Day 260 - Comparing myself with business men

Bellow I share a specific point/memory I wrote out to correct my thinking and behavior from (self)abuse to self-support.




--> Comparing myself with business men
-->--> I am watching a movie where there are greedy business men
-->-->--> One business man was very handsome looking but corrupt and greedy
-->-->-->--> I think: he’s got a Ken-like face, I am uglier in comparison
-->-->-->-->--> I wish I was better looking so that girls would want me more
-->-->-->-->-->--> I hate how some good looking men or business men are greedy and haughty
-->-->-->-->-->-->--> They abuse women for their amusement
-->-->-->-->-->-->-->--> I would not do that, neither would I fuck people over for personal gain
-->-->-->-->-->-->-->-->--> Maybe I’m not as handsome, but I’m a better guy than people like him

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to see/judge/define people who are/look like business men as greedy, based on their appearance, and within this judge them as bad, inferior. When and as I see myself seeing/judging/defining people who are/look like business men as greedy, based on their appearance, and within this judge them as bad, inferior - I stop and breathe. I realize that I am projecting my judgements about greed, where I become angry, but this is useless and unnecessary. This I commit myself to not judge greed and bad/negative and to not connect/project onto people who I see/perceive as business men as greedy and so bad/inferior. Instead I see them as the living beings, brought up and preprogramed like everyone else, push myself to understand the reasons of their thinking and support them in seeing common sense and becoming their best potential.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to compare my face to a business men/actor's face and judge mine as uglier. When and as I see myself comparing my face to another's and judge one as inferior/superior - I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that I am creating a competition/judgment where I want to win and not feel bad about myself, instead of stopping the comparison itself. Thus I commit myself to not compare my face to another's and judge one as superior/inferior.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to think "I wish I was better looking so that girls would want me more" and within this create a belief that I don't look good enough, as well as desire towards girls. When and as I see myself thinking "I wish I was better looking so that girls would want me more" - I stop and breathe. I realize that I can stop judging and comparing myself/my looks and that I can live and give to myself what I believe girls would give me. Thus I commit myself to not judge compare myself/my looks as not good enough/inferior to other men and express/give to me and others what I think girls would give me and within this stop desiring girls.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to judge some people/businessmen as greedy and haughty and be angry and hateful towards them. When and as I see myself judging a person/businessmen or women as greedy and haughty - I stop and breathe. I realize that I am projecting my judgment of the words/act of greed and haughtiness as bad, inferior and that me getting angry / hateful about it is useless. Thus I commit myself to no judge the acts of greed and haughtiness as bad/inferior and people who I see/perceive are like that as inferior and instead of getting angry / hateful towards them, I look at what is the cause for such behaviour in me or another and support me/another to live a better solution.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to hate people who abuse others, especially women and children and see them as inferior to me. When and as I see myself hating people who abuse others - women and children - I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that such judgments are useless as with this I only create hate and separation within me towards others. Thus I commit myself to not judge/be hateful towards people who abuse(d) others, instead I look at why they are acting in this way and support them to see common sense and reach their full potential as living beings.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to make myself feel better/superior by finding reasons why someone else is inferior to me, like thinking that I am a better person when I think someone is more handsome. When and as I see myself looking for reasons why someone else is inferior to me, like thinking that I am a better person when I think someone is more handsome - I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that I am in a loop of judging others and comparing myself to them where I then feel superior and hate others, which is useless. Thus I commit myself to no more look for reasons why I am superior to another when I feel/think like I am inferior to another. Instead I realize that I am not inferior to anyone and that judging/comparing myself to other men to see who is more handsome is not necessary / supportive for anyone.

Day 10 - Being silent character

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as a silent/quiet person. I realize that this is a character/personality I have created for myself out of fear of speaking to others and embarrassing myself or  being rejected and laughed at, so that I wouldn't have to take self-responsibility for my fears. When and as I see myself going into the 'being silent character/personality' - I stop and I breathe. Instead I stay in the breath and I commit myself to look at where am I still allowing myself to hide/compromise myself within the 'being quiet' character.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define being quite as smart/wise and connect it to the saying/belief that wise people don't speak. I realize that through this I try to justify my silence by trying to make myself feel more than others. When and as I see myself defining my silence as smart/wise through the belief that wise people don't speak - I stop and I breathe. Instead I do not compromise myself through silence and allow myself to speak and express myself in the breath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to examine/judge/and compare myself while I speak. I realize that I do this because I am afraid of embarrassing myself. When and as I see myself being afraid that I will embarrass myself - I stop and I breathe. Instead I stay here in the breath and I do not judge/define myself as less than/more than no matter how others react.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wish/want/desire to maintain/raise my value/reputation when I speak. I realize that only I give value to myself and that valuing self through others is pointless. When and as I see myself trying to maintain/raise my value/reputation when I speak - I stop and I breathe. Instead I accept myself as an equal here in every breath, before and as I speak.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I will loose value if I say something stupid. I realize that I try to give value to myself through others whether they judge what I say as smart or stupid. When and as I see myself accepting and allowing myself to fear that I will loose value if I say something stupid - I stop and I breathe. Instead I accept myself as an equal before and as I speak and I speak common sense and what is best for all here in the breath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into self-judgment and fear the moment before I speak. I realize that this is a pointless pattern of irrational fear I created from the belief that I can be less than others/ashamed and rejected if I say something 'wrong'. When and as I see myself going into self-judgment and fear before speaking - I stop and I breathe. I commit myself to not compromise myself anymore with silence when I want to speak and I do not judge myself but accept myself as an equal as I speak, no matter how others react.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into self-judgment/comparison and fear when I am in a group of people/strangers. I realize that I fear that I'll be rejected because I don't accept myself. When and as I see myself going into self-judgment/comparison and fear when I am in a group of people/strangers - I stop and I breathe. Instead I stay here in the breath and I accept myself as an equal no matter what others say about me and I realize that strangers do not exist because we all know each other as we see each other and everything else is of the mind and so no real because what is in the mind does not define us as who we are as Life here in the physical.

Day 4 - Competition / Comparison

When playing basketball or some other sports I often experience fears that come from comparison and competition.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see/perceive playing basketball or other sports as a competition where I either win or lose, instead of realizing that this is an energetic mind polarity game where I compare myself with others and according to that define myself as either more than or less than. Whenever I see myself comparing myself and competing with others where I fear of loosing and being 'less than' - I stop and I breathe. Instead I accept myself and all others as equal regardless of the result or win/lose, better/worse comparisons and definitions. I play the game for fun and recreation and I accept myself and others as equal even when I miss, make mistakes or are not in the same level as others in terms of any kind of criteria.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as less than whenever I miss, make a mistake, instead of realizing that missing/making a mistake does not define me as who I am.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into fear/nervousness of missing/making a mistake whenever I throw the ball/make my play, instead of realizing that it does not matter if I succeed or fail as this does not define me as 'more than' or 'less than' in any way. Whenever I see myself going into fear/nervousness when it is my turn to make my play - I stop and breathe. Instead I do not compare myself and I don't care/think about what the result of my play will be, I simply enjoy myself here in my body while playing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that others will make angry/spiteful comments when I miss/make a mistake. I realize that missing/making a mistake does not define me as less than in any way. Whenever I see myself fearing missing/making a mistake and feeling 'less than' - I stop and I breathe. Instead I stay here in the breath and do not go into back chat and comparison and enjoy moving in my physical body.


Comparing myself to other men:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare myself to other men and compete with them to 'prove' myself as better or equal because I don't want to feel less than and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that girls will not like me if I am not equal or 'better than' other man. I realize that I create my own judgment of being less than when I start to compare myself to other men and that wanting to be liked by other women comes from the desire to be able to have sex with any woman. When and as I see myself comparing myself to other men - I stop and I breathe. Instead I accept myself and other men as equals. When and as I see myself desiring to be able to have sex with any woman - I stop and I breathe. Instead I stop the sex backchat and I do no participate in arousing myself with thoughts/pictures.

Day 3 - Clearing my starting point

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of what others might think about my blog and my writings.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare and judge myself and my writings with other people's writings, instead of realizing that I have to re-establish the starting point of writing my blogs for self, to be self-honest with self and to help myself remove my patterns and walk my process in self-trust, regardless of what others say, think, believe and how they perceive, judge my blogs/writings.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I have started to write this blog out of fear of what others might say about me if I don't.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compromise my self-trust in walking my process whenever someone judges me or tells me that I am failing, will fail, will never make it.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to trust myself and stand by my decision that I make.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compromise myself and my decisions by going into doubt whenever someone judges me/my decisions and tries to impose his/her own ideas/beliefs/perceptions of how I should be making my decisions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compromise myself, my self-trust and my decisions by fearing other people's possible reactions to my decisions.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to live my decisions by going into self-doubt and by discussing my decisions with others to see what they might think because I fear that my decision will make them 'unhappy'.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to talk openly with others about decisions that also effect them because I am afraid of their reactions and conflict.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear other's reactions and conflict when talking about decisions when I know I won't satisfy their expectations/wishes/wants/desires.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to base my decisions on what will make others happy instead of looking at self in self honesty and making my decisions based on what is most practical and common sensical within my process in that moment and according to what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into self-blame and guilt whenever my decisions do not meet other people's wishes/wants/desires/anticipations/expectations, instead of realizing that I cannot and will not ever be able to make other people happy and satisfied and so I must focus on walking my process in self-honesty and making my decisions according to what I am able to do/walk/handle in that specific moment in my process and according to what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame myself as a failure whenever I am not able to walk through all my fears/constructs at once and push myself into situations towards which I experience strong fears/resistances, instead of realizing that I must walk my process in self-honesty to do what I am able to do/handle in that moment towards what is best for all but without pushing myself into situations where I would compromise myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to please others within my decisions instead of self-honestly looking at myself and making decisions based on what I am able to walk within my process in that moment without compromising myself, but still pushing myself to expand myself and do what is best for all.

I commit myself to write my blogs and walk my process for myself in self-honesty, to birth myself as life here and do what's best for all and not to 'impress' or 'prove' myself to others who might be reading my blogs.

2010 - Sexual self-interest, judgment, comparison

Through watching porn and also later according to my partner I realized that my joystick/penis isn't as big as my ego would like it to be. So I started to participate in self-judgment and comparison which is great for giving your life away to systems (not recommended). So now I stop with this ego crap by firstly explaining how my mindfuck looks like:

The mind consciousness system (which I allow to exist) wants/needs energy which translates to my ego wanting a lot of sex with a lot of perfect women that will provide that energy. Of course when I fuck a woman she should have the best sex ever so that she will want to do it again and maybe also spread the word to other possible candidates. But according to the systems a man needs a big dick to do the job right and make the woman satisfied. I've been able to observe the upper system play-outs very nicely thanks to Valentin (check out his blog) and another woman I know. She tries to find an agreement for herself where her guideline is the size of a mans dick. Not recommended.
It is important to understand that an agreement must not be based on self-interest because otherwise you will make your process longer instead of shorter.
So continuing, my 13 cm size dick does not fall into a category of big or anything close to that (right here my ego/mind wanted to avoid the word small, it's small alright, SMALL, SHORT. The point of this was to defuse the fear/energy movement in me triggered by combining the words "my penis is small" together, not to make comparisons. That is a big mindfuck generator which doesn't consider what is best for all). So that point resulted in me fearing to lose my partner because she might not be satisfied by the way I am. And also not being able to get another for the same reason. Because of that I also made sure that she's always enjoying sex as much as possible, always giving my focus to her and what she likes. I will write self forgiveness on reactions and energy experiences on this topic.
I also realized that I didn't want to reveal this to everyone because I was still holding on to the idea/desire to manifest the above ego mind-fuck-around of wanting to have sex with lots of perfect women just for an energy fix. Now that I've put it all out it feels great.

I stop and I breathe and I'm here and I don't accept and allow myself to participate and experience such ego/desire crap mindfucks anymore because it is all self-interest and self-deception. I am one and equal with life and do what is best for all and I will expose everyone and everything that is self deceptive, based on self-interest and doesn't support life in oneness and equality.