Day 165 - Fears on being more involved

When I think of becoming more involved in various projects and being more self-directive in creating and applying solutions for the problems of our world, a fear comes up where I fear of losing free time, losing fun and flexibility to do what I want. This is what I will be addressing in this blog.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear losing fun, free time and flexibility to do what I perceive as fun when I think of becoming more involved in creating and applying solutions that have to be implemented for the benefit of our world. When and as I see myself fearing of losing fun, free time and flexibility to do what I perceive as fun - I stop and breathe. I realize that I am actually limiting myself to the perception of "fun" and "freedom" where I connect these ideas to feelings of excitement when doing certain things that I perceive as exciting, while what I perceived as my "freedom" is actually just a mask for avoidance that I use for abdicating my responsibility for the emotion of resistance, fear and inferiority that I create within myself when I face activities that I do not perceive as "fun". Thus I commit myself to not limit myself by these definitions of "a fun time", "freedom" and/or "flexibility", as I see that with this I just limit myself and my expression by not allowing myself to enjoy myself in every breath of doing whatever I am doing that needs to be done and overcome.

Redefinition:
Flexibility - to be able to change without resistance, to not have beliefs or intentions "set in stone", to consider what is here at all times and be able to adapt to all things and events, to be like water, to move through all things effortlessly with self-direction and without creating friction within self or others

I also realize that I can enjoy creating and applying solutions for myself and our world from the simple starting point of knowing that I am with this doing the only relevant thing that is worth doing for myself and for all as long as there is abuse, as doing anything else is basically just running back into my own self-limitations and inferiority, running back into being a robot where I am basically just afraid of myself most of the time. Therefore I commit myself to always remind myself of this point and so lead myself into the unknown adventure, where I will discover more of my perceived limitations, so that I can expand myself and create myself the way I want to, which is to be a being with no limitations, where I can express myself as flexibility and do what I decide to do without any self-sabotaging and according to what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide from my perceived limitation within gaming and seeking "fun times" in gaming, although I have proven to myself every time that I am actually enjoying myself more when I learning practical things about the world and myself and when I expand myself practically. When and as I see myself wanting to hide from my resistances and perceived limitations by seeking "fun times" in gaming or other entertainment - I stop and breathe. I realize that I am sabotaging myself and wasting my Life by limiting myself with emotions, instead of leading myself into the adventure of expanding myself practically. Therefore I commit myself to always remember: I expand and lead myself past my limitations for me and no one else, because only I can do that for myself. I remind myself that all I want to do as the real me as Life that I am, behind all the emotions, fears, resistances and good/positive and bad/negative feelings, is that I want to expand myself as Life and be without limitations, without fears, emotions and feelings and that the only way I can do this is to practically apply myself by participating in everything supportive for myself and by leading myself fearlessly and without self-judgment and/or self-blame and self-sabotaging. To simply do things and stop participating in any kind of postponement, resistance, self-blame, self-judgment, fear and self-sabotage that comes up, by stopping myself for a moment, breathing and applying the self-forgiveness and to then immediately start moving myself again in the physical, breath by breath - enjoying myself, my endurance, my determination, my consistency, my persistence, my stability, my self-direction, my constant application and my constant involvement in expanding myself past all the resistances, to create new expressions of myself and solutions that support myself and all in a way that is best for all.