Day 148 - How words create our world

Talk is cheap, they say, but we create our world and who we are with words. When we think, we use the words in our minds and we somehow believe that what we think about is not significant, because it is not real and no one can see what we think. But thinking words leads to speaking them and speaking is already a physical action, because we have to move and create the sound. Every action has a consequence and we can never really take back what we said, because it was a physical action that has an impact on ourselves and also our surroundings. Thus it is important that we use the words in ways that are supportive for all and not in ways that create abuse or conflict.

Right now we, as human beings, have some problems with how we handle the words. One of this problems is that our words are often not just words with a common meaning. Everyone usually has a somewhat different understanding of the same words that we speak, because we didn't all learn them from the same dictionary and mostly not even from a dictionary, but from listening to other people speaking. Thus we mostly created our meaning, our understanding of the words according to how we perceived every individual word being used in practical examples by our parents and others. Therefore, we often have a problem understanding each other, because the words we used to explain ourselves can have a different meaning in our minds than in someone else's mind. It is important that we are aware of this, because then, when we have a hard time understanding another, we know that we can look at how we defined individual words and make sure that we all understand them in the same way. It happened to me many times that I was talking about a point with another and it looked like at first as if we don't agree with each other, but we actually did, as we were both speaking about the same thing, we just used different words, because we had a different understanding of the same words. Thus, the conflict was in how we defined, perceived and used the words, although we were talking about the same thing. So, it is important that we redefine our words by firstly removing all the definitions, memories and emotional energies that we attached to the words and to then redefine every word in a way that is neutral, which means that we only keep the basic definition of the word that will support us and others when using it. And so with this we will no longer react to the word with emotions. We often do this; we emotionally react to the the words others speak, especially if they put a lot of emotion in the words, because we take it personally. This is the problem that always creates the biggest conflicts in our conversations - when we take the words personally and allow ourselves to get emotional and then abuse others and our surroundings by aggressively and violently channeling this emotional energy out and onto others. No excuse can ever be valid for us being emotional and using this energy to abuse others, by either yelling at them or even getting in a physical fight, because we ourselves are the only ones responsible for the emotional energy that we created within ourselves.

We must always be aware of the fact that speaking words is already an action that has a consequence. Therefore, we must make sure that we use the action of speaking only in a way that is supportive for all. Whenever we speak and create conflict and abuse, we must immediately stop, with self-aware breathing, and deal with our own reactions, emotions and intentions with self-forgiveness and self-correction. The words we think and speak are the words we use to create ourselves and the world around us, thus we can only be responsibly for ourselves and what we do by being responsible for the words we think and speak. If we want to live in a world that is best for all, then we must start by thinking and speaking about it with words that will make it possible.

Day 125 - Stage fright reaction when speaking with others

My previous blog is in Slovene.

A few days ago I had a reaction when I spoke with my friends. It's a fear reaction that comes up when I speak. I wrote a lot of self-forgiveness about self-judgement and such when speaking, I'm not sure if this is the right point. It is a very strong reaction where I get a stage fright and my heart starts racing and I start to sweat and my voice shakes. It happens really fast.

Here is how I see it happened:

I started to speak to a friend about an instance where I found how the tools of self-forgiveness are very powerful for self help and then I think that for a moment I lost the words/didn't see how I am going to explain it and then this reaction started, or maybe it started before. Then I continued to speak but I was in this reaction where my voice was shaky as I said. Then I started breathing and I calmed myself down quite fast, in a minute or so.

The point where I experienced most fear when/before talking is my father. I did not want to talk with him as he was often drunk and talking to us like we are worthless, only pointing out what he perceived as our faults and blame us for it in a scornful way.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to use the behavior of my father and the memory of it as an excuse for my fears of being treated scornfully by another when I talk or interact with someone.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe the scornful remarks of my father and take them personally where I wold then have scornful thoughts towards myself even before someone else does before/when I speak/interact with someone.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior, guilty and ashamed when someone laughs at me, criticizes me, reacts to me in a way that I perceive is negative and I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to take this personally where I would then believe that I am actually inferior and not good enough and that I should be ashamed.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to make scornful remarks towards others.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to let go of the fear of my father and his scornful remarks and so the fear of me perceiving myself as inferior and being ashamed of myself and my mistakes.

Sometimes he would call me to have a discussion with him. I would have to come and sit where he wanted and then he would ask me questions that I didn't know how to answer where he would also blame me or make scornful remarks to what I said.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to blame my father for reaction of fear towards speaking with him or another.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear that my father will make scornful remarks and blame me when I am going to talk with him.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to take scornful remarks and blame from my father personally, where I would then believe that I have to be ashamed, that I am not good enough.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear that my father will get violent and hit me when I talk with him.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to let go of these fears of speaking with my father and feeling inferior, ashamed and not good enough.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of speaking/being self-honest about my faults in front of my father/others because I am afraid of being blamed by others and get scornful remarks where I would then blame myself for it, be ashamed and feel inferior, instead of realizing that seeing/speaking/being self-honest about my faults is nothing to be ashamed of, because this is how I can take self-responsibility for them and correct myself and realign myself according to what is best for all.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to build an invisible wall of defense around myself when I speak with my father/others out of fear of him/someone pointing out my faults where I would then feel ashamed and inferior, blame myself and take it personally, instead of looking at it self-honestly and applying self-correction where necessary.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to take down, destroy and delete this invisible wall of self-defense that I don't need because there is nothing about me that I would need defending, instead I always be self-honest with myself where I do not take my fathers/someone else's remarks personally where I would then react in shame and blame myself, but instead I look at myself and see where I can correct myself to become more effective here in the breath.


I asked for assistance on the Desteni forum and I got really cool feedback, so I suggest you read it because my further self-forgiveness is based on it: Forum topic with feedback

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive people that have higher education or more experience than me as superior and me as inferior to them.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define/see/perceive people with higher education or more experience than me as an authority to which I have to prove my worth/equal value and so I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define myself as inferior in relation to authority and to define authority as superior.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that I am inferior to others as long as they do not accept me as an equal. I realize that how I perceive myself (superior/inferior) is not dependent on whether others accept me as their equal or not but only on how I see/perceive/define myself in relation to others. When and as I see myself define myself in relation to others as inferior/superior - I stop and breathe. I commit myself to remove all self-perceptions and definitions where I define/perceive myself as inferior/superior in relation to others.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from authority and make myself inferior to authority. I realize and understand that I am my own authority and in this equal to any other authority. I commit myself to be my own authority and stop all reactions of superiority/inferiority towards authority.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to wish/want/desire to present myself to my friend as more than what I am through talking about what I did instead of realizing that I have been through this trying to compensate for my feeling of inferiority towards my friend. I commit myself to stop myself with breath whenever I see myself trying to present myself as more than and instead apply self-forgiveness on the points of superiority/inferiority.

Will do more...

Day 105 - Judging my speaking

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to judge the words I speak, the ideas I speak, the thoughts I speak before I even spoke them and when I am speaking in front of other people.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to let go of the fear that what I speak will not be coherent, understandable, logical and sensible.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and myself to let go of the fear that I will be disliked, proven wrong or laughed at when I speak in front of others.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear that my father will not agree with what I am saying and to feel inferior when he or someone does not agree with what I am saying.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to go into fear of rejection and inferiority when someone does not agree with me.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to judge others who I don't agree with as inferior, wrong and stupid and to judge me in the same way. I realize that being wrong or not being agreed with by others is nothing 'bad' and is not shameful because no one knows everything and all people make mistakes and have wrong perceptions. I commit myself to not accept and allow myself to fear that may be wrong and that others will not agree with me. I commit myself to not judge myself as inferior, stupid and to not go into shame and fear of rejection/ridicule when others don't agree with me or when I am proven wrong. Instead I breathe and take the opportunity to learn something new.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to perceive the act of someone not agreeing with me as dangerous for the status of my relationship and reputation.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to wish/want/desire to be reputable among other people and to within this worry about/fear their opinions, observations. I realize and understand that as long as I will desire to have a 'good reputation' among others, to be liked by all and to have agreeing relationships with others, so long I will be afraid of rejection and disagreement. Therefore I commit myself to no more accept and allow myself to wish/want/desire to have a 'good reputation' among others and to have agreeing relationships with others. I commit myself to no more accept and allow myself to fear that others will not agree with me.

I realize and understand that only I can stop judging and comparing myself through inferiority/superiority and that I am always equal to all as Life and so it is useless to judge myself and feel inferior if others don't agree with me.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to feel ashamed and less than when someone doesn't agree with me or when someone says that I did not do something well enough or how it was expected. I commit myself to no more feel ashamed and inferior in such situations and I commit myself to not take them personally. Instead I move myself in the breath and take the opportunity to learn something new and make myself better.

Day 41 - Fear of speaking to audience

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear exposing myself and talking when many people are listening and in this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as less than and inferior to others and to compare myself to others. I realize that there is no point in judging and comparing myself as through this I only create separation through either defining myself as more than or less than which is all an illusion of the mind as polarity. When and as I see myself going into fear of exposing myself/talking when many people are listening - I stop and breathe. Instead I direct myself here in the breath and do not give fear any value as I realize and understand that what I actually fear is fear itself which is just an illusion - and simply speak without comparison.