2012 - Why was I able to hear the Desteni message

Before I heard about Desteni I was a doubtful person, I didn't just believe something because someone said so. I always tried to look at the bigger picture, to look behind the scene, trying to figure out what is really going on. I didn't like myself the way I was, I had no self-certainty and was afraid of lots of things, mostly people. I tried to look at myself to see who I really am, because I had no idea. I saw that I am afraid of things, that I don't understand myself and that somehow I can't control myself, my feelings, emotions, fears. This was really strange to me. I saw the ridiculousness of how people complicate each others lives and I was angry at myself because I didn't know what to do to make things better neither for myself or others. But I had a strong desire to do something, to find out once and for all what the fuck is wrong with us people, who is in control, why is everything so fucked up? Why can't we people just consider this reality and work together to live in harmony? Why does everyone seem just so goddamn corrupt and evil? How can people live and not openly ask these question? There has to be someone that sees what I see, that doesn't just accept this reality as something normal. Someone has to do something for fuck sake! Even if no one else wants to, I will do something. I don't know what exactly or how, but I have to do something. I will not just accept this world the way it is because it is just too fucking messed up!

Then I came across Desteni videos on YouTube and I started watching them, listening. I didn't care about the Portal or who it is that is talking. It was all just a bit weird at first and as I realized that there is no fucking way for me to know and be sure if someone is making a prank or not, I realized that all I can do is listen carefully to what is being said and see if it makes any sense. And the more I listened the more sense it made. There was a lot of things I already observed and realized about the world or in myself before. Other things that were new (like stopping the mind with self-aware breathing or self-forgiveness) I tried out and became aware of as it was pointed out to me in the videos and the Desteni message. I was amazed how insightful the information was and the pure size of it was unbelievable. I spent at least three months just watching, reading, listening and there was still more. I have never seen so much useful common sense in one place anywhere else, ever. And I was able to test it out for myself and prove it to myself. There were also a lot of shared stories that weren't really relevant at that time, but they helped me a lot as I wanted to understand the background of Desteni, how it all came together and how it all manifested into this one point, the Desteni group. There is no need whatsoever for one to believe that the stories about Desteni or the History of Mankind or History of the Universe are true, because none of them are really relevant. The relevant tools and principles are those that we can test ourselves and live ourselves right now in this moment. With the tools of self-honesty, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application we are able to manifest heaven on Earth for everyone Equally and this is truly amazing. Nonetheless, the stories assisted me a lot as I always wanted to understand why and how the hell does everything exist exactly the way it does. It is great to finally know. But does it matter? Not at all. Matter is the only thing that matters. And currently, it is still fucked up, just the way we made it. Now it is time to take self-responsibility and make this world the way that is Best for All.

Before all of this, my discovery and involvement in Desteni, I often had a feeling that something great and powerful will happen in my lifetime. Something that will change things dramatically. So, I was always open for new things, I was always looking for that special event that will make a great impact on what it means to be alive. The more I came to understand what Desteni is all about, the more sure I was that this is what I've been waiting for. It was all much more exciting and groundbreaking that I could ever imagine. And I explored lots of things: UFOs, conspiracies, ends of the world, revolutionary technologies, revelations... I was certain that something great will happen on one of these topics, but I was wrong. It happened all at once! Desteni for me at that time represented a great revelation: the end of deception, the end of bullshit and suffering, the end of corruption, the end of control and suppression, the end of hate. And now I am grateful to be able to participate in this birthing of Life from the physical for the first time in existence, to have a chance to learn, to change myself and to forgive myself for all that was, so that I can birth myself as Life and stand for Life with others that care, in oneness and equality. To do what is Best for All Life in practicality, to learn to direct myself and say out loud: I stand for a Dignified Life for All! This is who I am and this is who I want to be! Desteni helps me to be and make out of myself the best possible being I can be. There is absolutely no other thing or person in the whole world that would ever be able to help me as much as Desteni did by showing me how I can uplift myself (by myself!) as a living being into a self-honest, self-responsible and self-directive human being that cares for All Life Equally and truly does what is practically Best for All.

And Desteni is just a word. But what I have realized and learned and how I changed myself by participating in the group, this changed me forever and it truly made me a better human being and I am continuously improving myself to always stand for Life in Equality and do what is practically Best for All.

In the beginning I said that before I found Desteni I was a doubtful person. Maybe it would seem to someone that I am not anymore, but this would only show that one doesn't understand at all what I have learned as a Destonian. Through participating in Desteni I actually learned what it really means to questions and reconsider myself, my principles and the way we accept and allow this world to exist. And I am still learning what it means to be a responsible human being and how to actually always stand in self-honesty and do what is Best for All. This is a process that takes time and I am grateful that I can be a part of it.

Why was I able to hear the Desteni message? You still don't know what it is? It is simply to understand that we are all equally responsible for everything that exists here and thus we have to be self-honest and correct self through self-forgiveness and learn to work together as one to stop all the abuse of Life and create what is Best for All: Heaven on Earth for All Equally. We have all the practical tools needed to do so, we just have to start doing by having the right starting point: what is practically Best for All Life in Oneness and Equality. Why can I hear and understand this and so many others cannot or do not want to? Are you willing to change yourself into a self-honest, self-responsible living being that does what is Best for All and helps with what needs to be done to make heaven on Earth for everyone equally? If you are not, then look at yourself in self-honesty and understand what is the reason that prevents you from standing up for All Life Equally and change yourself accordingly. All the reasons you will find I have overcome, because I realized that egosim is just an illusion. I understand that what is Best for All is also best for myself and so, egoism can always be best just for one ego which then leads into the abuse of Life. I never wanted to accept any abuse of Life and never will. This is how I was able to hear the Desteni message.

2012 Moving in with Self Direction

I am now moving into the new apartment. I already moved a lot of the stuff and were there to clean and unpack a bit today. My roommate said she'll be moving in in the next month. Had some mixed feelings and emotions coming up while there and while driving. At times I was excited and happy because I never had 'my own' apartment before, at least not that big. I had a happy thought + feeling about it when I drove last day with Barbi from the apartment and I got a short sharp pain in my chest on the left bellow the heart which reminded me when Barbi and I were leaving the Desteni Farm and Bernard pointed out to Barbi that she has allowed some happy feelings and explained that this is where they manifest in the body. Today I was also excited at first to unpack and make it comfortable, but then I allowed myself to go into sadness of being alone and away from friends as this is the pattern I created form myself as a teenager. Basically I get scared of having no friends and no one to hang out with. Particularly I would not enjoy having no girls I like around me, lol. Another idea / desire of mine from the high school. I have always been around boys but not girls. Too shy, too scared and just too mind-fucked. I had no self-direction whatsoever. But I always dreamed about having a girl and how nice it will be and where I will take her and all the stuff. But when I actually had a chance to even talk to a girl I just couldn't do it. Too scared. Fuck, that was horrible and it's funny how I see now that I myself accepted and allowed myself to be like that. Blaming anyone else would just be dishonest towards myself. Desteni tools helped me allot! Sometimes when I look at myself now and how I was in high school for example, I am surprised that I actually managed to look normal to other people, because I was completely fucked in my head with fears and desires but also had no self-direction whatsoever. I laugh now but back then it was horrible. No one should be left like that, to torture self through one's own mind and the tools I learned in the Desteni'I'Process are top shit for getting self back to self here as Life in the physical. If I am able to correct myself than anyone else can too.

Talking about my feelings, emotions and apartment, it will be a cool experience for be and will speed up my process as I will be facing my mind-fucks as I explained above. Plus, my roommate is moving in with me and I find her dis-likable lately. So this will also be cool support from the perspective of learning to live together in common sense, not in love & light nonsense where people get together because of some 'special' feelings and sexual desires. We're slowly moving past that phase now and entering the self-direction area. One way traffic, not that you can't go back but nobody wants to, haha! Self-directive people that work together and do what is practically Best for All Life will make heaven on Earth. Are you in for it yet? Let's do this!

2012 - Dealing with my Relationships / Agreements

I'll share some points I've been dealing with since Barbi and I decided to stop and delete all and any relationship mind constructs that we still have towards each other. This means we're stopping the habits that we developed in our relationship and learn how to be supportive to each other like we would be to anyone else. We don't live together every day as she lives with her roommates in Maribor and I work in another city where my parents live so I stay there and go to Maribor every other day or so.

So as Barbi proposed to break up the relationship I was firstly scared and sad as I perceived the "breaking up" part from a system perspective where two partners go away and don't see each other anymore and don't want to talk to each other. But as we talked it through we agreed that we are doing this to support each other in breaking up the relationship habits and attachments to each other in order to be more self-directive and self-sufficient and that we will do it practically, meaning that we will still support each other where it is common sense and Best for All, for instance she owns a car and I don't, but I need it to drive to work and she doesn't, so she will still lend me her car, but we won't for example go to her home or my home together because we did that mostly because of the relationship attachment and not from a common sense perspective. Also we still sleep in the same bed together because it is practical but we don't hug or have sex in order to remove the attachments and habits. I'll be moving into my own apartment in the town I work next week, so then I'll mostly visit Barbi at the weekends.

So, some points that came up for me within this time:

At first I occasionally allowed myself to have thoughts about "the break up", where I experienced sadness when memories came up about how I see and define and remember my relationship with Barbi, because I experienced it like I won't have that anymore. I used breathing to bring myself here and to not think about it and what also helped was that I explained to myself that "breaking up" is only an idea that I have about loosing the relationship that I had with Barbi and that definitions and relations of it weren't real anyway as I imagined them in my head as ideas and perception about us, which have nothing to do with the physical reality. It is great that we do this as an agreement and talk to each other. This way we put out the mind-fucks we get and share them and we work through them and support each other. If I couldn't talk to her and write out the mind-fucks I would just perpetuate them in the mind which would get me even more sad, scared and depressed. The Desteni'I'Process tools and what I have learned until now in my process are of great help in dealing with this points and mind-constructs.

Sometimes the fear of being alone comes up where I remember how I felt and perceived myself in the past, before I was in a relationship. So, the old patterns of thinking came up, where I desire to be in a relationship and to have someone that will "love" me and help me and also to always have someone for sex. Also fear of being stuck with my parents and having no friends, which is only memories now as I am not stuck with my parents anymore and also know a lot more people I can hang out with. I manage to stop the feeling and fear but the thoughts still come up about being with other people as now I don't fear them anymore as I already mostly dealt with that self-suppression. This I also perceive as a polarity which is also connected with girls and sex.

So as a teenager I was very afraid of meeting new people or talking to them, especially girls. I always wished to have friends and hang out with them and be with girls and explore sexuality but I was too afraid and too self-judgmental to express myself like this with others. So I created a polarity where I experienced a lack of social expression and now I find it exciting because I am able to do it. Also with the idea that I can have sex now with whomever I want as I have no relationship obligation to Barbi anymore. Again polarity, mind-fucks work like that to perpetuate themselves through our acceptance and allowance. So, what I realized also about stopping the mind-fucks is that I can look at a point and search for a polarity, to see where I have allowed myself to create one, and then stop it and just be self-directive here, doing what is Best for All. In the context of what I've said in this paragraph I also observed myself how I started to search more and care more for people that I can talk and be with (other than Barbi) out of fear that no-one will accept me and because I still allow myself to follow the desires to have friends, relationships and sex, which all derives from my fears of being alone. So, I started to contact more people and hang out with two girls in particular, but it's not all mind-fucks and desires because I am doing my process as I interact with others and I push myself to do self-corrections. So the starting point is to be self-honest, self-directive and do self-correction, to do what is Best for All. It is interesting how I get immediately 'bored' if I am with someone who is not interested about self-honesty, self-change and self-correction. All I can talk with such people is useless stuff, verbal diarrhea, unlived knowledge. Barbi's roommates are cool as they are open and also understand quite a lot of self-honest principles as Barbi and I explain them and talk with them about our process. Then I have another friend Luka, who had some problems with mental health and is very interested in the Desteni tools so I help him with his process.

OK that's it for this blog.

2012 - ending fear - this is the word I gift to myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of taking responsibility to find a suitable flat for me to move into.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of speaking with the owner of the flat as an equal.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid to stand equal to and as the owner.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid to speak up and stand for what is best for all.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid to question the owner where it is common sense to ask questions whenever things are not clear.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see and define myself as less then the owner and to justify my self-definition as less then with the excuse that he is more knowledgeable and more experienced, instead of being self-responsible and standing one and equal with the owner to make sure that the agreement is what is best for all.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of making a conflict between me and the owner instead of realizing that by taking self-responsibility I can direct the situation to be what is best for all and so make sure that I don't subdue myself to the feeling of being 'less then' and letting the owner impose only what is best for him.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of being scammed instead of taking self-responsibility and making sure that everything is written as an agreement and understood in a way that is best for all.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of making a bad impression to the owner instead of realizing that this is self-sabotage and to take self-responsibility to direct self in common sense and what is best for all.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of breaking the deal/agreement because of not being humble and not subduing myself to the owner instead of realizing that by doing this I support the abuse, thus I take self-responsibility and self-direction to stand equal to the owner and directing the situation in self-honesty and the way that is Best for All.

I do not accept and allow myself to subdue myself to anyone or anything because this is abuse of Life and I take full self-responsibility in every moment, to be self-honest and do what is Best for All.
I do not accept and allow myself to be afraid of anyone or anything and I do not accept and allow myself to define myself as less then anyone else as this is abuse of Life.
I do not accept and allow myself to fear rejection, to fear conflict and to fear speaking up for myself as Life as One as Equal as What is Best for All because I understand that this must be done in order to stop the abuse of Life and to make sure that I stand as the principle of Life as what is Best for All, where I do not accept and allow any abuse of Life and where I make sure that I always do in self-honesty what is Best for All Life.

I do not accept and allow myself do doubt my self, to doubt my self-honesty and to doubt my self-direction and my will to do and stand as Life here in practicality as what is Best for All.

I do not accept and allow myself to be afraid to lose everything through which I still define myself as, because I understand that it is all fake and designed and accepted and allowed by myself to limit me as Life and to subdue me and suppress me as what I really am as Life here in oneness and equality.
I do not accept and allow myself to suppress myself with emotions and feelings of fear and by defining self as less then. I am equal to all that is Here as Life.

I do not accept and allow myself to doubt in myself ever again. I stop my fears and I breathe and I laugh and I speak up and I express in self-honesty what is Here and I take full self-responsibility and full self-direction to focus on my process of self-correction to become One and Equal as Life Here. I do whatever it takes to break, delete and destroy any mind patterns that I accepted and allowed into and as myself and through which I limit myself and subdue myself to. I promise to myself to stop the abuse of self as Life and to make sure that I walk in every breath the self-correction in self-honesty.

I promise this to myself as I stand Here in self-honesty and I am my witness and my judge and I will not accept and allow anything less from myself than total self-honesty and self-direction to correct self in every breath as long as it takes and until it is done. This is the word that I give to myself and I mark my word and I check my word in every breath to make sure that I am Living to my word, as my Word and I make and create myself as The Living Word as Life as What is Best for All in Oneness and Equality.