2011 - I'm without a job, you're next

In the last few weeks I have been looking for a job to earn some extra money while I'm writing my diploma. There is a system in place in Slovenia where if you are a student and would like to work, you have to work through one of the authorized agencies called Student Services where they provide you with a list of available jobs and if you get accepted they give you a piece of paper - student referral. Through that then your employer sends the money you earned, first to the Student Service and then they gave it to you and earn some money in the process.
Anyhow, I've been looking for a job and in the past there really wasn't a problem getting one but that has changed because everyone are running out of money because all are in debt to each other. That fact in itself shows you how retarded and abusive the current economic system is, which is actually us because we allow it the way it is. So more and more people are now starting to lose their jobs, increasingly. My father lost his job last year where he worked for more than 10 years and after searching for quite some time he managed to get a part time job as a salesman where he gets paid according to how much money he brings to the company which is obviously not enough for a decent salary. A few weeks ago my partners mother also got fired from a private company where she worked for more than 10 years because they are running out of money. Fortunately she managed to get a job (even better one) because of friends and connections. But for how long?
Finding a job with a decent salary is getting increasingly difficult because no one cares to look at the real problem. Have you? Do you even know where the money comes from and how it is made?
People will have to realize that we as individuals are responsible for how we accepted and allowed this abusive monetary system to exist. It is not something that cannot be changed, it is here because we help every day to keep it going. We support it and we stand as the abusers on this world every day, with every cent we earn and spend. It is obvious that the system is going to self-destruct and we with it, unless we
realize that the obvious solution for our problem is the Equal Money System where money is based on the value of Life instead of debt and where the principle is 'what is best for all', instead of greed, competition, deception, secrecy, exclusivity and abuse.
It is a very simple principle that can be grasped by every human, when one applies self honesty and self forgiveness. There is no better way to show this to people than to be an example and change self accordingly, to be one and equal with all Life and do what is Best for All.

2010 - Self-directed sexation and orgasmation?

So the first thing is that a week or so ago I failed after a few months of not watching porn because I watched it again to jack off. It was great, but, I am now even more certain, or should I say self motivated, not to do it again because I understand that by watching porn I accept and allow my sexual mind consciousenss system to control me and supress/possess me as who I am as life. And I don't want that at all! So instead of directing me here and stopping the sexual energy desire, I gave in and got possessed by it, wanting to experience the great energy build up and then the release through ejaculation, which aparently gives me the super-duper feeling of the orgasm. Afterwards I always feel relaxed, cheerful and motivated, but that's all mind system bullshit, because I am always responsible for how I feel and how I experience myself. I do not accept and allow myself to get possessed by sexual energy and desire, instead I stop and breathe and I direct myself here to clear all thoughts and energy movements/desires and I stay here in the breath in self-direction and self-certainty as who I am as life.
That's that.
The other thing is that I don't want to stop sexuality or masturbation completely. Instead I want to be able to use it in self expression as who I am as life, with no wants/desires, to enjoy myself and my body and my partners body the way it is. But I always, when alone or with my partner, get quckly pumped with sexual energy when it comes to touching my 'stick of wonders' and then I give in and want to finish it with an orgasm/ejaculation. Because if I don't I feel tense and agitated and my balls hurt and what not I mean it's a real mind system fuck up. I've tried with my partner a few times to have sex as proposed by Desteni, just touching and feeling each other with no kissing and penetration but in the end, it still all came down to sex. It's quite a retarded situation, because I know that I am responsible for boulding up the sexual energy but still I'm usually unable to stop and then I find it more practical to just finish the thing with an orgasm because then I'm fine and clear again, otherwise I stay even more mindfucked and physically uncomfortable. So to stop this cycle of sexual possession, I have to stop myself before I even start to build up the energy. I've been doing that for some time now and I am getting better at it.
Still sometimes I get the desire to be physical with myself and/or my partner and if she doesn't want to, I breathe and delete the thoughts that come up. Like: "We haven't had sex for a week, I want to get physical..." or "I don't want to just touch myself and jack off, you do that better ..." lol, separation. Then I usualy do nothing and go to sleep.
So I've been working on this self-intimacy thing when alone,' like touching and feeling myself and breathing (trying breath orgasm a bit) and it's pleasant and interesting but as ususal I just can't avoid my dick and when I start with that I also ejaculate. It's like 'why the hell not' situation. So I want to deal wi this thing and right now I don't exactly know how. I also have this unwanted experience when jacking off by hand because it's not comfortable like it is with sex. So today I had a thought/interest of buying a fleshlight, which imitates the real 'cave of wonders', to play with when my partner is not interested. And I don't know if I should. I mean, I can see the mindfuck starting point of wanting to jack off my dick in a hightech suphisticated and comfortable way lol but it's also practical because I want to get rid of that sexual energy possession/desire to ejaculate everytime I start touching my dick. So I would use it to practically get rid of the speciallness of the experience of putting my 'magic stick' into the 'cave of woders'. Seriously though, in the end, it's all an excuse to continue orgasmating and ejaculating and feeling good about it.
I'm sure some of you already found some way to sort this sexuality thing out, yes? Well please give some perspectives. I find it complicated, lol.