Day 150 - Taking self-responsibility for my reactions towards my partner - II

Today I walked to the store with my partner and I looked towards the place where some of my friends used to work. In that moment my partner made a remark about it, that I saw or perceived as a deliberate spiteful remark from her part, because I know that she still reacts to those people in a negative way. In that moment I thought "she is being spiteful again, should I tell her or or not, will this make the reaction even bigger?" and while thinking this, I felt a bit offended by that fact that she was still being deliberate in the spiteful remarks and that the pattern is still there and in this I also started to blame my partner for being spiteful, for making the remark and for not taking self-responsibility for removing the pattern. After this we had an energetic quarrel for a minute, but I will be focusing with my Self Forgiveness on removing the above points where my reaction started.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to my partner's remark, that I have seen / perceive as being spiteful, with taking it personally, feeling offended and being angry and to within that anger try to point out the pattern that my partner was participating in, instead of immediately bringing that point back to myself and seeing where am I also reacting to it and so firstly applying self-forgiveness on the point that I see within myself. When and as I see myself reacting to my partner's remarks with feeling offended, taking it personally and feeling angry and when I see a pattern within my partner and others - I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that I have to always, when I see a point within my partner/another, take that point back to self and see where / how am I reacting to it. Therefore I commit myself to always bring the point that I see within another back to myself and see how I am reacting to it and to then apply self-forgiveness until I have no more reactions and to only then also see if I can support my partner in seeing the pattern.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and control / manipulate my partner to stop the reaction that we are in by saying that I will end our agreement and that I don't need her to walk with me, while not seeing and realizing that I am within this blaming her for the reaction and not stopping myself within my own reaction. Thus being spiteful towards my partner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my partner for the reactions between us, instead of removing all of my reactions and blame towards my partner. When and as I see myself blaming my partner for a reaction or trying to manipulate her and/or when I see myself wanting to use the argument of ending our agreement because of me reacting to her or her to me - I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that I am within this reacting myself and being spiteful towards my partner, instead of removing all of my reactions, blame and spitefulness towards my partner. Therefore I commit myself to no more blame my partner for her reaction or for my reactions, instead I breathe, I check and make sure that I am without reactions by applying self-forgiveness and then only after the reactions between us are over I talk to my partner about the reaction so that we can direct the point and prevent the reaction from happening again.

Day 149 - Taking self-responsibility for reactions towards my partner

Today I had an argument with my partner where she blamed me, speaking in emotional reaction, for things that I did not do / participate in or where some of it was true and some of it not. I reacted to this by taking it personally, feeling offended and being angry about it and then I wanted to show her that she is participating in a spiteful pattern and then, I myself became spiteful and so obviously we just made an argument out of it, instead of me immediately stopping myself and starting writing out my own patterns. So the patterns that I observed I participated in:

- Taking it personally and feeling offended when my partner projects and blames me for things I did not do and for her own feelings.

- Not stopping and applying my own self-forgiveness, but being spiteful towards her where I wanted to show her how spiteful she is, when I felt offended, by me being spiteful back and making her feel bad.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to take it personally and feel offended and inferior when I see / perceive that my partner blames me for something that I did not do / participate in.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to take it personally when my partner talks to me in reaction and when I feel offended about what my partner is talking about.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to blame my partner as spiteful and rude whenever I see / perceive that she blames me for her own reactions and when she does not want to stop herself and take full self-responsibility for her reactions.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not stop myself and my own reaction of feeling offended, angry and taking it personally when I see / perceive that my partner blames me for her own reactions or things that I did not do / participate in. I realize that there is no excuse for me reacting in this way no matter what my partner says or does and that I have to take full responsibility for my own reactions. Therefore I commit myself to stop and breathe immediately as I realize that I am reacting to what my partner is saying or when I see that she is in a reaction, then I observe my reactions and apply self forgiveness out loud and/or start writing about my reactions as long as I am not completely clear. I also state that I have realized that my partner is in a reaction and that we will not talk as long as the reactions don't stop completely. IF my partner will insist in trying to talk, I will continue to do self forgiveness out loud and/or explain to her that I will leave and come back when there will be no more emotions and reactions.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be spiteful back towards my partner whenever I react to my partner with taking it personally and feeling offended and/or when I see that my partner is spiteful, thinking that I will show with this that what she is doing is not acceptable. I realize that I will only fuel the reaction further. Therefore I commit myself to stop and breathe, apply self-forgiveness and then explain to my partner the pattern that she is participating in and that I will not talk with her until she is reactive.

2012 - Anger, spite, blame reactions

Taking self-responsibility for my reactions when dealing with conflict situations:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry and to react in spite when someone threatens me and blackmails me (with money). When and as I see myself getting angry and spiteful when someone threatens me and blackmails me (with money) – I stop and I breathe. I do not accept and allow myself to get angry and spiteful when someone threatens me and blackmails me (with money), instead I make sure that I am clear of all reactions and I direct the situation in a way that is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I must defend myself at all costs when someone blames, reacts or is angry with me, instead of breathing and stopping all reactions until I am clear within myself before I speak. When and as I see myself believing that I must defend myself from someone's reaction of blame and anger – I stop and I breathe. I do not accept and allow myself to go into defense and to believe that I must defend my position against the attack, instead I make sure that I am clear of any reactions within myself before I speak and I direct myself in common sense and as an example of taking responsibility for self and others in a way that is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to speak in anger and spite instead of stopping myself and making sure that I am clear from any reactions before I speak. When and as I see myself being angry, spiteful, emotional before I speak – I stop and I breathe. I do not accept and allow myself to react and speak out of anger, spite or energetic emotion. Instead I breathe and I say out loud that I am in an energetic emotion and that I will not speak until I make sure that I am clear of all reactions within myself and I direct myself with breathing to stop all reactions and emotions before I speak.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid to say out loud that I am in an energetic reaction and that I will not participate in energetic games and will not communicate until I make sure that I am clear from all energetic reactions and emotions. When and as I see myself fearing to say out loud that I am in an energetic reaction / emotion – I stop and I breathe. I do not accept and allow myself to compromise myself by fearing to speak out loud about my reactions / emotions. Instead I breathe and I stop and break the fear pattern by whistling and/or by snapping my fingers and I speak out loud that I am in and energetic reaction / emotion and will not speak until I make sure that I am clear of any energetic reactions/emotions/anger/spite within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react in anger and spite when someone is spiteful towards me and makes spiteful, blaming comments towards me. When and as I see myself going into a reaction, anger and spite towards someone that makes spiteful, blaming comments – I stop and I breathe. I do not accept and allow myself to react in spite and anger when someone makes spiteful comments towards me. Instead I breathe and I direct myself to make sure that I have no energetic reactions or emotions within me before I speak to direct the situation in a way that is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame others when they blame me. I realize that this will only make the conflict bigger and will not support anyone. When and as I see myself blaming others when they blame me - I stop, I breathe. Instead I do not blame others and I take points back to myself and I reflect them in self-honesty and commit myself to write out the points that come up.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame myself and take onto myself the blame of others when others blame me. I realize that other's blame is not my own and that I have to focus on my own points of blame and look self-honestly at myself where do I still blame myself. When and as I see myself blaming myself and taking onto myself the blame of others - I stop, I breathe. Instead I look at myself in self-honesty where do I still blame and judge myself and I commit myself to write out the self-blame and self-judgment until it is gone.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry and react with anger when others blame me. I realize that this will only make the conflict worse and will not assist anyone. When and as I see myself getting/being angry and reacting when someone blames me - I stop, I breathe. Instead I re-do my self-forgiveness statements on blame/anger/reactions and stop myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to act in self-interest and not always also consider others and put myself into others shoes. I realize that by doing so I accept and allow abuse to happen as I only see my self-interest and don't consider others. When and as I see myself accepting and allowing myself to act in self-interest where I do not also equally consider others - I stop, I breathe. Instead I look self-honestly at what is the origin of my self interest and I commit myself to write out and correct the point.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of angry, reactive and violent people, to fear that they will hurt me and that I am responsible for their anger, reactions and violence. I realize that I must first reflect myself in self-honesty and make sure that I do not react and fear when interacting/speaking with others because by doing so I accept and allow these reactions to exist. When and as I see myself being afraid of angry, reactive and violent people and to fear that they will hurt me and that I am responsible for their anger, reactions and violence - I stop, I breathe. Instead I realize that I must firstly stop my own fears, anger and reactions and make sure that I do not react when speaking with others and that I do not fear conflict situations.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame myself for wanting to end the energetic agreement/relationship with X and not live with her anymore. I realize that all energetic relationships must stop and that I made my decision in order to stop the energetic relationship X and I created between ourselves. When and as I see myself blaming myself for wanting to end the agreement/relationship with X  and don't live with her anymore - I stop, I breathe. Instead I focus on my points and I commit myself to write out in self-honesty the points that come up in my interaction with others.