Day 78 - Stopping resistance towards my activities by stopping backchat

My previous blog is in Slovene.

When I prepare myself to write I get a sense of resistance and my throat muscles tighten. I think of what I should write about and almost nothing comes up at first. I think about writing about sexual attraction, but I don't know what else to write that I haven't written out yet, thus I think I should just live out the physical corrections.

What I see would be best for me at the moment is to train myself to not accept and follow the energetic impulses of positivity and also to not try and avoid the negative emotions, reactions, but to in both cases direct myself to stand through the energetic impulse until it passes and also write out any new point I see coming up within that.

The points where I can best apply this correction atm is in the case of negative reactions/resistance, when I have work to do for school and when directing myself to write a blog every day and when I do my SRA lessons. The positive points come up when I think of playing a game or watching a movie or going out instead of directing myself to do something that I should do as it is common sense and best for all and that I will have to do anyway.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself the backchat of postponement within and as myself. When and as I see myself allowing the backchat of postponement - I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that whenever I allow the postponement backchat, I make it more and more difficult for myself to direct myself to do what I have to do and I build more and more resistance, instead of simply doing it within breath. I realize and understand that when I do not allow myself the backchat of postponement and self-sabotage, directing myself within doing any task is as simple as breathing, but when I allow myself to have more and more thoughts of self-sabotage, I make it more and more difficult for myself as I create more and more energy, emotion, resistance with which I sabotage myself. Therefore I commit myself to no more accept and allow myself to create thoughts and backchat of postponement, instead I commit myself to direct myself in breath to do what I have to do while simply being here, breathing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define times, situations when I have done everything I had to do and when I do not have to plan/think about what to do next as more relaxing, enjoyable, happier, more fun and on the other side I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define times, situations when I have to plan, think and figure out how and what to do next, as stressful, not enjoyable. When and as I see myself not enjoying myself and being stressed out or enjoying myself, being happy and relaxed - I stop and breathe. I look at the point that I have defined that results in me experiencing myself in this way and I remove the point with self forgiveness as I realize and understand that it is a point of polarity that I can remove and so always be here in the breath, stable, without swinging between one or the other mood/feeling polarity with which I only compromise myself, distract myself and make myself uneffective. I commit myself to not accept and allow myself to swing between moods of resistance, stress and unhappiness and on the other side desire, relaxedness and happiness, instead I commit myself to remove these polarities within myself with self-forgiveness and direct myself stable, here in the breath, so that I can always direct myself in stability and without resistance, just like I can breathe stably and without resistance.

Day 43 - Directed by emotions and feelings

(My day 42 blog is in Slovenian.)

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give into energies/feelings and chase them to get the experience. I realize that by doing so I give energies/feelings more value than Life itself where I separate myself from Life and abuse myself as Life. When and as I see myself giving into energies/feelings and wanting to chase them - I stop and breathe. I commit myself to immediately remove all desires for chasing energies/feelings and wants to experience them with self-forgiveness and self corrective application.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give into the feeling of excitement/arousal when and as I see an 'attractive' woman. I realize and understand that with this I give more value to energy as excitement/arousal than Life and abuse myself as Life. When and as I see myself wanting to give into the excitement/arousal when and as I see an 'attractive' woman - I stop and breath. I commit myself to remove all desires/wants for excitement/arousal when and as I see an 'attractive' woman and not follow the energy but stand for Life and direct myself in common sense.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to look for company/attention/comfort/acceptance from others. I realize I search for this as I do not give it to myself. When and as I see myself looking for company/attention/comfort/acceptance from others - I stop and breathe. I commit myself to immediately remove all points of searching for company/attention/comfort/acceptance from others with self-forgiveness and self-correction and by bringing myself here through breath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to direct myself according to my feelings/emotions instead of common sense. I realize that with this I give energy as emotions/feelings more value than Life and so abuse Life. When and as I see myself making decision based on emotion/feelings - I stop and breathe. I commit myself to not base my decisions on emotions/feelings and remove all such points/reactions through writing, self-forgiveness and self-correction and I commit myself to make direct myself and make decisions based on common sense and what is best for all Life.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to commit to myself to stop all desires/wants/needs for chasing/experiencing energies as feelings and emotions. I realize and understand that whenever I allow myself to have emotions/feelings I separate myself from myself and all that is here as Life and abuse Life. When and as I see myself desiring/wishing/wanting to chase/experience energies as feelings/emotions - I stop and breathe. I commit myself to remove all desires/wants/needs for chasing/experiencing energies through writing, self-forgiveness and applying self-correction where I do not follow such desires/wants/needs but direct myself here in the breath to stand as Life and do what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to please others in order to get them to like me and give me attention to validate myself through it. I realize that I do this because I do not give myself attention. When and as I see myself wanting to please others in order to get them to like me - I stop and I breathe. I commit myself to remove all wants/desires to please others with self-forgiveness and self-corrective application and give attention to myself.

Day 32 - Sexual Attraction to Pictures

Flat stomachs

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within and as arousal and sexual excitement whenever I see a flat woman's stomach. When and as I see myself going into arousal and sexual excitement when I see a flat woman's stomach – I stop and breathe. I realize that I myself have defined the picture of a flat woman's stomach as sexual and arousing and so I myself am the one who is still accepting and allowing in that moment to get/be aroused and sexually excited, by having the picture of a flat woman's stomach as a trigger point. I commit myself to stop the addiction to sexual energetic excitement through picture stimulation such as the flat woman's stomach.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the picture of a flat woman's stomach as an excuse and justification as why I am excited. When and as I see myself using/existing within and as the excuse of 'it is the picture of a flat woman's stomach that got me excited' – I stop and breathe. I realize that I am the one who is still accepting and allowing myself to become/be excited through the excuse/justification that it is a picture of a flat woman's stomach who got me excited. I commit myself to not user external points as an excuse of why I am excited/sexually aroused and why I am the way I am and to direct myself here in the breath to stop energetic addictions through perceived pictures such as a flat woman's stomach.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within and as the desire to touch a flat woman's stomach and get the experience of hitting a jackpot in the way where I would get what I always imagined/wanted/desired through thoughts in my mind. When and as I see myself existing within and as the desire to touch a flat woman's stomach – I stop and breathe. I realize that I exist within this desire as I have given this act of being able to touch a flat woman's stomach a higher value within my mind as a pattern through which I would/could experience the highest possible energetic sexual arousal and orgasm. I commit myself to stop searching/chasing the sexual energetic high/orgasm and stop the pattern of sexual addiction to energy and energetic arousal through pictures/imagination/thoughts and instead create a new pattern where I remain here in the breath and focus on the physical touch without any pictures/thoughts/wishes/desires.

Women figures

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to look and search for 'perfect' women figures whenever I am around women. When and as I see myself looking/searching for 'perfect' women figures – I stop and breathe. I realize that I am through this still accepting and allowing myself to exist within and as the pattern of addiction to sexual energy arousal through pictures. I commit myself to stop looking/searching for ‘perfect’ pictures of women figures by being self-directive in the moment and not intentionally turning my head/eyes towards such pictures but remaining here in the breath, not accepting and allowing myself to be directed by such energies/desires.

Day 7 - Stopping the relationship energy addictions

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into and exist within and as the feeling of excitement/happiness whenever X invites me somewhere or wants to hang out with me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into anticipation/desire/wish/want of having a good/fun time whenever X invites me somewhere or wants to hang out with me, where I go into memories of how good I felt when we were together in the past, instead of staying here in the breath and stopping the back chat.

I realize that these are the energetic patterns with which I limit myself to not look at things within common sense and what is best for all. When and as I see myself going into the feeling of excitement/happiness and memories when X invites me somewhere or wants to hang out with me - I stop and I breathe. Instead I remain here in the breath and I establish self-direction within common sense and what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to manipulate myself by going into sadness/anxiety/depression when I stop myself from wishing/wanting/desiring to follow the energetic pattern of good feelings. I realize that by doing this I am standing up for myself as Life to not be subdued to energetic desires and dependent/enslaved to them. When and as I see myself going/manipulating myself by going into sadness/anxiety/depression when I stop myself from wishing/wanting/desiring to follow the energetic pattern of good feelings - I stop and I breathe. Instead I remain here in the breath and I stop all the backchat and I stand within self-responsibility and self-sufficiency.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into anxiety/fear of loosing my 'good energies' and energetic relationship with X whenever I see/perceive that I could be with her but decide not to when it is not common sense because I would only support my addiction to good feelings. I realize that I am experiencing the addiction I have created within my energetic relationship with X that I am now stopping and not accepting and allowing to direct me and possess me. When and as I see myself going into anxiety/fear of loosing my 'good energies' and energetic relationship with X whenever I see/perceive that I could be with her but decide not to as it is not common sense - I stop and I breathe. Instead I focus on my breath here and direct myself within common sense and what is best for all and stop all backchat.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into self-pity/sadness and create the feeling/perception of loneliness when I am not with X and when I stop and do not participate in the wishes/wants/desires to get the 'good feelings' that I remember experiencing when being in an energetic relationship with X. I realize that I am creating these emotions/feelings myself and that I have to stop the polarity game and stop feeling sorry for myself and stand up for myself and all Life equally and be here in the breath in self-sufficiency and direct myself in common sense and what is best for all to free myself from energetic enslavement with which I compromise and limit myself. When and as I see myself going into self-pity/sadness and creating the feeling/perception of loneliness and feeling sorry for myself when I am not with X and when I stop and do not participate in the wishes/wants/desires to get the 'good feelings' that I remember experiencing when being in an energetic relationship with X - I stop and I breathe. Instead I give it all back to myself until I am whole and self-sufficient and I direct myself here in common sense and what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compromise myself by going into memories of my relationship with X and believing that this is who I am and replaying them again and again in my mind and feel sad and sorry for myself, believing that by removing/deleting these definitions/energy addictions I will delete and remove myself and be in great pain/sorrow, instead of realizing that I am freeing myself from the energetic addictions and mind limitations I have created for myself and that this is really insignificant in comparison to all the pain others have to go through that don't even have a chance to make a difference in this world because the have no food/shelter/water and basic needs. When and as I see myself compromising myself by going into memories of my relationship with X and believing that this is who I am and replaying them again and again in my mind and feeling sad and sorry for myself - I stop and I breathe. Instead I realize and understand that this is insignificant in comparison to all the pain others have to go through that have no basic needs and dignity and I stop emotions/feelings and I stop feeling sorry for myself and write and apply myself in common sense and what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to still want to hang on to the desires and hope of having an energetic relationship with X. I realize that with this I am compromising myself and her by still not wanting to stop and remove the energetic addiction and self-limitation and so making my/our suffering longer, instead of simply actually applying self-forgiveness and self-application and freeing myself from this self-abuse through emotions/feelings and doing what is best for all life.

Day 6 - Energetic quarrel games, manipulations

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame one for manipulating me, instead of realizing that I am equally responsible and so have to correct myself to not allow any kind of manipulation anymore.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react with anger and take it personal when someone blames me or tries to manipulate me.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to stand up for myself and be self-directive and to want/need/desire others to give me direction.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into fear when X tells me that something horrible/dangerous can happen if I do not talk/speak/interact with X.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to be afraid that I will be responsible for X and what X does if I don't comply with X, instead of realizing that we are all self-responsible and that we all manifest our own consequences.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that using another persons words and phrases to validate/impose one's own point of view or what one wants is self-deception and abuse.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try and win an energetic quarrel game instead of stopping to participate in it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to have the last say in an energetic quarrel game instead of stopping to participate in it.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I can only stop an energetic quarrel game by actually stopping to participate in it completely.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to stop participating in an energetic quarrel game completely, even when I see/realize it for what it is. When and as I see myself or another being energetic and making an energetic quarrel game - I stop and I breathe. Instead I do not participate in it and I stop talking and remove myself to not allow abuse.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to trust myself that I am able to stop participating in an energetic quarrel game.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react with anger/annoyance when one makes sly remarks or tries to provoke a reaction from me by making me feel a certain way. When and as I see myself reacting or another trying to provoke a reaction by making a sly remark - I stop and I breathe. I do not participate in the energy game and I do not speak and if remarks continue I remove myself to not allow abuse.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I am equally responsible for/supporting the abuse if I participate and do not stop and remove myself from an energetic game regardless of whether I am making or receiving a provocation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into fear whenever X sends me a message/walks into the bedroom/sits besides me and stares at me with backchat.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that someone starring at me always has backchat.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel scared/insecure when someone is starring at me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel scared when X is starring at me and to fear that X is building up anger and will react towards me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to imagine/anticipate an attack/manipulation from X and think/believe that X will manipulate me whenever X sends me a message/walks into the bedroom/sits besides me and stares at me with backchat and so go into fear, instead of simply being here breathing and not allowing myself to participate in energetic games.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react with anger and go into shame and take it personal when someone makes fun of me and laughs at me, instead of not blaming/judging/comparing myself and staying here in the breath.

2012 - Energetic reactions

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react with energetic emotions / feelings when talking / interacting with other people and then to blame them for my self-created energetic emotional / feeling reactions. When and as I see myself reacting in emotions / feelings - I stop and I breathe. I do not accept and allow myself to talk / interact with people out of emotional / feeling reactions, I do not accept and allow myself to blame others for my emotional / feeling reactions that I have created within myself. Instead, I take self responsibility and I commit myself to stop all energetic reactions within me through breathing and only speak and interact with people when I am completely clear and stable within myself and I direct myself according with the principle of what is practically best for all in common sense where I treat another as I would like to be treated myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to engage and participate in energetic fights / arguments with other people where I follow energetic feeling / emotions and try to win at all costs. When and as I see myself going into / participating within an energetic fight / argument with others - I stop and I breathe. I do no accept and allow myself to go into / participate within an energetic arguments / fights with others. Instead I commit myself to expose the situation in self-honesty for what it is and I stand clear within my decision of stopping all energetic games and not participating in them.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react with anger when someone doesn't agree with me. I do not accept and allow myself to react in anger when someone doesn't agree with me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear other people's reactions and conflict when I talk and interact with them. I do not accept and allow myself to fear other people's reactions and conflict, instead I direct myself here in the breath.