Day 48 - Relationships

My 'Day 47' blog post is in Slovene.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wish/want/desire to meet/talk to my friends and people I know out of fear that I will lose the help/attention/validation/consolation from them if I do not and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that they will start to resent me. I realize that I fear not being in contact with my friends and people I know because I am afraid of being with myself alone and taking complete self responsibility for myself and so I use my friends and people I know to run away from myself and try to get comfort, safety, help and support from them, instead of giving this to myself. When and as I see myself wanting to meet with friends and people I know out of a wish/want/desire to get attention/validation/comfort/safety/help and support, instead of writing out my fears/desires and applying self-forgiveness and self-correction - I stop and breathe. I commit myself to remove all wishes/wants/desires to run away from myself by meeting/talking to my friends and people I know in order to get comfort from them, by applying self-forgiveness and directing myself in breath and not allowing fears/emotions to move me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel guilty and to blame myself for how I behaved in my relationship with my ex-girlfriend and because of this believe that I owe to support her and also I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wish/want/desire to redeem myself by helping/meeting with/talking with her whenever she asks me to and also I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wish/want/desire to do her favors in order to ensure myself help/attention/validation from her in the future in case if I need it. I realize that I am with this trying to get the feeling of safety through using others instead of taking complete responsibility for myself, also I realize that when I interact and build my relationships with others out of fear/emotions/desires, I only consider myself and my self interest and so I create/allow abuse, therefore I commit myself to write out and self-forgive all points where I interact with my ex-girlfriend or others out of fear/emotions/self-interest and direct myself in breath to create relationships based on common sense and what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react with anger and to feel controlled/limited whenever my partner reacts to the point of me talking/meeting with my ex-girlfriend and/or prohibits me to talk/meet with her or any other of my friends or people I know. I realize and understand that I react with anger and feeling of control because I believe that I have the right to talk to/meet with whomever I want while not considering the point that my partner reacts this way because she doesn't trust me that I will stand and not fall for my emotions/feelings, which is a consequence of me doing this in the past. I realize that me reacting to this and the fact that my partner does not trust me will not change anything and that I cannot make or convince anyone to trust me. Therefore I commit myself to walk my process of self-correction and stand through time in common sense and what is best for all by not allowing myself to be directed by my emotions/feelings and so stabilize myself to always be here in the breath and so my surroundings will also become more stable.

Commitment and agreement with myself and my partner

I am writing this commitment as an agreement with myself to walk the process of birthing myself as Life and aligning myself to what is best for all, through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application, together with Hilda as my partner and to not allow any back-doors that would break this agreement with myself and my partner.
When and as I see myself looking for back-doors to not stand by my agreement with myself and my partner - I stop and breath. I commit myself to immediately remove all points of looking for back-doors with self-forgiveness and self-correction.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear to make an agreement with my partner because I fear that the past will repeat itself and out of fear that my partner will want to control me. When and as I see myself fearing of my partner wanting to have control over me - I stop and I breathe. I realize and understand that this fear comes from the fear of not being able to live out the energies of having sex with other women. I commit myself to remove all wishes/wants/desire of having sex with other women with self-forgiveness and self-correction.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wish/want/desire to be with my ex-partner and to allow this point to exist as a backdoor within and as myself. I realize that with this I compromise myself by trying to avoid taking complete self-responsibility for myself and my agreements/commitments. When and as I see myself looking for back-doors in order to not follow my commitments/agreements - I stop and breathe. I immediately apply self-forgiveness and self-correction through breathing and directing myself according to my agreements and commitments to myself and my partner.

I commit myself to openly discuss any points/reactions that come up within myself or my partner and not hide them and or be judgmental about them.

Day 43 - Directed by emotions and feelings

(My day 42 blog is in Slovenian.)

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give into energies/feelings and chase them to get the experience. I realize that by doing so I give energies/feelings more value than Life itself where I separate myself from Life and abuse myself as Life. When and as I see myself giving into energies/feelings and wanting to chase them - I stop and breathe. I commit myself to immediately remove all desires for chasing energies/feelings and wants to experience them with self-forgiveness and self corrective application.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give into the feeling of excitement/arousal when and as I see an 'attractive' woman. I realize and understand that with this I give more value to energy as excitement/arousal than Life and abuse myself as Life. When and as I see myself wanting to give into the excitement/arousal when and as I see an 'attractive' woman - I stop and breath. I commit myself to remove all desires/wants for excitement/arousal when and as I see an 'attractive' woman and not follow the energy but stand for Life and direct myself in common sense.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to look for company/attention/comfort/acceptance from others. I realize I search for this as I do not give it to myself. When and as I see myself looking for company/attention/comfort/acceptance from others - I stop and breathe. I commit myself to immediately remove all points of searching for company/attention/comfort/acceptance from others with self-forgiveness and self-correction and by bringing myself here through breath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to direct myself according to my feelings/emotions instead of common sense. I realize that with this I give energy as emotions/feelings more value than Life and so abuse Life. When and as I see myself making decision based on emotion/feelings - I stop and breathe. I commit myself to not base my decisions on emotions/feelings and remove all such points/reactions through writing, self-forgiveness and self-correction and I commit myself to make direct myself and make decisions based on common sense and what is best for all Life.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to commit to myself to stop all desires/wants/needs for chasing/experiencing energies as feelings and emotions. I realize and understand that whenever I allow myself to have emotions/feelings I separate myself from myself and all that is here as Life and abuse Life. When and as I see myself desiring/wishing/wanting to chase/experience energies as feelings/emotions - I stop and breathe. I commit myself to remove all desires/wants/needs for chasing/experiencing energies through writing, self-forgiveness and applying self-correction where I do not follow such desires/wants/needs but direct myself here in the breath to stand as Life and do what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to please others in order to get them to like me and give me attention to validate myself through it. I realize that I do this because I do not give myself attention. When and as I see myself wanting to please others in order to get them to like me - I stop and I breathe. I commit myself to remove all wants/desires to please others with self-forgiveness and self-corrective application and give attention to myself.

Day 41 - Fear of speaking to audience

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear exposing myself and talking when many people are listening and in this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as less than and inferior to others and to compare myself to others. I realize that there is no point in judging and comparing myself as through this I only create separation through either defining myself as more than or less than which is all an illusion of the mind as polarity. When and as I see myself going into fear of exposing myself/talking when many people are listening - I stop and breathe. Instead I direct myself here in the breath and do not give fear any value as I realize and understand that what I actually fear is fear itself which is just an illusion - and simply speak without comparison.

Day 40 - Searching for attention, postponement, fear

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to look/search for attention when I am with people in order to feel better, loved, safe and in order to hide myself from the emotions of fear, sadness, anxiety that I create for myself and experience when I am alone.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to be satisfied/happy with myself when I am alone.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to let go of the belief that I can only be satisfied with myself, happy and safe when I am with people and not when I am alone.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to search for recognition, attention, love and comfort in others and especially women, instead of realizing that I have to give that to myself. When and as I see myself wanting/desiring/searching to get recognition, attention, love and comfort from others - I stop and breathe. I commit myself to stop the separation of myself from recognition, attention, love and comfort through desiring this from other people and give this back to myself.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to stop searching for sexual energy arousal by looking at women figures and in this I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to search for sexual energy arousal by looking at women's hips, butts, breasts, thighs or any other body part. I realize that by doing this I participate in the energy program of my mind where I perpetuate the addiction/enslavement to it. Therefore when and as I see myself searching/looking for sexual energetic arousal by watching women - I stop and breathe. I commit myself to not participate in this sexual arousal mind program and direct myself in the breath.

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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create resistances towards learning/doing school assignments within and as myself. I realize that this will not help me in any way or change the fact that I have to do it and within this I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to stop creating the resistances. I commit myself to stop creating the resistances towards learning and doing school assignments and enjoy myself here in the breath as I learn and/or do my school assignments.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to avoid and postpone making the assignments for school or any other task and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into future projections where I think about doing/having to do something and through this create resistance towards it by defining it as hard, boring, stupid. When and as I see myself thinking/imagining myself doing something - I stop and breathe. Instead I direct myself here in the breath and simply do the task/assignment and do not accept and allow myself to go into future projections where I only think about how would I do it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create/go into fear of failure whenever I have an assignment/task to do where I imagine/think about what will happen if I don't do it as I realize and understand that I am only sabotaging myself with this by distracting myself, instead of simply being here in the breath and focusing on the task/assignment. When and as I see myself creating/going into fear of failure when I have an assignment/task to do - I stop and breathe. I commit myself to stop and no more accept and allowing myself to go into fear of failure but simply focus on the task/assignment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into fear/anxiety/nervousness of running out of time and not having enough time to finish my task/assignment as I realize that with this I only sabotage myself as I think of what might happen as a result of my failure, instead of simply directing myself here in the breath to finish the assignment/task. I realize that there is no point in me imagining/thinking of not finishing an assignment task in time as this only makes me more noneffective which means it will take even longer for me to do the task/assignment, therefore I commit myself to stop creating/participating in fear/anxiety/nervousness of running out of time and not finishing in time. Instead I direct myself here in the breath and simply do the task/assignment.

Day 39 - Allowing myself not to be anxious, sad and in fear

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use X as a place of safety and relief, instead of realizing that I am my own relief and safety and that I only blind myself from the fact that no one and nothing outside of myself can be/give me safety/relief/happiness as I can only give this to myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I will have no partner/sex available in the future and that I will be alone. I realize that I do not need others in order to be safe and enjoy myself. When and as I see myself going into fear of having no partner/sex in the future - I stop and breathe. Instead I realize that I always have myself here in the breath and that this is all I need to enjoy myself because my fears that I create are not real and thus I allow myself to stop creating fears and negative emotions in relation to having no partner/sex and being alone in the future.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to stop the fear of having no partner/sex and being alone.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to stop defining the situation of having no partner/sex and being alone as sad, bad, meaningless, pointless, depressing.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to enjoy myself being alone/having no partner/sex. I realize that this is a great opportunity for me to get to know myself, be with myself and learn to be self-sufficient, self-directive and enjoy myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let the fear of not meeting X again and ever having sex with X again have control over me. I realize that I must not let this fear to have control over me as I will with this enslave myself into this fear and diminish myself. I realize that this fear is not real and so I breathe, stop myself and do not accept and allow this fear of not meeting/having sex with X again to have control over me and/or direct me in any way.

I realize that I can stop all my fears because the fear I create is not me as who I really am.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to realize that I can simply stop creating fear with breathing and not participating in the mind.

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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I will not be able to do my homework if I stay at X's place and don't go home.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that I cannot concentrate and be effective and do my homework if I stay at X's place and don't go home.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that the resistance to do the homework at X's place will be/is too strong for me to do my homework and that this resistance will go away when I am at my place.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to stop the fear of failure when I am having trouble with homework or something that I have to do. I realize that I am creating this fear because I do not take self-responsibility to do what it takes to be successful and finish what I have to do. When and as I see myself going into fear of failure - I stop and breathe. Instead I allow myself to stop the fear and direct myself here in the breath and find the solution to solve the problem and do what needs to be done.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to stop creating resistances towards doing homework or studying.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to stop searching for distractions in environment with which I could justify my emotions/resistances and so not take self-responsibility to stop this emotions/resistances and focus on the tasks that I have to do. When and as I see myself searching/looking for distractions and justifications for my emotions/resistances when I have to do my tasks - I stop and breath. Instead I remain here in the breath and direct myself to do the tasks while being aware that I can simply stop all fears/resistances/emotions through breathing and knowing that I am with every breath allowing myself to simply be here and not create any fears/resistances/emotions.

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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sad, depressed and anxious if I am home alone and there is no-one I could talk to. I realize that I hide myself from these feelings of sadness, depression and anxiety when I want to talk to others so that I would not have to face them and take self-responsibility for them. When and as I see myself getting sad, depressed and anxious I simply allow myself to stop manifesting these emotions through breathing and enjoy myself here in the breath in the physical.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to stop the feelings of sadness, depression and anxiety when I am home alone and/or have no-one to talk to.

I forgive myself NOT accepting and allowing myself to realize that I do not need other people in order to make the feelings of sadness, depression and anxiety go away as with this I only hide myself from the fact that I create them. Thus I realize that I do not need them and I allow myself to stop them with breathing and I allow myself to not recreate them as I know that creating and identifying myself with these feelings is pointless.

Day 38 - Being my starting point

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to realize that I do not have to feel sad, depressed and be in fear because I do not have a partner.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to stop defining not having a partner as sad and depressing.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to stop all the backchat, breathe and simply be here with myself.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to enjoy being with myself alone.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to realize that I made myself believe that I need certain people/situations in order to feel happy, loved, safe or a certain way.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to let go of the belief that I need a partner in order to feel loved, safe and be happy with myself.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to stop worrying about the future.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to stop worrying about what might happen if something doesn't go as I planned it.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to stop going into fear and anxiety when I don't see a solution to a problem that I have to solve. When and as I see myself going into fear, anxiety and nervousness when I realize that I don't see a solution to the problem that I have to solve - I stop and breathe. Instead I remain here in the breath and I look at what else can I do to find a solution.

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I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to stop fearing asking a professor/assistant a question/for help.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to stop feeling nervous before/when I want to ask a professor/assistant a question.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to stop judging myself as stupid and less than before/when I want to ask a professor/assistant a question.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into self-judgment and the belief that I am stupid and less than others when I ask the professor/assistant a question and others react to it.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I care so much about what others say/think about me because I do not trust myself and because I judge myself and have low self-confidence, so I believe that others have to say/think good about me, so that I will be happy with myself and accept myself as good/worthy/equal.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to stop worrying/caring about what others have to say or think about me. I realize that people will always have things to say about me and that their judgments and reactions are their own responsibility and have nothing to do with me or how I should see myself or look at myself.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to stop judging/blaming myself based on other people's reactions/judgments/comments about me.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to stop judging myself as strange/weird if I do not act in the same way that others do or that the majority deos.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to be myself and be confident with myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to blend in with the majority.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to realize that I fear to expose myself in front of others or be in center of attention because I care about what others say/think about me.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to trust myself to be myself, accept myself and direct/support myself in a way that is best for me while not harming/limiting others and allowing/helping them to do the same.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to be my own starting point and do things for me. I realize that I only have myself and that no one can help me be me or change me as I can only do that for myself.

I commit myself to be my own starting point and do things for me and because of me and to always bring points back to myself and align myself to what is best for all life.