Day 245 - Identity trap

Who am I? What can I identify myself with? What labels shall I give to myself?

Who are you? Are you a man, a woman? Are you your name? Your nationality, religion? Are you defined by the things you like, the things you do? The amount of money you have? Your skin color? You ancestors, you memories, experiences? Have you fallen into the identity trap as well? Sure you did, we all did.

We become quite obsessed with identity as we grow up. First we start with just being here as Life, exploring, learning how to move and speak. But already our parents start calling us by our name and so we identify with the sound of our name. Then we learn we are a boy or a girl and that girls are not the same as boys. Girls wear pink and boys wear blue for example. Then we start to identify with our family because we see that our family is different than other families. And as we start to watch TV and go to school and be among peers, then the competition starts in trying to be special, because that is all that we see on TV and in our world. Lots and lots of competition, where everyone is trying to be special, where people are focusing more on differences than similarities and where everything is given a label and judged. We start talking with our schoolmates and we discuss what one likes and what one doesn't like and we identify with that. We start to identify with the clothes we wear, the things we have or don't have, the nationality, religion, skin color, the sport teams we support, the products we like, our body shape, with our profession etc. And from a very young age we already fall into this identity trap, where we try to differ, be different, special and then justify and defend our specialness as some sort of holy right. We start demanding from others to respect our specialness we proclaim, while at the same time we judge others... As a consequence, we constantly compare ourselves and also judge others. And so we create a lot of conflict between ourselves where we allow abuse of others, just because they are different. We see people as labels, not living beings. We project our judgments onto everything and so we separate ourselves from everyone else. We see ourselves as more than others or less than others and so allow exploitation to exist between men, animals and nature. We learn in school that we as humans have a different identity than animals because we are smarter and that animals are different than plants since plants don't move much. And so we identify ourselves as being superior to animals and plants and we don't really care what happens to them. We don't see them as Life. We don't see that all Life is equal, because you cannot say who has more Life than another. How much Life do you have compared to a dog, a tree, an ant or a whale? Who has more Life? It's not definable. All Life is equal.

Imagine how much conflict we can resolve when we simply realize that we are all Life and that all Life is equal. If we label/identify someone as our enemy for example, we want to destroy him. But when we remove the label/identity of him as an "enemy" and see him as Life, then we realize that destroying him is not really the best solution as we are not really more than him or different in our essence. So the better way is to consider each other and find a solution that is best for both/all as Life and to treat another as we would like to be treated in their place.

So, lets get rid of all the fake identities we try to give ourselves and others. Lets forgive ourselves for wanting to be special and separate from others. We are obviously all still unique as physical beings, but at the same time one and equal as Life and this is all that really matters. When we truly realize this, then we also understand that the best way to live and treat each other is by following the principle that is best for all Life: do onto another as you would like to be done onto in their place. So lets start identifying ourselves as Life and see all others the same - as Life. Lets prevent everyone from falling into the identity trap of separation, comparison, competition and abuse. It doesn't serve anyone. As Life - we are all equal in value.

Day 244 - Fulfillment

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define fulfillment within polarity and separation, where I believed that if I am to be fulfilled I have to get/attain something that is outside of me and to then project the this onto women, where I would search for specific women that I believed could fulfill me. When and as I see myself defining fulfillment within polarity and separation - I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that there is no need/common sense in separating me from fulfillment and feeling unfulfilled. Thus I commit myself to always make sure that I do not exist within the belief/definition that I am somehow unfulfilled and that I need something outside of myself to fulfill me.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that a man is not fulfilled without a woman and vice versa and that therefore I am not fulfilled and that I need a woman to fulfill me.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to make a decision from the belief about the fulfillment as separation/polarity, that I have to look for a woman and to judge and compare them according to my unfulfilled desires and think that certain women would fulfill me and certain won't, instead of realizing that I am projecting my belief that I am not fulfilled onto women and that I can simply stop the separation and desire for fulfillment. This when I see myself desiring to be fulfilled, especially in relation with women - I stop and breathe. I commit myself to always make sure that I do not participate within the illusion of separation from fulfillment in relation to women.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to create/participate within the jealousy of looking at women and other couples within the belief that they have something I don't. When and as I see myself participating within the jealousy when observing other women/couples - I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that I created jealousy as the consequence of the idea/belief that I am not fulfilled that I need a woman/relationship in order to be fulfilled. Thus I commit myself to stop and not participate within jealousy towards women/couples and to stop the belief that they have something that I don't and that I am not already fulfilled.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to justify the belief that I am not fulfilled with the emotion of loneliness/the lack of feeling towards another person when I am alone where I would think that I have to feel more. When and as I see myself justifying the belief that I am not fulfilled with the emotion of loneliness/the lack of feeling towards another person when I am alone and think that I have to feel more - I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that I am participating within the polarity construct of emotions/feelings as well as neutrality, where I would believe that I have to feel more when I do not have any distinct feelings. Thus I commit myself to always make sure that I do not justify the belief that I am not fulfilled with the emotions of loneliness/boredom/sadness/lack of feeling towards another person when I am alone, as I understand that I am already fulfilled and that all emotional polarities are not necessary.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to confirm to myself that that belief that women would fulfill me by imagining being with a woman and then already feeling more fulfilled, instead of realizing that this is the proof that I am actually creating both the fulfillment and fulfillment beliefs and emotions/feelings within myself. Thus I commit myself to always make sure I do not confirm the belief of (un)fulfillment or any other point with my own emotions/feelings, as I know and understand that these experiences are all polarity constructs of my own mind and thus nothing real/substantial/stable/trustworthy.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself by constantly searching for a partner/something that would fulfill me. When and as I see myself searching for a partner/something that would fulfill me - I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that I created this point out of the polarity definition of fulfillment, where I believed that I can only be fulfilled by something/someone outside of myself, instead of realizing that I am already my own fulfillment. Thus I commit myself to always make sure that I do not sabotage myself by searching for fulfillment outside of myself and in other people/women or things, instead I look at what I have separated myself from and make sure that I give back and create that fulfillment within me and as me, without the need for something outside of me.

Word redefinition:
Fulfillment – the full mending of oneself as a living being where one removes all the limitations and unbalances within oneself.

Day 243 - Offended reaction and some other points

My previous blog is in Slovene.

Today I reacted with offendedness when X said to me that I am a kind of a person that would let people drown just because I am feeling OK/not affected. Thus I will first look at the reaction.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to react with feeling offended when X said that I would let people drown just because I am feeling OK/not affected.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to take it personally and hate/despise X for saying that basically I am a bad person.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to judge the fact of letting someone drown/get harmed or killed when one could do something about it as bad/shameful, instead of realizing that such judgment is not necessary as it does not change anything, I just create an emotional reaction with it inside myself and so limit myself with a biased view of reality.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to take it personal and feel offended because I perceived that X really meant what X was saying because X was emotional.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that someone really means something when one is emotional, especially angry, and to think/believe/perceive that someone doesn't really mean something and is just joking when someone is laughing and or saying "I'm just joking" and so to, based on this judgment, either take what someone is saying seriously and/or personally or not. I realize and understand that even and especially when someone is emotional, what one is saying is only an outflow of what is going on within this person's mind and so the excuse that I have to take what someone is saying to me personally and feel offended is not a valid excuse for my emotional reaction of offendedness. When and as I see someone is saying something to me with an angry voice or some other emotions - I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that I am creating/being the problem as long as I react to what someone is saying (to me) while being angry/emotional and that there is no valid reason or purpose for me to react with offendedness or any other emotion/feeling in such moments. Thus I commit myself to always make sure that I do not react with offendedness or any other emotions to someone that is saying something (to me) while being angry/emotional

Other points I see in relation to the event:

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to react with resistance and defiance towards X when X said with a demanding and bossy voice that I have to do something for X while X was emotional. When and as I see myself reacting with resistance and defiance towards someone when one is demanding something with a bossy voice that I have to do something for him/her - I stop and breathe.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that I am inferior to someone and a slave when someone demands from me with a bossy voice that I do something for someone. I realize and understand that there is no valid reason/purpose for me to think/believe/perceive that I am being inferior and a slave when someone demands something from me with a bossy voice and I do it. I realize and understand that people often react with emotions and consequently express with demands using a bossy voice and that I can still in such situation do what someone is emotionally demanding, when I see that it is common sense and/or that it will help to stabilize the situation without causing additional unnecessary reactions, and not take it personally and not feel inferior while doing it as I understand that I am with this not actually accepting me as being subordinate/inferior to that person, but simply doing what is best in that situation to stabilize it and not cause more unnecessary reactions.

Next I will look at another point that is not directly related to the upper ones:

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to in every moment of breath see/realize/understand that every animal and plant, no matter how big or small, is still a living being and as such completely equal to me and every other living being. When and as I see myself disregarding and animal/plant as less important than me or any other living being - I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that I am within that movement separating myself from Life and making myself superior, thus accepting and allowing abuse of Life, myself as Life, because I gave more importance to my thoughts as energy, which is the opposite of Life because the energy created as/within separation is ignorance and consumption of Life for no other reason than selfishness. Thus I commit myself to always make sure that I see/understand in every moment of breath that every animal and plant and living being, no matter how big or small, is equal to me as Life and all other living beings and so it is all me as Life here, thus it only makes sense that I respect and support all Life equally and not disregard or ignore it in any way and make sure that I treat all Life the way I would like to be treated and supported in the place of another living being.