Day 267 - Sex & Shame

Someone mentioned a point of shame one experienced in relation to sex and I realized that I have the same point that I haven't yet released with self-forgiveness. I never mentioned this point to anyone yet as I was too ashamed to share it and I thought that I am probably one of the rare people who experienced it, so I was afraid that others might judge me as well and look at me like there is something wrong with me. I used to think the same way about many experiences I had in my life, but the more I shared myself with others, the more I realized that most people experience the same or very similar things. In any case, judging oneself and feeling ashamed does not help in any way, it is an emotion we create with our thoughts that we then suppress into our subconscious mind and carry with us as a burden. Then such points accumulate and because there is energetic/emotional tension behind them, this can lead to actual physical health problems in our bodies, because we keep the energy inside, instead of releasing it though self-forgiveness.

So the point of shame I am talking about is related to sex. Specifically how, when I was a teenager, I sometimes could hear my parents having sex in the next room. I was often masturbating as well and for some reason, hearing my parents having sex got me aroused as well. It was the idea that someone is actually having sex and my desire to experience it as well, because I haven't yet at that time. The realization that the ones having sex were my parents was repulsive to me, but if I ignored that part, I was actually aroused and sometimes masturbated because of it. Then I started to judge myself as disgusting, bad, messed up in my head for doing it. I didn't know anything about feelings and emotions and desires or hot to use self-forgiveness to stop those experiences at that time, so I just suppressed it. And because my self-judgement for what I done was so strong, I didn't dare bring it up and speak about it with anyone yet. This is why it is such a great support when you have someone (like a buddy you get in the DIP course) that you know will not judge you, so that you can open suppressed points and bring them up, look at them and forgive yourself for the judgments and release the energetic tension from your subconscious mind that eventually causes health problems. I will continue with the self-forgiveness statements I see are relevant.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get aroused by the idea that someone/my parents is having sex somewhere close to me, where I would then go into imagination and imagine how it would be if I had sex in that moment, so creating energy in my mind and feel the need to release it through masturbation, instead of remaining here in the breath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself wish/want/desire to hear the sounds of someone/my parents having sex in the next room and (ab)use them as a trigger point of my own arousal, where I would then use my imagination to imagine that I am having sex with a woman and through that create an energetic arousal within myself that I would use in masturbation to get an orgasm.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as being a bad person, messed up in the head, disrespectful and sick for listening to my parents having sex and using the situation to get aroused myself and then use my imagination to pretend I am having sex and then masturbate to get an orgasm. When and as I see myself judging myself for masturbating when I heard my parents having sex - I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that such judgement and feeling ashamed is not useful in any way, because I can only create unpleasant physical consequences for my body by suppressing such points and judging myself for them. I realize that I did not understand my mind and arousal and how it all works at that time as I do now, thus I can now see that we all, when we go into imagination to get aroused, (ab)use different situations, pictures and ideas, just to get ourselves energetically stimulated and get an orgasm, instead of actually being here in the breathe and only stimulate ourselves physically, without using the mind imagination, when we decide to masturbate or actually have sex with another person.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid to share with others how I experienced myself as aroused when hearing my parents having sex and then masturbating and to think/believe/perceive that because I did that, this somehow makes me inferior and that I have to feel ashamed because of it and be punished. I realize that such judgement towards myself or anyone else who had the same experience is not helpful in any way as it only makes me/another to suppress the experience and go into even more judgement, instead of releasing it. Thus I commit myself that I will share this experience, when relevant, without judging myself as bad and without feeling ashamed, as I understand that the fact that I experienced it does not mean I am in any way inferior or having to be punished or feel ashamed, as this is not supportive and is (self) abuse as well. Thus the correction is to release all judgement and shame and apply the correction to not (ab)use the imagination to get arouse and have orgasms, but to instead practice physical exploration of sex when masturbating or when with another and learn to enjoy sex physically, without all the unnecessary (self-)judgement and shame that we have created in our society around sex.

Day 266 - Fearing negative reactions from strangers

Today I'll look at the point I've noticed when I attended a tattoo convention for the first time not long ago. I don't know much about tattoos and I had some negative judgments and fears towards. Like, I don't quite understand why would someone want to have a long lasting tattoo, I think even if I had one I would probably not find it interesting anymore after a while, so why make it permanent? I also have concerns that the ink being used is toxic for the body and may cause discomfort or some serious illness later on. But I decided to give myself the opportunity to go to a local tattoo convention and see up close how getting a tattoo looks like and what I might find interesting about it that I didn't see before, but also to stop fearing people with lots of tattoos and stop judging them. I used to see them as more violent, criminal, dangerous, drug abusing. Even if most were inclined to be like this, I would be unnecessarily limiting myself by prejudging them and avoiding them, because I would not allow myself to really get to know each person with tattoos before I make any judgement about them. So this is the correction I am making. But what I noticed while being on the convention is something else:

While walking among the booths where tattoo artists were showing their art and some people got their tattoos made, I noticed I went into a fearful/shy character, where I did not feel relaxed and rather avoided speaking to the artists and asking them questions, because I felt like I know so little about the art of tattoo making that whatever I would ask or say, I would look stupid and everyone would know that I am a "noob", someone who doesn't know anything about it. I made myself feel inferior and ashamed by simply allowing a few such thoughts to come up in my mind, which cause me to change my behavior and so, because of fear, become very limited in my expression.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear talking with tattoo artists and ask them questions because I feared being see as a noob and judged inferior.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as inferior and feel ashamed when I think/perceive that I am a noob who knows nothing about a topic and by doing so, limit myself to not speak and not ask questions and try to shy away, so that nobody would notice that I don't know anything. When and as I see myself avoiding speaking with tattoo artists/people because of judging myself as inferior and feeling ashamed when I think/perceive that I am a noob who know nothing about tattoos/a topic - I stop and breathe. I realize that we are all nescient or ignorant about every topic at some point and that we decide to get to know some things sooner and some later, while other the other way around. So there is no need to judge myself and/or others as inferior for being noobs at something, because I am with this only limiting myself and preventing me from getting to know more about the topic or limit others when judging them as inferior because I give them reasons to feel inferior themselves and so shy away instead of exploring and asking questions. Thus I commit myself to not judge myself as inferior when I notice that I am a noob at something, instead I direct myself to talk with people, ask questions, explore and accept myself as someone who doesn't know and is still learning, without judgement, even if others react to me with superiority, laughter, etc., as I realize and understand that such their reactions only show who they really are and which issues/judgement they have with/within themselves for looking down on someone who knows/understands less than them.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try and compensate when I know less than someone else by trying to appear smarter than I am through making statements as if I have some idea about what I am talking about, instead of simply admitting to myself that I don't know and so ask questions from this perspective, without trying to hide the fact that I know nothing about the topic I am asking about. Thus I commit myself to admit to myself that I am a noob when I see that I don't know enough or have enough experience to give any definitive statements about a topic and so accept myself as someone who knows nothing or less than others, while still understanding and being aware that this does not make me inferior to others or diminished in any way. Thus there is no point in judging myself as inferior or letting myself feel inferior when others look down on me when I know nothing or less than them about a topic, instead I gift myself the opportunity to ask questions and learn more.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into fearful/inferior character when I approach/meet a group of people that I see/perceive as in some way being different than me, because I fear they know things I don't and so judge myself as inferior and feel ashamed if they see I don't know/understand something they do. When and as I see myself going into fearful/inferior character when I approach/meet a group of people that I see/perceive as in some way being different than me - I stop and breathe. I realize that I will always meet people who know something I don't and are in some way different than me and that this does not mean that I am in any way inferior to them. Thus it makes no sense for me to keep judging myself as inferior to them as I understand that even if someone knows very little about anything, he/she is still an equal living being with an equal value than someone who knows a lot and has a lot of experience. Thus I commit myself to approach/meet groups of people that I see/perceive as in some way being different than me with awareness and understanding that no matter what one knows or does, I am still equal to them, because all living beings are equal in value. I also remember that my added value is in understanding the mind and the tools for self help better than most people and that I am able to help others see things about themselves and how to help themselves be who they want.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into a self-doubting character when I meet a group of strangers that I would like to develop a supportive relationship with, as if the fact that they behave/think differently in some way invalidates how I behave/think where I then go into self-doubt, instead of accepting myself as I am/what I think in the moment without judgement and then evaluate how others behave/think and see if I can in some way improve myself by learning to do something others already do more effectively than me. Thus I commit myself to be aware that it is most supporting for me to completely accept myself as who I am in the moment when I meet a group of strangers that I would like to develop a supportive relationship with as with this, I allow myself to be self-confident and self-directive, while at the same time being aware of how others act/think, so that I can see when they are more effective than me at something and then learn from them how to improve myself or correct my beliefs that are not aligned with reality.

Day 265 - Postponing sending job applications

I'm currently looking for an 8 hour job and I often postpone sending applications, so I'll look at why this is.

When I see I can send an application a fear comes up. Fear of having to go somewhere to be judged and then rejected and the feeling of inferiority, inadequateness that comes afterwards.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to immediately go into a fearful character when I see I can send a job application.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to then immediately start thinking about all the things I will have to do and learn on the job before I will feel comfortable doing it and within this already create the feeling of stress/overwhelmingness in my mind, while nothing happened yet.
I realize and understand that there is no need for me to think about what I might have to do and learn at the job, because I with this just give energy to my mind. Therefore I commit myself to only look at what the next step is when applying for a job and focus on that and how to direct myself in breath, without reactions, in every step of finding, getting and starting to work at a new job.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that finding and having an 8 hour job is hard/stressful and self-limiting and within this create these emotions within me, instead of stopping this belief and directing myself in breath. Thus I commit myself to enjoy myself through the activities of searching, applying for and working at a new 8 hour job.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear to be rejected when applying for a new job and to define/see this as a personal failure and reason for my inferiority/unworthyness, instead of realizing that I can only do my best to present myself and even then, other people decide among many if I am the one they will employ. I realize that this is not personal and does not define me and who I am, but who people who employ and judge potential employees are.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define having an 8 hour job to get money as being a slave and within this create the experience/emotions within me of anger, resistance, inferiority and powerlessness. I realize that these are just emotional experiences I can stop creating by stopping to define an 8 hour job as slavery. I realize that I can still have a job and work on other projects that will in the future bring me enough income to start doing what I would like to do and create without having to work in an 8 hour job for someone else. Thus I commit myself to work in the breath at whatever 8 hour job I will get and learn to enjoy myself within it as this is better than creating all the above emotions for me that I will not support myself with.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to postpone sending applications when I see I can, instead of simply taking a breathe and directing myself to enjoy the moment of preparing and sending the application. Thus I commit myself to immediately move myself to send the applications when I see I can.

Day 264 - Backchat on perceiving I am being exploited

My previous blog is in Slovene.

For the last few days I helped at my friend's place to paint a room and get it ready for another friend who will live there. While I was painting, both friends had other things to do as well so I was mostly left to work on the room alone. During this time I allowed a backchat to come up within me where I perceived it is not fair that only I work on the room and that I am being exploited, so I got angry. I'll be writing self-forgiveness on this pattern.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that when I agree to help someone and he/she then goes to do other things, that I am being exploited and then feel inferior and angry and create backchat around it, such as: "this is not fair, why should I work for free while they don't care to help...". When and as I see myself going into anger, feeling inferior and perceiving that it is not fair that I work on something I agreed I will help with while other's do other things - I stop and breathe. I realize that I am within this looking at the situation only through my selfish perspective where I am not willing to help someone if he does not work with me, instead of seeing/realizing that others might have to do some things that have to be done also, while I don't, so I can in the mean time still work on the thing I am helping with, without creating the point of judgement, comparison, inferiority and then perception of unfairness within me. I see that with this I only allow myself to exist in and as the backchat in my mind for the sole reason of creating emotional reactions and more needles distracting energy for the mind. Thus I commit myself to no think/believe/perceive that when I agree to help someone and he/she then goes to do some other things, that I am now being exploited and that this is not fair as I understand that other might have other things they have to do as well while I can continue with what I am helping with alone for a while, focusing on self-expression instead of backchat.

I forgive myself for asking others to help me with something and then leaving them to work on it by themselves while I go do something else, without explaining that I have to do something important and asking them to continue on their own for a moment, until I come back. I commit myself to ask people who help me with something if they can continue to work on their own for a moment when I have to do some other thing that needs to be done, instead of just leaving them on their own.

I forgive myself for judging and blaming people who leave me alone, without explanation, to work on something they asked me to help with, as rude, arrogant, unfair, exploitative, selfish - I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that what they did is not personal and that my judgement of them is my own pattern I have to stop as it is not supportive. Thus I commit myself to not judge and blame people who leave me alone, without explanation, to work on something they asked me to help with, as rude, arrogant, unfair, exploitative, selfish. Instead I ask them if there is something important they have to do that cannot wait and if they would like me to continue while they are not there nad for how long and also to ask them to give me a notice about such things next time.

Day 261 - Resistance towards programming / coding

I am looking for programmer jobs and I feel resistance. I see I have judgement towards programming:

• programming is hard, I get nervous, anxious and frustrated when programming

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that programming is hard, because there is so much I don't know and understand and find hard to understand. When and as I see myself thinking/believing/perceiving that programming is hard, because there is so much I don't know and understand and find hard to understand - I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that I am experiencing myself this way because of my thoughts with which I judge programming and myself, instead of simply breathing, slowing myself down and directing myself when programming. I commit myself to stop all judgments towards programming and myself when programming and simply breathe and not go into thinking/imagining about all the things I don't know yet and so on, because I am only making myself feel inferior and anxious by doing so.

• I get angry when I can't find an error or when I don't understand something even after looking at it for a while

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to get angry with myself and the code when I don't understand something even after looking at it for a while. When and as I see myself getting angry with myself and the code when I can't find an error or when I don't understand something even after looking at it for a while - I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that getting angry with myself and the code is useless and that I don't have to judge myself as inferior, stupid and fear for my "job" when I don't get something right away, because this will not help. It is a completely useless pattern. Thus I commit myself to stop and breathe when I don't understand the error/code and look at the next logical step for me to do/look at to find a solution. And if I find it complicated, I write down the points I can take to find a solutions and then simply walk them one by one, breathing and enjoying myself. Because fuck it, if I do the best that I can and if that is not enough for someone else, so be it, I can be satisfied to know I did my best.

• I feel anxious when I don't know what to do

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear loosing my job or equal consideration/support/acceptance when I don't know what to do to come to a solution. When and as I see myself fearing loosing my job or equal consideration/support/acceptance when I don't know what to do to come to a solution - I stop and breathe. I realize that I do know what is the next step I can take when I slow down, but then I start fearing that I am not fast/good enough for what other's expect of me. Thus...

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will not be fast/good enough when I have to do extra steps to come to a solutions while at the same time comparing myself to others and thinking that others would find solutions faster and so making myself feel inferior and fear that I will lose my job or equal consideration/support/acceptance When and as I see myself fearing that I will not be fast/good enough when I have to do extra steps to come to a solutions while at the same time comparing myself to others and thinking that others would find solutions faster - I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that this fear and comparison that I create is completely useless. It is not supportive in any way, it will not change the outcome to a positive one, I will only make myself feel anxious and inferior and sabotage myself and that is all. Thus I commit myself to not go into fear that I will not be fast/good enough and to not compare myself with others when I have to do extra steps to come to a solutions, instead I just breathe, put the steps down and do them one by one while enjoying/accepting myself without judgment.

• there is so much to learn, there is always something new, different and learning is hard

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that learning is hard and make myself feel inferior and create resistance towards learning to program. When and as I see myself thinking/believing/perceiving that learning is hard and make myself feel inferior and create resistance towards learning to program - I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that I am projecting my frustration with myself when I make myself feel inferior/incompetent when I don't understand something when I think I should or that others do. Thus I commit myself to stop making myself feel angry, frustrated and inferior when I take a while to understand something, as well as I commit myself to especially in that moment when I don't understand something even after a while, to no compare myself with other and think: "others would get this by now...", as I know telling this to myself is useless, not important and will not change anything, I will only make myself feel inferior and angry and that is not necessary. So instead I rather take a moment and breathe and see what other steps I can take to get to an understanding/solution and ask others for advice as well if I can.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear asking others for advice because I compare and judge myself that I should know something already or be so smart to come to understand it myself, without help. When and as I see myself fearing to ask others for advice, because I compare and judge myself - I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that when I look at the steps I can take to understand something/solve a problem I can always asks others for advice if I think there might be thing I haven't considered yet. Besides, people usually like to help and feel smart(er) and if not that's fine. Thus I commit myself to ask for advice when I look at how I can better understand something/come to a solution, from those who I see have (more) experience than me in what I do. It's stupid not to, they've do all the work to learn something so why not be of help and give some advice. And if they don't want to I can ask why and explain how easier it is for everyone when we start to share and cooperate instead of compete.

• I don't want to sit in front of a computer most of my day

Why not? I already do it anyway. But I'd like to do something outside in nature. Some work. I can simply make notes of things I see I can do outside and go do them and get some exercise/balance, instead of sitting inside all day. So I commit myself to see what I can do outside, who I can meet and start doing something I find interesting for myself outside.

• I don't want to be the geek who drinks coffee and coke and talks only about programming

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to judge geeks who drink coffee and coke and only talk about programming as inferior, fake, narrow minded, special and trying to be superior in their specialness, while I am actually feeling inferior to them as I don't feel like I belong to anything special and so I judge others. When and as I see myself judging geeks who drink coffee and coke and only talk about programming as inferior, fake, narrow minded, special and trying to be superior in their specialness - I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that these judgments I am making are completely useless and not supportive, because I don't have to personify with geeks or cooperate in that idea that I am special because I am a geek and that that is now my label I must identify with and so on. Thus I commit myself to stop feeling inferior because I don't see myself belonging to any particular "special" group and so I can stop judging geeks and other groups as superior/inferior or stupid because they feel/think they are in some ways special while I know no one is. No need for me to judge and/or identify me or others with labels that separates me from others in some special way, even if I do the same things that fit into some label category, like "a programmer", because labels are not required and not who we are. We are Life and anyone can do anything, but we are always all just Life, living beings and so no one is fucking special.

• I don't like programming

Well, it's not that I don't like programming, it's that I don't like how I get to feel myself when I come to a problem. That's what I wrote out above. So, as I stop creating the patterns of anxiety, self-judgment and anger while programming, this point will stop by itself.

• I don't like how people group and label each other into labels like "I am a programmer", I am this and that and then build their personas and character around.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to label myself and others and use this labels to make myself feel special or superior/inferior and then start judging this as stupid and projecting it onto other as if they are stupid for having certain characteristics that fit a label, while I am still the one giving/seeing/judging the labels and personifying myself with them or think I don't, where I then either feel special and superior or not special and inferior when I don't find myself as being a part of a label I'd like. When and as I see myself labeling others and/or see perceive some group of people as superior/inferior because I see that as a label, like "programmers", instead of living beings - I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that I am creating superiority/inferiority and judgment towards others because I still put labels on them, thus I commit myself to no more identify myself or others with labels and try to compare and see who is more/less special/superior/inferior. Instead I see all people as living beings, no matter what they do or which groups they associate with or see themselves as part of.

Day 260 - Comparing myself with business men

Bellow I share a specific point/memory I wrote out to correct my thinking and behavior from (self)abuse to self-support.




--> Comparing myself with business men
-->--> I am watching a movie where there are greedy business men
-->-->--> One business man was very handsome looking but corrupt and greedy
-->-->-->--> I think: he’s got a Ken-like face, I am uglier in comparison
-->-->-->-->--> I wish I was better looking so that girls would want me more
-->-->-->-->-->--> I hate how some good looking men or business men are greedy and haughty
-->-->-->-->-->-->--> They abuse women for their amusement
-->-->-->-->-->-->-->--> I would not do that, neither would I fuck people over for personal gain
-->-->-->-->-->-->-->-->--> Maybe I’m not as handsome, but I’m a better guy than people like him

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to see/judge/define people who are/look like business men as greedy, based on their appearance, and within this judge them as bad, inferior. When and as I see myself seeing/judging/defining people who are/look like business men as greedy, based on their appearance, and within this judge them as bad, inferior - I stop and breathe. I realize that I am projecting my judgements about greed, where I become angry, but this is useless and unnecessary. This I commit myself to not judge greed and bad/negative and to not connect/project onto people who I see/perceive as business men as greedy and so bad/inferior. Instead I see them as the living beings, brought up and preprogramed like everyone else, push myself to understand the reasons of their thinking and support them in seeing common sense and becoming their best potential.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to compare my face to a business men/actor's face and judge mine as uglier. When and as I see myself comparing my face to another's and judge one as inferior/superior - I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that I am creating a competition/judgment where I want to win and not feel bad about myself, instead of stopping the comparison itself. Thus I commit myself to not compare my face to another's and judge one as superior/inferior.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to think "I wish I was better looking so that girls would want me more" and within this create a belief that I don't look good enough, as well as desire towards girls. When and as I see myself thinking "I wish I was better looking so that girls would want me more" - I stop and breathe. I realize that I can stop judging and comparing myself/my looks and that I can live and give to myself what I believe girls would give me. Thus I commit myself to not judge compare myself/my looks as not good enough/inferior to other men and express/give to me and others what I think girls would give me and within this stop desiring girls.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to judge some people/businessmen as greedy and haughty and be angry and hateful towards them. When and as I see myself judging a person/businessmen or women as greedy and haughty - I stop and breathe. I realize that I am projecting my judgment of the words/act of greed and haughtiness as bad, inferior and that me getting angry / hateful about it is useless. Thus I commit myself to no judge the acts of greed and haughtiness as bad/inferior and people who I see/perceive are like that as inferior and instead of getting angry / hateful towards them, I look at what is the cause for such behaviour in me or another and support me/another to live a better solution.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to hate people who abuse others, especially women and children and see them as inferior to me. When and as I see myself hating people who abuse others - women and children - I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that such judgments are useless as with this I only create hate and separation within me towards others. Thus I commit myself to not judge/be hateful towards people who abuse(d) others, instead I look at why they are acting in this way and support them to see common sense and reach their full potential as living beings.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to make myself feel better/superior by finding reasons why someone else is inferior to me, like thinking that I am a better person when I think someone is more handsome. When and as I see myself looking for reasons why someone else is inferior to me, like thinking that I am a better person when I think someone is more handsome - I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that I am in a loop of judging others and comparing myself to them where I then feel superior and hate others, which is useless. Thus I commit myself to no more look for reasons why I am superior to another when I feel/think like I am inferior to another. Instead I realize that I am not inferior to anyone and that judging/comparing myself to other men to see who is more handsome is not necessary / supportive for anyone.

Day 259 - Money (&) Creation

Previous blog is in Slovene.

I am looking at how I have separated myself from value creation by giving it away to banks, bankers and those who control money. This is why we feel limited all the time by the lack of money, as if money is the only thing that represents real value, while all this time it was Life and thus us, the living, who are the real value. Everything else is an illusion of value. Life gives value to things. Those living do not have to work to have value. Those alive have value because they ARE Life and because Life is the most valuable possession of the living. Life has value because it exists and is here, not because the living have some potential to do work. What the living create has value as well. But nothing has more value than Life itself that all the living embody. Life in everyone is the same and equal, as we cannot say that one has more Life than another, thus we are all equal as Life.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not see the value of Life in me and so the value of Life in others.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not see that the most valuable thing of all is Life, more than anything that the living create.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from value and to think, believe, perceive that things and/or others have more value than me, instead of realizing that nothing has more value than me as Life and so All of us as Life.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from value creation through money and banks.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to give away my value and my power to create value - to money and banks,

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to create debt in order to take value away from others as Life and in this try to make myself superior.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to accept debt and within this the master and the slave relationship.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become the slave of debt and within this diminish my value as Life and so the value of others as Life and become a dead man, a man in debt.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to give away my power to create value to money and the bankers and so allow myself to become the slave of the masters who determines my value.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to blame money, banks and my "masters" for the fact that I have diminished my Life through allowing debt and by giving away my power to create value and to value my Life and so All Life as infinitely valuable.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not see that I did not really in fact give away my power to have the most value as Life and to create value, as I realize that I only believed this, because I believed that money and bankers are something separate from me.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not see that I am the bank, I am the money.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that I need the banker and the money to move, to work, to do things, instead of realizing that I am the bank and that what I do and create is my pay.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not see that every living being is the bank and that what we do together and share together is our pay and that money is just paper or not even that.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to work for money, instead of working to get things done.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from Life through working for money and to distract myself from getting things done by making business, where I believed that the goal of working is to make money through making business, instead of realizing that the only common sense reason for working is to support and enhance All Life.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to expect to be payed with money when I get things done, instead of realizing that what I have done and created is my pay.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not realize and understand that in today's money system, Life is not valued, only money is valued, thus I must get money to survive and make sure that all get and have the money to live in dignity, while showing to all that money has no real value at all.

The fact that we use money means that we have accepted and allowed a system of scarcity and total control, where we disregard and abuse Life in the name of profit and exclusivity, which is not acceptable. Thus I commit myself to make sure that I become the bank and that I value the Life in me and the Life within others as infinitely valuable and all other things as finitely valuable.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not give as I would like to receive and to instead only take and demand what I think I deserve.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not realize and understand that in order to have I have to create and help to create.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not realize and understand that I cannot do everything alone and so I have to coordinate with others.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to think, believe, perceive that my work is more or less valuable than the work of others, instead of realizing and understanding that all work that supports and enhances Life is equal in value, because all such work makes Life worth living and because the real pay for the work we do is the effect it has on Life, where every hour of work is the same for everyone. And so my hour of work is the same as your hour of work, where we all do our best to support All Life and give as we would like to receive.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that although every hour of work is an hour of Life and thus equal in value, there is some work that has to be done before all other work: which is Life support work, that ensures the basic human rights for all, such as making sure that all have food, water, clothes, health, a home and free access to work and economy, where all can give as they would like to receive and take what they need to develop their full potential as Life. Thus I commit myself to make sure that before I work on anything else, I make sure that we all firstly work to ensure that all have the basic human rights, that are actually Life rights - the meaning of Life, because Life that is not worth living - Life that I would not want to live - has no meaning and is thus abused, which is not acceptable.