being self-responsible for myself. This is how I will develop self-trust and lose the fear of doing things alone and start living me, being with myself alone, because each of us is alone and we have to be alone together. I am not saying that I have to be or will be actually alone, with no one around, that is irrelevant. What is important is that I start being self-directive and do things for myself alone, with myself, to develop self-trust and not depend on others, wait for others, subdue myself to others. I have to stop waiting for others to give me direction. I have to stop fearing living and being alive, I have to start being my own self-direction without fear and self-judgment.

I came to the gas station and it was closed, so I continued walking. I had no specific goal, but I had self-direction and my principle - walking. I walked and I walked quite fast and I was decisive. That's what I decided to do for myself alone and that is what I was doing and I enjoyed myself in how decisive I was. I walked for about an hour and I went across the city and to the top of a hill with a great view of it and I didn't get tired at all. I realized and decided that this is what I have to do for myself, I have to develop self-direction and determination to do things alone, for myself, to be my own starting point and get rid of all the fears of being self-responsible and learn to be as self-directive and decisive and without fears as I was at that moment, walking. I did it for myself and I was enjoying my self-direction and determination. And I didn't fear to be with myself alone. I always feared being alone, having to do things for myself alone and being self-responsible. And I still do at times, but I have my writings, self-forgiveness and common sense and I know what I want, I always want to be as decisive and as self-directive and without fear as I was when I decided to walk today. And I know that I have a lot of patterns to write out and remove and that fears and laziness and resistances and all the self-limitations of the mind will come back to test me, but I will not subdue to these mind energetic patterns and I will not let myself be less than what I am as Life. And I know that I will fail to stand many times, but I know what I want and I have my walk. I know how it is to walk decisively for self alone, without fear and with self-direction. And so I will walk and direct myself to walk, just as I did this day, and I will have this walk as an example of how self-directive, determined and without fear I can be and I will spread this walk to all parts of myself and my living, to be as best as I can and to not accept anything less from myself than what I really am as Life, in oneness and equality.

2012 - Dealing with my Relationships / Agreements

I'll share some points I've been dealing with since Barbi and I decided to stop and delete all and any relationship mind constructs that we still have towards each other. This means we're stopping the habits that we developed in our relationship and learn how to be supportive to each other like we would be to anyone else. We don't live together every day as she lives with her roommates in Maribor and I work in another city where my parents live so I stay there and go to Maribor every other day or so.

So as Barbi proposed to break up the relationship I was firstly scared and sad as I perceived the "breaking up" part from a system perspective where two partners go away and don't see each other anymore and don't want to talk to each other. But as we talked it through we agreed that we are doing this to support each other in breaking up the relationship habits and attachments to each other in order to be more self-directive and self-sufficient and that we will do it practically, meaning that we will still support each other where it is common sense and Best for All, for instance she owns a car and I don't, but I need it to drive to work and she doesn't, so she will still lend me her car, but we won't for example go to her home or my home together because we did that mostly because of the relationship attachment and not from a common sense perspective. Also we still sleep in the same bed together because it is practical but we don't hug or have sex in order to remove the attachments and habits. I'll be moving into my own apartment in the town I work next week, so then I'll mostly visit Barbi at the weekends.

So, some points that came up for me within this time:

At first I occasionally allowed myself to have thoughts about "the break up", where I experienced sadness when memories came up about how I see and define and remember my relationship with Barbi, because I experienced it like I won't have that anymore. I used breathing to bring myself here and to not think about it and what also helped was that I explained to myself that "breaking up" is only an idea that I have about loosing the relationship that I had with Barbi and that definitions and relations of it weren't real anyway as I imagined them in my head as ideas and perception about us, which have nothing to do with the physical reality. It is great that we do this as an agreement and talk to each other. This way we put out the mind-fucks we get and share them and we work through them and support each other. If I couldn't talk to her and write out the mind-fucks I would just perpetuate them in the mind which would get me even more sad, scared and depressed. The Desteni'I'Process tools and what I have learned until now in my process are of great help in dealing with this points and mind-constructs.

Sometimes the fear of being alone comes up where I remember how I felt and perceived myself in the past, before I was in a relationship. So, the old patterns of thinking came up, where I desire to be in a relationship and to have someone that will "love" me and help me and also to always have someone for sex. Also fear of being stuck with my parents and having no friends, which is only memories now as I am not stuck with my parents anymore and also know a lot more people I can hang out with. I manage to stop the feeling and fear but the thoughts still come up about being with other people as now I don't fear them anymore as I already mostly dealt with that self-suppression. This I also perceive as a polarity which is also connected with girls and sex.

So as a teenager I was very afraid of meeting new people or talking to them, especially girls. I always wished to have friends and hang out with them and be with girls and explore sexuality but I was too afraid and too self-judgmental to express myself like this with others. So I created a polarity where I experienced a lack of social expression and now I find it exciting because I am able to do it. Also with the idea that I can have sex now with whomever I want as I have no relationship obligation to Barbi anymore. Again polarity, mind-fucks work like that to perpetuate themselves through our acceptance and allowance. So, what I realized also about stopping the mind-fucks is that I can look at a point and search for a polarity, to see where I have allowed myself to create one, and then stop it and just be self-directive here, doing what is Best for All. In the context of what I've said in this paragraph I also observed myself how I started to search more and care more for people that I can talk and be with (other than Barbi) out of fear that no-one will accept me and because I still allow myself to follow the desires to have friends, relationships and sex, which all derives from my fears of being alone. So, I started to contact more people and hang out with two girls in particular, but it's not all mind-fucks and desires because I am doing my process as I interact with others and I push myself to do self-corrections. So the starting point is to be self-honest, self-directive and do self-correction, to do what is Best for All. It is interesting how I get immediately 'bored' if I am with someone who is not interested about self-honesty, self-change and self-correction. All I can talk with such people is useless stuff, verbal diarrhea, unlived knowledge. Barbi's roommates are cool as they are open and also understand quite a lot of self-honest principles as Barbi and I explain them and talk with them about our process. Then I have another friend Luka, who had some problems with mental health and is very interested in the Desteni tools so I help him with his process.

OK that's it for this blog.

2011 - Wise or full of delusion?

“If we could only be, just be,
we could see our infinity.
We could see that we are the all."
by Lester Levenson

What we have here is an "interesting" statement that has nothing to do with common sense or practical reality. The author here suggests in the first line that he among others is unable to just simply be here, focused on the every here moment in the physical in every breath. This means he's always lost somewhere in the mind with all the wants, desires, wishes, emotions etc. We can see how this is the problem of every single human being today as people are obviously somehow unable to take self-responsibility for their own thoughts, feeling and emotions, to stop them and just be here in the physical, doing what's best for all. People kind of lost the ability to be self-honest as Life here and to not allow any pre-programmed thoughts, feelings and emotions to limit and guide them so they just live like robots, never really being aware that we're all responsible for what we do and create, together with all the abuse that exists in the world. So anyway, author here tries to be "smart" somehow and "deep" with the idea that if we could just be here (which is no problem really, you just stop all the mind bullshit and live here in every breath) we would see our infinity. This here is some heavy delusional stuff because even when we're not just here we're able to see that we're physically limited in what we are as human beings. So this infinity that the author is talking about obviously came out of his mind delusion. Proving again that he's not here breathing but trying to come up with some "deep" and "profound" material to deceive himself with. And he finishes with the idea that we could see that we are the all. This statement lacks a word that makes all the difference. When we are here we can see that we are responsible for all. All that is here, starting with ourselves. So you see, common sense is always better than trying to be smart, deep and profound or whatever because it focuses on practical things and practical solutions. No mind delusion required. So I would recommend to all to stop using the mind as it is all self-delusion and self-deception. I've been using the tools of self-forgiveness and self-correction for a while now and I can see things a lot clearer now than I could ever before, just because I stopped defining and looking the world through my pre-programmed mind. I can see that the author here tried to say something that would make people realize something but he failed miserably as he looked at things through the delusions of his own mind. That's unfortunate, so here's the solution: be self-honest, use self-forgiveness and do self-correction and stand up as Life here in Common Sense as this is the only way to be happy with self and live in a way that is best for all. Find out more about how Destonians are doing this by reading the 1st blog book we've made: Freedom Blogs - The Birth of Practivism. Here's the link:

2011 - Consumerism is a mental disease and we all have it

When we observe ourselves self-honestly we can see that we are addicted to consumerism. Every now and then (which is usually very often) we get the urge to buy ourselves something new, just to feel good. It starts with thinking about what we like and would like to have and then we build the excitement through our thoughts about a product. In the end we allow ourselves to get consumed by this energy mind possession until we just go and buy it because then we feel good and it's exciting to use the new product, for a while. Then we start at the beginning. We allow ourselves to get brainwashed with our own desires and wants that are actually not real because we make them up in our head as we separate ourselves from the point that we want to get when we buy a product. For example when we want to buy a new piece of cloths because we think we'll look good in it - we just separated ourselves from 'beauty' because we define ourselves as not good enough and ugly and we put the value and definition of beauty into a piece of clothes. We then mind-fuck ourselves into thinking that we will only achieve beauty - that is not real, just a definition in our head that we made up ourselves - if we buy and wear the piece of clothes that apparently makes us beautiful or sexy or what ever. And we become a complete system robot! We do this all the time with everything. And in this we don't consider anything else but our ego personality, our desires and wants and we do all kinds of nasty things, just to get what we want, which is basically money. It's time to stop because otherwise our ego will make us all suffer really bad until we realize there's just no other way but to stop with all the abuse of ourselves and each other. I am not going to wait to be stopped by reality. I know how to stop myself and you can too if you dare to be self-honest. Join the Desteni'I'Process, lets change ourselves and stand together by supporting each other in stopping all the abuse of Life. Lets start doing what is Best for All Life so that All can Live in Dignity. We as Destonians will not stop until this is done, until we all live as One as Equals. And don't fool yourself with the idea that we need all human beings to agree with this because we as human beings are such a small part of existence that we can actually be very happy and grateful to even still be here, taking into consideration how we still continue to abuse all and everything and each other just because of our huge egos, self accepted and allowed mind delusions, that we are apparently almighty and can so ignore everything we don't care about or just too sinful to correct ourselves into beings that always do what is Best for All. We have a lot to learn to correct all the bullshit we have accepted and allowed on this World throughout our existence. Better start learning and correcting ourselves now because there is no escape from it, not even death. Obviously the question at hand is always this: who does really care? Do human beings care about Life? Or do we only care about our ego mind-fucks, thinking only about what will we buy next time in order to get an energy boost of delusional happiness or sex or what ever thing that we are addicted to, but don't want to face and be self honest about. Do you really care about Life? Or are you a complete system robot, that just executes the self accepted and allowed mind programs every day until you will die and rot away forever?

 

Through the DIP one will learn how to remove one's accepted and allowed mind programming = ego. Only when this is done, one will be able to actually start living as One as Equal in a way that is Best for All, meaning not harming or abusing Life. But how can one explain this to a system robot? Some human beings have a really hard time realizing this, let alone doing something about it.

I chose self-honesty, I chose Life and what is Best for All. And I can stand by my principle always. This is the difference between Life and a self-destructive, ego-driven, life-abusing system robot.

I am one vote for an Equal Money System!

2011 - Why do people hate?

People sure like to hate a lot. Doesn't matter really what or why...

Where does this come from? Do you like to hate? How many times a week do you hate something? Dare to count?

Hate starts with the back-chat in someones mind, where one starts to firstly define things according to one's beliefs and judgments. Hate is the opposite of love - it's a polarity like any other mind-fuck that keeps your mind going. There is no love without hate and so you must hate if you want to love. It's all an energy game inside our minds, our thoughts. We delude ourselves with our mind definitions instead of just being here, breathing, doing what's Common Sense - Best for All. We don't learn crap from our mind polarity love-hate delusions. It's all fake information, not real, made up, keeping us locked inside our head so that we continue to perpetuate the mind polarity energy game of high and low, love and hate, win and lose...

Do you like your ego? People tend to put self first, to take care of self first, to take care of the ego of self. The ego fights to survive, to be on top, the winner, the best, the super ego. It's a self destruction device in your head. Don't try and be your ego, you'll go crazy and mad.

Be here, breath and stand with the physical. Ego is useless in the physical. Ego makes the physical weak and abuses it. Do you drink alcohol, get drunk? The abuse is obvious, it's all about not wanting to face self, not wanting to be self responsible. Human is a slave to his own ego. You can observe the self-destruction of egoistic man as you realize your-self as breath in the always present moment of here-ness, as you walk through the self-honest process of stopping your mind possessions of egoism, as you start to participate in Common Sense and what is Best for All.
In the breath of here-ness, there is no freedom of choice to trouble your ego and mind with - no choice to abuse self, only the Common Sense to do what is Best for All. Life will be born when we All stand as One and Equal in what is Best for All.

Lets walk together in self-direction and self-honesty as we change our nature of being with the principle of Oneness and Equality as what is Best for All. Lets be self-honest and stop our crap. The shit is hitting the fan.

I am a Destonian - I stand for Life! I am one vote for an Equal Money System and for World Equality!

equalmoney.org
desteniiprocess.com

2010 - Points on Barbi and my father

Today (Wednesday) is the 3rd day of me living with my parents (again, since it's closer to where I work to get my mandatory practical education done) and apart from my agreement/girlfriend Barbi (she continues her studies in another town not too far away).

Yesterday I experienced some points of feeling a bit sad/empty because Barbi is not around which resulted in me thinking about how is she and what is she doing. I've noticed the mind pattern I was participating in pretty soon and started to breathe, focus on what is here and let it go. If it re-appears I just stop and breathe.

The other point is about my father. On Monday he came home late at about 10 p.m., expectedly drunk as most of the times. Maybe you've seen my vlog about me saying that I'll say to him that I won't talk to him anymore when he's drunk. I didn't do that yet because I didn't manage to calm down enough to stand in front of him in the breath as me here. When I talk to him when he's drunk it's like an energy storm inside of me and I get pumped with adrenalin so that if I pick up a glass to drink I feel my arm shaking. Fucking crazy. I realized that I have the wrong starting point when I speak with him. I come from a perspective of "I am in danger and must defend myself against psychological attacks at all costs" which I think results in the adrenalin and everything. I have already done some Self-Forgiveness so that next time I can come from the One and Equal starting point. I also decided that I will talk to him about not talking to him :) when he's drunk the next time he is sober to also eliminate my nervousness.

I'll also write a Mind Construct going through the time line of when he came home to map everything that was going on inside of my head and body and then write Self-Forgiveness.