2011 - Fame

I just went through my YouTube account and a thought came up about fame and then I made a judgement about other people wanting to become famous and how stupid that is. So now I'm going to look at where am I still accepting and allowing myself to act from the point of wanting to be noticed etc. The first thing that comes up is that sometimes when someone (e.g. my room-mate) says something to me I want to respond in such a way that I would be seen as either funny or smart. But I don't like the idea of me being in the centre of attention because I still got some reactions/mind-fucks when I find myself in such a situation because some fears come up like that I will be humiliated etc. So I have never seen myself as someone who wanted to be famous in the regular way but instead I sometimes imagined that I am (or would like to be) the kind of a person who always works behind the scenes and only comes fort in the right moments, making the right actions and then being respected for that. This thoughts also came from the point that I always try and look at the bigger picture. Like for example I discover something about how money works and then I back off and I think OK but who is behind it, and who is behind them and what is the bigger picture on that etc. So sometimes I also noticed myself having similar thoughts about Desteni, like OK this is what I know, but, what is behind it, what is the bigger picture? LoL. So what I can see from this is that although it is important for one to try and get the widest possible perspective on things to understand them better it is also equally important that one doesn't wander off into the mind and imagination because then you just distract yourself with illusions and imagination instead of dealing with what is practically here and using that to support self to find practical solutions that are best for all. So here I stop with all the imaginary mind thinking about how/why and instead start focusing on the practical reality that I can work with to support myself and everyone else.

Now I remembered also that when I was much younger and I wanted to get a girlfriend I sometimes imagined myself how I rescue a girl from danger or something similar and then how she would start to like me. LoL. Sometimes I still notice how I adapt my acting/personality when around girls because I automatically want to be appealing to them. Now I am making myself aware of it and I stop myself in participating in the thoughts and desires of being appealing to the girls. When and as I see myself participating in thoughts/desires of wanting to be appealing to the girls and/or wanting to be noticed/respected/seen as better than others I stop and I breathe and I realize that these are all mind-fuck illusions and are not real. I realize myself as one and equal with every person and being and I apply myself here in practicality as what is best for all.