Day 52 - Wanting others to think good about me

Day 51 is in Slovene

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wish/want/desire that my friends would think good about me so that I could have them as safety and backup, so that they would accept me and validate me and help me whenever I would perceive myself as unsafe and incapable of helping and supporting myself. When and as I see myself wishing/wanting desiring that my friends would think good about me - I stop and breathe. I realize that I am with this looking for back-doors where I could hide from myself and avoid my self-responsibility to direct myself and deal with myself through writing and self-forgiveness. I commit myself to stop wishing/wanting/desiring my friends to think good about me and like me and instead direct myself in breath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define 'friend' as someone who I know, like and am familiar with and feel comfortable with and also I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a positive experience/feeling of comfort/safety, acceptance/validation withing myself when I am around 'friends', where I then allow this feelings to direct me instead of me directing myself in breath. When and as I see myself defining friends as people who I know, like and am familiar with and feel comfortable with and wish/want/desire to be with them - I stop and breathe. I realize that I am creating a mind polarity where I feel positive when with friends and negative when I am not with them and/or perceive myself as alone, therefore I commit myself to stop wishing/wanting/desiring for the positive experience of safety/acceptance/validation/comfort with my 'friends' as I realize and understand that with this I also create the negative experience of loneliness where I feel negative/sad/depressed/helpless/unwanted when not with them.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wish/want/desire to validate myself through other people where I would feel positive/better about myself when others think good about me and negative about myself when others think bad about me. When and as I see myself wishing/wanting/desiring to validate myself through other people - I stop and breathe. I realize that I am creating a mind polarity of feeling good about myself when I perceive myself as being accepted/validated by others and bad about myself when I perceive that I am being rejected and not liked by others. I commit myself to stop wishing/wanting/desiring to validate myself through others and direct myself in breath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wish/want/desire to show care for others and to please them so that they would think good about me and me back whenever I would need it. When and as I see myself wishing/wanting/desiring to show care for others and please them so that they would like me and think good about me - I stop and breathe. I realize that I am doing this in self-interest and fear of complete self-responsibility and so I commit myself to stop wishing/wanting/desiring to show care for others and please them so that they would like me, instead I direct myself in breath and according to what is best for all.

Day 48 - Relationships

My 'Day 47' blog post is in Slovene.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wish/want/desire to meet/talk to my friends and people I know out of fear that I will lose the help/attention/validation/consolation from them if I do not and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that they will start to resent me. I realize that I fear not being in contact with my friends and people I know because I am afraid of being with myself alone and taking complete self responsibility for myself and so I use my friends and people I know to run away from myself and try to get comfort, safety, help and support from them, instead of giving this to myself. When and as I see myself wanting to meet with friends and people I know out of a wish/want/desire to get attention/validation/comfort/safety/help and support, instead of writing out my fears/desires and applying self-forgiveness and self-correction - I stop and breathe. I commit myself to remove all wishes/wants/desires to run away from myself by meeting/talking to my friends and people I know in order to get comfort from them, by applying self-forgiveness and directing myself in breath and not allowing fears/emotions to move me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel guilty and to blame myself for how I behaved in my relationship with my ex-girlfriend and because of this believe that I owe to support her and also I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wish/want/desire to redeem myself by helping/meeting with/talking with her whenever she asks me to and also I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wish/want/desire to do her favors in order to ensure myself help/attention/validation from her in the future in case if I need it. I realize that I am with this trying to get the feeling of safety through using others instead of taking complete responsibility for myself, also I realize that when I interact and build my relationships with others out of fear/emotions/desires, I only consider myself and my self interest and so I create/allow abuse, therefore I commit myself to write out and self-forgive all points where I interact with my ex-girlfriend or others out of fear/emotions/self-interest and direct myself in breath to create relationships based on common sense and what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react with anger and to feel controlled/limited whenever my partner reacts to the point of me talking/meeting with my ex-girlfriend and/or prohibits me to talk/meet with her or any other of my friends or people I know. I realize and understand that I react with anger and feeling of control because I believe that I have the right to talk to/meet with whomever I want while not considering the point that my partner reacts this way because she doesn't trust me that I will stand and not fall for my emotions/feelings, which is a consequence of me doing this in the past. I realize that me reacting to this and the fact that my partner does not trust me will not change anything and that I cannot make or convince anyone to trust me. Therefore I commit myself to walk my process of self-correction and stand through time in common sense and what is best for all by not allowing myself to be directed by my emotions/feelings and so stabilize myself to always be here in the breath and so my surroundings will also become more stable.

Day 23 - Relationship points: lostness, safety, security, comfortableness

Lostness & Decisions

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to look for/wait for an outside source to give me direction, instead of making a decision in self-honesty and practical common sense and live it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that I can be lost instead of realizing that I am always here and cannot lose myself here in the breath.

Safety and Security

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect my partner with safety, instead of creating and standing as my own safety.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define safety as always having someone to help me, instead of me helping myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to rely on my partner/others to take care of things that I forgot about or think/believe I don’t like/want to do, instead of me taking complete self-responsibility for myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect safety with money and how much I have and to go into fear when I lose money and happiness when I get money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to search for safety in my partner by trying to hide and protect myself through my partner, instead of taking complete self-responsibility for myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to run away from myself and try to hide from facing myself through relationship with my partner and or by distracting myself otherwise, instead of taking complete self-responsibility and facing myself in self-honesty no matter where or who I am with or what I am doing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into fear of the future whenever I am not with her/my partner and/or when I am alone and have no partner and am not in a relationship/agreement, instead of remaining here in the breath and trusting myself to take care of myself no matter what.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel more secure when I am with her/my partner/in a relationship and to feel threatened/unstable/vulnerable when am alone, instead of standing and trusting myself  to always take care of myself and be safe and secure.

Comfortableness

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel more comfortable with her/my partner than I do with others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define/see/perceive touching her/my partner as something different/more special than touching anyone else, instead of realizing that any touch is just a touch in the physical and that no touch is ‘more than’ or ‘less than’ because all touch is equal.

Day 15 - Partner comfort/safety

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel and look for comfort within my partner instead of being comfortable with myself. When and as I see myself wishing/wanting/desiring comfort from my partner - I stop and I breathe. Instead I make myself comfortable here in the breath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to look for safety and safe future within my partner and my partners family. I realize that by planning and counting on my partner for safety and safe/comfortable future I abdicate my self-responsibility to take care for my own safety/comfort. When and as I see myself accepting and allowing myself to look for safety and safe future within my partner and my partners family - I stop and I breathe. Instead I look at where do I still don't take complete self-responsibility for myself and I commit myself to take self-responsibility for myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that I am unable to take care of myself and my own safety/comfort. I realize that I compromise myself with irrational fears and beliefs. When and as I see myself thinking/believing/perceiving that I am unable to take care of myself and my own safety/comfort - I stop and I breathe. Instead I stop my thoughts/beliefs/fears with breath and bring myself here and take self-responsibility for my own safety/comfort where I direct myself in common sense and self-trust and stand equal and one with safety and comfort.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear taking complete self-responsibility for myself by stopping to rely/count on others/my partner to take care of me. I realize that I compromise/limit myself and others by not taking responsibility for myself. When and as I see myself accepting and allowing myself to fear taking complete self-responsibility for myself I stop and I breathe. Instead I bring myself back here with breath and I commit myself to direct myself and take self-responsibility within common sense and what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to rely on others to guide me/show me what to do/show me what is common sense/best for all and how to decide, instead of being self-honest with self and clearing myself from any reactions and making my decisions according to what is best for all as for me and standing by my decision. When and as I see myself accepting and allowing myself to rely on others to guide me/show me what to do/show me what is common sense/best for all and how to decide - I stop and breathe. Instead I commit myself to clear myself from reactions/fears and make my decisions according to common sense and what is practically best for all as for me and stand by my decision.