Wednesday, October 20, 2010
2010 - Update on dealing with my father
So because I couldn't face my father directly (we usually don't see each other when he is sober) I wrote him a letter where I've explained my starting point and that I will no longer support his drinking and thus not talking to him when he is drunk (other than hello). I left it at the computer he uses for him to see the next day when I'll no longer be there and gone for the weekend. So after that three days not being at home (but at my partners place) I experienced a rush of fear every time someone called me on the phone because I've expected my father calling being angry. He didn't call me eventually. So after coming back home on Monday he left me a message bellow mine saying that he completely understands me and that he hopes that I have a good judgment of when he is drunk and that I won't use that as an excuse to not talk to him. So now when he's drunk he doesn't try to talk to me so it looks like it worked. Maybe he'll also reconsider his drinking habits. That would be a miracle lol.
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Thx for sharing Blaz! When my father is drunk, he starts to talk a lot and normally we never talk because he is not open for conversation. So the communication is very basic. I tried to open up but he goes into defence. So its kinda superficial when we speak about something. Like I went to go and get nuts with him in the field and he said something about a pond nearby and I asked something about it. And then about the nuts from the trees, basicly about everything happening in the moment which is actually pretty cool, but nto if there is still secret mind things involved. But I cant see in his head.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, when he is drunk he starts to talk more but he keeps repeating over and over the same thing, and also common sense goes out of the window and things are not understood or everything is being taken personally aswell. I tried many times to talk and explain things. My mom did share a cool perspective. She once said to me that she does keep speaking then, because he might not get it in that moment, but afterwards he might think about it because he will remember the words.
But not endless discussions where a drunk person keeps repeating the same shit. I dont participate in that.
I see this very cool, living him a message, so he can read it when he is solver. And I see it work. Thanks for sharing Blaž!
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