Day 249 - The Funny Guy

Previous blog is in Slovene.

These are the self-forgiveness statements I wrote when looking at removing my desire to be the funny guy:

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define being funny as positive and not being funny as a negative personal trait. When and as I see myself defining/perceiving being funny as positive and not being funny as negative personal trait – I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that I am participating in a polarity definition of funny that I use to judge myself and others. Thus I commit myself to stop perceiving being funny as a positive personality train and not funny as negative.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to desire to be funny, so that people would like me. When and as I see myself desiring to be funny so that others would like me – I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that only I can like myself. Thus I commit myself to stop desiring to be liked by others and focus on simply me expressing in the physical moment when I am with others.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will make a fool out of myself and not be liked by others, because I will not be funny but just stupid. When and as I see myself that I fear I will make a fool out of myself and not be like by others – I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that not being liked by others is nothing to fear, as well as making a fool out of myself, because others will always have their own judgments about what is smart and what stupid, what they like and what they don’t. Thus I commit myself to not fear not being liked or making a fool out of myself, because I don’t have to judge myself as a fool and others will always think whatever they want to, no matter what I do or say. Thus fearing that this will happen is useless and will not help me or change anything.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to decide that I have to become funny and use the funny character to make others laugh so that they would like me. When and as I see myself deciding to use the funny character so that others would like me – I stop and breathe. I realize that only I can like myself and so I commit myself to not look for attention and likeness in others, but give it to myself and then share that with others.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to feel good when I make others laugh and feel more and superior and to feel bad and inferior when I don’t make others laugh and when others don’t think that I can make them laugh or that what I say/do is funny. When and as I see myself feeling superior when others see me as funny and inferior when they don’t – I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that I am judging myself based on how funny others perceive I am, instead of me expressing myself without judgment. Thus I commit myself to no more decide/wish/want to make others laugh and feel superior when I do and inferior when I don’t.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be jealous of another when he became funnier than me and took the attention away from me. When and as I see myself becoming jealous of another when he/she is funnier than me and taking attention away from me – I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that I am jealous because I am looking for attention to feel better and superior. Thus I commit myself to give myself the attention to remove the need for attention from others and stop being jealous.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to make a competition out of trying to be funnier than others to get more attention and be more likable. When and as I see myself competing with others in trying to be funnier – I stop and breathe. I realize that I am looking for attention, instead of giving it to myself so that I can stop the need for getting attention and being liked. I commit myself to no more compete with others in who is funnier and to instead express myself in the moment without judging and comparing myself.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to justify my desire of wanting to be funny by thinking that if I am funny, I will get attention and people will like me as they do others. Instead of realizing that I don’t give myself the attention that I think others should and that I can give myself the attention as well as others. When and as I see myself justifying my desire to be funny by thinking that only this way I will be liked – I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that only I can like myself and so I commit myself to accept myself without judgment and be the same to others.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to take it as a confirmation that I am/will only be liked when I am funny when I try to be funny and others don’t find me interesting.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself by constantly fearing that I will make a fool out of myself and consequently trying to be funny and likeable to others. When and as I see myself fearing that I will not be liked by other and that I will make a fool out of myself – I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that not being liked by others is nothing to fear, as well as making a fool out of myself, because others will always have their own judgments about what is smart and what stupid, what they like and what they don’t. Thus I commit myself to not fear not being liked or making a fool out of myself by the opinion of others, because I don’t have to judge myself as a fool and others will always think whatever they want to, no matter what I do or say. Thus fearing that this will happen is useless and will not help me or change anything. Instead I can listen to other’s suggestion of how I can improve myself and/or consider other’s perspectives.

Day 12 - Comedian character

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into a comedian character in order to bring myself and others into a happy mood. I realize that 'happy mood' is the polarity feeling of the 'unhappy mood' which are both feeling/emotions that I don't need at all in order to enjoy myself here in the physical. When and as I see myself wanting/wishing/desiring to be and bring others to 'happy mood' - I stop and I breathe. Instead I forgive myself for existing/going into the mind polarity of positive/negative feelings/emotions and simply stay here in the breath and enjoy moving/directing myself within/as the physical within common sense and what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that I use the comedian character to suppress the negative emotions I am in by changing them into positive feelings and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the comedian character as a suppression method so that I wouldn't have to face/deal/take responsibility for my negative emotions. When and as I see myself going into/being in a comedian character in order to suppress the negative emotions and create positive feelings - I stop and I breathe. Instead I investigate the cause of my negative emotions and I remove it with self-forgiveness and self-correction and I stay here in the breath and enjoy moving/directing myself within/as the physical within common sense and what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that I use the comedian character every time I feel embarrassed/'less than' as a defense mechanism to make fun out of myself where others can laugh at me and I see/perceive myself as the 'winner' as I can say that this was my intention, while I actually did that so that others wouldn't laugh about my embarrassment/inferiority because then I would feel even more embarrassed/inferior. When and as I see myself using the comedian character as a defense mechanism when I feel embarrassed/'less than' - I stop and I breathe. Instead I look at the point of embarrassment/feeling 'less than' and I remove the point with self-forgiveness and self-correction and I stay here in the breathe enjoying moving/directing myself within/as the physical within common sense and what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the comedian character to 'break the silence' when I am with people and nobody talks because I feel awkward as I am afraid that others will judge me when in fact I judge myself and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel awkward when I am silent when being with other people. When and as I see myself wanting to use the comedian character to 'break the silence' when I am with other people - I stop and I breathe. Instead I look at where do I judge myself for being silent and I remove the points with self-forgiveness and self-correction and stay here in the breathe enjoying moving/directing myself within/as the physical within common sense and what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into backchat of self-judgment when I am silent while with other people and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge/define/see/perceive myself as a boring, weird, stupid, lame, inferior, limited, mentally challenged, less than, unsocial, outsider, unaccepted, loner, loser, 'special in a bad way' person when I am silent with other people. When and as I see myself going into backchat judging myself when being silent with other people - I stop and I breathe. Instead I apply self-forgiveness and self correction for every point that comes up and I stay here in the breath and enjoy myself moving/directing myself here in the physical within common sense and what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the comedian character as a way to be accepted/liked by other people and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that I have to make myself be liked/accepted by other people instead of just me accepting/liking myself. When and as I see myself using the comedian character as a way to be accepted/liked by other people - I stop and I breathe. Instead I accept and like myself as Life here in thy physical as one and equal.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide behind laughter whenever I feel embarrassed or find something embarrassing. When and as I see myself hiding behind laughter when I feel embarrassed or find something embarrassing - I stop and I breathe. Instead I look at what is the cause of my embarrassment and I remove the point with self-forgiveness and self-correction.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to laugh at and make fun out of things I find unpractical/noncommonsensical and think/believe/perceive that I can do nothing about them. I realize that this is how I abdicate my self-responsibility towards standing as a solution. When and as I see myself laughing at and make fun out of things I find unpractical/noncommonsensical - I stop and I breathe. instead I investigate the point in common sense and find/pointing out/stand for practical solutions according to what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see/define/perceive myself as a comedian/funny person and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that being a comedian/funny person is a part of my personality as who I really am. I realize that a comedian/funny person character is just a character that I created for myself and does not define me as who I really am as Life here. When and as I see myself seeing/defining/perceiving myself through the comedian/funny person character/personality and thinking/believing that this is who I actually am - I stop and I breathe. Instead I stop defining/seeing myself as a comedian/funny character and stay here in the breath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that my personality(-ies)/characters are me as who I really am, instead of realizing that I learned/created/adopted my characters/personalities that have nothing to do with who I actually really am as Life here, meaning I only make up/carry/hide behind characters/personalities in order to not have to face me and be self-responsible for who I actually really am as Life here in the physical in oneness and equality. When and as I see myself thinking/believing/perceiving that the character/personality I am in is actually who I really am - I stop and I breathe. Instead I observe and investigate how/why I have created the character I am in and I stop defining myself according to the character and remove it with self-forgiveness and self-correction and stay here in the breathe, enjoying directing myself withing/as the physical in common sense and according to what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that others speak about me and who I really am when they judge/compare/define me/speak about me as a personality, while in fact they only speak about my characters/personalities and project their own characters/personalities onto me, meaning they don't actually speak/talk about who I really actually am here as Life in the physical, they only show me my characters/personalities and their character/personalities that are not real and can be removed. Therefore judging myself/others and their character/personalities is pointless and unnecessary as this characters/personalities do not represent beings as Life as who we really are, but only who we accepted and allowed ourselves to become through the illusion of the energy of the mind/feelings/emotions and so this characters/personalities can/will be removed by ourselves or by death and there is no point in waiting for death as then it is too late as we no longer actually exist here in the physical and Life can only actually exist here in the physical as the physical is superior to the mind and everything else in every way and so everything else is just an illusion that can end in any moment.

Therefore, instead of judging/comparing my character/personalities and those of others - I stop and I breathe. I commit myself to not judge/blame characters/personalities but stay here in the breath and stop and let go of my characters/personalities through writing, self-forgiveness, self-correction so that I can stand as the physical character in every breath and support others in removing their character so that we can all be/become Life here in the physical and live in common sense and according to what is best for all.

I commit myself to stop and let go of all my characters/personalities and to only accept and allow myself to be that what I really am as Life here in the physical in oneness and equality.