Day 72 - Going for a walk

I had enough of myself today, living the same patterns, fears and being lazy, never really doing anything for myself. I always wait for something to happen, I wait for others to do something with me or do what others do and I get lost and scared when I am alone. I had enough of myself being like this and I went outside for a walk. It was 1 in the morning and there was chilly outside, everything was white from a thin layer of fresh frosty snow. I started walking across the city towards the big cinema. I knew it will be closed but I didn't care. That was my goal and I enjoyed myself, walking alone. I almost never do something just for myself, alone, I usually do things out of fear or I let my emotions and feelings to direct me, instead of me directing myself. I have to establish my own self-direction and stop fearing being with myself alone, doing things for myself alone. I have to stop waiting for things to happen to me, stopping wishing for this and that and stop fearing doing things for myself alone... I came to the cinema and in deed it was closed, so I continued walking towards the gas station. My partner wished for a chocolate, so I went to look if it is still open. I saw how my experience of myself immediately changed when I decided to go out by myself and for myself, when I decided to no more wait for something to happen or someone to be with me or give me direction. And I realized that this is what I need, what I have to do, start doing things for myself alone, I have to decide for myself what to do and be my own starting point. It doesn't really matter what I will do, what matters is that I decide to do it and do it for myself alone. Not to follow some desires and wishes, but to learn to direct myself alone, to develop self-direction, to learn to be with myself alone and stop fearing being with myself alone and being self-responsible for myself. This is how I will develop self-trust and lose the fear of doing things alone and start living me, being with myself alone, because each of us is alone and we have to be alone together. I am not saying that I have to be or will be actually alone, with no one around, that is irrelevant. What is important is that I start being self-directive and do things for myself alone, with myself, to develop self-trust and not depend on others, wait for others, subdue myself to others. I have to stop waiting for others to give me direction. I have to stop fearing living and being alive, I have to start being my own self-direction without fear and self-judgment.

I came to the gas station and it was closed, so I continued walking. I had no specific goal, but I had self-direction and my principle - walking. I walked and I walked quite fast and I was decisive. That's what I decided to do for myself alone and that is what I was doing and I enjoyed myself in how decisive I was. I walked for about an hour and I went across the city and to the top of a hill with a great view of it and I didn't get tired at all. I realized and decided that this is what I have to do for myself, I have to develop self-direction and determination to do things alone, for myself, to be my own starting point and get rid of all the fears of being self-responsible and learn to be as self-directive and decisive and without fears as I was at that moment, walking. I did it for myself and I was enjoying my self-direction and determination. And I didn't fear to be with myself alone. I always feared being alone, having to do things for myself alone and being self-responsible. And I still do at times, but I have my writings, self-forgiveness and common sense and I know what I want, I always want to be as decisive and as self-directive and without fear as I was when I decided to walk today. And I know that I have a lot of patterns to write out and remove and that fears and laziness and resistances and all the self-limitations of the mind will come back to test me, but I will not subdue to these mind energetic patterns and I will not let myself be less than what I am as Life. And I know that I will fail to stand many times, but I know what I want and I have my walk. I know how it is to walk decisively for self alone, without fear and with self-direction. And so I will walk and direct myself to walk, just as I did this day, and I will have this walk as an example of how self-directive, determined and without fear I can be and I will spread this walk to all parts of myself and my living, to be as best as I can and to not accept anything less from myself than what I really am as Life, in oneness and equality.

Day 40 - Searching for attention, postponement, fear

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to look/search for attention when I am with people in order to feel better, loved, safe and in order to hide myself from the emotions of fear, sadness, anxiety that I create for myself and experience when I am alone.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to be satisfied/happy with myself when I am alone.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to let go of the belief that I can only be satisfied with myself, happy and safe when I am with people and not when I am alone.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to search for recognition, attention, love and comfort in others and especially women, instead of realizing that I have to give that to myself. When and as I see myself wanting/desiring/searching to get recognition, attention, love and comfort from others - I stop and breathe. I commit myself to stop the separation of myself from recognition, attention, love and comfort through desiring this from other people and give this back to myself.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to stop searching for sexual energy arousal by looking at women figures and in this I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to search for sexual energy arousal by looking at women's hips, butts, breasts, thighs or any other body part. I realize that by doing this I participate in the energy program of my mind where I perpetuate the addiction/enslavement to it. Therefore when and as I see myself searching/looking for sexual energetic arousal by watching women - I stop and breathe. I commit myself to not participate in this sexual arousal mind program and direct myself in the breath.

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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create resistances towards learning/doing school assignments within and as myself. I realize that this will not help me in any way or change the fact that I have to do it and within this I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to stop creating the resistances. I commit myself to stop creating the resistances towards learning and doing school assignments and enjoy myself here in the breath as I learn and/or do my school assignments.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to avoid and postpone making the assignments for school or any other task and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into future projections where I think about doing/having to do something and through this create resistance towards it by defining it as hard, boring, stupid. When and as I see myself thinking/imagining myself doing something - I stop and breathe. Instead I direct myself here in the breath and simply do the task/assignment and do not accept and allow myself to go into future projections where I only think about how would I do it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create/go into fear of failure whenever I have an assignment/task to do where I imagine/think about what will happen if I don't do it as I realize and understand that I am only sabotaging myself with this by distracting myself, instead of simply being here in the breath and focusing on the task/assignment. When and as I see myself creating/going into fear of failure when I have an assignment/task to do - I stop and breathe. I commit myself to stop and no more accept and allowing myself to go into fear of failure but simply focus on the task/assignment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into fear/anxiety/nervousness of running out of time and not having enough time to finish my task/assignment as I realize that with this I only sabotage myself as I think of what might happen as a result of my failure, instead of simply directing myself here in the breath to finish the assignment/task. I realize that there is no point in me imagining/thinking of not finishing an assignment task in time as this only makes me more noneffective which means it will take even longer for me to do the task/assignment, therefore I commit myself to stop creating/participating in fear/anxiety/nervousness of running out of time and not finishing in time. Instead I direct myself here in the breath and simply do the task/assignment.

Day 39 - Allowing myself not to be anxious, sad and in fear

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use X as a place of safety and relief, instead of realizing that I am my own relief and safety and that I only blind myself from the fact that no one and nothing outside of myself can be/give me safety/relief/happiness as I can only give this to myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I will have no partner/sex available in the future and that I will be alone. I realize that I do not need others in order to be safe and enjoy myself. When and as I see myself going into fear of having no partner/sex in the future - I stop and breathe. Instead I realize that I always have myself here in the breath and that this is all I need to enjoy myself because my fears that I create are not real and thus I allow myself to stop creating fears and negative emotions in relation to having no partner/sex and being alone in the future.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to stop the fear of having no partner/sex and being alone.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to stop defining the situation of having no partner/sex and being alone as sad, bad, meaningless, pointless, depressing.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to enjoy myself being alone/having no partner/sex. I realize that this is a great opportunity for me to get to know myself, be with myself and learn to be self-sufficient, self-directive and enjoy myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let the fear of not meeting X again and ever having sex with X again have control over me. I realize that I must not let this fear to have control over me as I will with this enslave myself into this fear and diminish myself. I realize that this fear is not real and so I breathe, stop myself and do not accept and allow this fear of not meeting/having sex with X again to have control over me and/or direct me in any way.

I realize that I can stop all my fears because the fear I create is not me as who I really am.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to realize that I can simply stop creating fear with breathing and not participating in the mind.

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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I will not be able to do my homework if I stay at X's place and don't go home.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that I cannot concentrate and be effective and do my homework if I stay at X's place and don't go home.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that the resistance to do the homework at X's place will be/is too strong for me to do my homework and that this resistance will go away when I am at my place.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to stop the fear of failure when I am having trouble with homework or something that I have to do. I realize that I am creating this fear because I do not take self-responsibility to do what it takes to be successful and finish what I have to do. When and as I see myself going into fear of failure - I stop and breathe. Instead I allow myself to stop the fear and direct myself here in the breath and find the solution to solve the problem and do what needs to be done.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to stop creating resistances towards doing homework or studying.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to stop searching for distractions in environment with which I could justify my emotions/resistances and so not take self-responsibility to stop this emotions/resistances and focus on the tasks that I have to do. When and as I see myself searching/looking for distractions and justifications for my emotions/resistances when I have to do my tasks - I stop and breath. Instead I remain here in the breath and direct myself to do the tasks while being aware that I can simply stop all fears/resistances/emotions through breathing and knowing that I am with every breath allowing myself to simply be here and not create any fears/resistances/emotions.

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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sad, depressed and anxious if I am home alone and there is no-one I could talk to. I realize that I hide myself from these feelings of sadness, depression and anxiety when I want to talk to others so that I would not have to face them and take self-responsibility for them. When and as I see myself getting sad, depressed and anxious I simply allow myself to stop manifesting these emotions through breathing and enjoy myself here in the breath in the physical.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to stop the feelings of sadness, depression and anxiety when I am home alone and/or have no-one to talk to.

I forgive myself NOT accepting and allowing myself to realize that I do not need other people in order to make the feelings of sadness, depression and anxiety go away as with this I only hide myself from the fact that I create them. Thus I realize that I do not need them and I allow myself to stop them with breathing and I allow myself to not recreate them as I know that creating and identifying myself with these feelings is pointless.

Day 38 - Being my starting point

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to realize that I do not have to feel sad, depressed and be in fear because I do not have a partner.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to stop defining not having a partner as sad and depressing.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to stop all the backchat, breathe and simply be here with myself.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to enjoy being with myself alone.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to realize that I made myself believe that I need certain people/situations in order to feel happy, loved, safe or a certain way.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to let go of the belief that I need a partner in order to feel loved, safe and be happy with myself.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to stop worrying about the future.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to stop worrying about what might happen if something doesn't go as I planned it.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to stop going into fear and anxiety when I don't see a solution to a problem that I have to solve. When and as I see myself going into fear, anxiety and nervousness when I realize that I don't see a solution to the problem that I have to solve - I stop and breathe. Instead I remain here in the breath and I look at what else can I do to find a solution.

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I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to stop fearing asking a professor/assistant a question/for help.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to stop feeling nervous before/when I want to ask a professor/assistant a question.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to stop judging myself as stupid and less than before/when I want to ask a professor/assistant a question.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into self-judgment and the belief that I am stupid and less than others when I ask the professor/assistant a question and others react to it.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I care so much about what others say/think about me because I do not trust myself and because I judge myself and have low self-confidence, so I believe that others have to say/think good about me, so that I will be happy with myself and accept myself as good/worthy/equal.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to stop worrying/caring about what others have to say or think about me. I realize that people will always have things to say about me and that their judgments and reactions are their own responsibility and have nothing to do with me or how I should see myself or look at myself.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to stop judging/blaming myself based on other people's reactions/judgments/comments about me.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to stop judging myself as strange/weird if I do not act in the same way that others do or that the majority deos.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to be myself and be confident with myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to blend in with the majority.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to realize that I fear to expose myself in front of others or be in center of attention because I care about what others say/think about me.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to trust myself to be myself, accept myself and direct/support myself in a way that is best for me while not harming/limiting others and allowing/helping them to do the same.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to be my own starting point and do things for me. I realize that I only have myself and that no one can help me be me or change me as I can only do that for myself.

I commit myself to be my own starting point and do things for me and because of me and to always bring points back to myself and align myself to what is best for all life.

Day 21 - Relationship points: helplessness

How do I experience helplessness?
I don’t know how to do something and I perceive I have no one to ask for help and I fear that I will not be able to overcome what I am doing. I judge myself as incapable and feel ashamed, less than, unworthy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into helplessness whenever I perceive myself as alone and/or don’t know what to do and in this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to trust myself that I am able to help myself or find help.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I will not know how to do something and have no one to ask for help. I realize that this fear is completely irrational and unnecessary. When and as I see myself fearing not knowing how to do something and having no one to ask for help – I stop and I breathe. Instead I direct myself here in the breath and see what I can do and how I can expand myself and learn something new.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge/see/perceive myself as less than when I don’t know (how to do) something. I realize that what one knows/can do does not define one’s value as who one is as Life. When and as I see myself judging/seeing/perceiving myself as less than when I don’t know (how to do) something – I stop and I breathe. Instead I direct myself in the breath as an equal and take such an opportunity to learn something new and expand myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I will not be able to overcome what I am doing/what I have to do and fail and in this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word failure as something bad and define myself according to it whenever I don’t succeed, instead of realizing that failure always happen when doing things and/or learning something new where I can expand and perfect myself and learn to be more self-directive. When and as I see myself fearing not knowing what to do/failing/not being able to do something successfully – I stop ad I breathe. Instead I direct myself here in the breath and I commit myself to take such opportunities to learn and expand myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define/see/perceive being alone and not knowing what to do as a shameful failure, instead of embracing it as an opportunity to expand myself and learn something new.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge/define myself as incapable of finding friends and feel ashamed, less than, sad and unworthy when I am alone, instead of taking the opportunity to be with myself and enjoy myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define people who immediately know what to do as capable and others as incapable and in this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare myself and my skills/capabilities to others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to immediately go into inferiority when I see someone knowing something I don’t/knowing what to do when I don’t. I realize that I can never stand equal to others as long as I separate myself through comparing myself to others. When and as I see myself comparing myself and what I do/know to others – I stop and I breathe. Instead I stand here in the breath as an equal and direct myself in common sense without comparison.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define/see/perceive people who are alone as unhappy. I realize that this is because I defined and connected aloneness with unhappiness within myself. When and as I see myself defining/connecting aloneness with unhappiness – I stop and I breathe. Instead I stay here in the breath.

I commit myself to not give into helplessness whenever I find myself alone or without help but instead take the opportunity to expand myself and learn something new.

Day 19 - Relationship points: aloneness

How do I experience aloneness?
I define aloneness as not having a girl (partner) to live with. When alone I desire to have/be with my partner that would understand me, accept me and enjoy being with me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire/wish/want to be in a relationship/agreement with a partner who would understand me/accept me and enjoy being with me, instead of realizing that I have to understand me through self-honesty, that I have to accept me as life an enjoy myself here in the physical.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wish/want/desire to be in an agreement/relationship with her out of fear of loss.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define/connect aloneness with sadness, failure, depression, fear and anxiety.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define aloneness as not having a girl/partner to live with. I realize that I am alone all the time because the presence of someone else that is with me does not change or define me as who I actually really am here in the physical, because I only imagine aloneness/togetherness in my mind where I define this aloneness/togetherness through polarity and separation which is all an illusion because in actuality we always stand alone and yet we are together.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define aloneness as the opposite polarity of togetherness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel depressed, sad, anxious and go into fear whenever I think of being alone, not being in a relationship/agreement with her or anyone.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wish/want/desire to be in a relationship/agreement with her/anyone out of fear of survival and not having enough money.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to trust myself that I am able to get/have enough money to survive.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that I need her/my partner/others in order to survive and enjoy myself.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to trust myself that I am able to take care of myself no matter what.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wish/want/desire to be in an agreement/relationship with her out of fear of losing and not having any friends.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I do not need her/anyone to help me to get to know new people and have friends.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I don’t need friends/other people in order to stop feeling alone and accept me, understand me and enjoy myself here in the physical. I realize that I have created the emotions of aloneness, non-acceptance and non-understanding myself and so I stop these emotions and give me back to myself as life to be self-sufficient and self-fulfilling and enjoy myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear stopping/not being in a relationship with her and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect all the emotions/feelings to the memories of being with her and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect and define myself according to this memories/feelings/emotions that I have about her.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear stop defining myself through the memories/feelings about her, thinking that I will lose myself and who I am, instead of realizing that I will not lose myself but only free myself from the self-enslavement/limitation I created for myself by defining myself through these memories/feelings.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define her as something ‘more than’ just because I have more memories and good feelings attached to her.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to look at people according to my memories about them instead of simply being here and accepting everyone equally.

I commit myself to stop defining aloneness/togetherness as a polarity within me where being alone is bad/sad and being together is good/happy/fun.

I commit myself to stand alone and yet together with all that is here as one as equal and be self-sufficient and self-fulfilling.

I commit myself to investigate and remove all ideas/beliefs that I am not self-sufficient and self-fulfilling and I commit myself to always enjoy myself here in the breath no matter what and direct myself within common sense and towards what is best for all.

Day 18 - Relationship points: loneliness

I fear not having an agreement with X because we support each other practically and because with her I feel peaceful, safe, secure and comfortable.

Why do I feel peaceful?
We don't fight. I don't experience emotions of loneliness, aloneness, fear, anxiety, helplessness, lostness.

How do I experience loneliness?
I define loneliness as having no one to be/talk/do things with. When lonely I get the want to talk to or do something with someone. I think I am missing out life/living, I think others enjoy themselves more than me and I am jealous.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into the lonely character when I have no one to talk to/be with/do things with. I realize that with this I compromise myself by going into my mind where I think about others and what they are doing and what experiences they are having that I would also like to experience with them while I actually miss what is here by being in my mind. When and as I see myself going into the lonely character when I have no one to talk to/be with/do things with – I stop and I breathe. Instead I focus on moving and directing myself here in the breath in the physical within common sense and what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think about others/friends and what they are doing when I have no one to talk to/be with/do things with and compare their experience to my experience. I realize that within this I fuck myself in the mind instead of simply being here in the breath. When and as I see myself thinking about others/friends and what they are doing when I have no one to talk to/be with/do things with and comparing their experience and my experience – I stop and I breathe. Instead I focus on moving and directing myself here in the breath in the physical within common sense and what is best for all.

I forgive myself to define being around friends/familiar people as more fun/better than being alone or with strangers and within this create the opposite polarity of loneliness. When and as I see myself defining being around friends/familiar people as more fun/better than being alone or with strangers – I stop and I breathe. Instead I stop existing within the polarity of being alone/being with friends and enjoy myself here in the breath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create the want/need/desire to talk/do something with someone within and as me. I realize that within this I create the belief and emptiness within myself where I look for something outside of myself to fulfill me. When and as I see myself wanting/needing/desiring to talk/do something with someone – I stop and I breathe. Instead I stay here in the breath give back to myself that which I have separated myself from.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that I am missing out life/living when I have no one to talk to/be with/do things with. I realize that I don’t need anyone to enjoy myself. When and as I see myself thinking/believing/perceiving that I am missing out life/living when I have no one to talk to/be with/do things with – I stop and I breathe. Instead I enjoy myself here in the breath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare my life to the life of my friends and others and to think/believe/perceive that others enjoy themselves more than me and so create jealousy within myself. When and as I see myself comparing my life to the life of my friends and others and think/believe/perceive that others enjoy themselves more and become jealous – I stop and I breathe. Instead I stay here in the breath and do not compare my life to others and commit myself to work towards a solution that will allow all to have an enjoyable life in oneness and equality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into anxiety within the thought ‘I am alone, there’s no one I can talk to/do things with’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect/define the word aloneness as something negative and connect it with anxiety and depression.

I commit myself to no accept and allow myself to exist within the character of aloneness and I commit myself to investigate what I am actually separating myself from when desiring to not be alone and give it back to myself to stand self-sufficient and self-fulfilling.

Day 9 - Self-responsibility / Aloneness

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear facing all of myself and being self-honest with self and taking self-responsibility. I realize that judging myself for this is pointless. When and as I see myself fearing facing myself and being self-honest with self - I stop and I breathe. Instead I write out the fears and points where I have not yet taken self-responsibility for myself and I commit myself to take self-responsibility for every point I find, breath by breath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear loosing my relationships if I am self-honest and do self-correction, instead of realizing that with this I will stop my mind/energetic relationships and replace them with physical relationships based on common sense and what is best for all. When and as I see myself fearing to loose my mind/energetic relationships if I am self-honest and do self-correction - I stop and I breathe. Instead I commit myself to be self-honest and do self-correction and not go into fear of loosing my energetic/mind relationship, but replace them with physical relationships according to common sense and what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that the effectiveness of my process is dependant on the place and person(s) I live with, instead of realizing that facing myself, being self honest and applying self-correction according to what is best for all is all about myself and my willingness to face myself and correct myself, no matter where or with whom I live.

I commit myself to not avoid but face myself in self-honesty, breath by breath, writing out, forgiving and correcting every point and aligning myself according to what is best for all Life by finding and applying practical solutions from which all Life will benefit equally.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that I will only face myself and take self-resopnsibility for myself if I am in constant situations of conflict. I realize that by doing this I separate myself from the point of facing myself and taking self-responsibility by limiting myself to think that I will/can only do this when I am in conflict situations. When and as I see myself thinking/believing/perceiving that I will only face myself and take self-resopnsibility for myself in conflict situations - I stop and I breathe. Instead I commit myself to be self-honest and take self-resopnsibility for myself no matter what situation I am in and stand for practical solutions that are best for all Life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear, be embarassed and judge myself as 'less than' when facing and exposing my fears to myself/other. I realize that fearing, judging myself as less than and being embarassed when exposing my fears to myself and others is poitnless. When and as I see myself fearing, being embarassed and judging myself as 'less than' when exposing my fears to myself or others - I stop and I braethe. Instead I commit myelf to look at, write out and remove the irrational fears through which I compromise myself to not do/stand for what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that my fears will overrun me and that I will be unable to stop them/push through them and so comproimse my effectiveness within the system if I push myself too much into situations of fear. I realize that by thinking about fears overrunning me I create the fear of this happening and also already accept and allow the possibility of this happening. When and as I see myself fearing that my fears will overrun me and that I will be unable to stop them - I stop and I breathe. Instead I commit myself to stop the fear of being overrun by fears by applying self-forgiveness and focusing on the breath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as a failure/feel as less than/incapable when I or someone else exposes a point that I hadn't considered yet or where I haven't taken self-responsibility yet. I realize that judging myself and feeling less than in this situations is pointless. When and as I see myself that I judge myself as a failure/feel as less than/incapable when I or someone else exposes a point that I hadn't considered yet or where I haven't taken self-responsibility yet - I stop and I breathe. Instead I commit myself to look at the point in self-honesty, write it out and apply self-forgiveness and self-correction until there are no more reactions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that others will see/judge me as a failure/less than if they see/know or I tell them that there is a point where I still haven't taken self responsibility yet. I realize that in this I actually judge myself as a failure/less than which is pointless. When and as I see myself fearing that others will judge me as a failure/less than if they see/know or I tell them that there is a point where I still haven't taken self responsibility yet - I stop and I breathe. Instead I do not judge myself and I commit myself to write out and take responsibility for myself in common sense and what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear loosing X and connecting her with safety/help/support. I realize that I am responsible to be/create my own safety/help/support as equally as for others. When and as I see myself going into fear of loosing X and so my safety/help/support - I stop and I breathe. Instead I look at where do I still define my safety/help/support according to her and I commit myself to give back to myself and create my own safety/help/support as equally as for others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not want to take complete self-responsibility for myself and to make X and other people responsible for myself. I realize that by doing this I am limiting and abusing myself and others. When and as I see myself not wanting to take complete self-responsibility for myself - I stop and I breathe. Instead I commit myself to stop all self abuse and the abuse of others by taking self-responsibility for myself according to common sense and what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect aloneness to 'having no one to talk to'.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear of not having anyone to talk to.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wish/want/desire to always have someone I can talk to.
When and as I see myself connecting aloneness with having no one to talk to, fearing of having no one to talk to and wishing/wanting/desiring to always have someone I can talk to - I stop and I breathe. Instead I stay here in the breath and commit myself to stop all definitions/memories connected to aloneness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect aloneness to 'having no one to help me'.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear having no one to help me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wish/want/desire to always have someone to help me.
I realize that I can and have to always help myself first. When and as I see myself connecting aloneness to 'having no one to help me', fearing that I will have no one to help me and wishing/wanting/desiring to always have someone to help me - I stop and I breathe. Instead I stay here in the breath and look at how I can help myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect aloneness with 'having no sex'.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear of having no sex.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wish/want/desire to always have someone to have sex with.
I realize that I can enjoy my sexual expression equally with myself alone as with someone else. When and as I see myself connecting aloneness with 'having no sex', fearing of having no sex and wishing/wanting/desiring to always have someone to have sex with - I stop and I breathe. Instead I stay here in the breath and look at where have I still separated myself from sex and sexual expression and I commit myself to apply self-forgiveness and self-correction.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear of having to cook/prepare my own food and connecting it to aloneness. I realize that I am self-responsible to take care of my own food/diet. When and as I see myself fearing of having to cook/prepare my own food - I stop and I breathe. Instead I stay in the breathe and forgive myself all the resistances that come up and commit myself to learn and prepare my own food.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect aloneness with 'having no one to have fun with'.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear having no one to have fun with.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wish/want/desire to always have someone to have fun with.
I realize that within this I have separated myself from fun because I believe I need someone else in order to have fun. When and as I see myself connecting aloneness with 'having no one to have fun with' - I stop and I breathe. Instead I stay in the breathe and I commit myself to remove all connections/emotion/memories that come up about the point 'having no one to have fun with' until I am one and equal with fun as being here in the breath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define and connect aloneness as being a failure and to judge myself as a failure if/when I am alone. I realize that judging myself as a failure is pointless. When and as I see myself defining aloneness as being a failure and judging myself as a failure if/when I am alone - I stop and I breathe. Instead I stay in the breathe and I commit myself to remove all self-judgments and definitions that come around the point of aloneness as a failure.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define and connect aloneness as/to boredom. I realize that boredom is a character of the mind that I created and is not real. When and as I see myself connecting aloneness to boredom and/or being bored - I stop and I breathe. Instead I stay in the breath and I look at how I have created the character of boredom and I commit myself to apply self-forgiveness and self-correction until there is no more experience of boredom and aloneness, just me being here in the breath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear going into backchat and self-pity about aloneness and feeling scared/sad/disappointed/self-limited/wasting my Life/feeling sorry for myself. I realize that I create this fear by projecting my definitions about aloneness into the future in my mind and so accepting and allowing myself to already create this experience for me. When and as I see myself fearing of going into backchat and self-pity about aloneness and feeling scared/sad/disappointed/self-limited/wasting my Life/feeling sorry for myself - I stop and I breathe. Instead I stay here in the breath and I commit myself to stop and forgive myself all the points that come up around the point of fear of being alone until I am clear here in the breath in the company of myself as the physical.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear taking self-responsibility for everything I haven't taken self-responsibility for and defining it as too much/too hard. I realize that there is no point in imagining/projecting the amount of self-responsibility I have to take and to define it as hard/too much as with this I only create the feeling of overwhelmingness, resistance and fear. When and as I see myself fearing of taking self-responsibility for myself and defining it as too much/too hard - I stop and I breathe. Instead I stay here in the breathe and I commit myself to take self-responsibility for myself here, one breath at a time, where I look at the fears/resistances that come up regarding taking self responsibility and I apply self-forgiveness and self-correction and apply myself in self-responsibility and according to what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that I do not have to take complete self-responsibility for self and think/believe/perceive that others can do it for me. I realize that with this I allow myself to enslave myself to others and abuse myself and others by not taking self-responsibility. When and as I see myself thinking/believing/perceiving that I do not have to take self-responsibility - I stop and I breathe. Instead I stay here in the breathe and I commit myself to stop and self-forgive all excuses and take self-responsibility for myself one breath at a time and according to what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not knowing what to do and being lost and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that I always have to know what to do and to judge myself as stupid/less than/embarrassing if I don't know what to do. I realize that fearing this to happen is pointless as I am always here with me in the breath never lost and that I can always see what to do in common sense here in the physical when I am in the breath. When and as I see myself fearing not knowing what to do or being lost - I stop and I breathe. Instead I stay here in the breath and I commit myself to stop all irrational fears as they come up with self-forgiveness and self correction.

2012 - Alone = All-One

I am experiencing myself lately as "being alone" and "being away from friends" where I have defined friends as special and something "more then". Thus I have now experienced the other polarity, where before I believed that being with those who I define as "more than" makes me happy and now that I am not with them, I am not happy anymore. But in self-honesty, this is my own self-deception that I created in my thoughts. As I am looking at this self-deception I realize that in reality I am always alone and thus there is no need for me to create ideas and emotions/feelings about this because I can simply be here, one and equal with the physical = all-one with self and all that is here. By being always all-one with self here, I don't go into the mind but I move myself as the physical and I enjoy myself equally no matter if I walk "close" with others or "far" from others, we are all always here, even if it appears that we are not together because we cannot see each other. So, the "who I am" must always be the same and the fact that I am currently not walking "close" with anyone should not have any influence on me from the mental and feeling perspective as then I would accept and allow myself to be controlled by my own thoughts and feelings and so I would not be able to make decisions based on common sense and what is Best for All.

These are the points that come up:

- The feeling of missing out: The thoughts come up where I think and believe that other people have a "good time", meaning that they are enjoying themselves more and feel more exited, have more fun. So I become afraid that I will miss the opportunity to do something exciting, which actually means that I believe that other people/situations will give me emotions/feelings that I will perceive as worthwhile and that I will want to remember when I get older and can't do them anymore. So I also fear of getting old and dieing before I do the things that I perceive would give me "good feelings" and "good memories" which is all a big mind-fuck. I always create my own feelings, so if I believe that someone/something else gives me a feeling than I don't live for real anyway because I live in illusion and self-deception where I am controlled by my own desires of getting an energy feeling and then trying to remember them as picture that are also not real because they are of the mind and the mind is of energy which can and will simply disappear and so I will forget all of it anyway.
So, instead of focusing on trying to have "goof feelings" I will rather focus on being happy and satisfied with self here in every moment of breath so that I will actually live here as self as who I really am within self-direction and I will not try to create good memories for myself because I will lose them anyway and because if I do this I miss what is here by being in the mind that is not real. Also I will not fear of getting old and dying because I will get old and die anyway and if I don't live in self-honesty and in self-direction in every here moment, then my Life is a lie and an illusion anyway because I don't live myself but my fears, beliefs and preprogrammed mind patterns that are not real.

- The desire for a woman/relationship: where I fear that I will not have sex and that I will have to do everything by my own and that no one will help me if I am in trouble. Fear of not having sex is actually fear of not having an energy excitement and orgasm and fear of feeling "less than" other man, which is an ego point of comparison and competition. Fear of not having an energy excitement shows how I have addicted and limited myself to my own energy feelings that I create through my thoughts and pictures in my mind, thus I stop and simply be here in the breath. Fear of having to do everything by my own is fear of taking responsibility for myself where I believe that I am not capable of doing what needs to be done and taking care of myself which is self-sabotage. I stop the thoughts and realize that by simply being here I can learn what I don't know yet and/or ask for help when I need assistance and that there is no reason whatsoever for me to think that I cannot take care of myself. I simply move myself here in the breath with common sense and I can solve any problem.Comparison and competition is a complete illusionary mind pattern that I accepted and allowed through my life where I was thought and "forced" to compete within the system, thus I simply realize that by judging self and comparing self I only limit myself by defining myself as "less than" or "more than", so I stop. I realize that I am always equal to all as Life here and so "winning" is an illusion of the ego.

- Boredom: where I define myself as "boring" and "useless" and "not doing anything" instead of simply being here in the breath and doing what is common sense and expressing myself in the physical. I stop the thoughts and self-judgments / self-definitions and look with common sense where can I correct myself or simply express myself here.