Day 141 - What is payment? We got it wrong this whole time!

My previous bog in Slovene.

We are raised up by the society to believe that we pay for things with money. You know: paper, coin, digits on the bank account. Whenever we want something that we don't have or is not ours, we pay for it in the store with money and then it's ours. Then we can do with it whatever we want, because WE payed for it with OUR MONEY. Then there is this division in our society where some believe that one should always work to earn one's money and that those who don't do 'real' work are bad people, lazy, selfish. Others like the capitalist idea where one invests one's money (earned, stolen, inherited or all of the above) so that the money 'works' for you and one just gets the benefits, the profits. But what all have in common is that all live in the illusion of money and payment, because everyone believes that we pay for things with money. I did too, but boy was I wrong.

We don't pay for things with money. Nothing is actually payed for with money. So, what is the real payment for a product or a service? Who does in fact, actually pay for it? If I walk into a store and buy some milk, who payed for it and with what? Me with my money? Nope, this is a complete illusion. Can you see it? Wake up - who really payed for the milk? The cow that produced it. The farmer who collected it, the people who packed it and moved it to the store. All these beings PAYED for it WITH their WORK. This is the only REAL payment that exists, ever. Everything is payed for with work, with effort, with movement. Giving some 'money' over the counter is not a payment, it is a joke. It is some 'kids' playing games, imagining things. This is what we are doing when we believe that we actually payed for something when we give our money or when we transfer some digits to another's bank account - we are imagining things. We aren't really doing a damn thing, we are only taking what is already there and shuffling some paper and digits around because we care so much about them - the digits and the paper we call money. But we only care about the amount of our digits and our paper, not about another's. Fuck no, we don't even dare to talk with anyone openly about our money, our digits and our paper, or their's, because it's a secret. If I have less money than you then I am ashamed and if I have more than you then fuck you, that's how life works. But it doesn't. This is how we created the system of money to work in our minds - big difference.

Money is just a tool, a mind tool in a game with rules that we create, and it can be very useful to help us disperse the goods in a more equal, reasonable, practical way. Money is not evil or bad. We are evil and bad, because of the way we use it to abuse each other - Life - with it. So, our society today does not use money to disperse goods in an equal, reasonable, practical way for all to live a Dignified Life. We use the money to enslave each other, we use the money to say who is worthy of life and who is not worthy of life. We use the money to define whose life is worth more and whose life is not worth a penny. And we take it dead serious. We do not give a shit when people suffer and die because we do not allow them to have enough money. We allow them to work to the bone though, of course, but we do not recognize the payment that they do, the REAL fucking PAYMENT, THE PAIN-MENT. All these abused workers do all the pain-ment for us while others mostly just shuffle the paper - 'money' - around and then we actually believe that the hardest PAIN-MENT that the 'lowest' workers do is worth the least amount of credit? We obviously do believe this, because we give the workers who work the most and the hardest, the least amount of credit for it. We came up with this rule that such people, who work the hardest and the longest, who do most of the ACTUAL HARD PAIN-MENT for all of us, should get the least amount of credit for it. Would we like to be in their shoes? Would we give ourselves the same amount of credit if we had to work in their shoes? No, be fucking serious and be self-honest. Oh fuck, did we get this whole payment thing wrong on all the fucking levels imaginable!

So, here we see that we have to redefine the word PAYMENT, which we dared to define and understand so selfishly and contrary to the actual reality of things, so that we can stop abusing and stop creating abuse of Life with it and actually come up with a definition that is supportive for all.

Current definition (from Wiki): A payment is the transfer of an item of value from one party (such as a person or company) to another in exchange for the provision of goods, services or both, or to fulfill a legal obligation.

Re-definition:
PAYMENT - the pain-ment of work, labor and effort that one gifts into an activity, product or service.

These people, who work to the bone in sweatshops all over the world and all people who work anywhere, are the ones who actually pay and make the PAIN-MENT for our shit that we then buy with money: our iPhoneys, our fancy plastic fantastic, our clothes etc. Workers are the ones who payed for it. So, the next time I see myself say or think: "Hey, I payed for that!", I'll stop, breathe and realize: Fuck, I did not really pay for that at all, I just gave my money for it, my credits, my imaginable value. And mostly not even to the being who ACTUALLY payed for it with their own physical labor. That being is probably suffering somewhere in a sweatshop, being abused by all who don't understand where the actual payment happens, who do not value the Life of all beings equally as their own and do not give all the equal credit for the work and the pain-ment they do. I will no longer allow the abuse of money and payment and I will speak up for all beings who do not get their equal credit in spite of all the PAIN-MENT they do. I will work to implement a new system, where Life, work and pain-ment of all the beings is valued equally and where all receive their equal credit for being alive and sharing their Life with me, so that we can all be alive together in a Life worth living.

So, taking this new definition of the word payment: how does it effect one's awareness of reality and how should the money system change according to it so that there is no more abuse?

Firstly, we become aware that no one is actually paying for anything with money, because the only form of real, actual payment is movement / labor / work / effort itself, towards a goal, product, service that is best for all, that supports all. When we are aware of this, we can see that we cannot really value work through money, because most of the work can be valuable and useful for the society in some way or another. Sure, some work is more urgent than another and so, some work must be done prior to some other work. For example; producing food for all is more urgent than painting a picture, but this does not change the value of work itself - it only changes the priority, the urgency of it, the order in which the work should be done. Very important to realize. So, what is the value of baking bread? What is the value of building houses, producing electricity, assembling iPhoneys, designing and planning new things? What is the value of singing, painting, making a sculpture? Can we really put a value in digits on any work? Sure, any random number will do... But it is still just and illusion of the mind, a thing that we made up. So, really, what is the real value of any work and effort that supports Life? It is the value of Life itself, because Life expresses self through work, effort, expression, art, movement... So, you see, the value of any work that supports Life equals to the value of Life itself, because Life does it. Can you see? Wake up - do you see it yet? So, in a system where this would be fully realized and implemented - like an Equal Money System - people would work firstly on things that are necessary to sustain a Dignified Life for all and then they would work on anything they like - and all would still get an equal amount of credit for it, based on the value of Life itself. So simple, yet so hard to grasp through a mind of selfishness.

So, back to where we are at the moment in our reality, of course we cannot just remove all money and say every work is priceless, because we have been living in the illusion of money and payment for so long. Thus we need to gradually realize the illusion, like I explained above, and step by step implement the necessary changes in the system that will - in the end - lead to a Dignified Life for All, where money as we know it today will no longer exist. We can start by implementing a solution that is described in the Living Income Guaranteed proposal. This proposal / goal is not an Utopian world. What I am talking about is a world of common sense, a world where Life is actually recognized and honored in all. What we have today and what we have been trying to live until now - this is the real Utopia, because we are trying to live according to illusions that we create in our minds. And whenever we try to live out illusions that are not in consideration with the actual reality - we create suffering. As long as we create suffering, we are doing it wrong and we are trying to live out the illusions of our minds that are not real, that are selfish. So simple, yet so hard to see through our minds, as long as we try so hard to avoid any self-responsibility.

I dare you to join me and see through the deception of money and payment that we have today.

The economic solution I suggest to read about: Living Income Guaranteed
Join us and work with the like minded people who can see through the deception of today's money abuse: Destonians

Day 134 - Self-responsibility towards my reactions and those of others

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not consider my partners' reactions and to instead fear them and with this not direct the point in a way that is acceptable for all where I take full responsibility for my intentions and actions and show others that we all have to do this in order to direct and co-create this reality the way that is best for all of us. When and as I see myself fearing my partner's/another's reactions - I stop and breathe. I realize that I must take self-responsibility to stop the fear and direct the whole situation where I do everything I can to stand as an example of how to be open, transparent and direct myself and others in a way that is acceptable and supportive for all. I commit myself to no longer fear the reactions of others and to immediately apply self-forgiveness and direct myself in breathe with common sense.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to avoid the topic of my reactions or my partner's reactions whenever I realize / see a point that needs direction. When and as I see myself avoiding the point of a reaction that came up in me or between me and my partner - I stop and breathe. I realize that if I do not direct the reaction in that moment, to firstly apply self-forgiveness for my reactions and then talk with my partner and direct the situation to a mutual understanding and agreement that supports all, then the reaction will come back the next time and be worse. Therefore I commit myself to direct every reaction within myself and between me and my partner immediately.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to blame my partner for reactions that come up within me and between ourselves. When and as I see myself blaming my partner - I stop and breathe. I realize that I must take full responsibility for all my reactions that come up within myself the same as my partner has to and I realize that I must always stand as an example in taking self-responsibility for my reactions because this is the only way that I will be able to stop the abusive cycle of spitefulness, justifications and blame. Therefore I commit myself to not have any expectations towards my partner taking self-responsibility and helping me with this because this is only an excuse for me to not take full self-responsibility immediately and stop all reactions and abuse and direct myself in breath and common sense.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior when my partner is making fun of me and about what I am doing in trying to bring me down and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and be superior towards my partner and try to blame her and find faults in her so that I would feel better and superior myself. When and as I see myself feeling inferior or trying to feel superior towards my partner - I stop and breathe. I realize that I must be humble to see in self-honesty what I am doing and to be able to talk/support myself and my partner in a way that is best for all. I commit myself to be aware of the need for humbleness and to practice humbleness whenever I talk with my partner to be a point of support for myself and my partner.

Day 133 - On my authority problems and "freezing" situation

I have this reaction to perceive authority where I fear the response of the "authority" and consequently "freeze" and become paralyzed because of the fear. I know that this originates from my interactions with my father because I never directed myself effectively in certain situations when this occurred. So I am exploring here the points to self-forgive and correct in order to remove my reaction of fear towards the perceived "authorities".

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that my survival and ability to survive and be effective in this world is dependent on how others perceive me and what others think of me.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that people with perceived authority over me and experience that I don't have, can completely decide my future in a ways where I am powerless and where I have no influence.

Further I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear such people and to perceive myself as inferior to them when they do not agree with me or support me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that authority over me exists.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed to realize that the only authority over me is me and that I have all the power to decide who I am in relation to others and how I feel and so I can stop all reactions of fear and inferiority/superiority towards others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will "freeze" in front of other where I will not know / be able to speak coherently and with common sense.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to go into fear whenever I think of/imagine myself "freezing" in front of others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe that I must know in advance what and how I am going to say something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into "freeze" and the feeling of fear whenever my father spoke to me / asked me something / demanded something from me in anger/spite/emotion and so allowed myself to be paralyzed by the fear, instead of taking self-responsibility and directing myself in breath with the realization that no one has the authority over me and that no one has the right to hurt me or mock me.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that the same as I do not have the right to mock and judge someone in spitefulness because this is unacceptable abuse, the same way others do not have the right to do so and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that someone will mock / judge me in spitefulness and to believe that I am the "faulty one" when this happens and then feel inferior, instead of realizing that I do not have to take this personally and react back, but simply direct myself in breath and show the person that the way he/she acts in spitefulness is not acceptable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that someone will react to me with spitefulness and to fear that I will then go into fear and "freeze". Whenever I see myself fearing that someone will react to me with spitefulness and/or that I will "freeze" - I stop and breathe. I realize that reactions of spitefulness are not acceptable and that I do not have to react to them, therefore I commit myself to in such moments not react or go into fear but direct myself in breath here.

Day 132 - Making other's judgments my own & fear of people with expectations

Today a passed some activists standing by the booth that were collecting signatures for a cause that I already defined as negative and so judgments came up about them and also fear of someone wanting something from me.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to judge people standing by the booth according to my predefined judgments of the cause itself as being negative, worthless and unnecessary. When and as I see myself judging people according to my preconceived ideas and judgments - I stop and breath. I realize that I don't have to judge anyone as this only creates emotions. Therefore I commit myself to stop all judgement towards other people and to see them simply as human beings like myself.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed to judge the cause as negative, worthless and unnecessary and to through this judgment create negative emotion of anger towards it. When and as I see myself creating the emotions of anger based on judgments - I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that I do not have to judge and be angry at anything because this does not solve anything, it only creates emotions. I commit myself to be aware of any judgments towards people and things that come up within me and to stop all such judgments with self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to take others judgments of something / someone as my own and simply believe them. When and as I see other people making judgments about people / things and me believing them and taking them as my own - I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that I do not have to believe and take other people's judgments as my own because I only create beliefs and emotions with this. Therefore I commit myself to be aware when other's make judgments so that I do not take them as my own.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of strangers who want something from me. When and as I see myself reacting with fear to someone who I perceive wants something from me - I stop and breathe. I realize that I do not have to fear anyone who wants something from me because there is no point in the emotions of fear as it only creates energy for the mind. Therefore I commit myself to be aware of situations where I perceive that someone will want something from me and to not be afraid of such situations, instead I forgive the fear, take a few slow breaths and direct myself in relaxed in breath.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to accept the fear of talking to someone / a stranger who I perceive will want something from me by looking away from the person, trying to avoid the confrontation of the fear, instead of just not accepting the fear in the first place. When and as I see a fear of confronting someone who I perceive will want something from me coming up - I stop and breathe. I realize that I do not have to create and accept the fear of others who I perceive will want something from me because this emotion of fear is useless anyway. Therefore I commit myself to be aware of moments where this fear comes up and forgive it immediately and direct myself to not accept it, to not try to look away or avoid confrontation, but to instead direct myself in breath and do the opposite by confronting it when reasonable.

Day 131 - Making things personal VS standing as a solution

Previous blogs are in Slovene.

One of the big problems of human beings is that when we realize that there is a problem, a consequence that is not acceptable, we tend to get emotional (angry), start searching for someone to blame and then blame others for it and demand that others find a solution and do something about it. This approach will never solve anything!

What we must do whenever we realize that there is a consequence going on (that is not acceptable and not what is best for all Life) is, that we take self-responsibility for it by finding a solution ourselves and then standing as that solution, standing as an example and showing to others how the problem will be solved when we all align our lives to the solution, without pointing fingers and making it personal.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to wish / want / desire to blame and judge others about the points that I see are not acceptable. When and as I see myself wishing / wanting / desiring or doing this - I stop and breathe. I realize that this will only make more conflict and not solve anything. Therefore I commit myself to stop blaming and judging others, but to instead look at myself in self-honesty and correct my living according to what is best for all Life and to then instead of making things personal, rather stand as an example of how all must lives/ be a living solution. When I point out things that are not acceptable I do not blame a person but show and explain the unacceptable pattern itself and show / suggest with my example the solution that must be lived so that the point is directed in a way that is best for all Life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that the only constructive way of focusing my attention on a problem is when I look for the primary cause that led to the unacceptable consequence. I realize and understand that only by finding / diagnosing the primary cause of the problem, I will ever be able to effectively implement a practical solution, by my own example, that will support what is best for all Life. I commit myself to only focus on problems from the starting point of finding the primary cause so that I can effectively realign myself and the problem towards a solution that is best for all Life.

I commit myself to always speak about the pattern when I speak about the problem, not the person or the one who is causing the pattern as I know and understand that this will only cause reactions and conflict, where the attention is then taken away from the problem as the pattern itself and so things get personal because blame and judgment is involved.

I recommend listening to this interview about why and how do we make things personal within our minds:

Day 126 - Self-judgemnt and shame for not understanding

Today at school I asked professor a question and went into a reaction of fear where I judge myself as inferior.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear speaking and asking a question when I am not sure/when I do not understand the point that I am speaking about.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to judge/see/perceive myself as inferior when I am speaking about a point that I do not understand. When and as I see myself believing that I should be ashamed about not knowing/understanding something - I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that the fact that I do not understanding/know something is not a point that I should be ashamed of, because inferiority/superiority and so shame is just an idea that I create in my mind on my own and so is not real and not necessary. I commit myself to not go into shame and inferiority and self-judgement when I want to speak about/ask something that I do not understand or know.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to judge/see/perceive myself as inferior and to feel ashamed when I ask a question/speak about something that I do not yet understand and someone is laughing or mocking me. When and as I see myself going into inferiority and shame when someone is laughing at me or mocking me - I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that I must not base the value of me on what others think of me/say about me/how they react to me but on myself as who I am as a living human being, always equal to all other living beings because the life in me is the same and equal to the life in others.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to judge others as inferior and laugh at them when they do not understand something and with this perceive myself as superior and them as inferior. I commit myself to never laugh at others or mock them because they do not understand something and to not make/see/perceive myself as superior to them.

Day 125 - Stage fright reaction when speaking with others

My previous blog is in Slovene.

A few days ago I had a reaction when I spoke with my friends. It's a fear reaction that comes up when I speak. I wrote a lot of self-forgiveness about self-judgement and such when speaking, I'm not sure if this is the right point. It is a very strong reaction where I get a stage fright and my heart starts racing and I start to sweat and my voice shakes. It happens really fast.

Here is how I see it happened:

I started to speak to a friend about an instance where I found how the tools of self-forgiveness are very powerful for self help and then I think that for a moment I lost the words/didn't see how I am going to explain it and then this reaction started, or maybe it started before. Then I continued to speak but I was in this reaction where my voice was shaky as I said. Then I started breathing and I calmed myself down quite fast, in a minute or so.

The point where I experienced most fear when/before talking is my father. I did not want to talk with him as he was often drunk and talking to us like we are worthless, only pointing out what he perceived as our faults and blame us for it in a scornful way.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to use the behavior of my father and the memory of it as an excuse for my fears of being treated scornfully by another when I talk or interact with someone.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe the scornful remarks of my father and take them personally where I wold then have scornful thoughts towards myself even before someone else does before/when I speak/interact with someone.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior, guilty and ashamed when someone laughs at me, criticizes me, reacts to me in a way that I perceive is negative and I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to take this personally where I would then believe that I am actually inferior and not good enough and that I should be ashamed.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to make scornful remarks towards others.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to let go of the fear of my father and his scornful remarks and so the fear of me perceiving myself as inferior and being ashamed of myself and my mistakes.

Sometimes he would call me to have a discussion with him. I would have to come and sit where he wanted and then he would ask me questions that I didn't know how to answer where he would also blame me or make scornful remarks to what I said.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to blame my father for reaction of fear towards speaking with him or another.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear that my father will make scornful remarks and blame me when I am going to talk with him.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to take scornful remarks and blame from my father personally, where I would then believe that I have to be ashamed, that I am not good enough.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear that my father will get violent and hit me when I talk with him.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to let go of these fears of speaking with my father and feeling inferior, ashamed and not good enough.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of speaking/being self-honest about my faults in front of my father/others because I am afraid of being blamed by others and get scornful remarks where I would then blame myself for it, be ashamed and feel inferior, instead of realizing that seeing/speaking/being self-honest about my faults is nothing to be ashamed of, because this is how I can take self-responsibility for them and correct myself and realign myself according to what is best for all.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to build an invisible wall of defense around myself when I speak with my father/others out of fear of him/someone pointing out my faults where I would then feel ashamed and inferior, blame myself and take it personally, instead of looking at it self-honestly and applying self-correction where necessary.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to take down, destroy and delete this invisible wall of self-defense that I don't need because there is nothing about me that I would need defending, instead I always be self-honest with myself where I do not take my fathers/someone else's remarks personally where I would then react in shame and blame myself, but instead I look at myself and see where I can correct myself to become more effective here in the breath.


I asked for assistance on the Desteni forum and I got really cool feedback, so I suggest you read it because my further self-forgiveness is based on it: Forum topic with feedback

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive people that have higher education or more experience than me as superior and me as inferior to them.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define/see/perceive people with higher education or more experience than me as an authority to which I have to prove my worth/equal value and so I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define myself as inferior in relation to authority and to define authority as superior.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that I am inferior to others as long as they do not accept me as an equal. I realize that how I perceive myself (superior/inferior) is not dependent on whether others accept me as their equal or not but only on how I see/perceive/define myself in relation to others. When and as I see myself define myself in relation to others as inferior/superior - I stop and breathe. I commit myself to remove all self-perceptions and definitions where I define/perceive myself as inferior/superior in relation to others.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from authority and make myself inferior to authority. I realize and understand that I am my own authority and in this equal to any other authority. I commit myself to be my own authority and stop all reactions of superiority/inferiority towards authority.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to wish/want/desire to present myself to my friend as more than what I am through talking about what I did instead of realizing that I have been through this trying to compensate for my feeling of inferiority towards my friend. I commit myself to stop myself with breath whenever I see myself trying to present myself as more than and instead apply self-forgiveness on the points of superiority/inferiority.

Will do more...