Day 48 - Relationships

My 'Day 47' blog post is in Slovene.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wish/want/desire to meet/talk to my friends and people I know out of fear that I will lose the help/attention/validation/consolation from them if I do not and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that they will start to resent me. I realize that I fear not being in contact with my friends and people I know because I am afraid of being with myself alone and taking complete self responsibility for myself and so I use my friends and people I know to run away from myself and try to get comfort, safety, help and support from them, instead of giving this to myself. When and as I see myself wanting to meet with friends and people I know out of a wish/want/desire to get attention/validation/comfort/safety/help and support, instead of writing out my fears/desires and applying self-forgiveness and self-correction - I stop and breathe. I commit myself to remove all wishes/wants/desires to run away from myself by meeting/talking to my friends and people I know in order to get comfort from them, by applying self-forgiveness and directing myself in breath and not allowing fears/emotions to move me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel guilty and to blame myself for how I behaved in my relationship with my ex-girlfriend and because of this believe that I owe to support her and also I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wish/want/desire to redeem myself by helping/meeting with/talking with her whenever she asks me to and also I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wish/want/desire to do her favors in order to ensure myself help/attention/validation from her in the future in case if I need it. I realize that I am with this trying to get the feeling of safety through using others instead of taking complete responsibility for myself, also I realize that when I interact and build my relationships with others out of fear/emotions/desires, I only consider myself and my self interest and so I create/allow abuse, therefore I commit myself to write out and self-forgive all points where I interact with my ex-girlfriend or others out of fear/emotions/self-interest and direct myself in breath to create relationships based on common sense and what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react with anger and to feel controlled/limited whenever my partner reacts to the point of me talking/meeting with my ex-girlfriend and/or prohibits me to talk/meet with her or any other of my friends or people I know. I realize and understand that I react with anger and feeling of control because I believe that I have the right to talk to/meet with whomever I want while not considering the point that my partner reacts this way because she doesn't trust me that I will stand and not fall for my emotions/feelings, which is a consequence of me doing this in the past. I realize that me reacting to this and the fact that my partner does not trust me will not change anything and that I cannot make or convince anyone to trust me. Therefore I commit myself to walk my process of self-correction and stand through time in common sense and what is best for all by not allowing myself to be directed by my emotions/feelings and so stabilize myself to always be here in the breath and so my surroundings will also become more stable.

Day 26 - Relationship points

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be attached to my partner and give her a special place in my mind where I attach/connect with her all the good/positive memories that I experienced with her. I realize that this special memories are not real and were never mine as they can be lost and deleted at any time and so I fear losing what I never really had. When and as I see myself fearing to loose the special memories and definitions of my partner - I stop and I breathe. Instead I bring myself here in the breath and apply self-forgiveness and self-corrective application on whatever comes up that I am still hanging onto and fear losing.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear what will happen if I remove the special definitions of my partner and become self-directive and self-sufficient, instead of realizing that I actually fear being here with myself in self-direction and making myself self-sufficient and self-responsible. When and as I see myself fearing what will happen if I remove the special definitions of/attachments to my partner - I stop and I breathe. Instead I realize: I will become self-directive, self-sufficient, self-responsible and have self-trust to stand as one and equal and not fear losing anything.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to the memories of me and my partner and define them as positive and special instead of being here in the breath and deleting all and any memories that come up in the mind. I realize that if I do not stop and delete this memories and my special attachments/definitions of them I will only get emotional and fear losing them or wish having them and fuck myself into eternity by cycling through them. When and as I see myself holding onto the memories of me and my partner - I stop and I breathe. Instead I apply self-forgiveness and self-correction and be here in the breath and don't compromise myself with them.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to the wish/desire to be with my partner again and have a special relationship with her, instead of realizing that I am just fearing to delete and remove all my special attachments to her. When and as I see myself holding onto the wish/desire to be with my partner again and have a special relationship with her - I stop and I breathe. Instead I do the self-forgiveness statements and self correction to stop the desire/wish and be here in the breath as self-sufficient.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that my partner fulfills me. I realize that with this I allow myself to be flawed and dependent. When and as I see myself thinking/believing/perceiving that my partner fulfills me - I stop and I breathe. Instead I fulfill myself alone and stand as self-sufficient, self-fulfilling being and I commit myself to expand myself wherever I see I am still flawed and dependent on others to fulfill me.

Day 19 - Relationship points: aloneness

How do I experience aloneness?
I define aloneness as not having a girl (partner) to live with. When alone I desire to have/be with my partner that would understand me, accept me and enjoy being with me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire/wish/want to be in a relationship/agreement with a partner who would understand me/accept me and enjoy being with me, instead of realizing that I have to understand me through self-honesty, that I have to accept me as life an enjoy myself here in the physical.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wish/want/desire to be in an agreement/relationship with her out of fear of loss.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define/connect aloneness with sadness, failure, depression, fear and anxiety.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define aloneness as not having a girl/partner to live with. I realize that I am alone all the time because the presence of someone else that is with me does not change or define me as who I actually really am here in the physical, because I only imagine aloneness/togetherness in my mind where I define this aloneness/togetherness through polarity and separation which is all an illusion because in actuality we always stand alone and yet we are together.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define aloneness as the opposite polarity of togetherness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel depressed, sad, anxious and go into fear whenever I think of being alone, not being in a relationship/agreement with her or anyone.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wish/want/desire to be in a relationship/agreement with her/anyone out of fear of survival and not having enough money.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to trust myself that I am able to get/have enough money to survive.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that I need her/my partner/others in order to survive and enjoy myself.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to trust myself that I am able to take care of myself no matter what.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wish/want/desire to be in an agreement/relationship with her out of fear of losing and not having any friends.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I do not need her/anyone to help me to get to know new people and have friends.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I don’t need friends/other people in order to stop feeling alone and accept me, understand me and enjoy myself here in the physical. I realize that I have created the emotions of aloneness, non-acceptance and non-understanding myself and so I stop these emotions and give me back to myself as life to be self-sufficient and self-fulfilling and enjoy myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear stopping/not being in a relationship with her and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect all the emotions/feelings to the memories of being with her and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect and define myself according to this memories/feelings/emotions that I have about her.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear stop defining myself through the memories/feelings about her, thinking that I will lose myself and who I am, instead of realizing that I will not lose myself but only free myself from the self-enslavement/limitation I created for myself by defining myself through these memories/feelings.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define her as something ‘more than’ just because I have more memories and good feelings attached to her.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to look at people according to my memories about them instead of simply being here and accepting everyone equally.

I commit myself to stop defining aloneness/togetherness as a polarity within me where being alone is bad/sad and being together is good/happy/fun.

I commit myself to stand alone and yet together with all that is here as one as equal and be self-sufficient and self-fulfilling.

I commit myself to investigate and remove all ideas/beliefs that I am not self-sufficient and self-fulfilling and I commit myself to always enjoy myself here in the breath no matter what and direct myself within common sense and towards what is best for all.

2012 - Alone = All-One

I am experiencing myself lately as "being alone" and "being away from friends" where I have defined friends as special and something "more then". Thus I have now experienced the other polarity, where before I believed that being with those who I define as "more than" makes me happy and now that I am not with them, I am not happy anymore. But in self-honesty, this is my own self-deception that I created in my thoughts. As I am looking at this self-deception I realize that in reality I am always alone and thus there is no need for me to create ideas and emotions/feelings about this because I can simply be here, one and equal with the physical = all-one with self and all that is here. By being always all-one with self here, I don't go into the mind but I move myself as the physical and I enjoy myself equally no matter if I walk "close" with others or "far" from others, we are all always here, even if it appears that we are not together because we cannot see each other. So, the "who I am" must always be the same and the fact that I am currently not walking "close" with anyone should not have any influence on me from the mental and feeling perspective as then I would accept and allow myself to be controlled by my own thoughts and feelings and so I would not be able to make decisions based on common sense and what is Best for All.

These are the points that come up:

- The feeling of missing out: The thoughts come up where I think and believe that other people have a "good time", meaning that they are enjoying themselves more and feel more exited, have more fun. So I become afraid that I will miss the opportunity to do something exciting, which actually means that I believe that other people/situations will give me emotions/feelings that I will perceive as worthwhile and that I will want to remember when I get older and can't do them anymore. So I also fear of getting old and dieing before I do the things that I perceive would give me "good feelings" and "good memories" which is all a big mind-fuck. I always create my own feelings, so if I believe that someone/something else gives me a feeling than I don't live for real anyway because I live in illusion and self-deception where I am controlled by my own desires of getting an energy feeling and then trying to remember them as picture that are also not real because they are of the mind and the mind is of energy which can and will simply disappear and so I will forget all of it anyway.
So, instead of focusing on trying to have "goof feelings" I will rather focus on being happy and satisfied with self here in every moment of breath so that I will actually live here as self as who I really am within self-direction and I will not try to create good memories for myself because I will lose them anyway and because if I do this I miss what is here by being in the mind that is not real. Also I will not fear of getting old and dying because I will get old and die anyway and if I don't live in self-honesty and in self-direction in every here moment, then my Life is a lie and an illusion anyway because I don't live myself but my fears, beliefs and preprogrammed mind patterns that are not real.

- The desire for a woman/relationship: where I fear that I will not have sex and that I will have to do everything by my own and that no one will help me if I am in trouble. Fear of not having sex is actually fear of not having an energy excitement and orgasm and fear of feeling "less than" other man, which is an ego point of comparison and competition. Fear of not having an energy excitement shows how I have addicted and limited myself to my own energy feelings that I create through my thoughts and pictures in my mind, thus I stop and simply be here in the breath. Fear of having to do everything by my own is fear of taking responsibility for myself where I believe that I am not capable of doing what needs to be done and taking care of myself which is self-sabotage. I stop the thoughts and realize that by simply being here I can learn what I don't know yet and/or ask for help when I need assistance and that there is no reason whatsoever for me to think that I cannot take care of myself. I simply move myself here in the breath with common sense and I can solve any problem.Comparison and competition is a complete illusionary mind pattern that I accepted and allowed through my life where I was thought and "forced" to compete within the system, thus I simply realize that by judging self and comparing self I only limit myself by defining myself as "less than" or "more than", so I stop. I realize that I am always equal to all as Life here and so "winning" is an illusion of the ego.

- Boredom: where I define myself as "boring" and "useless" and "not doing anything" instead of simply being here in the breath and doing what is common sense and expressing myself in the physical. I stop the thoughts and self-judgments / self-definitions and look with common sense where can I correct myself or simply express myself here.