Wednesday, October 6, 2010

2010 - Points on Barbi and my father

Today (Wednesday) is the 3rd day of me living with my parents (again, since it's closer to where I work to get my mandatory practical education done) and apart from my agreement/girlfriend Barbi (she continues her studies in another town not too far away).

Yesterday I experienced some points of feeling a bit sad/empty because Barbi is not around which resulted in me thinking about how is she and what is she doing. I've noticed the mind pattern I was participating in pretty soon and started to breathe, focus on what is here and let it go. If it re-appears I just stop and breathe.

The other point is about my father. On Monday he came home late at about 10 p.m., expectedly drunk as most of the times. Maybe you've seen my vlog about me saying that I'll say to him that I won't talk to him anymore when he's drunk. I didn't do that yet because I didn't manage to calm down enough to stand in front of him in the breath as me here. When I talk to him when he's drunk it's like an energy storm inside of me and I get pumped with adrenalin so that if I pick up a glass to drink I feel my arm shaking. Fucking crazy. I realized that I have the wrong starting point when I speak with him. I come from a perspective of "I am in danger and must defend myself against psychological attacks at all costs" which I think results in the adrenalin and everything. I have already done some Self-Forgiveness so that next time I can come from the One and Equal starting point. I also decided that I will talk to him about not talking to him :) when he's drunk the next time he is sober to also eliminate my nervousness.

I'll also write a Mind Construct going through the time line of when he came home to map everything that was going on inside of my head and body and then write Self-Forgiveness.


  1. cool that you will be doing a Mind Construct on the point.

    In therms of the shaking you experience, I would look at what is the point of action that is required to be taken as a physical action of and as self-expression here in the moment when the shakiness occurs, because it might be a point that you suppressing something. Within that you also feed an inherit anger within yourself with will eventually result in a possession.

    i've been there, lol. My dad also getting drunk and seeking conflict with my mom.

    You could use Muscle Communication to work with the shakiness with a session, perhaps. and test for a physical action that will assist in diffusing the pattern you experience/ allow/ accept in relation to your dad being drunk. should be interesting.

    some points to maybe consider, keep us updated :)

  2. Thanks for sharing Blaž! So may we also see your self-forgivness?

  3. I didn't write it down. It was sort of on the go before I went to sleep and it worked well because I calmed down completely.