I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to feel pressured and agitated when P was talking about me with an emotional tone I perceived as blame and anger. When and as I see myself feeling pressured and agitated when someone speaks to me/talks about me in an emotional tone like blame and anger - I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that I started to judge myself and feel ashamed, pressured, where I fear that I will lose my portrayed image and self belief that I am a good man that hasn't done anything wrong. And thus I go into defensive mode where I blame another for feeling inferior and fearing that I will 'lose' if I admit that I was selfish and/or not acting in the best way. Instead of continuing the pattern, I commit myself to focus on not creating self-judgment and fear of losing my image/perception of being a 'good person'.
I see here I have to redefine what I see as a 'good person'.
I have been perceiving a 'good person' as someone who always does best for all, is never selfish and doesn't make mistakes. So if someone show you that you are selfish in some point, this would make you a bad person. This is the basic polarity I created within the goo/bad person construct, where I then wish to bi a good person and fear not being seen as a good person.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and participate in the polarity of a good/bad person, where I would wish to be a good person and fear being a bad person. When and as I see myself wishing to be good and fearing of being a bad person - I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that I trapped myself in a polarity construct where I mostly fear I will be in some way exposed as a bad person. Thus I commit myself to no more define/judge a good person as someone perfect that always does best for all and a bad person as someone that is selfish and does not do what is best for all. When someone show me a point that was selfish, I do not judge myself as a bad person and don't go into fear, instead I understand that I am walking a process of seeing where I am being selfish and how I can correct and align myself with what is best for all and the most effective way to do this is to no judge myself but instead be thankful when someone show me something I didn't (want to) notice about myself and take the opportunity to note the point and commit to change it.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to feel like injustice is being done to me when I see/perceive someone blaming/accusing me of something that I see/perceive is not valid.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior, insulted and angry when I see/perceive that someone has wrongly blamed/accused me of something.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wish/want/desire to react to wrongly being accused/blamed for something by defending my perceive image as a good person by proving -that I am being wrongly accused/blamed.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to NOT stop and breathe when I see that another is reacting emotionally with anger and blame and accusing me of something and by this giving me the opportunity not to react back with emotions. When and as I see someone else speaking with emotion, blaming and accusing me of something - I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that I can only support myself and another when I don't react back with emotions which I can only do if I don't take the blame/accusations personally, if I don't start to judge myself, feel inferior and fear that I will lose my image as a 'good person'. Thus I commit myself to stop and breathe and do not react with fear of losing my image of a 'good person' when someone is reacting and speaking to me with blame and judgment as I understand that there is no such thing as a good/bad person, there are just acceptable and unacceptable actions people do. Instead I accept the point someone is making and put myself in another shoes so that I can through understanding of another's reaction support another to calm down and then look at the point and what the solution is.
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