2012 - Sexual expression

We all have ideas about sex, like how should it be/look like and who to have it with etc. with which we limit ourselves through feelings/emotions and self-judgments. We define ourselves through it and place special value to it as if it is something supernatural and mystical while in fact it is just another way to express self in the physical, like playing a sport or massaging someone etc., the only big problem is that we allow ourselves to become completely possessed by sexual energies and desires where we become complete robots trying to get the energetic release instead of simply being here without all the self-created energies and expressing self in self-direction with another. If we express ourselves within sex without any judgments, anticipations, desires etc., we simply enjoy ourselves in the physical with another and that's all there is to it. Because self-honestly, seeing sex only as putting ones dick into someones vagina and getting an orgasm is self-abuse and self-limitation through ones own created desires/addictions to sexual energies. Sex in self-expression can be so much more, a real expression of self as life here, with no judgments/desires/anticipations. I've started to remove the layers of my preprogrammed mind patterns through which I limited myself within sex and sexual expression.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want/need/desire to associate/define/value myself with/through my partner/the person I had sex with, instead of realizing that having sex does not define me as who I am as life here in oneness and equality.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as 'easy'/'less than' for having sex with someone I don't have special feelings/attraction towards.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that having sex with someone I don't have special feelings/attraction towards is wrong/inappropriate/shameful/stupid and to judge myself for it, instead of realizing that I am establishing a point of self direction where I do not accept and allow myself to be controlled by my energetic desires and beliefs of love/attraction.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of other people judging me/rejecting me because I had sex with someone I have no attraction/special feelings towards, instead of realizing that other people's reactions do not define me because they just represent their reactions which they haven't dealt with yet.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that a person who I have/had sex with is/should be special and 'more than' others'.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be ashamed to tell other people who I have/had sex with and to fear that others will reject me because of their judgment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of premature ejaculation.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare myself to others and blame myself as 'less than' if I don't last as long as someone else would.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that women wish for sex to last long.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive slow penetration as better/more passionate than fast penetration.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive sex as a passionate act, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach a definition of passion onto physical touching another human being/male and within that make it more than other physical acts.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of creating mindfucks and confusion within other people, if I dare to be honest with them.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of my parents judgments and disapproval of the people that I have sex with.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel the need to present a presentable female to my parents and get their approval..
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry about what other people think about me. Whenever I see myself worrying about how other people perceive/see me, I stop, I breathe, I do not allow myself to influence myself through the eyes of others

2010 - Sexual self-interest, judgment, comparison

Through watching porn and also later according to my partner I realized that my joystick/penis isn't as big as my ego would like it to be. So I started to participate in self-judgment and comparison which is great for giving your life away to systems (not recommended). So now I stop with this ego crap by firstly explaining how my mindfuck looks like:

The mind consciousness system (which I allow to exist) wants/needs energy which translates to my ego wanting a lot of sex with a lot of perfect women that will provide that energy. Of course when I fuck a woman she should have the best sex ever so that she will want to do it again and maybe also spread the word to other possible candidates. But according to the systems a man needs a big dick to do the job right and make the woman satisfied. I've been able to observe the upper system play-outs very nicely thanks to Valentin (check out his blog) and another woman I know. She tries to find an agreement for herself where her guideline is the size of a mans dick. Not recommended.
It is important to understand that an agreement must not be based on self-interest because otherwise you will make your process longer instead of shorter.
So continuing, my 13 cm size dick does not fall into a category of big or anything close to that (right here my ego/mind wanted to avoid the word small, it's small alright, SMALL, SHORT. The point of this was to defuse the fear/energy movement in me triggered by combining the words "my penis is small" together, not to make comparisons. That is a big mindfuck generator which doesn't consider what is best for all). So that point resulted in me fearing to lose my partner because she might not be satisfied by the way I am. And also not being able to get another for the same reason. Because of that I also made sure that she's always enjoying sex as much as possible, always giving my focus to her and what she likes. I will write self forgiveness on reactions and energy experiences on this topic.
I also realized that I didn't want to reveal this to everyone because I was still holding on to the idea/desire to manifest the above ego mind-fuck-around of wanting to have sex with lots of perfect women just for an energy fix. Now that I've put it all out it feels great.

I stop and I breathe and I'm here and I don't accept and allow myself to participate and experience such ego/desire crap mindfucks anymore because it is all self-interest and self-deception. I am one and equal with life and do what is best for all and I will expose everyone and everything that is self deceptive, based on self-interest and doesn't support life in oneness and equality.