Commitment and agreement with myself and my partner

I am writing this commitment as an agreement with myself to walk the process of birthing myself as Life and aligning myself to what is best for all, through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application, together with Hilda as my partner and to not allow any back-doors that would break this agreement with myself and my partner.
When and as I see myself looking for back-doors to not stand by my agreement with myself and my partner - I stop and breath. I commit myself to immediately remove all points of looking for back-doors with self-forgiveness and self-correction.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear to make an agreement with my partner because I fear that the past will repeat itself and out of fear that my partner will want to control me. When and as I see myself fearing of my partner wanting to have control over me - I stop and I breathe. I realize and understand that this fear comes from the fear of not being able to live out the energies of having sex with other women. I commit myself to remove all wishes/wants/desire of having sex with other women with self-forgiveness and self-correction.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wish/want/desire to be with my ex-partner and to allow this point to exist as a backdoor within and as myself. I realize that with this I compromise myself by trying to avoid taking complete self-responsibility for myself and my agreements/commitments. When and as I see myself looking for back-doors in order to not follow my commitments/agreements - I stop and breathe. I immediately apply self-forgiveness and self-correction through breathing and directing myself according to my agreements and commitments to myself and my partner.

I commit myself to openly discuss any points/reactions that come up within myself or my partner and not hide them and or be judgmental about them.

Day 43 - Directed by emotions and feelings

(My day 42 blog is in Slovenian.)

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give into energies/feelings and chase them to get the experience. I realize that by doing so I give energies/feelings more value than Life itself where I separate myself from Life and abuse myself as Life. When and as I see myself giving into energies/feelings and wanting to chase them - I stop and breathe. I commit myself to immediately remove all desires for chasing energies/feelings and wants to experience them with self-forgiveness and self corrective application.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give into the feeling of excitement/arousal when and as I see an 'attractive' woman. I realize and understand that with this I give more value to energy as excitement/arousal than Life and abuse myself as Life. When and as I see myself wanting to give into the excitement/arousal when and as I see an 'attractive' woman - I stop and breath. I commit myself to remove all desires/wants for excitement/arousal when and as I see an 'attractive' woman and not follow the energy but stand for Life and direct myself in common sense.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to look for company/attention/comfort/acceptance from others. I realize I search for this as I do not give it to myself. When and as I see myself looking for company/attention/comfort/acceptance from others - I stop and breathe. I commit myself to immediately remove all points of searching for company/attention/comfort/acceptance from others with self-forgiveness and self-correction and by bringing myself here through breath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to direct myself according to my feelings/emotions instead of common sense. I realize that with this I give energy as emotions/feelings more value than Life and so abuse Life. When and as I see myself making decision based on emotion/feelings - I stop and breathe. I commit myself to not base my decisions on emotions/feelings and remove all such points/reactions through writing, self-forgiveness and self-correction and I commit myself to make direct myself and make decisions based on common sense and what is best for all Life.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to commit to myself to stop all desires/wants/needs for chasing/experiencing energies as feelings and emotions. I realize and understand that whenever I allow myself to have emotions/feelings I separate myself from myself and all that is here as Life and abuse Life. When and as I see myself desiring/wishing/wanting to chase/experience energies as feelings/emotions - I stop and breathe. I commit myself to remove all desires/wants/needs for chasing/experiencing energies through writing, self-forgiveness and applying self-correction where I do not follow such desires/wants/needs but direct myself here in the breath to stand as Life and do what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to please others in order to get them to like me and give me attention to validate myself through it. I realize that I do this because I do not give myself attention. When and as I see myself wanting to please others in order to get them to like me - I stop and I breathe. I commit myself to remove all wants/desires to please others with self-forgiveness and self-corrective application and give attention to myself.

Day 41 - Fear of speaking to audience

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear exposing myself and talking when many people are listening and in this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as less than and inferior to others and to compare myself to others. I realize that there is no point in judging and comparing myself as through this I only create separation through either defining myself as more than or less than which is all an illusion of the mind as polarity. When and as I see myself going into fear of exposing myself/talking when many people are listening - I stop and breathe. Instead I direct myself here in the breath and do not give fear any value as I realize and understand that what I actually fear is fear itself which is just an illusion - and simply speak without comparison.

Day 40 - Searching for attention, postponement, fear

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to look/search for attention when I am with people in order to feel better, loved, safe and in order to hide myself from the emotions of fear, sadness, anxiety that I create for myself and experience when I am alone.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to be satisfied/happy with myself when I am alone.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to let go of the belief that I can only be satisfied with myself, happy and safe when I am with people and not when I am alone.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to search for recognition, attention, love and comfort in others and especially women, instead of realizing that I have to give that to myself. When and as I see myself wanting/desiring/searching to get recognition, attention, love and comfort from others - I stop and breathe. I commit myself to stop the separation of myself from recognition, attention, love and comfort through desiring this from other people and give this back to myself.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to stop searching for sexual energy arousal by looking at women figures and in this I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to search for sexual energy arousal by looking at women's hips, butts, breasts, thighs or any other body part. I realize that by doing this I participate in the energy program of my mind where I perpetuate the addiction/enslavement to it. Therefore when and as I see myself searching/looking for sexual energetic arousal by watching women - I stop and breathe. I commit myself to not participate in this sexual arousal mind program and direct myself in the breath.

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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create resistances towards learning/doing school assignments within and as myself. I realize that this will not help me in any way or change the fact that I have to do it and within this I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to stop creating the resistances. I commit myself to stop creating the resistances towards learning and doing school assignments and enjoy myself here in the breath as I learn and/or do my school assignments.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to avoid and postpone making the assignments for school or any other task and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into future projections where I think about doing/having to do something and through this create resistance towards it by defining it as hard, boring, stupid. When and as I see myself thinking/imagining myself doing something - I stop and breathe. Instead I direct myself here in the breath and simply do the task/assignment and do not accept and allow myself to go into future projections where I only think about how would I do it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create/go into fear of failure whenever I have an assignment/task to do where I imagine/think about what will happen if I don't do it as I realize and understand that I am only sabotaging myself with this by distracting myself, instead of simply being here in the breath and focusing on the task/assignment. When and as I see myself creating/going into fear of failure when I have an assignment/task to do - I stop and breathe. I commit myself to stop and no more accept and allowing myself to go into fear of failure but simply focus on the task/assignment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into fear/anxiety/nervousness of running out of time and not having enough time to finish my task/assignment as I realize that with this I only sabotage myself as I think of what might happen as a result of my failure, instead of simply directing myself here in the breath to finish the assignment/task. I realize that there is no point in me imagining/thinking of not finishing an assignment task in time as this only makes me more noneffective which means it will take even longer for me to do the task/assignment, therefore I commit myself to stop creating/participating in fear/anxiety/nervousness of running out of time and not finishing in time. Instead I direct myself here in the breath and simply do the task/assignment.

Day 39 - Allowing myself not to be anxious, sad and in fear

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use X as a place of safety and relief, instead of realizing that I am my own relief and safety and that I only blind myself from the fact that no one and nothing outside of myself can be/give me safety/relief/happiness as I can only give this to myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I will have no partner/sex available in the future and that I will be alone. I realize that I do not need others in order to be safe and enjoy myself. When and as I see myself going into fear of having no partner/sex in the future - I stop and breathe. Instead I realize that I always have myself here in the breath and that this is all I need to enjoy myself because my fears that I create are not real and thus I allow myself to stop creating fears and negative emotions in relation to having no partner/sex and being alone in the future.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to stop the fear of having no partner/sex and being alone.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to stop defining the situation of having no partner/sex and being alone as sad, bad, meaningless, pointless, depressing.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to enjoy myself being alone/having no partner/sex. I realize that this is a great opportunity for me to get to know myself, be with myself and learn to be self-sufficient, self-directive and enjoy myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let the fear of not meeting X again and ever having sex with X again have control over me. I realize that I must not let this fear to have control over me as I will with this enslave myself into this fear and diminish myself. I realize that this fear is not real and so I breathe, stop myself and do not accept and allow this fear of not meeting/having sex with X again to have control over me and/or direct me in any way.

I realize that I can stop all my fears because the fear I create is not me as who I really am.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to realize that I can simply stop creating fear with breathing and not participating in the mind.

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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I will not be able to do my homework if I stay at X's place and don't go home.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that I cannot concentrate and be effective and do my homework if I stay at X's place and don't go home.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that the resistance to do the homework at X's place will be/is too strong for me to do my homework and that this resistance will go away when I am at my place.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to stop the fear of failure when I am having trouble with homework or something that I have to do. I realize that I am creating this fear because I do not take self-responsibility to do what it takes to be successful and finish what I have to do. When and as I see myself going into fear of failure - I stop and breathe. Instead I allow myself to stop the fear and direct myself here in the breath and find the solution to solve the problem and do what needs to be done.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to stop creating resistances towards doing homework or studying.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to stop searching for distractions in environment with which I could justify my emotions/resistances and so not take self-responsibility to stop this emotions/resistances and focus on the tasks that I have to do. When and as I see myself searching/looking for distractions and justifications for my emotions/resistances when I have to do my tasks - I stop and breath. Instead I remain here in the breath and direct myself to do the tasks while being aware that I can simply stop all fears/resistances/emotions through breathing and knowing that I am with every breath allowing myself to simply be here and not create any fears/resistances/emotions.

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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sad, depressed and anxious if I am home alone and there is no-one I could talk to. I realize that I hide myself from these feelings of sadness, depression and anxiety when I want to talk to others so that I would not have to face them and take self-responsibility for them. When and as I see myself getting sad, depressed and anxious I simply allow myself to stop manifesting these emotions through breathing and enjoy myself here in the breath in the physical.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to stop the feelings of sadness, depression and anxiety when I am home alone and/or have no-one to talk to.

I forgive myself NOT accepting and allowing myself to realize that I do not need other people in order to make the feelings of sadness, depression and anxiety go away as with this I only hide myself from the fact that I create them. Thus I realize that I do not need them and I allow myself to stop them with breathing and I allow myself to not recreate them as I know that creating and identifying myself with these feelings is pointless.