Day 151 - The importance of not judging self when looking at self

I came to a great realizations today while watching some very practical and supportive videos on this site: http://liberationunleashed.com/videos/

I realized that I have not been allowing myself to unconditionally experience every emotion and feeling that I have within myself before stopping it / stopping to create it. Thus I have been pushing away from myself many of the emotions and feelings that came up within myself, because when they did, I immediately started to judge them as unacceptable, like "I should not have this feeling", and so I suppressed them and stayed separate from them. Therefore, I didn't really allow myself to experience myself and my emotions / feelings the way I actually have created them in order to see myself for what I really am (allowing), because only after I see and accept myself for what I really am (allowing), only then can I define and see the emotions and feelings and thoughts that I am allowing and so effectively forgive them and so decide to take self-responsibility for them and stop experiencing myself as these emotions, feelings and thoughts, because I have realized that I am only burdening myself with them. And I have seen how I am actually abusing myself with emotions and feelings, with both good and bad emotions and feelings, because I experience all emotions and feelings as energies that are actually burdening and distracting. I don't want to experience any energetic emotions or feelings. And I have seen, for example, how I am actually abusing myself by judging and blaming myself and so creating all these emotions within myself that I actually do not want to experience, instead of unconditionally accepting myself as who I am in every moment as Life.

What is also fascinating to me is that I already knew what I wrote here before, but mostly just as knowledge and information. Now I have really experienced this for myself and so what I am writing is a testament of a real, profound experience / realization that I have never experienced before with such liberating intensity.

Day 52 - Wanting others to think good about me

Day 51 is in Slovene

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wish/want/desire that my friends would think good about me so that I could have them as safety and backup, so that they would accept me and validate me and help me whenever I would perceive myself as unsafe and incapable of helping and supporting myself. When and as I see myself wishing/wanting desiring that my friends would think good about me - I stop and breathe. I realize that I am with this looking for back-doors where I could hide from myself and avoid my self-responsibility to direct myself and deal with myself through writing and self-forgiveness. I commit myself to stop wishing/wanting/desiring my friends to think good about me and like me and instead direct myself in breath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define 'friend' as someone who I know, like and am familiar with and feel comfortable with and also I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a positive experience/feeling of comfort/safety, acceptance/validation withing myself when I am around 'friends', where I then allow this feelings to direct me instead of me directing myself in breath. When and as I see myself defining friends as people who I know, like and am familiar with and feel comfortable with and wish/want/desire to be with them - I stop and breathe. I realize that I am creating a mind polarity where I feel positive when with friends and negative when I am not with them and/or perceive myself as alone, therefore I commit myself to stop wishing/wanting/desiring for the positive experience of safety/acceptance/validation/comfort with my 'friends' as I realize and understand that with this I also create the negative experience of loneliness where I feel negative/sad/depressed/helpless/unwanted when not with them.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wish/want/desire to validate myself through other people where I would feel positive/better about myself when others think good about me and negative about myself when others think bad about me. When and as I see myself wishing/wanting/desiring to validate myself through other people - I stop and breathe. I realize that I am creating a mind polarity of feeling good about myself when I perceive myself as being accepted/validated by others and bad about myself when I perceive that I am being rejected and not liked by others. I commit myself to stop wishing/wanting/desiring to validate myself through others and direct myself in breath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wish/want/desire to show care for others and to please them so that they would think good about me and me back whenever I would need it. When and as I see myself wishing/wanting/desiring to show care for others and please them so that they would like me and think good about me - I stop and breathe. I realize that I am doing this in self-interest and fear of complete self-responsibility and so I commit myself to stop wishing/wanting/desiring to show care for others and please them so that they would like me, instead I direct myself in breath and according to what is best for all.

Day 30 - Want to be noticed & Fearing to speak

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to look for fulfillment of being noticed and cared for from another. I realize that I am doing this because I do not fulfill, notice and take care of myself. When and as I see myself looking for fulfillment, wanting to be noticed and cared for - I stop and I breathe. Instead I gift back myself to myself by noticing myself and taking care of myself and fulfilling myself with myself as who I am as Life here in every breath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into sadness when I think/believe/perceive I am not noticed. I realize that I have separated myself from notice by wanting someone else to notice me. When and as I see myself going into sadness and wishing/wanting/desiring to be noticed by another - I stop and I breathe. I notice and give attention to myself and stand here in the breath in self-fulfillment as Life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that I need someone to notice me. I realize that this is separation as I can give notice and attention back to myself and so stop the desire. When and as I see myself thinking/believing/perceiving that I need someone to notice me - I stop and I breathe. Instead I notice myself and give attention back to myself and take care of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wish/want/desire to be noticed/accepted/loved/special within my relationships with others and in this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel insecure whenever I see/perceive no one notices me. When and as I see myself wishing/wanting/desiring to be noticed/accepted/loved/special - I stop and I breath. Instead I notice and give attention to myself and stand as an equal to others and all that is here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself and my thoughts before I speak to the point of giving into fear of speaking and not speaking at all. When and as I see myself judging myself and my thoughts before I speak - I stop and I breathe. Instead I share and express myself in the moment and expand myself through self-honesty and common sense.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the excuse of 'I don't know how' in order to no speak up and share/express what I wanted. When and as I see myself suppressing myself with the belief of 'I don't know how' to speak about something - I stop and I breathe. Instead I share and express myself and not go into self-judgment.